Though I should be busy with my other fics, here's a crackish one-shot staring SasuNaru, ItaKyuu, and smexy, smexy NejiGaara... Ooh, I'm putting TruTen in here too. If you don't know what TruTen is, go watch Dragonball Z, noobs.
Erm... set at an amusement park in some AU where every bishonen is gay, i.e., a Yaoi fangirl's dream world. :P
Gay Day
When Sasuke awoke, he knew something was amiss. He knew he'd suffer today. He could feel it. He was doomed.
His foreboding was justified as a blond figure grabbed his shoulders and shook him while yellling. "Morning! Yeah! We're going to the amusement park so wake up, yeah.
Sasuke mustered up a glare through his sleepiness. "Shut up Deidara. Get out of my room before I kill you."
"You can't kill an ex-assassin, yeah. Plus, Sasori would totally kill you, yeah."
Sasuke looked to his left to see a redhead coolly regarding the scene before him. He walked out of the room as Sasuke sent him a warning glare. He wasn't in the mood for a pissy Uchiha.
"Lets go Deidara." Sasori said as he walked out.
Sasuke got up from his bed, ready to spend a horrible day at an amusement park; all the worse for the fact that it was against his will.
When Sasuke finished showering and getting dressed, he walked downstairs to find Deidara and Sasori sucking face. The two were practically humping each other as Sasuke turned into the kitchen with a scowl. Unfortunately, what he found there was worse.
"Sasuke! How 'bout a morning threesome?"
"Uugh. Go fuck your boyfriend."
The perverted, bandanna-wearing man continued to whine. "I already did. Twice this morning and he sucked me off in the shower. He gave me a hand job on the way here too! I want more!"
Sasuke turned to Raidou, who was leaning on the kitchen counter, with what could have been pitying eyes; if Sasuke could feel pity. Really, he was just hungry. There was no way he would pity someone stupid enough to get involved with Genma in the first place.
He grabbed some coffee and sat down next to his brother. Itachi put his newspaper down to regard his otouto. He didn't particularly want to go to a stupid amusement park either, but his latest, and admittedly, first love interest was going to be there. A love interest wasn't the right way to describe him though... Really, he was just an interest.
Sasuke interrupted Itachi from his musings. "Exactly why are we going to this idiotic thing?"
"Because we both need to... How did Deidara put it?... Get out more."
"If it's Deidara's suggestion, you know it's not a good one."
Both brothers ignored Deidara's indignant shout and continued their debate. "Regardless, it will be a good experience and I have plans. You're coming along because I promised Kakashi I'd take you."
"Why the hell did you do that?"
"Go start the car." Itachi kept the reason to himself and stood up to leave the room. He couldn't very well tell Sasuke that the only reason he promised Kakashi such a thing was because Kakashi promised to introduce him to his red-headed interest. It's not like Sasuke needed to know anyways.
Sasuke followed his brother to his car and started the ignition. He pulled out of the garage and waited for Deidara to get his car out of the way. As Genma and Raidou waited in their car for the other two to get on the road, Izumo and Kotetsu riding along with them, Sasuke cursed the world. He was so unlucky to have to withstand such company.
Naruto tackled his foster brother's sleeping form and shook him as much as he could. "Kyuubi! Wake up! You promised to take me and my friends to the amusement park today!"
Kyuubi was used to waking up like this on weekend mornings. I'd been happening since he adopted Naruto years ago. He rolled over onto his left shoulder and looked to his side at Naruto. "I'm up, I'm up. Are you dressed already?"
"Yup, dressed and fed. I grilled up some fish for you and I heated up the leftover ramen from Icharaku." Naruto got up and ran down the hall to his room.
Kyuubi facetiously asked, "so, why did I agree to this again?"
Naruto, oblivious to the sarcasm, answered truthfully, "Because it's gonna be fun and there's gonna be tons of people there and you're looking for a boyfriend. Plus, almost nobody's gonna be there for the rides and we'll get to ride as many times as we want without having to wait in lines. That doesn't ever happen!"
Kyuubi put on his super-slim jeans as he answered. "It wasn't a serious question Naruto." As if he didn't know his brother's reasoning well enough. In any case, Iruka's boyfriend had said he was going to introduce him to someone so he might as well go. He wasn't looking for a dating prospect, but it'd be rude of him not to go and he didn't like being rude to Iruka or Kakashi.
Naruto barged into the room as Kyuubi buttoned up his black shirt. "Are you ready yet?-!"
"Yeah, I just have to eat. Go get Kiba, will you? I bet he hasn't woken up yet." He grinned lecherously.
Naruto slouched on the living room couch. "Naah, I'll bet Shino or Hinata have already gotten to him," Naruto said, knowing Kiba usually spent the night with one or the other, if not both, on weekends. Naruto had to admit, he was kinda jealous. He himself was bisexual so it wasn't as if he'd mind having two people to love as opposed to none. Though he doubted it, he hoped that might change today. The opportunity was there and it would be unlike him to let it pass by.
As Naruto continued his contemplation, the doorbell rang through-out the small house. Naruto lifted himself from the couch and walked over to the door. When he opened it, he was surprised to find a sleep mussed Kiba leaning on Shino while holding Hinata's hand.
Hinata slightly waved her unoccupied hand. "Hello, Naruto-kun."
"Morning Hinata." Naruto stepped aside to allow the threesome inside.
Shino nodded his greeting while Kiba mumbled something about it being too early for it to be morning.
"Wake up already, dog-boy. What'd you do last night, anyway?" Naruto sat down on the couch, leaving room for his three guests.
At Naruto's question, Hinata blushed; clearly flustered. Kiba grumbled an unintelligible response before sitting next to Naruto, while Shino was unperturbed in the least.
"Never mind, I don't need to know. Is Neji comin'?"
Hinata sat down next to Kiba and began running her fingers through his hair. "Yes. Neji-niisan said he'd be bringing Gaara as well."
"Cool! That means Temari's gonna come with Shikamaru so Chouji will come too and bring Ino and Sakura will join and bring Lee, which means TenTen's gonna come with Kankurou... Am I the only one without a date?-!"
"No," Kyuubi answered after coming from the bathroom, "I don't have a date either."
Naruto only continued to pout, saying, "Yeah, but you'll probably get one by the end of the night. Ah well, I can find a date too!" Naruto concluded abating his dejection at not having a date.
"Great I guess that means everyone should be here soo-" Kyuubi was interrupted by the doorbell.
Naruto answered the door. He greeted the new arrivals as they filed inside the living room, "hey Neji, Gaara, Temari, Shikamaru, Chouji, Ino, Sakura, Lee, TenTen, and hellooo Kankurou. Is that everybody?" He looked outside to see if anyone else was coming and saw Kakashi and Iruka pulling up in their car. The two had to park in front of the other house because there were already too many cars outside of Naruto's.
The small crowd that had assembled in Naruto's home generally said hello or good-morning back, with the exception of Gaara who nodded and Shikamaru who said 'troublesome'. The lazy genius was promptly pinched by his girlfriend.
"'Kay, Iruka and Kakashi are here so we can go already."
Everyone filed out of the house and back to their respective cars. Neji and Gaara climbed into Neji's two-seater. Shino, Kiba, and Hinata rode in Shino's truck. Shikamaru, Temari, Chouji, Ino, Lee, Sakura , TenTen and Kankurou squeezed into Kankurou's SUV, and Naruto and Kyuubi rode with Iruka and Kakashi. The three cars sped off, led by Neji, towards the amusement park.
"Dammit Itachi, just hang up the fucking phone!" Sasuke was distracted and overall annoyed because Genma was conversing with the two brothers by cell-phone. Though Itachi was annoyed by Genma as well, he found that bothering Sasuke was it's own reward as it held much amusement. If there was one thing Itachi hated, it was lack of stimulation, i.e., boredom.
"Ne, I really gotta go pee!"
Itachi was not going to listen to Genma whine abou having to piss for half an hour. That was just too annoying. Thus, he relented. "Fine. Pull over, Sasuke."
Sasuke continued to glare and scowl as he took the exit to some diner and drove into the parking area. He parked across from the diner and got out of the car. He was certain he couldn't stand being around any of them for a minute longer. He walked into the diner and got a water bottle from the vending machine as his accompanying group entered.
"Com'on Raidou! I wanna have diner bathroom sex."
The group smirked as a nearby waitress looked them over with shocked eyes. Sasuke wasn't sure, but he thought he heard a suppressed squeal coming from her.
Genma and Raidou headed into the restroom, and Deidara, Sasori, Izumo, and Kotetsu ordered some drinks at the counter.
"I'm going outside," Sasuke informed Itachi.
"Don't drive off without us, yeah," Deidara quipped.
Sasuke ignored the comment and walked back to his car. He scowled as he rested his head against the hood. He was not in the mood for company today. He hadn't been in the mood for company since before he was eight and his parents were murdered. Sure, their murder lead to the dissipation of one of the worst gangs in the history of Edo, but it also lead to the loneliness that burdened him even today. Sasuke lifted his head slightly and a flash of bright yellow caught his eye. He heard a loud laugh that sounded so... Happy, yet, empty? Then, bright blue eyes looked at him and he stared. He knew the eye-contact made lasted only a second, but why did it feel so long?... And why did he want to maintain it forever?
He shook his head, trying to remove such thoughts, and got into his car. He wasn't a sap. He knew he'd probably never see that guy again. It's not like he wanted to in any case. Still, Sasuke couldn't get those eyes and that smile and that hair and that whole handsome face out of his mind.
He was trying so hard to stop thinking about the blonde that he didn't notice his brother had entered the car until Itachi shut the door. Sasuke was startled, but he tried not to show it. Itachi picked up on it anyway.
"What has you troubled?" It's not like his brother was ever distracted enough to get startled.
Sasuke just shook his head again, in response and as a last-ditch attempt to get the captivating youth out of his thoughts.
Itachi knowingly ignored Sasuke's response and concluded something was obviously wrong. He didn't push any further, however, because he knew Sasuke wouldn't tell him.
The phone rang and Sasuke, much too annoyed, grabbed the phone and turned it off. He started the car and drove off, expecting the rest to follow.
Naruto was in the backseat of Kakashi's car. The weird part... He was silent and thinking intently. They had just gotten back on the road from the bathroom stop at that diner. That guy... He'd seen that expression before; those eyes. Neji and Gaara had the same eyes before they met each other. Kyuubi once had those eyes. He knew Kakashi had them before he got together with Iruka. Most of all, those eyes were painfully familiar because they were the eyes he'd see in the mirror sometimes... When he thought about his parents... About his loneliness.
"Hey, are you alright?"
Naruto came out of his stupor and responded to Kyuubi's question. "Yeah, just thinkin' about something."
The company he was in knew him too well. They knew better than to ask further. Talking about Naruto's reasons for his silence only caused the blonde to dwell on it. Dwelling on such matters was never good for him. Distraction was the best option they had. They couldn't make him face it all at once. It would be too much.
"Ne, Kakashi? Who's this guy you're introducing Kyuubi to?"
"Oh, I know who it is," Iruka chimed in. "He's an Uchiha."
Naruto arched an eyebrow and pouted his bottom lip in confusion. "Uchiha? What are those?"
"Naruto, they're not a 'what'; they're a who. They are Itachi and Sasuke Uchiha. The sole heirs to the Uchiha corporation." Iruka explained patiently, true to his teaching occupation.
"Why haven't I heard of them?"
Kyuubi tried to fill in his foster brother. "Because you're too oblivious. Plus, you wouldn't care."
"So which one is Kyuubi meeting. Is it Itchy or Suske?"
"It's Itachi and Sasuke, Naruto." Kakashi pointed out.
"YOU'RE MEETING BOTH OF THEM!"
Iruka turned around in his seat. "Not so loud!"
Kyuubi sighed. His brother could be really dense sometimes. "Kakashi's introducing me to Itachi. Why? I don't actually know. I heard the guy's a dull bastard."
Kakashi politely informed Kyuubi. "Itachi is not a dull bastard. He's just a bastard. I don't suppose you've heard of the Akatsuki?"
"Of course he has. Even I've heard of that one." Naruto exclaimed.
A frown graced Kakashi's face. "Right. Well, he was once a member. He didn't get any jail time because he didn't really commit any crimes and he was the key to busting the Akatsuki."
"Wait... Uchihas... I know where I've heard that before! Didn't the Akatsuki kill practically all the Uchihas." Naruto finally, productively attributed to the conversation.
Kakashis frown deepened. "Yes, Itachi and his brother were the only ones that survived the assassinations."
"Yeah, the Akatsuki was targeting the whole family. But why would they go after one of their own members?"
"Itachi was only thirteen when he joined. He was a genius and a martial arts master. He was cold and precise so he suited the Akatsuki precisely. He was pitted against one of the members, however."
"Oooh, who was it?" Naruto was completely enraptured by Kakashi's explanation of the Uchiha tragedy.
Kyuubi decided against allowing any further narration from Kakashi. "The only thing that you need to know, Naruto, is that regardless of how well me and this-Itachi-hit it off, I won't be developing anything with him."
"Why not?" Naruto queried.
Kyuubi was surprised. It seemed pretty obvious to him. "Be-because, I'm supposed to be taking care of you, not seeking romantic interests."
"Whadda you mean? I'm seventeen already. I don't need you to take care of me. That's what Iruka's for anyways. If you like this guy, you better go out with him."
"Naruto's right."
"Ha! I knew you'd say that one day Iruka."
"Urusai. I meant that if Kyuubi likes this guy, he should date him. Considering the way you continue to behave, you still need someone to take care of you. At least Kyuubi doesn't have to do it by himself."
Naruto pouted once again, this time in indignation. "I so can take care of myself..."
The phone rang, interrupting the climax of Naruto's outraged pronunciations. Kyuubi answered, "Moshi moshi."
"We're almost to the exit. We just needed to make sure that you guys told Naruto about Gay Day at the amusement park so he wouldn't annoy us about it later."
"'Kay, thanks Gaara."
Kyuubi hung up the phone and glanced at Naruto. His brother was the only one in the whole group that didn't know today was the annual Gay Day at the amusement park. Yup, a day for the gay community to celebrate... Well... Being gay, he guessed. It's not like Naruto would mind the fact, he just didn't like being left out of the loop. Might as well tell him, Kyuubi thought.
"So Naruto, you know what today is, right?"
"Yup, today is the first day this summer that the whole gang is going out to the same place."
Kyuubi rolled his eyes and sighed. "No, there's something else you're missing."
"Oh yeah, it's Gay Day!"
Kyuubi, as well as Kakashi and Iruka, was surprised. "What! How did you know that?"
"I knew since it was announced. I've been planning this since then. I'm gonna get myself at least one boyfriend by the end of the day, dammit. Maybe I'll get two girls!" Naruto waggled his eyebrows.
Iruka tried to be supportive. "Tha-that's weird, Naruto."
Kyuubi inquired, trying to understand his brother. "Why do you think you'll be able to find an adequate boyfriend or multiple girlfriends today?"
"'Cause, I'm awesome looking and too cool for school. Who's gonna be able to resist me anyways? Plus, if they're gonna be at Gay Day, I don't have to go through the whole awkward 'Oh the majority of your friends and family are gay or bisexual so I'm not sure I like you anymore.' I'm not gonna go through that type of shit so I'll find someone cool today."
The three men couldn't really argue with his reasoning. Kyuubi had dealt with such a girl as Naruto had mimicked, as had Kiba and Kankurou. If there was one thing Naruto hated, it was prejudice, but really, Naruto just hated all injustices.
Sasuke had a bad temper. He was headed for a parking spot when a car came out of nowhere and took it. The person who cut him off was not to be envied. "What the fuck! That asshole cut me off!"
"Calm down, Sasuke. Look, isn't that one of your classmates? The Hyuuga, right? The Sabaku boy is with him as well."
"I'm going to fucking kill the both of them." Sasuke grumbled as he headed towards a parking space two cars over.
He finished parking and noted that Sasori and Raidou had already parked their respective cars nearby and were walking towards the Uchiha brothers. Now, Sasuke was intently walking towards Neji. The Hyuuga had already gotten out, as had his companion, to wait for the rest of their company to get settled.
Neji had seen Sasuke was going to park in the spot he stole. He just thought it'd be fun to piss off the Uchiha. Not many people could do it and he was curious to see if he could get any type of emotion to cross Sasuke's face. Nobody but Sasuke's brother had been able to perform such a feat.
"Hyuuga," Sasuke began, emotionless face still present. "What are you and Sabaku doing here?"
"Enjoying the festivities, of course. Now, I know I'm gay; Sabaku's the only thing I'd fuck, but what are you doing here?"
Sasuke was confused, though his face didn't show it. He glared at the Hyuuga, too proud to demand why being gay was at all a concern.
"Yay! Gay Day! We're finally here, Raidou! I'll bet there'll be a mess of hot people who will wanna have and orgy with us."
The realization hit Sasuke hard. He was at Gay Day! Now not only would bisexual women be hitting on him, but hoards of gay men would do so as well.
Itachi noticed Sasuke's expression and couldn't pass up the chance for some entertainment. "Oh, Sasuke, didn't I tell you? Today is Gay Day at the local amusement park."
Sasuke continued to glare at nothing in particular. He wanted to tear his brother to shreds, but he wouldn't give Itachi the satisfaction of seeing him angry. He was sure he could calm himself down if he-
"Yatta! We're finally here! This is gonna be awesome! Yo dog-boy, bug-boy, Hinata-chan! Stop making out and get over here! Neji! Gaara!" Naruto ran over to red-head and brunette as the threesome concluded their activities and followed Naruto at a slower pace while holding hands.
Sasuke was still in shock. He was so completely out of it, that he didn't notice his lips had parted slightly and his eyes had widened. What the hell was that cute blond doing here? And how the hell did he know Hyuuga and Sabaku?
Itachi had noticed his brother's reaction. He knew he'd done good by dragging Sasuke along. Now, where was his crimson-haired interest?
Kakashi had noticed Itachi and Sasuke long ago. It was great that Naruto was running towards them. Now he didn't have to do much. He, Iruka, and Kyuubi began following Naruto.
"Hey! Where'd Kankurou park?"
Kankurou and the rest of the group that rode with him were walking over.
"Naruto. What's up?" Kankurou asked
"Huh? Oh, I was just wonderin' where you guys were. I didn't see ya' so I asked Neji. You know how he sees everything."
"Oi! Kakashi! Iruka! Are you guys gonna join in on the orgy me and Raidou are planning?"
Genma was smacked by his boyfriend, a prelude to a lecture about telling fibs, especially those that involved him.
"Iruka! You know this pervert?-!" Naruto yelled.
"Ooh, who are you? How 'bout you let me have a go at you?"
Every single one of Naruto's friends scowled, grumbled, or was just plain angry at Genma's remark, but none more-so than Kyuubi, Iruka, and, surprisingly, Sasuke.
Sasuke was the first to react verbally and with a scowl and matching glare on his face. "Genma, if you ever want to have sex again, you'll refrain from doing that ever again." Sasuke glared directly at Genma and then walked away to his car.
The whole group, especially Naruto, was left surprised at Sasuke's actions. Even Itachi hadn't seen that one coming. Kakashi was the first to break the shocked silence. "So, I guess this is as good a time as any for introductions. Naruto, Kyuubi, this is Uchiha Itachi. The angry one is Sasuke."
Naruto was knocked out of his stupor. He couldn't believe that guy defended him like that. He hadn't even noticed Sasuke until the raven had threatened Genma. Now Naruto had to make him happy. He couldn't stand it when anything reminded him of how lonely life could be. He didn't like being depressed so there was no way he was letting that bastard stay sad. "So that bastard is Sasuke?-!"
"Yes, that is my otouto." Itachi distractedly stated while letting his eyes rove over Kyuubi's lithe frame.
Naruto, ever unpredictable, walked over to Sasuke's car, where the raven had barricaded himself. He knocked on the window and yelled, "Hey! You didn't have to defend me! I could have done it myself."
Everyone watched as Sasuke turned around with an expressionless visage. He lowered the window and retorted, "I didn't defend you, dobe. I was just annoyed by Genma."
As if Naruto was going to accept that lame excuse. "Liar! Why are you in your car, then?"
"I don't want to be mobbed by a bunch of guys and girls. I don't need, nor want that attention. Now leave me alone."
"What the hell are you talking about. What, a bunch of people are going to mob you for being a bastard?"
"Whatever, dobe. Just go away."
Naruto could still note the sadness in Sasuke's voice. He began shifting from foot to foot and nibbling his lip. "Come on. Your brother's gonna be hanging out with my brother. You can't just stay in the car. You gotta have some fun."
Sasuke really couldn't believe this guy. He was actually befriending him after he acted like a... Well a bastard, as the dobe so eloquently put it. "If I go, I'll only be annoyed."
"Maa, you're just being a shit in the mud. Just stick with me and I'll promise you'll have fun."
Fun? Well, considering the way the blond looked, he was sure he'd find some way to entertain himself. Still, he wasn't known for giving in easily. "If I go, what will you give me?"
Naruto was cheering internally. The guy was actually flirting with him. He'd just have to flirt back. "Well, what do you want." Naruto couldn't help but add the wink that followed his statement.
Sasuke practically had a heart attack at Naruto's words. He just couldn't believe the blonde was flirting back. Then again, he was Uchiha Sasuke. Who could resist him? He got out of the car as Naruto stepped aside and stuck his hand out. "Uchiha Sasuke."
Naruto shook his hand. "Uzumaki Naruto. Heh, five bucks says my brother gets your brother to make out with him by the end of the night."
Sasuke, ignorant of the date that was to take place between Itachi and Kyuubi, took on Naruto's bet. "Great. I'm so gonna win!"
"Hn." Sasuke began making his way towards the ticket booth. He expected Itachi to pay for this.
"Oi, Naruto make Neji let go of Gaara! He's got the money!" Kiba yelled.
Naruto yelled back. "Oi, Neji! Take the money out of Gaara's pocket and give it to Kakashi!"
Neji reached into the pocket of the red-head he was currently ravishing and pulled out Gaara's wallet. He skillfully threw it with no actual aim intended.
"That was a terrible throw. I had to let go of Iruka's butt to catch that," Kakashi complained.
Itachi turned to the ticket booth and saw his brother. "Sasuke."
Once Sasuke turned around, Itachi threw his wallet to him.
Sasuke bought a total of twenty-five wristbands for his group and Naruto's as well.
As Naruto and company walked to the ticket booth, Kakashi at the forefront with Gaara's wallet and Iruka, Sasuke met them halfway and handed a bracelet to Naruto, kept one for himself, and gave the rest to Kakashi.
Naruto held up the bracelet and looked at Sasuke with confusion. "What's this?"
"It's your wristband so you can get into the amusement park, dobe."
"Eh? Why are you giving me this?"
Sasuke threw the wallet back to Itachi, who caught it effortlessly, and replied. "It's Itachi's treat. Let's go. You promised me fun."
Naruto took a moment to process the information and then smiled widely while grabbing Sasuke's wrist. "Cool. Let's go teme." He ran towards the entrance, dragging Sasuke with him.