A/N: With Soft is the Heart of A Child nearly done, I thought I would start this one. This is the last week of Alex's marriage to Ricky (yes, I hear some of you cheering). It takes place a week before the events in Love That Hurts the Deepest. If I make any changes to make the stories flow better, I'll let everyone know by the end of this story.
Of course the usual disclaimers apply. They belong to Dick Wolf. But Maggie is mine :-)
Alex Eames stepped out of the shower and toweled off. It sure was lonely around the house without Maggie there. She hated not having her little girl around. She loved Maggie's energy; it was contagious. It certainly wasn't fair that she had to squeeze her time with her daughter in around Ricky's schedule, but he was so impatient with her. When it was just her and Maggie, or when they were with her dad or Bobby, the little girl was happy and active. But not at home. Over the last six months, Ricky had become even more impatient with Maggie, and now she was quiet and withdrawn around her father.
Eames had hoped that over time, things would improve within her marriage, but they hadn't. They were getting worse. She was trying hard to honor her commitment and make things work. Marriage took a lot of effort to make it successful, but she didn't remember it being this hard...she was tired. She was beginning to come to terms with the fact that she had made a mistake. She hated to make mistakes, hated as much as her partner did to be wrong. But she had made a mistake, and sticking with it all this time had been wrong, for her and especially for Maggie. There had been good times in the marriage, but the troubled times were far more frequent. Should she give him any more time or was she spinning her wheels, digging herself in deeper? There was one thing that bothered her about leaving, though, one thing that made her stay more than any other: Maggie. If she divorced Ricky, just out of spite he would demand visitation, and she would not be there to protect Maggie against her father.
It bothered her to think she couldn't protect Maggie. What bothered her even more was how her partner would react if any harm, physical or not, came to that little girl. That was something she didn't even want to think about. He really would lose his mind. As it was he lost all perspective of...well, just about everything with the toddler. Her thoughts turned to Goren and Maggie, and she couldn't help smiling. They were quite a pair. Mostly, Maggie stayed with her grandfather, because of their work schedule. Occasionally during the week, when Ricky was working nights, she would stay there with Maggie. But every weekend he was able to, and occasionally during the week because he wanted to, her partner claimed the little girl. She joined them when she could, but she never told him he couldn't see her. That would have been cruel to both of them. He loved taking her to the park, the Museum of Natural History and the Bronx Zoo, and Maggie loved going. She adored him and was happy to go anywhere with him. He managed to get tickets to Opening Day at Yankee Stadium just recently. He'd asked her to go with them, but she couldn't because Ricky had surprised her with tickets to Don't Go There, one of the biggest hits on Broadway. When Ricky was being sweet, she took full advantage of it, and he hadn't brought up her partner once that night. It was one of the best nights they'd had since they'd gotten married. So Bobby had taken Mike with him and Maggie to the ballgame, and Maggie'd had the time of her life. For a week she had run around the house singing "Take Me Out to the Ballgame" and yelling "Charge!" Then she spent the weekend with him again and came home singing in German. He still wouldn't translate the song for her; she'd have to work on him some more. The best times of Maggie's little life were the times she spent with Bobby and Mike. Recently the best times of her own life were those same times. She sighed as she brushed her hair. "Alex?"
"It's open."
Ricky opened the bathroom door and came in. "What are you doing today?"
"We have a softball game against Manhattan Homicide. You should come to watch if you can."
"Maybe I will." He slipped his arms around her waist and kissed her neck. "Where's the kid?"
"She has a name, Ricky. Can't you remember it?"
He sighed. "Fine. Where's Maggie?"
"At Dad's," she lied. She never told him when Maggie was with Bobby. "Where did you expect her to be?"
"I thought maybe Reggie had her. She seems to have fun over there."
"Reggie and Aaron took Jake to visit Aaron's folks."
"Oh. Is your dad bringing her to the game?"
"Yes. And then he's going to keep her tonight so she won't bother you."
He sensed her irritation, but he just had no patience for having that kid around. He resented her for the part of Alex she took from him in much the way he resented Goren for the same reason. "I appreciate all the time your dad spends with her."
"He's the only father figure she has." Another lie. Her father was Maggie's grandpa and there was no mistaking that. Maggie did have a father figure in her life, a man who was just like a father to her in every way except biology, and that was Goren. She wasn't sure Bobby even realized that, but it was true. And it was something she would never tell Ricky.
He decided to steer the subject away from their daughter before they ended up in another argument. "Why are you up so early?"
"I want to go over to dad's and have breakfast with my daughter. I'm looking forward to spending the day with her."
Okay, so she wouldn't give up the topic... "Uh, does your partner ever spend time with her?"
"Does it matter?"
"Well, she is my kid. I have a right to know who she spends time with."
There was no way she was going to tell him that Goren often spent more time with Maggie than she did. The thought of it brought her a lot of pain and guilt, not because of the time Bobby spent with her, but because of the time she couldn't spend with her. Actually, seeing him with her little girl only served to increase her respect and her love for her gentle partner. She found herself feeling the happiest when she was with Bobby and Maggie, and that was something she spent a lot of time thinking about lately.
"Do you even care, Ricky?"
"I care that she spends time with Goren."
She swallowed another wave of anger. "Why? You never give a damn about her any other time."
"I just don't trust him."
"You don't know him."
"Let's keep it that way. Now answer me: does he?"
"Sometimes he does."
"We'll talk about it later; I gotta get going. I'll try to stop by and watch some of the game. When does it start?"
"At 1, if everyone stays on schedule."
"Nate and I are on a weird schedule all week. I get off at 4:45, so I should be home by 6. Can we have dinner?"
Keep the peace, she thought to herself. "Fine, Ricky."
"Did you have other plans?"
"No, but I like seeing my daughter."
"I'd rather you leave her at your dad's."
"Yes, I know. Go to work."
He thought about apologizing, but then realized he had nothing to apologize for. He never wanted the kid. She'd gone off and gotten pregnant without his approval, so she could deal with the fallout from it. He kissed her cheek. "Have a good day. Tell your dad hi for me, and the kid, too."
An afterthought. That's all Maggie was to him. The baby deserved so much better...and for that matter, so did she. Inevitably, that train of thought brought her to Goren. Was he the better they deserved? Her heart kept telling her yes. Maggie was already two and Ricky had never come around, like she had hoped. She was kidding herself if she thought he ever would. All he had to do was give Maggie a chance; however, that was something he was unwilling to do. But Bobby...every time she needed him, he was there. He had sat with her through her labor and delivery and never once complained about being there. He had loved Maggie from the moment that nurse had laid her in his arms the night she was born. His love for them both was unconditional, undemanding...the way a father's love should be...and a husband's...again, she pushed the thought away. After all she had done to him over the last few years, all the pain she had caused him, there was no reason to think he would ever consider marrying her, and she wouldn't blame him one bit. They were best friends and she was afraid that was all they would ever be.
She had some long, hard thinking to do, but she also had to think about what was best for Maggie. As time went on and Ricky didn't change, she was coming to realize that more than anyone else, it was Bobby who was best for Maggie. All that remained was for her to figure out what to do and how to keep her little girl safe from a vindictive father. As long as she remained married to Ricky, Maggie was safe. But at what cost? Was it a price she was willing to continue paying? She sighed deeply. If it kept Maggie safe, yes...and she knew Bobby would agree with her.