Breaking Up Is Hard To Do

Rating: K+ for foul-mouthed boys
Summary: In which Kuwabara Kazuma and Urameshi Yuusuke discuss changes, taxes and Frisbees of Doom.
Disclaimer: Yu Yu Hakusho © Yoshihiro Togashi.

A/N: For aedictus, as a payment for a pretty Hiei/Kurama picture.

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It should've been a dark and stormy night, or possibly a rainy, gloomy evening. Definitely not an exceptionally beautiful sunset with children laughing in the distance and birds singing their little hearts out. It was better like this, especially when one was sitting on a hard roof, but Kuwabara couldn't help feeling somewhat cheated on. Life-altering meetings were supposed to happen in dramatic environments, and he was half-expecting that the Four Riders of the Apocalypse and/or a demon invasion would attack from the horizon.

Well, one can't always get what he wants, he pondered, amused, and laying down on the sun-warmed roof. Heavy steps hit the concrete behind him and then a dirty sneaker nudged his cheek.

"Yo!"

Kuwabara swatted the hovering, smelly feet and frowned. "You're late, Urameshi. Have you forgotten how clocks work?"

"Fuck off," the young man in question answered cheerfully, sitting next to him. "Keiko wanted to go shopping and it took some skill, not that you would know anything about it, to get away from her. I tell you, never let a woman loose into a draper's shop."

"It's not so bad." Kuwabara decided to ignore the jab just this once in the hopes that it'd discourage Urameshi from adding anything else. The mood was too pleasant to be ruined with useless bickering. "What? I have a sister, and Yukina-san's clothes don't materialize from thin air either."

"Eh? You've been shopping with Yukina?" Really, the grin was more ridiculous than lascivious which had probably been Urameshi's intention. It usually was. "So, when's the wedding and can I buy the booze?"

"There won't be a wedding and I wouldn't let you near the booze even if there would be. I do remember what happened the last time."

Urameshi had the sense to look uncomfortable. "Won't happen again, and I did pay the windows. And the cage. And what the hell, you've had over three years and you still haven't wooed Yukina? That's pretty pathetic even from you."

Shrugging, Kuwabara lighted a thin cigarette. "She's an ice-maiden, and the stress is on the maiden part, if you catch my meaning." He took a deep breath and the very, very unhealthy, delicious smoke filled his lungs. It was all Shizuru's fault, too, and she'd get the bill if he got a cancer. "Besides, she isn't here anymore."

"What?"

"And you're the ruler of one third of Makai? I really pity your minions: they must be desperate since their leader lacks brains."

"I hate you, too," the black-haired demon said sweetly. "What do you mean, Yukina's not here? Where is she then, and when did she leave?"

Urameshi clearly was both peeved and clueless. Kuwabara savoured the moment - and the cig, damned sister - before replying, "I suppose she's in Makai now. Wherever Hiei lives nowadays, anyway."

"Hiei? What does- She went to look for Hiei? Does she know that-" Urameshi closed his mouth with a snap. "I mean, what?"

"I know, Urameshi, and so does she. She isn't stupid." Kuwabara had been the only one not to know and the thought still annoyed him. At least Yukina-san had told him herself, over a cup of tea and looking at him with worried eyes. "And no. The shrimp came and fetched her yesterday. I'm surprised you didn't sense him. He wasn't exactly subtle."

"Yeah, well, I've been kind of busy."

Bet he'd been with Keiko and her still continuing wrath. Hell had no fury like woman scorned, and three years had been a long time. Kuwabara suppressed a malicious snicker. Urameshi would pay for years, possibly decades, and probably on his knees and wearing an apron.

"…you high or deaf?" Urameshi poked Kuwabara's shoulder impatiently. "Also, your fingers will burn soon."

The taller man threw the all but wasted cigarette away. "No, I'm not."

"You don't seem to be surprised that she left."

"Why wouldn't she? There's nothing for her here and now Hiei can keep her safe." Urameshi stared at him incredulously and Kuwabara sighed. "Look, she doesn't belong here and she'll be much happier with the shrimp, although I'm not sure why anyone would like to spend time with him voluntarily. And anyway, it's not like I'll be here for long either."

There. Now it was out.

"Wah? What?" On the other hand, if it would've rained, Urameshi would've drowned and that would've been beyond embarrassing. Also, difficult to explain to his mother and scary girlfriend.

"I'm leaving." Kuwabara sat up, stretching his back and watching Urameshi from the corner of his eye. The gawping was not attractive, not that he'd ever bothered to think whether the runt was usually nice to look at or not. "With Shizuru, to Europe, to study, in case you can't understand longer words. And for gods' sake, shut your mouth."

"What?"

"I'm breaking up with you, Urameshi." The orange-haired young man rolled his eyes and searched for another cigarette. This would take more time than he'd thought. "My heart will bleed but alas, it could've never worked between us. Too much masculinity and heterosexuality."

"Funny," Urameshi said sharply and continued, "You're leaving? When? What? Why?"

"Try to gather the little brain you have," Kuwabara ordered, smacking the black-haired head. "Yes, next Tuesday, I'm not sure what you mean, and because I got a study place there."

And because Shizuru had come to him a few weeks ago and said that the world would end. Nothing new there, but according to her, they'd better be out of the country before that. Considering her annoying habit of being constantly right, Kuwabara had agreed almost without a fight. Maybe karma was paying back by giving him a clairvoyant sister and a study place, not that he was ever going to admit anything mushy to the former.

"You can't leave. What if Koenma will need us again?"

Excellent, Urameshi seemed to be coherent – well, as much as he ever was - again. "I've talked with him already. Besides, I was never an official detective."

"But why? You could study here, too." The whining had a darker, more furious edge now.

"I could," Kuwabara acknowledged and stood up, lighting another cigarette. "But I won't. I need something else than this. Something new."

"Bullshit," and now Urameshi was angry, springing to his feet and glaring at the other young man. "Stop trying to be so high and mighty and adult." He spat the last word like it was poisoned.

"You might have missed this while you were running around with your demon buddies, but the rest of us did grow up," Kuwabara answered coolly. Things were not going like he'd predicted but then, this was something someone had to make Urameshi understand. Typical, and bad, luck that it was him. "It's time you'll do the same if you're planning to stay here."

"'Running around'? You think it was all fun and games? Shut the fuck up, you have no idea what it was like!" A red-faced Urameshi exclaimed with a rising voice. "You were the ones having fun and being safe in here while I was fighting for my and others' lives!"

"Can you fill a tax return form?" Kuwabara interrupted. "Because I can do that and kill a demon."

"What the hell do taxes have to do with this? At least I've gotten stronger while you've apparently been," Urameshi sneered, "pushing papers."

"It's the latter that's useful here." A soft, yellow light appeared on Kuwabara's outstretched palm. "And, just to make a point, you see that tree there? The one behind the shed."

"Yeah, so what?"

"Watch, and then learn to push the fucking papers."

The light took a vague shape of a ball before Kuwabara flattened and sharpened it, forming a shiny plate. It had taken some time to get the aerodynamics work but now he barely needed to think about it. A cigarette bitten tightly between his teeth he estimated the distance, and flung the disc with enough force to break a wall.

Which it did. Unfortunately the perfecting of his sighting was still in progress.

Kuwabara scratched his head and grinned ruefully. "Er… Let's just hope that…"

Slowly, the tree behind the now extremely well-aired shed fell.

"…the shed was old. Er. Oops?"

Suddenly, Urameshi burst out laughing. "Oops? You threw a bloody Frisbee through the walls and a tree, and you say 'oops'?" He shook his head. "And call yourself an adult?"

"I didn't," Kuwabara pointed out, waving the hand which was holding the cigarette. "And even if I would have, you think it means I'm as serious as Keiko is?"

"Clearly not," Urameshi said, calming down. "All right, you haven't been just pushing papers."

"Look, Yuusuke, in all seriousness, you really need to learn to fill the forms and act like a human being." Kuwabara breathed in the smoke and sent a fleeting, murderous thought towards Shizuru. "Sooner or later Keiko will nag you about them and ask what you'll do now."

"I actually have a plan, not that you'll see it since you've decided to abandon us. Bastard," the demon added as an afterthought. "You going to have a farewell party?"

"Keiko will doubtlessly insist."

"You're so her bitch." Urameshi snickered again.

"Actually, you are."

"Yeah, well. Say, can I get the booze?"

"No."

"I know where it's cheap."

"No."

"Aw, come one! I won't spike it!"

"No."

"Spoilsport. At least give me a cig."

"Oh, fine."

The End.