Yeah I know. I was supposed to have this finished over a month ago but I got really busy and then I got really depressed and decided to wait on the last chapter lest I simply kill everyone out of my distress, Unfortunately it doesn't look like things are going to get any better so I'll just get in with this and try to exercise some self-control. Here it is: the last chapter. This could be really terrible…
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Ed looked at the room around him. He gave a satisfied sigh, "Beautiful. It's just beautiful." Indeed it was beautiful. From top to bottom and bottom to top Mustang's office was an Elricish work of art. The carpets were painted with ink from every single one of the Colonel's pens. It was also littered with festive confetti that once was oh-so-drab official documents and a few silly award certificates. Furniture stuffing adorned every surface in the office like new-fallen snow. The furniture pieces had had their upholstery stylishly slit and charming fringe had been glued on using fabric that was once used as curtains that once kept the office so dark and drab. Those old books on the wall shelves had needed a little sun-bleaching anyway. They were much to dark and drab and until the books has been properly bleached Ed had been so kind as to remove them from the shelves and, in their place draw lovely murals depicting some of Colonel Mustang's most "stunning" achievements.
With that Ed tore himself away from his masterpiece of interior decoration and slipped out the door. Then a realization dawned on him. Where was he going to go? It's not like he could hide out forever. Maybe he wouldn't need to though. Perhaps, by his escape, the doctors would be convinced that he was healthy enough to be able to leave the hospital. Ed shrugged and headed toward his and Al's room. As he walked, he thought about what he would say to Al about his feelings and pondered the reason for the Colonel's strange treatment to him. He didn't have too long to think, however. Just as he rounded the third corner on his journey he heard someone yell "There he is!" Ed turned to see the crowd of heath workers advancing toward him once again. Once again, Ed did the only thing that he could think of: run away screaming.
Mustang wiped a train of blood off of the corner of his mouth. He was beginning to realize how ridiculous this was.
"Come on. Try again or do you concede that Ed is mine?" Al said triumphantly. Mustang had yet to even put a dent in the armor of Al's body. Mustang, however, was not in such good shape. His knuckles were bleeding, his mouth and nose were bleeding and he was fairly certain that he had broken at least two toes. Not to mention he was drenched in sweat. He had been pummeling the kid for the past half hour. Al had just been standing there and occasionally punching mustang in the face and giggling to himself.
Despite his hopeless predicament Mustang was not about to give up on his pursuit of Ed just yet. Thus he continued to kick and punch Al. After another minute or so Al spoke up. "Colonel Mustang, I'm getting bored. Could you PLEASE just give up?"
"Never," Mustang huffed.
"Well at least let me get a book or something."
At that moment the door banged open and Ed skidded into the room. He quirked an eyebrow at the spectacle before him, "I'm not sure I even want to know…"
"Ed! Tell him that your mine!" Al insisted.
Mustang ceased his assault, "Don't listen to him! You're going to be with me!"
Ed was dumbfounded by the weirdness. His brother and this bastard were fighting over his affections.
If things could get any crazier, another voice added to the sequence. "Major Elric! You will come with us now!"
Ed found his voice then. "I'm not going anywhere with any one! I'm just not gay, dammit! I'm totally okay." Every eye in the room followed Ed as he flopped down on his bed and screamed into the pillow. Then he turned over on his back and mumbled angry, incoherent gripings.
"Well, I guess you doo seem to be much better," the head doctor conceded. "I'll get the paperwork in order for your release." The doctors and nurses filed out, muttering to each other.
There was a moment of silence and then Ed began to chuckle. "What the hell is so funny?!" Mustang yelled in consternation.
"You look like shit and all of those doctors and nurses just walked out on you. I guess you're just not as significant as you think you are."
"What?! You disrespectful midget?!"
Ed froze…then tensely got to his feet. After a brief mental wind up, he charged Mustang. Al caught Ed before he got within striking distance.
"Who are you calling a weird little insect that's so small that its brain isn't even big enough to comprehend its weirdness?!"
Mustang just stared and then said, "I defiantly didn't say that. I think that's your worst one yet."
Ed sighed in defeat and Al let him go. "Yeah, well things have been a little tough lately." He trotted back to his bed. "I'm going to take a nap."
Mustang shook his head. "Stupid kid." He left.
Al turned to Ed. "So…we're okay?" He asked cautiously.
"Yeah Al. We're okay. Just be patient. You'll find the right person." Ed was silent for a bit and then added, "Does this mean I get Winry?"
Al sniggered. "Yeah. I guess so."
Mustang fumed at himself all the way to his office. How could he ever have thought he felt anything for that little twerp? He was so…difficult. He defiantly disliked Edward Elric. Mustang threw open his office door and stopped dead in his tracks. No. He didn't dislike Edward Elric. He DESPISED Edward Elric with a fervent, bloody passion. When had the little bastard had time to destroy his superior's office? Roy waded into his office through the paper littering his floor. It looked like the whole room had gone through a shredder. Then Mustang's blood ran cold. Hughes stood facing the back wall giggling at some crudely drawn pictures. With horror, Mustang realized that they were of him…naked.
"Wow man. I had no idea Roy Jr. was so little," Hughes was still in stitches. Roy glared at Hughes all the way over to his desk.
"Why are you here?" he growled and sat down on, or rather through, his desk chair. Ed had had been so kind as to remove the seat before leaving the office. This has Hughes literally rolling on the floor with laughter. When he finally got control of himself, Hughes leaned over the desk to look at a rather Roy Mustang.
"Oh it's just business as usual," can Roy's answer.
"So it would seem," Roy commented on his situation. "Now help out of here!"
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A/N: I knew it. I just knew this chapter would be painfully short. Oh well. Too bad. I finished how I wanted to…and I didn't kill anyone (unless you count Mustang's ego)! It's really difficult to try to write like myself three years ago. I'll be starting a new series fairly soon. I won't start posting however until I have at least five good, long chapters written so there won't be huge lags in the story like this last one. The fic will probably be of the Yu Yu Hakusho variety so if you like that anime, keep your eyes open. I hope you liked Residual Consequences. But if you didn't I don't really care. Flame away! Cheers!