She could not meet his eyes. She could not let him see her watching him. She instead fixated her gaze on the lone couple on the dance floor, feigning deep interest, as if it was the most fascinating scene in the backyard. In a sense, it was. The only other two people out there in the backyard, just so into each other, as if they were the only two in the backyard. The kind of romance you see in movies, the ones you do not think exist until you see it for yourself. There are people who have those movie moments in reality, experiencing that movie love daily. The kind of love Lil wanted to witness, herself.

Tommy approached the table slowly. Timidly. He had no idea what to really say, what to really do. He wanted to be confident. Strong. Wanted so much to know the exact things, like he used to, to make things right with Lil. To get the outcome he wanted in the end. His intentions were good this time, but now he was a different person, as was she. It was really time to speak from the heart.

"Is this seat taken?"

Lil's attention was so preoccupied by the dance floor, catching up in the music, that she had not seen the young man approach. His voice surprised her, so deep and rhythmic, that she turned toward him quickly, her eyes meeting his gaze. She could feel them pouring into her, searching for her soul, making her uncomfortable. Her eyes shifted once again, her demeanor sinking.

Clearly it wasn't taken, and since the girl decided not to reply, Tommy took that as an invitation to sit down since she didn't push him away.

"Out of all the seats out here, why this one?" she asked.

Damn.

He was hoping this would go smoothly, that they could just talk, with no interrogation. Lil was good for it, asking questions and making him focus his mind on other things, instead of allowing him to just say what he wanted to say. She challenged him, made him think harder about things.

He didn't want to answer a question like this. Of course the answer was obvious, he wanted to sit next to her. He didn't want to tell her that, didn't want to have to say the words about the way he was feeling. Saying your words out loud instead of leaving them in your thoughts made them come alive…it turns into something real.

Tommy slightly shrugged. "Why not this one?"

Lil rolled her eyes, the response more irritating than she anticipated. "Okay," she replied.

Tommy shook his head. "I want to talk to you, Lil."

Those magically words almost made the young girl melt, despite all of her confusion, and pain, and anger she felt toward the young boy. The moment she had been imagining, picturing, the opportunity to see him and talk to him again. She had imagined this conversation many times before, envisioned it in her head, wrote about it in songs and poems. Angry scenarios, emotional scenarios, dramatic scenarios…none of the images prepared her for this, the time that it would really happen.

"I just don't know what to say anymore," Lil confessed. Her voice was not broken, was not sharp…just soft and sweet. Vulnerable. Innocent. An element of sadness was traced in the pitch, but it was so soft and just sweet that it engaged him. He hung onto it, because she said them just right. To the point.

"I'm sorry, Lil, for this whole year. You deserve to be treated better. All of this, I shouldn't have put you through."

She nodded. Looked over to him, but did not look him in his eyes. Still, she was quiet, just open, listening. What else could she do, but listen? She didn't know what to say. She appreciated it. There was something about him that seemed sincere, even trusting.

A response would have helped, but he decided to keep going. She wanted to hear everything he had to say, and he knew she did. She was always interested in him. She was still the same. "I should have stayed in touch with you and checked on you. Are you doing okay now?"

He was the only person to ask her this, how she was doing. Sure, others generally ask her how she's doing, but the way Tommy was talking, she knew he was specifically asking her about how she was doing about the baby. Something that she needed to talk about, after bottling it in for so long. People wanted her to move on and she gave them that, she always wanted to please others, even at the expense of herself. Of her happiness. Of her sanity.

She shrugged, shaking her head sullenly. "I mean, it was meant to happen. It might even be for the best. I can't take care of myself, let alone a baby right now."

Baby.

"But…you know," she took a deep breath. "I think about it a lot still. Every day. It would be with us today if things turned out differently."

Tommy didn't know the role he would have played had the baby been born. He hadn't really thought about it. Back then, all he knew was that he didn't want to be with Lil, things weren't working out with Kimi, and that he did not want to be a dad. He didn't want to be a dad. He couldn't tell his parents. He couldn't face that.

He just hated how much it changed her. He hated the whole situation, hated having to go through that in addition to everything else. He hated her for it happening, hated himself for not being smarter. Promised himself it would never happen again.

"It's just so many questions I have about it. Was it a boy or a girl? How would it look? How much would it love me?" Her voice broke, her eyes welling up with tears as she tried to fight through them. "My baby doesn't even have a name. I don't even know what it was, who I'm mourning. I just wonder why…what did I do to have to go through this?"

She wiped her glistening eyes, refusing to let the tears fall in front of him. "It's some real heavy shit," she said finally.

He felt it. The weight on her shoulders transferred to his and he could feel what she was feeling. The pain. The confusion. The sadness. He was guilty about how he had been acting, what he had been thinking…he had no idea she was going through with what she was. He hadn't cared or even thought about it until now.

"I mean…I know you didn't really want it…but, I just want to know how you feel about it."

She almost didn't say it. She knew it was something Tommy would want to avoid talking about, yet she couldn't hold it in. She needed to know.

Tommy stared at her, watched her, the purple fabric on her skin the perfect contrast under the moonlight. Her eyes and hair a perfect, matching hue of brown…she was almost the mother of his first child. A child the mixture of them, of him and her, made because of passion.

And maybe even love.

"I don't really know how I feel about it," Tommy confessed. He wanted so much to hold her gaze and to reach out and rest his hands on her flesh. "I just hate that I'm responsible for putting you through all this."

She sighed. "I feel like I'm the only one who cared about my baby," she revealed, looking down in her lap at her folded hands. She could feel his eyes on her as she continued. "The whole summer's gone by and I'm still in this funk because everyone is expecting me to be over it, but how can you place a time limit on when someone should be over the death of their baby? I know it wasn't here, the timing wasn't right, but it's like, no one cares. This is my first time really talking about it.

"The Kimi stuff hurt, it really did, and I know I put myself in the position to get hurt, but my baby was innocent in all this. And all I wanted from you…Tommy, all I needed was a text message or a phone call knowing that you cared too…Maybe not about the baby, but at least about me."

Her words hung in the air as the stars hovered over them in the night sky, the silence following adding to the intensity of the moment. On one hand Lil wanted to stand up and leave, run from the situation and ignore it once again, but on the other hand, she liked it, sitting there, talking. It was deep, but it needed to be done, and it felt good. Therapeutic, for both of them.

Tommy reached over for her then, daring to run his fingers through her curls one good time. The gesture sent a chill down her spine, reminding her once more of the nights they spent between the sheets, his lips on hers, hers on his. She jumped, but she didn't pull away; she welcomed his touch.

"Lil, I do care," he finally said, quietly, purposefully. "I care about you. The way I was acting, the way I treated girls, not just you, but all girls, was wrong and I needed to get away to clear my head. I wasn't mad at you or avoiding you, I spent the summer with my grandparents trying to get my life back together. I needed to figure things out before I could talk to anybody."

She nodded and turned to him. "Good you have everything figured out now. At least one of us does."

He grinned sheepishly, an expression that almost brought a smile to his companion's lips. He was so good at comforting her, even when he didn't realize it. I guess things like that came easy when you were once in love, even if it was one-sided.

"I don't nearly have everything figured out," he told her, "but I do know that I miss the gang and all of us hanging out. I know you and Kimi need to make up – I feel bad for getting in the middle of all that. I'd never treat her the way I did, or you the way I did ever again. You both were too good for all that. I don't even know what I was thinking."

"Do you still love her?"

He paused. "What?"

The question caught him off guard and after she repeated it, he still struggled to comprehend it.

But it was simple.

"Do you still love her?" she repeated.

Did you ever, really love her?

"No."

No.

"That's it? Just no?"

He nodded, his answer frustrating her so much that she leapt to her feet and began to walk off, tears welling in her eyes. She didn't understand…after how long they had been together and what they had been through, how could he not still love her? If he didn't love her, then where did that leave Lil?

"Wait—Lil," Tommy got up and charged after her, catching her by the arm before she wandered off too far. She was heading toward the front, refusing to enter through the house and instead walking around, but she hadn't got far.

"Tommy, let me go!" she struggled to pull from his grasp, but it didn't work. Within seconds she was pressed against him, balling her eyes out in his arms, shaking her head. She wanted so much to leave, but he wouldn't let her go, so she relished in the moment.

"Lil, please stop crying." With one arm around her waist and the other stroking her hair he spoke to her soothingly. Before, he wouldn't have had the patience for this. He would have let the girl run off, shrugged off her pain because he tried, but this time trying wasn't enough. She needed to feel whole again.

"I'm just so fucked up right now," she sobbed.

So they stood there, her in his arms, head buried in his chest, and he let her cry. She cried for herself, for him, for their baby, for her friendship…she cried out the pain, out the confusion, out the rejection…She cried until her sobs broke into chokes and her tears began to dry. She cried because he didn't return her love. She cried because the love was still there.

When she stopped she silently looked up at him, her brokenness so mystical and magical. He removed his hand from her hair and cupped her chin, their brown eyes meeting again, connecting, reading each other. "You're so beautiful," he whispered.

Her breath caught in her throat. She felt lightheaded and dizzy. Butterflies fluttered their wings in her stomach, this was different from how she used to feel. This was real. Before she realized what was going on, Tommy had leaned down and pressed his lips onto hers. Underneath the stars, music playing softly in the background, Tommy kissed her with something she had never felt before…the feeling was electrifying. Sincere. Loving.

"Today, I knew I needed to talk to you, to Kimi, but I didn't know what I was going to say." He broke the kiss, his words so soft, "My grandma told me to always follow my heart in whatever I did. I can't help myself, Lil. It's something about you…I don't know if it's because of what we been through or what I did, but I'm so drawn to you now. I mean, I'm not saying we should jump into anything or that you should forgive me, but tonight…I'll probably remember this forever."

Suddenly it was there, a fullness that was foreign to Lil. Deep down inside, the emptiness was gone and replaced by an understanding and clarity that was unimaginable. She wanted so much more to seal his lips with hers, be swept away into his arms and disappear into the night. But this, she could be content with.

"Dance with me, Tommy," Lil replied. She grabbed him by his hand and pulled him toward the dance floor that was finally empty, as if meant to be for just the two of them. The slow, soulful melody of the radio was enchanting and Tommy wrapped Lil back up in his arms comfortably.

They didn't know what they were doing. They didn't know what the future held for them, if it held anything at all. All they knew was that at this moment, at this time, their hearts were bringing them together.

This was meant to be.

End.