Linnet's Note: -hides- Okay, so I haven't updated
in...wow, I don't think that I even want to know how
long. Hope you enjoy this chapter, some new
characters!

Shout out to Shelby E. McQueen - Murtagh's special
part isn't in this chapter, but I think that you'll
approve of who I stuck in here instead...

Disclaimer: I don't own. Don't sue?

Down Once - Well, Certainly Not Once More

James Norrington had finally gotten over his fear of
blocks of wood wielded by half-insane twice-cursed
pirate fathers.

Well, mostly. He didn't run and hide when he heard the
door slam anymore, although every time that Will
walked in the room talking to his father on Jack's
cell phone, he would hide behind the nearest object.

There was something else on his mind, though. It was
something that had struck him while he had been
watching an infomercial. And it was really quite
worrying.

"James? James, get out here!" Murtagh's voice shouted
from the foyer. The group of self-appointed
fanfiction-destructors (the name had long ago been
forgotten) hadn't gotten as far into their plan as
they'd hoped.

It was far more difficult than it looked, really,
planning the destruction of the fanfiction world.

Murtagh raised an eyebrow at him, "Another scary
parody?"

James shook his head.

"Had coffee yet?" Will asked, jumping into the driver
seat of Elizabeth's van. Raising an eyebrow at him,
Elizabeth shooed him away from the wheel.

James sighed, nodding.

"Ooh, I know!" Arya said happily, "You had a dream
about a talking muffin!"

"Um...no." James shook his head, "No talking muffins."

"I'm dying of suspense here, man," Legolas said dryly.
Suddenly, he got a horrified look on his face, "Good
God, you didn't meet a Raoul fan, did you?"

"It's just..." James sighed, shaking his head and
holding his hand out to examine it, "Am I too pale?"
Receiving several painfully blank stares, he pressed
on, "Well, you know, it is summer and everything. And
all of you are all tanned," He nodded to Beckett, "Even
you're tan. I mean, really, I feel so...ghostly. And,
quite frankly, it's demeaning."

Jack raised a speculative eyebrow, searching the radio
for something to listen to, "Pale. You feel pale."

James nodded with another depressed sigh, "Yeah."

"Hmm," Elizabeth said, parking the car in front of the
Luke's Diner sign, sounding slightly devious, "I think
I know of a place you could go to fix that..."

Murtagh, Beckett, Jack, Will, Elizabeth, Legolas, and
Arya had agreed to drive to a new meeting place -
Luke's Diner, and it supposedly had the best coffee in
the world. They'd been, quite sadly, forced to
relocate from Starbucks because the Weatherby Swann
fans started throwing lattes instead of rocks. Jack
had feared that his bandana wouldn't make it after it
had been turned green by something that vaguely
resembled the monster from the black lagoon. Needless
to say, the Weatherby fangirls didn't have the best
aim.

The seven arrived at Luke's after some confusion
concerning the collectible plates that were being sold
next door ("Oh, look! It's Elvis!" "...Who's Elvis?").

Taking their seats by the window, they were greeted by
a rather surly looking man in a backwards blue
baseball cap and an excessive amount of flannel.

"So," Legolas said after they had ordered, "What's our
next move in Operation End Fanfiction?"

Arya arched an eyebrow, "Operation End Fanfiction?"

"I think it's better then Operation Talking Muffin,"
Will pointed out.

"I was talking in my sleep, okay? I tend to do that a
lot," Arya said defensively.

"Well," Beckett said, all business, "I made some signs
that I think would come into great use if we were to
-"

"Coffee?" A woman trotted up to them, holding out a
coffee cup to them. When she received several
painfully blank looks, she said, "Coffee. You know,
the stuff that keeps me alive? I need some."

Jack scratched his head, "Er, sorry, love. No coffee."

The woman pouted, looking akin to a kicked puppy, and
proceeded to trot off.

"That was odd." Elizabeth commented flatly.

"Indeed." James cleared his throat, "So, what is it
you were saying, Sir?"

"Ooh, right!" Beckett reached into a bag sitting next
to him, and retrieved some signs, with slogans varying
from, Fanfic Characters Deserve Rights! Honk if you
agree! to The Character Protection Program. Learn More
Today.

Legolas nodded contemplatively, taking a sip from his
mocha, "I like it. I like it quite a lot, actually.
Were would we protest?"

Will volunteered, "Here, I've got the list. Now, all
we've got to do is see if we can take this to court."

"But didn't Legolas tell us that the local offices
wouldn't listen because technically the writers aren't
doing anything wrong?" Arya asked, sounding confused
as she talked around a bite of the huge danish sitting
in front of her.

Elizabeth grinned, "That's the thing, you see. The
writers haven't done anything wrong," her grin grew
self-satisfied, "...yet."

Raising an eyebrow, James sat forward in his seat,
demeaning ghostliness forgotten, "We're listening."

----

Linnet and Erin were not generally two very daring
people. They usually liked to sit at home, watching
re-runs of Frasier, throwing popcorn at the screen
whenever Bulldog made an appearance.

But not today. No, today they were going to check the
bugs that had been planted around Elizabeth's house.
The two, by nature, were also not generally very
devious. But when worst came to worst and their
fanfictioning career was threatened? Oh, it was war.

"Coat Rack to Waffle, do you copy?" Erin's voice
crackled over to Linnet's headset. Erin had climbed up
to the balcony on a vine to get to the camera in the
kitchen, while Linnet, deathly afraid of heights,
tried to dismantle the clunky video recorder that had
been placed in the strawberry plant.

"Is this really necessary?" Linnet asked, annoyed, as
she resisted the strong urge she had to simply yank
the video camera out of the bushes, disregarding if
the information was lost or not.

Erin could be heard sighing on the other side as she
finished carefully removing the cords from the inside
of the freezer and taking the small camera from behind
dishwasher, "I like it. Makes me feel very 007, you
know?"

Linnet smiled triumphantly as she finally untangled
the first black cord from a strawberry, "You do
realize that there were very generally no women in all
those James Bond movies that actually did anything
except for stand around in short dresses and smirk?"

"Ah, but what fun smirking is," Erin countered,
shutting the balcony window and fastening the camera
on her waist, 007 demeanor forgotten.

"Hmm, I dunno. I think I prefer the Bourne movies."
Linnet replied.

There was a second of silence as Linnet struggled with
the camera before she stood, meeting Erin half-way to the black convertible that they had 'borrowed' from
Erin's father. Linnet had happily dubbed it the
Bat-Mobile because of its color, but her request to
paint a silver bat on the front had been, quite
thankfully, denied. The authoress had never been
particularly good with a paintbrush, though she
constantly denied it.

"Ready to watch what our dearest friends have been up
to?" Linnet asked with a small smile.

"Oh yeah."

----

The odd group stepped out of Luke's Diner, to-go
coffee cups in hand after having been chased out by
the woman who had harbored the kicked puppy look
earlier, who was currently rambling about Luke needing
a new apartment.

It was all quite strange, really.

Elizabeth had just finished telling them her slightly
devious, yet oddly brilliant plan, and with the help
of the others, the idea was perfected. They only had a
few more days to do of plotting and fine-tuning the plan
until it would be ready to be officially put into
action. Then, as Jack had analyzed it, they only had
to wait for the opportune moment.

"Oh, James," Elizabeth said suddenly, "I believe that
you said you wanted to look a bit more tan?"

James nodded, taking a sip of his black coffee, "Yes.
Yes, I did. Do you know of somewhere?"

Elizabeth smiled, hopping into her seat in the van.
"Oh, I can think of a few places..."

-----

The drive seemed to last for hours upon hours upon
hours upon - well, in short, it was quite a long
drive. Night had set long ago, leaving Arya mumbling
about talking muffins in her sleep, her head resting
on Legolas' shoulder, Will snoring rather loudly next
to her. Murtagh's eyes were barely open, and Jack's
eye wouldn't stop twitching after he finished his
fourth cup of coffee. Elizabeth, on the other hand,
was going about thirty-five miles over the speed
limit, cheerfully humming along to "Bye Bye Bye," a
song which, by general unspoken rule, had been banned
from her house. At this point, it was needless to say
that something was amiss.

The car came to a very sudden, jolting stop, stirring
everyone from their sleep.

"We're here!" Elizabeth said cheerfully, hopping out
of the van and ushering the other out. She then led
them in the direction of a dimly-lit, yet fantastic
building.

"Where are we?" Murtagh questioned blearily, Elizabeth
shushing him as she led them past the large building
and into an alleyway behind it. Murtagh opened his
mouth to comment, but Elizabeth hushed him again,
creeping to a small gate on the side of the building.
Looking around quickly, Elizabeth jolted the gate
open, stepping inside.

"Love?" Jack sounded nervous as he followed, surveying
the excessively slimy walls that surrounded them,
"I've never really been one of the whelps who run away
from the action, but...is this creepy passageway
really that necessary?"

Elizabeth rolled her eyes, fishing in her pocket for
something. Grinning, she pulled out a lighter, lit a
flame, and proceeded to light up a candle that seemed
to have appeared out of thin air, "The man who lives
here likes the dark slimyness of this place very much.
Don't mention it in front of him, or you might end up
on the wrong side of a rope."

"But...who is he?" James asked, poking one the walls
with his fingertip, afraid that it would move.

Elizabeth grinned again, holding the candle out in
front of her and stepping quietly toward a small, dim
light that was ahead of them. "Oh, you'll see. I think
that you'll get on with him very well, Beckett," she
added, receiving a confused look from the man in
question, who's white wig was now the home of some small, green globs of slime,
courtesy of the slimy stone wall.

They seemed to be getting closer and closer to the dim
light that was getting brighter by the second.

Elizabeth then stopped so suddenly that it caused
them all to bump into each other, Will nearly toppling
over. When everyone had finally recovered themselves,
they realized that they were standing in front of a
large, rather ominous looking black door, where the
light had been coming from.

She raised the brass knocker and slammed it three
times onto the door, everyone waiting behind her
holding their breaths in anticipation.

"Good God, Daroga! I clearly specified that it wasn't
my fault if La Carlotta croaked tonight!" A deep voice
shouted from the other side.

"Uh, Mr. Destler? It's not Nadir, it's Elizabeth. I
just wanted to see if you were still open for business
this late," Elizabeth shouted back, suddenly sounding
slightly timid. Everyone behind her exchanged confused
glances, wondering just who this Mr. Destler was.

"Of course I'm still open, woman, even though I really
should be out there doing my job. They don't pay me
20,000 francs a month for nothing, you know." The same
voice said from the other side, sounding a bit less
angry. The ominous door then swung open.

The light that came from inside was nearly blinding,
and the pounding organ music backed up by a guitar on
the speakers was nearly deafening. After everyone's
eyes and ears became accustomed to the place, they
were able to take a moment to survey the house - well,
it was more like a club, really - they were now
standing in.

There was a giant dance floor and a bar, both packed
full with people laughing and drinking. There was an
equally large lake with a volley-ball net set up
across the middle, strobe lights and thousands of
candles lighting the area. There was sand by the lake, the shore dotted with
fake palm trees with sun lamps on them. People were
laying under them in their swim wear to get tanned. A
gigantic pipe organ sat near the back, a neon sign set
over it, reading O.G.'s Lair - Making The Music of the
Night, Every Night!

Finally, everyone's eyes simultaneously fell on the
imposing figure standing in front of them. He was
oddly tall, with slightly frightening amber eyes, and
hair that seemed to be slicked back with at least a
bottle or two or hair jell. He wore an alarmingly
ruffled Hawaiian print t-shirt with shockingly tight
black shorts. A white mask covered the right half of
his face, and a fruity-looking drink with a pineapple
sticking out of it sat in his hand.

It was an odd sight indeed.

Stepping further inside, Beckett took another look
around, squinting and trying to pick a piece of slime
from his hair, "So...where exactly are we?"

The strange man smirked, taking a long drink from the
fruity thing in his hand, "You, monsieur, are in my
club. Making the music of the night, every night," He
looked at them seriously then, "And no. Don't even
ask, because it's not a sunburn from the tanning
salon."

Murtagh eyed him curiously as Jack wandered off to the
bar, in search of rum, "You mean we're in a
club...underground."

"Yep," Elizabeth smiled. She then indicated the man's
drink, "What is it?"

"One of Little Giry's creation's, actually, have you
tried it? Quite delicious, despite the name, 'The
Ballet Mistress's Cane Has Nothing On This.'" He
seemed to have just taken notice of Beckett, James,
Murtagh, Legolas, Arya, Will, and Jack (who had just
returned with a large bottle of rum in hand), "Ah, I
don't believe that I've met your friends."

Elizabeth smiled, pushing the seven of them toward the
man as she introduced them, "This is Lord Cutler
Beckett, Murtagh, Legolas, James Norrington, William
Turner Jr., and Jack Sparrow." Seeing jack open his
mouth to correct her, she interrupted him before he
could start, "Captain Sparrow. I apologize."

The man gave another hint of a smirk, "I'm Ghost.
Opera Ghost. It's nice to meet you."

The group raised their eyebrows collectively, and
Elizabeth rolled her eyes, "Erik..."

"Alright, fine," He sighed dramatically, taking
another long drink, "I'm also Red Death, the Angel of
Music, the Living Corpse, The Phantom of the Opera,
Don Juan Trium-"

"Erik..." Elizabeth said again, more warningly,
raising an eyebrow at him.

The man of many names sighed again, deflated.
"Alright, alright, fine. Erik Destler. With a K, not a
C, mind you. A pleasure to meet you messieurs,
mademoiselle."

As if on cue, a cat prowled up behind him, making a
very long leap from the top of a lounge chair to
Erik's shoulder.

"So," Erik said after a moment as Elizabeth's
companions continued to take in their surroundings,
"What can I aid you with today?"

"Well..." Elizabeth tried to smile winningly, "James
here was feeling rather pale, and I think that Arya
would like somewhere nice and comfortable under a palm
tree to sleep. Will looks a bit tired, too..." She
glanced at said man, who was swaying rather alarmingly
on the spot, staring at the strobe lights with wide
eyes, "Ah, he's never been good with bright lights.
Well, Jack would most likely like more rum -" She
glanced at him, too, and he was downing the last drops
of the bottle quickly, "But Legolas, Murtagh, Beckett
and I have some very important things to ask you
about. I was also wondering..." Elizabeth paused
uncertainly, "...Well, no matter how odd this sounds,
I think that some of your friends might be able to
help us with this."

Erik raised a thoughtful eyebrow, his cat, still
sitting on his shoulder, licking its paw, "Which
friends?"

Jack appeared behind Erik, a winning smile plastered
on his face as he winked at Elizabeth, "Tell me,
mate," he said, throwing a friendly arm around Erik's
shoulder, the cat jumping off with an indignant yelp,
"Have you ever felt particularly...say, mistreated by
your faithful fans?"

Murtagh jumped in, throwing his arm around Erik's
other shoulder, Elizabeth and Beckett following with
slightly devious smiles on their faces, "Spelled with
a PH, of course."

Linnet's Note: -glares at Erik- I just couldn't keep him out of here. I tried, I really did, but the temptation was just too much. I used Gerik because I
need to put in a few sunburn jokes, but I also stuck
in some Kay elements because I'm a Nadir fangirl xD
Hope that you enjoyed, I think that this chapter was
just a bit longer than usual.

The end note would feel incomplete without me begging
for reviews. So...review?