Title: Don't Worry, I Told Them You're Not A Girl (Now Go Make Dinner)
Part: 1 of ?
Series: Mai-HiME
Rating: PG-13
Pairing: Akira/Takumi, various other mentions
Warnings: Crossdressing, gender confusion, light swearing, Akira being bored, and too many gender stereotypes to count.
Notes: I hope to have the next chapter up in a couple weeks if everyone enjoys it -- and please, any helpful suggestions or criticisms are more than welcome! Also, if anyone has read my other story "Hot", yes, it is the same Tsuyoshi and Ichiro. I like reusing characters. ;D In any case, enjoy!
Chapter One: It Begins (Or Jumps On Board Sometime In the Middle)
The moral of this story, I must emphasize to all parties involved, is not that gender doesn't matter. Nor is it about misconceptions, misdirections or misinterpretations in regards to gender or sexuality or any of those peculiar human states of being. Though perhaps the moral might connect in a fine spider-web strand to the concept of rumors and their ability to spin wildly out of control, that too is not what it is all about.
While some might protest this, citing recurring themes or use of metaphor or however it is that people protest such things, the moral of the story is that Akira was bored.
Okuzaki Akira was as of two weeks ago fourteen years old and in her second year at Fuuka Academy junior high school. She got good grades -- enough to satisfy her father, who despite having called off one of her ninja cousins to check up on her weekly and insure her safety and wellbeing, now insisted that she call him herself to inform him of just how well she was holding up the family name. It wasn't enough to label her a bookworm (which she wasn't), nor to make any of the teachers expect stunning results from her (which she had no motivation to give), so in regard to school, Akira was doing fine.
The way it went down was this: Akira was a crossdresser. All gasps aside, she had a decent reason for doing so in the beginning -- saving the world from certain destruction and all that --, but now that said Saving the World was over, Akira was in a bit of a bind. Literally, in fact. Her body had officially hit the mysterious and agonizing state of puberty, which didn't really bother Akira except that it meant her breasts were getting bigger. And so were her hips. And while some girls had the good luck to be blessed with boyish figures (Mikoto, for instance, was two years older than Akira and still had nothing), Akira was not so fortunate.
Problem was, how do you come out as a female crossdresser without inciting a year of giggles and whispers and other Very Annoying things?
As far as Akira could tell, there wasn't any way.
So she continued on into second year as a boy, still rooming with Takumi -- which, surprisingly, wasn't as awkward as Akira had imagined it might be -- and dressing to hide her curves. At first, she entertained thoughts of just showing up one day in a girl's uniform. Perhaps if she just did it, it wouldn't be so much of a shock and the gossiping would die down faster. (Which was a total lie and Akira knew it, but pretending was fun.) Her best plan was to wait until high school came around and transfer schools, but she didn't want to leave Fuuka Academy. For one, her friends (specifically Takumi) were here, and for another, her father would kill her for giving up the scholarship.
In short, Akira was stuck.
And currently, she was bored.
The entire class was supposed to be having free study time to work on their group math projects, which would be due next week. What they were actually doing was separating into various small groups and chatting, math projects tossed aimlessly aside. And normally in situations such as this, Akira would be talking with Takumi, but he was over talking to the teacher because, "Akira-kun, I really don't understand how this logarithm works and there's a test next week..." Coupled with the Tokiha tendency toward puppy eyes, Akira couldn't even offer to help him herself before Takumi had already made his way to the front of the room.
So she was left to sit bored in her corner, doodling on her sketchpad. It wasn't that Akira didn't have friends other than Takumi, because she chatted with people in her class often enough. But with the exception of a few, Akira didn't really like most of the boys -- they were all loud and too intent on strutting about for her tastes. (It didn't help that Akira was naturally rather shy anyway, which was hard to work with when one was posing as a self-assured, manly boy.) And while girls were generally calmer, practically all of them went into blushing fits whenever Akira said anything so much as, "Will you lend me a pencil?"
(For the record, Akira was still planning to find whoever it was that started the whole "Number One Hottie" title and kill them.)
Luckily, Akira was also rather popular. (Possibly due to the aforementioned title, which really just made her want to bury herself alive with embarrassment. Yet another thing that would make it Really Incredibly Awkward to come out as a girl.) Almost as soon as Akira had resolved herself to utter boredom for as long as it took Takumi to get help, a pair of boys made their way over to her desk. They scuttled in such a way that Akira was sure they thought they were being very stealth, but really just looked like they were paranoid.
Akira raised an eyebrow when the two boys stopped by her desk, waiting for them to start off.
"Um," began the first, Tsuyoshi, glancing at his partner in crime.
"Uhh," the shorter Ichiro mumbled, trying his very best not to look like he was at a loss for words and failing miserably.
Akira sighed, then asked, "What do you want, guys?"
"We need your help," Ichiro said, breaking out of his awkward stance and grabbing a chair. He swung it around to sit on it backwards, leaning forward enough that he could speak quietly to Akira. Tsuyoshi looked around for anyone who could be listening, and for goodness' sake, all he had to do was whistle if he wanted to be more obvious about it. Akira steadfastly ignored how blatant he was being and gave Ichiro a perplexed look.
"Do you want girl advice again?" Akira asked. "Because I told you, I don't try to--"
"No!" Ichiro interrupted, holding up a hand. "No, no, no, it's nothing like that."
"Well, it's kind of like that," Tsuyoshi interjected.
"No it's not! Nothing at all like -- well, that," Ichiro argued, the tips of his ears blushing bright red. Akira fought the urge to roll her eyes, recalling the day that a lovestruck Ichiro had pleaded with her to teach him how to seduce women. Takumi had practically burst a lung laughing once they were back in their room, and had only stopped when Akira stormed off into her secluded section and sulked for a good ten minutes. (And even then, the mere mention of the incident still made Takumi snicker.) Clearly, Ichiro was trying to forget the entire situation.
"What he means is, we don't want 'girl advice' girl advice, but we do want your help on something," Tsuyoshi explained, sitting in an empty chair and giving up the pretense of being the lookout. "Something about girls."
Now, perhaps a year ago, this would have sent Akira into a fiery panic about acting manly and avoiding women and Abort Mission and all that. Now, however, Akira was a lot calmer about the entire situation. For one, her family wasn't insisting on the crossdressing anymore, which meant that she wouldn't disgrace her clan by being found out. Also, she had been doing this for an entire year and only one person found out, and he was her roommate and didn't count. So Akira, while feeling a residual twinge of worry when Tsuyoshi mentioned girls, didn't do much more than blink.
Besides, she knew Ichiro and Tsuyoshi. If anyone was going to figure out her secret, it definitely wasn't going to be them.
"Okay," Akira said slowly. "What about girls?" She glanced over at a group of their female classmates sitting by the window, talking animatedly about something. "Those girls?"
"No," Ichiro said. His eyes were bright with barely contained excitement. "Another girl."
"We heard something," Tsuyoshi shared, crouching closer to the two of them and whispering. "From my brother's girlfriend -- I think she's his girlfriend -- but she told us that--"
"There's a girl in our school," Ichiro interrupted, ignoring the irritated frown that flashed on Tsuyoshi's face. "A girl whose crossdressing as a boy."
For about a second, Akira panicked. Quietly, and without showing any expression on the outside, she felt her insides clench up tight around her stomach and her eyesight narrow down to the two accusers in front of her. She had just enough control to keep her face calm and breathing steady, but Akira was damn well positive that her heart rate had just jumped enormously in that very moment.
And then she realized that neither boy looked accusatory. Or, in fact, the least bit suspicious.
So Akira played with the benefit of the doubt.
"And you think I care because...?" Akira asked, raising on eyebrow and giving her two classmates a cool stare.
"Well, we don't," Tsuyoshi assured her, raising up his hands in a placating gesture. "It's not about the gossip. It's just that all my brother's girlfriend said was that one of the boys in the junior high was actually a girl. And we want to figure out who it is."
"And so we thought about it, but neither of us could think of any of the guys who were really, well, girly, y'know?" Ichiro continued. "But we realized that you talk to a lot of people."
"Not just in our class, even," Tsuyoshi said, "cos all the girls think you're so cute--"
"Shut up," commanded Akira, glowering.
"And most of the guys think you're cool enough too, so you'd know better than we would if someone was acting girly, we thought," finished Ichiro, watching Akira with pleading eyes. "C'mon, will you help us out? It's for a good cause!"
Akira stared at him. "No, it's not. It's for the cause of satisfying your curiosity."
"I think that's a good cause, personally," Ichiro admitted, shrugging.
"And it'll be interesting," Tsuyoshi pressed. "And not to mention, completely awesome. We're the only ones who know about this, and if you help us figure out a way to make the girl reveal herself, it'll be like a good deed or something. We're preventing deception in our class."
Akira didn't say anything for a long while, still overwhelmed by the close call and fighting the urge to snicker uncontrollably. Then she said, "You two are just trying to stir up trouble."
"No, we're not," Ichiro protested, and then blanched at Akira's expression. He hastily corrected, "Okay, maybe we are, but there's a girl crossdressing as a boy in our very own school. We can't just let that be. I need to know who it is!"
"Exactly," agreed Tsuyoshi, nodding. "It's crucial to our continuing well-being as students."
Akira sighed, not even attempting to puzzle through just how utterly ridiculous this entire situation was. But it was an interesting proposition, to be in control of a school-wide search for the girl who was crossdressing. Never mind the fact that Akira knew damn well who it was; the point of the matter was that Ichiro and Tsuyoshi were probably going to be attempting this search whether she helped them or not, and Akira was never one to turn down the edge in any fight. (However difficult it might be not to burst out laughing every time the topic was brought up.)
Besides, and I must emphasize this as it is the moral, key point, and/or thesis of this story, she was bored.
"Well," Akira began, furrowing her brow and trying her best to look like she was thinking Very Deeply. "I can't think of anyone offhand whose been acting more girly than normal... well, except Takumi, but he does that anyway and I know he's a boy."
"Are you sure?" Ichiro asked.
Akira gave him an incredulous look. "I've lived with the kid for over a year now. Yes, I'm sure."
"But he could--"
"Seen him shirtless. Definitely a guy."
Tsuyoshi placated Ichiro with a gesture and said, "Okay, well, what next?"
"There are a lot of boys to consider," Akira said, considering the situation. "I mean, we have what, fifteen boys in our class? And the other class has fourteen, I think. Roughly 30 boys per grade, three grades in junior high to look through... that's about 90 boys that we have to watch. Cut four from that, it's still 86, so we have our work cut out for us."
"Cut four out?" Ichiro asked, frowning.
"Us," Tsuyoshi caught on, glancing at Akira for confirmation.
Akira nodded, "Yeah. I've already confirmed that Takumi isn't a girl, and unless one of you two are hiding something..."
"No!" Ichiro said, making a cross shape with his arms and backing up defensively. His ears tinged pink again, clearly mortified by the very insinuation that he was female. "Definitely not." Tsuyoshi made do with shaking his head calmly, clearly amused by Ichiro's reaction.
"Okay then," Akira accepted, trying not to roll her eyes. She glanced up at the clock instead and said, "School's almost out today, and I have art club to get to. I'll think about ways to tell boys and girls apart tonight and we can talk about it tomorrow." She frowned pensively and asked, "Do you mind if I tell Takumi? He's pretty good at getting stuff done, and I bet we could ask his older sister what she thinks."
"Sure," Tsuyoshi agreed, pulling Ichiro away from Akira's desk just as the teacher came by, Takumi trailing along behind her. "See you later," he called, and Ichiro waved even as the teacher gave both of them a chastising glare for being out of their seats.
Takumi sat down at his desk and held up a packet. "Finished!" he said cheerfully, looking a lot less tense than he had been earlier. He glanced over at where Tsuyoshi and Ichiro were now sitting, heads bent together and looking Very Secretive. "What did they want?" Takumi asked.
Before Akira could answer, the bell rang shrilly. As the rest of the class immediately started packing up their things, Akira replied, "I'll tell you tonight." At Takumi's nod, she threw her own things into her bag and made her way toward the door, Takumi following behind her.
This was certainly going to be an interesting week.
Takumi gently placed a bowl of partially mashed potatoes in front of Akira.
Right in front of her sketchpad. (Not quite on it, however, as Takumi had learn his lesson about that long ago.)
Akira tilted her head skeptically and asked, "Creative expression, Takumi-kun?"
"I want to know what's going on," Takumi replied pleasantly, looking for all the world like he wasn't preventing Akira from drawing via vegetables. "You promised you'd tell me and you've been avoiding the subject all evening."
"I have not."
"Akira-kun, we had a twenty minute long conversation about different types of paint the last time I tried to bring it up," Takumi pointed out, raising an eyebrow at her. He didn't look the least bit accusatory, placidly waiting for Akira to build upon what he had already said. Akira was mildly surprised by how easily Takumi could handle her, though if pressed she would never say it out loud. A ninja had to have her pride, after all.
"And I maintain my position on oil-based paints, they're hell to work with--"
"Akira-kun."
Giving up, Akira sighed. She set the bowl of potatoes on the floor beside her. Takumi, without missing a beat, picked it back up and set it on the table in front of him as she explained, "Ichiro and Tsuyoshi have a new mission."
"Oh?" Takumi asked, grabbing a utensil from his apron and continuing to mash the potatoes in the bowl.
"Yeah," Akira acknowledged, "They want to figure out which boy in our school is actually a girl in disguise."
"What!" Takumi gasped, so startled that he accidentally jabbed the hand holding the bowl with the masher. "Ow-ow-ow, ow, what! They know? Why aren't you more upset about this?" His incredulous expression had Akira snickering loudly, bent over her sketchbook.
"Don't worry, I told them you weren't a girl," Akira said smoothly, holding up a hand to stop his protests. She gestured toward his potatoes, commanding, "Now go make dinner."
"Akira-kun!" Takumi protested, looking petulant.
"I'm joking!"
The look Takumi gave her told her it wasn't the girl comment he was concerned about (though he did stop mashing the potatoes and set the bowl aside, looking a bit self-conscious.) He asked, "Really, why aren't you more worried about this? If they're searching for a girl dressed as a boy, there aren't that many options."
"The reason I'm not worried," Akira explained, "is that they asked me to help them figure out who it is, because I'm so popular."
Takumi blinked. Then, blankly, he asked, "Really?"
"Yep."
"You're going to help search for the crossdressing girl?"
"Pretty much."
Takumi gaped at her for a long moment, clearly trying to wrap his brain around just how ironic the situation was. Slowly, he closed his mouth and reached slowly for the bowl of potatoes, clearly finding comfort in the mashing of food. As he began to mash, Akira saw his shoulders shaking and heard the beginnings of laughter trickling out of his mouth. Pretty soon, Takumi was full out snickering, bent over the bowl with one hand on his forehead.
"Yeah," Akira murmured, grabbing her pencil again and resuming her sketching with a small smirk. "That was about my reaction, too."
End Chapter 1