The last goodbye
Title: The last Goodbye
Author: Hippogreif
Fandom: Digimon
Rating: PG-13
Summary: After the appearance of Wizardmon's ghost, Gatomon visits her old friend again. Sad and fluffy story about my two favourite Digimons. There might be some big mistakes in it, because I have never watched all episodes of Digimon. Anyway, I hope you will like it ;-)
Disclaimer: Digimon is a product of the Bandai-Productions, nothing is mine. The first lines were taken from the song „Vom Wesen der Liebe" by the German band „Rosenstolz". I tried to translate it in English. Please forgive the spelling and grammar mistakes, but this is my first attempt to write a fanfic in a foreign language. Have fun and write many reviews, will you:-D
And after thousand years,
I learned yesterday
that love cannot think,
it only can give.
Dark and menacing, the building of the Fuji-TV-Station loomed over her.
She had returned, after hours of sleeplessness, confused, restless.
Kari had come with her.
„Do you want to do that? We still can return."
She shook her head.
„No. I want to see him again."
„What, if he doesn't come? At last, we have seen how he vanished!"
Slowly, Gatomon put her head back and watched out in the black silence of the night.
„He will be there."
When Gatomon and Kari entered the ball on the top, it was still dark.
The girl smiled joyless.
„You know, I'm still afraid of this place."
Gatomon was silent.
Some hours ago she too had been full of fear of this place, everytime she had come across the platform, her troath was choked with fear.
But now, it was different.
Joyfull expectation, uncertainty and grief filled her mind. She wished so much to see him again, to hear his voice, to look in his eyes.
Although she refused to accept it, she was not at all sure if he would come again and this unsureness was much more painfull then the knowledge about his death.
She thought abot how she had tried to touch him and her heart beat faster.
He was dead and nothing could change this, not even the fact that he made his appeareance as a ghost.
Before her inner eye she could see the last seconds of his life: the smell of the fire, the muffled sound when his body had hit the ground, the feeling to hold him in her arms...
As she became aware of the fact how deep these memories had been dug into her mind, she became sad.
„Why did you sacrifice yourself?", she whispered and closed her eyes.
„Don't you know that?"
Not the slightest breeze had given a hint on his appearance.
Kari let out a scream on a high pitched voice and put the hands before her mouth. Gatomon's ears tipped up, but she smiled.
„Wizardmon."
The ghost spread a soft bluish glow around him, while he detached from the wall behind them.
Slowly he floated towards Gatomon and she felt an uprising feeling of pure joy. He came, he really came only to see her again. With a big smile she turned around.
Wizardmon watched her with unfathomable eyes. He remained in silence, so long that Gatomon began to feel an uneasiness. When he finally opened his mouth an icecold shudder ran through her body.
„You came back", he said in a low voice. It sounded like a reproach.
Normally she would have become angry, would have screamed why he did talk to her in this way.
But she wasn't able to do so.
As if this simple senctence had cut out all of her strenght, she let fall down her ears and tail.
Why did he hurt her in such a way? Wasn't he aware of how much a reproach out of his mouth could do serious damage to her? Suddenly she was afraid, that he might not want to see her again.
„You too", she answered weakly.
A mmuffled sound distracted her and she saw towards the windows, where had taken a seat.
Gatomon put her glance back at Wizardmon, and she noticed, that for a moment his eyes glimmered as if he would be alive again.
Quickly he glanced in another direction. She became more and more confused.
What did Wizardmon keep as a secret? What made him so ill, that he wanted to get her angry?
„What are you doing here?", he asked suddenly. His stress was still the same.
This time defiance was forming inside her.
„Because I knew. You would be here, I came back. I wanted to see you again.", she said angry.
The she lifted her head and looked directly in his eyes.
„Had that been a mistake?"
Suddenly Wizardmon seemed a lot weaker, as if the weight of his cape would be more, then he could bear. Grief filled up his eyes and his body faded so much, that Gatomon could notice the other side of the wall right through him.
„It was no fault", he said soft and very slowly he floated backwards.
Horriefied she raised her paws.
„Wait! Please, wait!"
He didn't wait.
Screaming she ran after him.
It must not be, she thought, not again. He could not leave her behind, he must not!
Her claws touched the glass of the windows.
Desperately she stared through the pane at the fadingsilhouette of her friend.
Tears blurred her visionbut suddenly she saw that he remained.
Outside on the platform he stood still, exactly on the place that had become his grave three years ago.
Hastily she searched for an exit.
Kari looked at her but before she could say a word, Gatomon had found an emergency exit, went outside and was now running towards Wizardmon with all her strength.
His back was turned against her and the only sound was the scrachting of her claws on the metal.
She breathed heavily as she stopped before him.
She pointed her eyes at him, afraid, that he might vanish every moment.
„Do you knwo why ghosts remain on the scene of their deaths? Even when they come from Digimon?", he suddenly asked.
Gatomon shook her head and although he couldn't see it, he continued.
„The majority of ghosts are the souls of creatures who were murdered. They have to stay on the earth until the death of the murderer."
„Then you're free!", Gatomon bursted out. „Myotismon is dead!"
„Yeah, I should be free then", he said and turned around.
The bitterness on his face frightened her.
„I am free", he repeated, „but I stay. Because of you."
Tired he showed again an unbearable weakness, while Gatomon stood before him, shaking and speechless.
„It is very hard to force a free soul to remain in the mortal world. It is painfull." He talked to the ground, tired and in a clipped manner, as if every word demanded more strenght then he could afford. „But I had to see you again, Gatomon. That's why I stayed hidden and waited for three years."
He lifted his up.
She swallowed but her troath remained narrow.
„Why... why did you never sho yourself? Like today? Why did you wait so long?"
The bluish glow in his face increased.
It took Gatomon some time to find out, that this was his way to blush.
„I... I was afraid", he confessed. „I... I thought you wouldn't want to see me again. Our parting was so painfull, that I was afraid of putting new wounds to the old ones."
All of a sudden he seemed to understand that he was doing exactly what he has feared for such a long time.
„Please... please forgive me, if I..."
Gatomon stepped forwards and raised the hand as if she wanted to beat him.
„You stupid, stupid...", she said unhappy, „ more than anything else I wished to see you again."
A surprised look appeared on his face. He streched out his hand but just before her head he stopped deadly.
„I forgot. I'm sorry."
Sadly she dropped her ears.
Suddenly she could see clearly what sort of dilemma it was Wizardmon found himself in.
For years he had stayed in the mortal world, full of pain, restless and tortured. He could have had peace and a rest from his long fight. But he refused and stayed on an earth that could just give more pain and anguish.
And he did all this just for me, she thought moved.
„Why did you do this?", she asked.
He jerked.
„What do you mean?"
„Why did you sacrifice yourself for me and Kari?"
For the first time he smiled, so free and without ulterioir motives, as she had never seen it before.
„Isn't that clear?", he asnwered. „In the mortal world your life was more important to me then my own. It was like... „ he searched for the right words,
„ It was like a longing."
His smile vanished and he looked upon the lights of the city.
„They say there are no more longings in death."
„Who does say that?"
He shook his head regretfull.
„I must not talk about this."
She nodded. For a while they stood together in silence and Gatomon noticed that she liked it.
„How long can you stay?", she asked.
„As long as the pain is not too strong. It's more difficult to appear in a visible form. If the pain is too much, my soul will melt"
Suddenly he turned around.
„I wish I could stay forever with you!" he screamed.
Silvery drops flooded out of his eyes, his pale form shivered and was almost gone.
„I waited for three years! Three long years, waisted because of me being too cowardly. I thought if I could see you again for only one time, only an hour, it would be enough. I won't be able to find rest and peace, not now, after I know that you have not forgotten me. I'm sorry Gatomon", he added with a low, husky voice.
She was frightened by the intensity of his reaction. Careful she pulled back.
Still shivering he turned his back on her, but his body had become so transparent, that his tears shimmered like quicksilver through him.
After a while she stepped near him, helpless and full of pity.
She couldn't do anything because everything that went through her mind seemed to be useless considering his situation.
Unconscious he had built himself a trap and he stepped in it with a bright smile, she thought. He has to go. Sometime he has to go to the place where the ghosts are living but he won't be happy there. He made a barrier between himself and peace. And I cannot do anything!
Full of anger because of her helplessness she also began to cry, while bitter stings spread in her heart.
Soon, another thought occured to her, a thought that had stayed hidden until this very moment.
I don't want him to leave.
It was such a simple statement that in the first moments Gatomon didn't understand what it said,
Then it hit her with the power of a thousand bricks.
The shock ran through her whole body, stopped her tears and unleashed a screeching storm of thoughts in her head.
Pitchblack fear crept up her legs.
He must not go. He can't leave me alone, he has to stay with me!
For the first time she realised how much she had missed him.
In the past she never had notized this feeling but now it was as if her whole power had vanished, as if she was weak and feeble, like in a different, weaker state.
She remembered all the moments they had spent together. Often she had hissed at him, had ordered him in a brusque way or had let him trained until both of them were exhausted.
But still, he has been the only one who was able to see right through her. Sometimes she had found it frightening, when he had been able to read in her like in an open book.
Then, on other days when the world seemed grey and even she couldn't stand Myotismon's orders anymore, she was gratefull that she didn't need to speak in his presence.
She could just sit near him and he knew exactly what to say or what to do.
At the beginning she was confused by his gratitude and loyalty, she found that he exaggerated, but after some time she became aware of the fact, that he wasn't only gratefull that she had saved his life, but he also respected her for everything else that she was.
A warrior, a merciless fighter, who demanded her rights and who was cruel to herself and others.
Although these were faults, he stayed by her side. He even stayed when Myotismon punished her. Of course he couldn't be there himself, but with the help of his magical powers he remained in contact with her and sent her beautiful memories. When Myotismon dimissed her, Wizardmon was there to take care of her wounds and helped her so that the desperation couldn't drown her.
She asked herself why these gestures remained hidden in her mind, until today, when Wizardmon was a ghost and stood before her, crying.
Ashamed she hid her face in her paws.
He has given me so much – a past, a future, a life. And I didn't even say Thank you to him!
„You should have said something!", she shouted.
Wizardmon choked, wiped his face with his sleeve and turned around.
„What do you mean with that?"
„You schould have told me to not treat you like a servant! You should have told me that you are my friend!And you should have told me to show you how much I like you!"
Her shouts grew louder until she literally screamed at him. Surprised she stepped back.
Wizardmon smiled.
„I didn't had to tell you this. I have known it. I read it in your eyes, in the way you talked to me and even in the way you cried for me."
Gatomon's gaze became as soft as rain. Then she jumped upon him and raised her arms.
„I want you to stay with me, forever!", she screamed and hugged him.
But only thin air was between her fingers and she crashed hard into the railing.
He looked horrified at her and shouted after her.
„Did you get hurt?"
She shook her body and stood up.
„No. I'm allright. I just forgot, that you're a ... a... that I can't touch you,"
A desperated smile laid on her lips when she turned around.
„I just forgot it."
Full of grief Wizardmon raised his hands and laid them upon her cheeks without touching her.
Then he laid down his head so that he almost brushed against her forehead.
„Don't be sad, I beg you. Don't cry. Both of us knew how it was and we cannot change these circumstances."
She just shouted louder.
„It must not be, it's unfair! You did so much for me and I have no possibility to pay back. my debts!"
Anger flashed in her eyes and she threw herself at him again, her claws ready for a strike. He didn't make way for her. Again she fell through him with a scream and hit the ground, but immediately she was back on her feet and tried it again.
She put her anger in the strikes, screamed against the injustice of the world, cried and hissed at the same time.
After a while she sank to the ground, her breathing was heavy. Sweat dropped in her big eyes as she looked up to Wizardmon.
She tried to hiss again but no sound left her lips.
„I am sorry", she croaked finally.
He crouched before her.
„You don't have to be sorry. I know these feelings very well."
„At last, you were able to hide them", she answered and pulled herself up on the railing. „You were great in hiding your thoughts."
He sighed.
„Maybe too great. If I had been more open-minded, perhaps we would not have had to face so many trouble."
„What do you mean?"
His face went bluish again, but he stepped before her and looked at her.
„May I ask you for a favour?", he said quietly.
She nodded confused.
„I've never seen you, in your... other form", he continued. „Maybe you could show it to me?"
„You want me to become Angewomon?"she asked totally baffled.
He unconscious fell back and raised the hands in a an apologetic way.
„If you don't want to, then..."
„No, no!", she siad hastily. „I will do it..."
Quickly she turned around and went towards Kari who was leaning against the railing and tried desperately not to look as if she was eavesdropping.
„What happened?", she asked when Gatomon approached.
With a husky, tired voice she explained Wizardmon's wish.
Kari was surprised.
„Do you know why he did ask you for that?"
„Between Digimon it is a sign for deep friendship if you show others your advanced form when there is no danger", Gatomon explained. „Some even use it as a sign for love..."
She stopped deadly in the middle of her sentence as the message of her own words hit her brutally.
Wizardmon wants a proof of love from me?
She turned around and looked back to him. He still floated over the ground but it seemed that a smile played around his eyes.
She felt how the heat raised up in her and she hoped that it was dark enough to hide her blushing face.
Kari pulled her digivice out of her pocket.
„Dou you think it will be sucessfull? You never digivolved without a danger crossing our ways..."
Before she finished her sentence, a column of light streamed from her digivice and wrapped Gatomon up.
The transformation was quickly made and while she felt how her body streched and wings break through her shoulders, a joyfull expectation grew inside her.
Although she was still stunned by Wizardmon's wish, she had the strong desire to please him, wanted to present herself in a form that was beautiful in the opinion of menkind.
But there were still some doubts that whispered inside her. Did she made a mistake? Wasn't it a proof of love?
Confused she shook her head. She knew the traditions of the Digimon and of all customs she wouldn't misjudge something like this.
Or perhaps she would?
She shouted out loud her name to get rid off the confusing thoughts. The things that went through her mind were childish and when she finally noticed it she stepped out of the column with a freeing laugh.
Kari's questioning look met her eyes and she stepped before her. She laid her hands on the girl's shoulders.
„He loves me?", she asked.
She smiled and the angel joined in.
„Yes, he loves you."
She nodded and Angewomon turned around.
With soft and quiet flaps of her wings she floated towards Wizardmon. Every move let she notice how powerfull she was, what strenght flodded through her venes. The whole weakness had vanished and had been replaced by a soft feeling that concentrated around her heart like a warm fog.
As she approached Wizardmon she noticed that his face was again darkbluish.
In addition his body seemed to have lost a lot of his transparence; he was shimmering like mother-of pearl and the traces of his tears shone silvery.
„You are..." he cleared his troath and steadied his voice. „You are beautiful."
She laughed as he looked down shyly.
„I have lived too long among the men", she said thoughtfully, „because I wasn't able to understand immediately what your wish meant."
He gave her a look full of admiration and warmth.
„Are you angry with me? I didn't know how to say it otherwise. I'm a coward."
„A coward would not have rescued me", she answered quietly.
Silence was laid upon them.
Angewomon leaned against the railing. Her helmet reflected the lights of the town below and the wind played with her hair.
The ghost floated near her side, shining as a piece of moonlight.
„I'm unsure", she said after a while. She didn't look at him. „Does your wish really mean, what I think it is meaning?"
„What do you think about his meaning?"
She chewed on her lip. Doubts and fear spread out in her, what, when she had missunderstood him oder what when he just had been curios about the appearance of Angewomon?
Furios she made two fists. This was useless. She had to know it. She quickly turned around and stared at him.
„Do you love me?"
As soon as these words had left her mouth she closed her eyes out of fear of his reaction.
A hand wrapped up her fingers and brushed slightly against her glove.
Carefully she opened her eyes. Wizardmon looked up to her and smiled.
„I love you more than anything else in the mortal or immortal world."
A ringing sound was unleashed in her head, she laughed, while tears were streaming down from her eyes.
He loves me, was the only thought in her mind and it seemed as if nothing else was necessary.
For a short, eternal moment she could forget everything around her: her grief, her fear, the constant high and low of her thoughts, which where similar to waves that surged against her consciousness.
She forgot, who she was, what she was, she just wanted to stand her forever and feel how he was holding her hand.
All of a sudden it hit her like a strike. Violently she pulled her arm back, but his grip was so tight that her hand slid out of her glove and only the soft and white cloth remained in his fingers.
„You ... you ...", she began, stared at her hand and in his face and couldn't say a word.
„You touched me!", she suddenly screamed and stepped back.
Wizardmon smiled.
„Yes, I did."
She raised her hand, held it close before her eyes then she streched it towards him and stopped only inches before his face.
„How is that possible?", she stammered and in this very moment he bent for and she felt how his cheek snuggled up to her palm. The fabric of his cape rustled, his skin was warm and the bone under his eye made a straight surface against her skin.
„You are an angel", he said silent and with closed eyes. „You are an angel and a holy creatur, you can touch everything what has left this world", he explained.
Incredulous she streched her other hand and brought it to his skin. She could touch him.
She laughed.
Loud and freeing her lips formed the words, her body shivered, while the laughter went away into the night.
Sometimes later she was tired and then the tears came.
She sat down on the ground, the large wings wrapped around her, feeling totally exhausted.
„Do you love me?", she asked again.
She was gratefull that the helmet hid her red and burning eyes.
Wizardmon looked at her with a sad expression on his face.
„I love you. I love you in all your forms, every word from you is holy to me, the law after I live. Every tear you shed because of me makes me smile and every smilechases away my bad thoughts, as if they had never been there."
She nodded, the tears were running to her chin.
Suddenly she stood up.
„No", she simple said. „You do not think. You must not love me."
She was surprised by the icy coolness of her words and she had made this sentence so fast that first after she had spoken him it became clear what a bunch of emotions stood behind it.
His opening let her feel beaten up, tired and a little bit angry; because in the past three years she had to fight her mourning for Wizardmon and sometimes she wasn't sure if she would be sucessfull.
His return filled her with a feeling of warmth and safety, that she had never knowm before and it was unfair that he had made his confession in a time, where they obviously couldn't be together.
On the other side she couldn't be angry with him because she was touched that he had waited for her such a long time.
Never before she had met someone who appreciated her so much. He didn't look at her faults and made heer feel how strong and beautiful she was. In the same time he made her weak, because in his nearness she only wanted to touch him, to relax and forget everything.
She almost could physically feel how her strength left her and it didn't pleased her.
I have to protect him, she thought, so that never again something bad will happen to him. But I can't protect him when he's near me.
This was so confusing that she shook her head to chase away the thought. But she continued him and began to cry.
I'm responsible for his death. He died because of my weakness.
Slowly she chlenched her fists.
If he isn't near me, nothing bad will happen to him. Even now he has do endure pain only to be near me.
Very slowly she began to build a wall around her, she wanted to protect herself from the guilt and weakness.
High buildings of lies raised up around the little treasure in her soul, shut out the
feebleness and powerlessness, but also the warmth and safety. They ripped it out of her heart and let raise up a thicket of grey fog.
„It cannot be", she finally said „Can't you see it? I am ..."
„No." Wizardmon interrupted her softly. Surprised she turned around. „Don't do it. Don't close yourself before me. I am responsible for my death, you've nothing to do with that."
He took her hand and put it in the glove.
„Wizardmon. It can't be. You are a ghost and I cannot stay with you, not now, where a new menace is so near. Think about that!" she almost shouted.
Smiling he stroke her hand again.
Then he looked at her, so happy and loving, that her mental walls threatened to collapse.
„Love cannot think" he simple said and she felt how her resistance melted, how the pain returned but also the warmth.
Suddenly she knew that she would endure the torture, so that she could feel the beauty of the soft and warm love in her, so that she could remember how it felt to be near him.
At first hesitating, then quickly she spreaded out her arms and hugged him.
For a long time they were standing like this and it seemed as if she could feel his heartbeat.
Smiling she stroke his hair, his shoulders and his back, pressed him against her as if she would never let go of him.
After a while she noticed that he was trembling.
„You're crying", she said calmly and pushed him away.
„Yes", he said", I cry. Because I wished for only this moment that Love could think. That it would have said to me, that it isn't possible for the two of us to be together. It would have saved you from so much pain. I am so ashamed that I hurt you."
He soobed again, but she laughed.
„You don't have to be ashamed. You are the first one who has ever loved me. That's the only thing that counts, the rest isn't important."
Baffled he looked up to her.
„Do you really think that?"
„Read my thoughts then you will know it", she said playfully.
He laughed as he answered.
„You forbid me from doing it."
„Of course I know it and I also know that you have never obey." Suddenly she grinned a devilish grin. „I will allow it today. Read my thoughts."
He was baffled, but he nodded and closed his eyes. Suddenly he gasped and stepped back.
„What was that?"
He went bluish.
„My goodness, you have changed a lot."
She giggled.
All of a sudden he jerked. She quickly turned around and took his hand.
„What is happening?"
He sadly sighed.
„I have to go."
She nodded although she wanted to shout that he should stay, but she knew it was impossible and a rest of her mental walls made her understood that he hac endured enough pain.
„I understand."
He nodded and turned around. After two steps he stopped and looked back to her.
„I have to ask a favour before I go."
She nodded, her eyes full of tears.
„Whatever you want."
He floated back to her.
„Would you kiss me?"
Angewomon expected the storm of thoughts that had to come as an answer but nothing went through her mind.
It seemed to be the most natural thing in the world.
She nodded and crouched. He bent forwards but then he stopped.
„I want you to know something", he said. „I love you like no one before, but I don't want you to stuck with me, because I am only a memory. Think of this: I am with you, whatever you do, whereever you go. Think of me when you are feeling grief, when something that you want to share with me is happening to you and please, think of my love, when you find a new partner, with whom you can be happy. I will be there for you forever. Love, live and become happy, then I will be it too."
She opened her mouth, but he laid his fingers upon her lips and kissed her.
It was a long, soft kiss, that was supposed to stand for every kiss, every word and every gest, they weren't able to share in the future.
While they were bound so deeply, the angel shimmered in golden light and became Gatomon again. She didn't notice it.
Also Wizardmon's form shimmered brighter than the moon or the stars.
They broke apart and she was surprised that she had taken her other form and had been still able to touch him.
She looked in his eyes.
He smiled.
„Farewell, my angel and star. I am waiting for you."
Then his silhouette bursted in thousands of tiny sparks and the wind took them into the night.
For a long time she looked after the sparkling.
„Now, you are free", she said.
Then she turned around and went back to Kari, back in her life that she owed the one that she loved and would love forever.
The End
sniff It is so unfair that the best are always dying first:-( Anyway I hope you liked this story (also it was sometimes very.. kitschy, but I wanted it like this ;-) ) and that my English wasn't too horrible. Please, write a review, many greetings Hippogreif.