Happy Homophobia Land!

By: Yukura

Chapter 1: Skool

Disclaimer: Kingdom Hearts not mine.

Pairings: Riku/Sora Axel/Roxas Cloud/Leon

Warnings: Yaoi, obviously. (If you look above. ) Insane. Not really a crack fic but I'm sure the crack is in here somewhere.

A/N: Wow. I have no idea why I wrote this. There will, unless I lose interest, be more. Though I'm not sure how my plans for a Teen Titans fanfic became this...anyway, R&R. Hopefully it doesn't suck too bad.

omgomgomgomgomgomgomgomgomgomgomgomgomgomgomgomgomgomgomgomgomgomgomgomgomgomgomgomgomgomgomgomgomgomgomgomg

Riku's POV
The town had never seemed very promising. It was far too small for my tastes; the kind of place where if you did something your mom would know in 5 minutes. That definitely sucked. And the people he'd seen in the streets looked like they'd fallen out of High School Musical. You know, too "perfect" looking. And so preppy.

Having already decided I dislike the town in the ride to my new house, upon reaching it it was even worse. Picturesque suburbia house. Like all the others in the street. Even my mom frowned. (She'll have it all dressed up pretty soon.)

I guess it wasn't weird that I missed the city. The city was good for a boy like me, a minor trouble maker with average grades. With some of the nutcases my old high school had, I was nearly perfect. But, shouldn't I at least like the nice, neat little house over the dark, moldy, cockroach infested apartment I'd shared with my mom? I guess I'm just too much a city boy.

Still, though, my mom had a job here and we'd have money. Money was good. It's be nice to be almost rich rather than almost welfare.

Today was my first day of school. Fun fun. I just pulled on some clothes and practically inhaled my Pop-Tarts. (And the Instant Coffee. It tastes like shit. But it keeps me from dying for exhaustion before homeroom is over.)

My mom drove me to school and somehow I managed to not be late. I don't think I've never been not late before. Except maybe Kindergarten. And the 2-hour delay days when my mom acts like it's a normal day.

Not to my surprise, the school was filled with preps. Oh joy.

I went to my locker. (The school had sent me everything in a letter the other day. I guess they didn't want to interact with me...) I was trying to open my locker but since I am bad with combinations I was much more likely to just break it so I wouldn't have to worry about it.

I was about ready to tear the door of the freaking thing when some random blonde haired girl came over. "Hi!" she said, a little shyly and kind of sweetly. With her white tennis shoes and pink polo and white capris. Ew.

Still, I am polite. Believe it or not. "Hey."

"So, you're the new boy? I'd be surprised if a boy like you didn't already have a girlfriend," she said, smiling up at me and blushing a little.

Deciding the stop her, and any other girls who might decide I'm boyfriend material for them, I told her bluntly, and quite loudly, "I'm gay."

She looked at me like I'd just announced I had murdered somebody. And the entire hallway went silent. Everybody was staring at me.

So I just kicked my locker, finally getting it open, and slowly people stared getting on with their lives. The blonde haired girl was still staring at me. "You're going to go to hell," she said, staring at me with sudden courage. Then she walked off.

Oh. Great. So nice of her to tell me. Really.

Sora's POV
It was almost time for History to start and I was already in the classroom, bored to death. Kairi still wasn't there yet and so I had nobody to talk to. I stared chewing on the end of my pen. Lala. Where is she? She's going to be late!

Finally, right before the bell rang, she came in. I think the bell rang as she sat down, actually. Anyway, the teacher started his boring lecture and I leaned over to talk to Kairi and whispered, "Why were you so late?"

"Namine had to tell me something," she said in an I-have-a-secret voice.

Gossip. I shouldn't care, but..."What? What did she tell you? Tell me!" I whispered quickly and Kairi just smirked.

"You know there's a new guy, right?" she asked. Um, no. I didn't. The blank stare I gave her was obviously answer enough. She pointed to the right. At a boy with the coolest hair ever. Long and silver. Wow. And then he turned my directions and I saw his eyes. They looked like the ocean.

But once he saw I was looking at him I had to turn back to Kairi rather than drool over him.

"Yeah. So what about him?" I said, a little louder than I had been whispering before.

"Well, according to Namine, he's gay," she said, saying the last word like it was horrible.

Oh. Then I definitely can't drool over him. He might get the wrong idea. "How does she know?" I asked absentmindedly, watching the new guy out of the corner of my eye. At first he was stabbing at his binder with a pen and then he looked like he fell asleep. Okay, weird.

"All she was doing was talking to him, not even flirting or anything, and he just randomly said it," she said, disgust in her voice and in her expression.

I just sat there in silence for a minute.

"You aren't still into guys, are you?" she asked, an unusual coldness in her voice.

I smiled at her. "Of course not."

She looked at me suspiciously but then smiled. "Kay! We'd better start taking notes," she said, giggling.

I nodded, laughing. "Yep."

Riku's POV
I was nearly asleep in History class when the teacher suddenly stopped his monotone drawl. I managed to open my eyes to see what he was up to. I need some more damn Instant Coffee.

He was writing something about a project on the chalkboard. A project with- oh joy- a partner.

He started rambling on about the project then and I blanked out. Until he started calling partners. I hope I don't end up with that blonde girl or the pink-haired girl that's been glaring at me.

Finally, the teacher called, "Riku Highwind and Sora Tillmet."

I looked around to see who reacted to that and it was a blue-eyed boy who'd been sitting by the glaring pink-haired girl. The boy was so cute. Too bad he would probably be so homophobic.

He went over to and sat down in the desk next to mine, throwing his books onto the desk really loudly and earning a glare from the teacher. "Hi! So you're Riku? Nice to meet you! I'm Sora!" he said cheerfully.

Wow, somebody's energetic. I don't even get that energetic when I have 20 cups of coffee. "Hi."

"So, what do you think we should do our project on? I don't really care what we do but a World War would be cool or maybe we could find some minor one and then no one else will have to same one as us and we'll be all original and what do you think?" he said rapidly.

Whoa. I just stared at him.

"Uh...are you dead or something?" Sora asked, peering at me worriedly.

"No. Sorry. What are we supposed to do our project on? I kind of zoned out," I said, smiling a little. (I love his eyes.)

Sora grinned. "Oh! We're supposed to write an essay and so some sort of presentation about the war of our choice."

"Oh."

We just sat there silently for a while, Sora fiddling with his book impatiently. Then he burst out, "Are you really gay?"

Again, I could just stare. It wasn't the question that surprised me, just the way he could say it so randomly. I finally got out of my daze and answered, "Yeah." I tried to make it sound like it was no big deal but I figured he'd probably tell me about all the ways I'd be punished in hell. He is friends with pink-haired girl.

Surprising me, he shrugged. "Okay. I should introduce you to Roxas. I think he's gay too...or at least that's what Kairi said Namine told her and apparently Namine heard it from Irvine and I think he heard it from Cloud and..."

I interrupted him. "I got the point."

He laughed, blushing a little. "Yeah, sorry."

"So, is Roxas is this class?" I asked, looking around the room.

"Nope. Actually, I've never really talked to him before. I mean, I've seen him and said hi to him and I think his dad goes to my church and maybe I've seen him at a blitzball game, but yeah, I don't really know him. He seems cool though," he said, in some insanely fast speed where I could just decipher the words.

I just didn't know what to say to that so it was silent for a bit until Sora asked, "So, what war?"

I didn't really care and I remembered that Sora had mentioned doing a World War so I said, "World War I?"

He nodded enthusiastically. "Sure. We're gonna get to go the library tomorrow but right now we're just supposed to think about what we're going to do."

"Sure, whatever," I said and we started to plan our the project. It was actually kind of fun working with the cutie, even if his energeticness was giving me a headache.

---
I was at my locker before lunch, trying to get it opened. I was murdering it when suddenly I got run into and knocked over. Quite painfully.

I sat up and looked to see who had run into me. It was a blonde boy who's hair looked like he'd gotten into a fight with a glue bottle and lost. How fashionable.

He looked at me and said quickly, and out of breathe, "I'm sorry...you were in way...getting chased...stupid teacher...didn't take candy...hey...aren't you the new guy?"

"Yeah, I'm Riku. Who are you?" I asked, getting up and holding my hand out to him.

He grabbed it and got up. "Roxas."

So he was the possibly gay guy, as Sora heard from Kairi who heard it from Namine and such. "Cool."

"So, what do you think of the school so far?" he asked, as I kicked my locker a couple of times.

"Teachers are boring, nearly everyone is homophobic, and I've been told I'm going to hell 20 times already. It's awesome," I said, finally getting my locker opened.

Roxas laughed "You'll get used to it. And there are some cool peoples in the school," he said in a sort of proud sounding tone.

"Like you?" I asked, raising my eyebrow in a questioning manner.

"Yeah," he said, laughing, "And there's Leon, and Yuffie, and some other okay people."

"It's time for lunch, now, isn't it?" I asked.

He nodded. "Yeah, let's..."

He was interrupted by a teacher coming from around the corner. He looked at her and yelled, "You'll never catch me!" Then he ran down the hallway.

Ok. Now I had no idea where the cafeteria. The teacher was still in the hallway so I asked, "Um, where's the cafeteria?"

She muttered something about how I was going to end up a troublemaker like Roxas but told me to go down the way Roxas had and take a right and follow the scent of vomit. Or something like that.

How pleasant.

I went the way she said (noticing the vomit smell, unfortunately) and found the cafeteria. I ended up at the end of the line, right behind Roxas who was talking to some girl with short black hair.

Roxas saw me. "Hello! Don't mind the whole teacher thing, Ms. Midori seems to think I stole some candy from her or something," he said, grinning apologetically.

The black haired girl snorted. "Yeah, cause you did it."

Roxas glared at her. "I didn't not!"

The girl just rolled her eyes. "So who's the girly boy?" she asked, giving me a look. (Did she just call me girly boy?)

"Oh, that's Riku. He's new," Roxas said. Then he turned to me. "And this if Yuffie. She's vicious."

"Hi," I said.

Yuffie looked me over. "Alright then. Hi," she said, putting her right hand on her hip.

She kind of creeped me out. I got through the line and bought some nasty thing I think might have been mashed potatoes or maybe just mashed toes. Then I followed Roxas to his table, which was actually just him, Yuffie, and some dark haired guy I didn't know.

I sat down next to Roxas. Yuffie, who had been fiddling with her hair, turned to him and said, "Did you hear what Namine said to me?"

"Who's Namine?" I asked, wondering if it was the pink-haired girl or the blonde girl.

"That blonde girl over there. She's one of the most popular girls in school," Roxas said, pointing over. Yep, same girl that had talked to me.

"Oh, I know her. She was trying to ask me out today. She's the first person to tell me I was going to hell," I said.

Roxas nodded. "Yeah, all of the popular people are kind of like that. Especially the pink-haired girl Kairi."

Yuffie nodded too, making a face. The she shrugged her shoulders, saying, "Yeah. 'Cept that Sora kid, or whatever. He's nice to everybody."

Yeah, I figured that out. "He's my partner in history for the project we have to do."

The dark haired guy who hadn't said anything yet finally said, "He's the top of your grade I think. A good partner, especially since he's a pushover."

Roxas rolled his eyes. "Yeah, Leon, but it's better to have somebody's who's nice than smart. I'd rather fail then have to spend a second working with Namine. Riku's lucky he's got Sora cause he's smart and nice."

Yuffie nodded and Leon just rolled his eyes.

Everybody ate in silence for a bit (except for Leon, who was just staring at something) until Sora walked by to put his tray away and said, "Hi Riku!"

He was walking and looking at me so he didn't noticed and ran into Kairi who fell over onto Leon. Yuffie started laughing really loudly and Roxas was trying not to laugh to hard. I had to grin at Leon's face.

Sora got up blushing a lot. Kairi, who had gotten off of Leon, glared at him. "Sora! You stupid bum!" she said, her hands on her hips.

He scratched the back of his had nervously and said, "Heh, sorry, Kairi!"

She gave him a look and stormed off to her table. Sora looked over at me a smiled a little. Then he turned to Leon. "Sorry about that."

Leon just glared at him and Sora's smile faltered. Roxas laughed. "Hey kid, don't let Leon scare you. He's actually a wussy."

Sora still didn't seem reassured but he just waved at me (and I waved back) before taking his tray up.

He's so cute.

---
My first day of school was finally over and I was just waiting for my mom to pick me up outside the school. Sora came over. "Hi Riku!"

"Hey Sora. Does your mom pick you up?" I asked.

He shook his head. "Nope. I walk home but I gotta wait for my little sister."

"Oh. How old is she?" I asked, wondering if she looked a lot like Sora.

"11. She's such a sweetie; her name's Selphie," he said, smiling cutely.

"Ok," I said, sitting down because I was far too tired to stand up at that time of day.

Sora sat down too and started humming a song until a little girl with short brown hair that was curled at the ends came over. And jumped on him. "Hi hi hi! Sora! How was your day? Was it good? Mine was! In gym class we played basketball and Tidus got hit on the head and it was funny but only cause he wasn't hurt cause if he was then it wouldn't have been very funny."

Oh my god. I think she's worse than Sora. Is this how Sora was when he was her age? That's a scary thought.

Sora laughed. "It was pretty good. I met someone new, actually he's right here. His name's Riku," he said, pointing over to me.

Selphie got off of Sora and jumped on to me. "HI!"

Ouch. "Hey," I said.

Selphie looked at me closely and said, "You're really sexy,"

I laughed. "Sora, can I please keep your sister?"

Sora shook his head, smiling. "Nope. She's mine."

We sat there for a bit until my mom drove up. I tried to get up but Selphie wouldn't get off of me. "Hey, sweetie, you've got to get off of me now."

She shook her head, hugging me tightly. "No! I'm not letting you get away!"

Sora got up and pulled her off. (She was kicking and screaming. Poor Sora.)

I got up and walked over to the car. "See you, Sora. And Selphie," I said, adding the last part as the brown haired demon girl gave me a look.

"Bye! Riku!" Selphie yelled, waving and jumping up and down. She actually made each word it's own sentence.

"See ya," Sora said.

I got in the car. My mom was laughing. "The girls are all over you already!"

I grinned. "Yeah, you know I'm such a lady's man."

"Who's the boy? A new boyfriend?" she asked, giving me a look as she started to drive off.

I blushed a little. "No. He's straight," I said, complaining a little.

My mom laughed. "Spend a little more time around him and I'm sure he'll be as straight as a circle."

If only, mom. If only.

omgomgomgomgomgomgomgomgomgomgomgomgomgomgomgomgomgomgomgomgomgomgomgomgomgomgomgomgomgomgomgomgomgomgomgomg

A/N: Review are awesome. I love them. Hint hint Sora dolls for reviewing?

And please, don't take any offense at the Christian things. I have no problem with Christians and am well aware they all aren't homophobic. It's just, setting. Plot. You know. (But, do Christians usually read yaoi? I guess nobody probably cares...)

Anyway, review. Now.

Yukura