Disclaimer: I do not own the characters, blah blah BLAH. Bright/Kauffman/Krane owns them. I hate writing this, I feel so empty. I dont own anything:-(
A/N: This takes place in the episode TOW Monica's Thunder. Its different then the actual episode (and IMO, better. That episode is such a tease, it makes me angry!).
Rachel was in her bedroom, dressing up for a night at the Plaza with her five best friends. She couldn't believe Monica and Chandler were engaged- she was so happy for them.
Well, maybe 80 percent happy. Only 20 percent jealous.
She looked at her reflection in the mirror in her bedroom at Joey's apartment. Her strapless black dress looked great, hugging her body in all the right places. Her hair was looking good, and her make up was just right. She smiled, pulled on some strappy black shoes, and went to meet everyone at Monica and Chandler's across the hall.
She left number 19, only to find Ross in the hallway. She smiled, and the two chatted about the upcoming wedding.
"Do you think we're ever gonna find that?", she asked him.
Ross was caught off guard. "Um . . .you and me, as in us? Or . . ."
"No, no!" Momentary relief rushed over Ross, but also a slight pang of dissapointment that surprised him. "I mean me with someone . . .else, and you with someone else . . ."
The two thought about their past relationship, and how it had already been three years since it ended. They talked about all their fighting, how they'd gone through hell . . .
"But we had good times, right?", Ross asked, worried.
"Yeah, yeah sure! There was . . ." Rachel leaned on the wall next to apartment 20, searching her memory. Surprisingly, she couldn't think of a good time from when they were together. Had it really been that long? All of a sudden, a few cherished memories flew into her mind.
"Well, I do remember one thing." Ross looked at her with wondering eyes. "You were always good at . . .'the stuff'."
It took a second for Ross to get what she meant. But when he did, some great memories came back to him as well.
"Really?"
"Yeah," Rachel continued, embarrassed. "I . . .I remember I liked your hands."
He held out his hands, and looked at them. "Really?"
"Yeah, yeah, you were good with your hands."
They looked at each other.
"You were good with . . .'the stuff', too," he replied sheepishly.
"I know," she said knowingly. She looked away, the memories of their intense and passionate romance coming so quickly that it hurt. Or maybe that wasn't the only reason she hurt . . .
"You know, we never had a bonus night."
"A what?"
"A bonus night. You know, like a night after we break up where we have sex, with no strings attached. We . . .we never had that."
Ross almost jumped at the thought, giddy like a little kid. A chance to have sex with Rachel again? Well, he'd always be up for that. But then a thought slid into his mind.
"Rach, I don't know if that's so good. I mean, there's just so much history, and-"
"It was so long ago, Ross!"
"Rach, no, we shouldn't . . ." His weak argument didn't even convince himself.
"Fine, fine." She turned to go into the apartment.
"Um, wait, no, its fine!", he shouted out all at once. He knew this would be one of the stupidest things he'd ever do, next to sleeping with Chloe, but he didn't care. He tried not to think about how this would probably wake up all the dormant feelings he had for Rachel, waiting somewhere inside him. He just secretly hoped that, maybe, she still had feelings too, waiting in hybernation to be woken up.
She turned to look at him, genuinly surprised. "Um, are you sure, because-"
"No, I am, I am!"
He ran over to her, pulling her close by the waist and kissing her, mashing their lips together. She instinctively moved her hands to his neck, their old resting place from a bygone era. What was meant to be "no strings attached" quickly turned intensely passionate. There were three years of waiting pouring into this moment, whether they wanted to admit it or not.
Rachel opened her mouth, allowing Ross to slip his tongue in. He caught the message, and Rachel felt herself losing her breath. They had kissed so many times in the past, and yet, every time she felt this. Ross pushed her up against the apartment door.
They heard Monica bustling around, getting ready to leave for the Plaza. They quickly broke away, embarrassed of their selfishness.
"Um, well maybe we should wait . . ."
Ross knew she was right. This was his sister and Chandler's night, not theirs to steal. But he couldn't even remember the last time he had wanted Rachel more.
"You don't just wanna go to my apartment?", he asked shyly.
"Ross," she said as she smiled, "You know we can't. We have to be there for them." He shot her a dissapointed look. She made the mistake of looking straight into his dark brown puppy eyes, a gesture that always made her go slightly weak at the knees. Why did it still make her do that? "Well, I guess . . .I guess there's nothing wrong with doing it, um, after the party, right?"
"Right, right." He didn't want to wait, but he knew he should. Well, he shouldn't be doing it at all, really. "Yeah, after."
They smiled at each other, each secretly anticipating the night as they entered Monica and Chandler's.
The whole dinner was going wonderful, if it weren't for that little thought in the back of Ross and Rachel's heads. Monica couldn't help but notice them steal glances at each other, or Ross's uneasiness, or they way Rachel seemed to be badly covering something up. There was something going on between those two, but Monica knew it was her- um, her and Chandler's- night. She wasn't gonna let Ross and Rachel take the night for themselves with their usual drama.
But something was definatly up.
It was getting late, and Ross was becoming overly impatient. He wanted Rachel, he wanted her now. He quickly glanced at her, noticing she was looking at him as well. Their looks seemed to embody the same message- they couldn't wait any longer.
"Yum, these drinks are amazing!" Phoebe was still downing drink after drink, as the newly engaged couple were treating.
"Keep going, Phoebs. We all like to drink ourselves into a coma," said Chandler, sarcastically.
"Speak for yourself, Bing. I just like a light sleep."
Ross decided to speak up. "Well, guys, its getting late. I think I'm gonna turn in for the night."
There was a chorus of "aww" and "don't go yet!" from Chandler, Phoebe, and Joey. Monica stayed silent.
"Yeah, yeah. I have some stuff to do tomorrow." He looked at Rachel expectantly.
"Oh, yeah, me too! You, um, don't mind if I come with, do you Ross?"
"Why no, I don't!" Rachel mentally slapped her forehead. Ross was doing his nervous over-annunciation of every word. There was no way no one detected that.
Sure enough, she looked at Monica, who bore a suspicious expression. "Yeah, well, we'll see you guys tomorrow then," she said.
"Congrats guys, really!" Rachel hugged Monica and Chandler, and left with Ross.
"Something is up with those too," Monica said quietly to her new fiance.
"Let them handle it, honey. Its our night tonight."
"Do you think they suspect anything?"
Ross was leading Rachel to the curb, both desperate to get a cab, but trying to hid it from each other.
"I don't know, Monica looked really suspicious. But who cares, this isn't their business, you know?" Ross nodded. "Its just two people, two people who just happened to date in the past, who are just spending one night having carefree sex, no strings or emotions attached." She sounded like she was trying to convince herself, and it didn't work.
"Uh-uh," he replied, unsure himself. He looked into her big blue eyes while he signaled a cab over.
It felt like they were married people undercover, having an secret affair no one could know about. Which was pretty silly, considering they were both single and free to do what they want. So why did this have to be so secretive? And further more, why did it have to be free of emotion?
They rode in the cab in silence, a slow and steady rain shower beginning to trickle upon the city. Both absentmindedly looked out their windows of the cab, trying desperatly to hide how much this actually meant to themselves. They paid the cabdriver, and went up to Ross's apartment.
When they got to the door, Ross stopped and took Rachel's hands in his own.
"Now, you're sure you want to do this? Cause, really, it might not-"
"Yes, Ross. I'm sure."
He stared at her hestitantly for a split second before opening the door and emerging into the apartment. They shed their coats. Ross, so eager to do this at the beginning, was starting to have doubts. This might not be the best thing for them . . .
But before he could voice any of these, Rachel grabbed his face, pulling him into an intense kiss. Almost immediatly, his tongue entered her mouth as everything became hazy, their heart rates quickening every second. They clawed at each other, trying to find the quickest way to rip the other's clothing off. Ross moved down to Rachel's neck, sucking it and lightly biting it, causing her to moan as she ran her fingers through his hair.
I'm hooked on you,
I need a fix, I can't take it
Just one more hit,
I promise, I can do it
If I handle it, quit it
Just one more time, then that's it
Just a little bit more
To get me through this
Somewhere in the middle of all this mess, Ross managed to pull her back into the bedroom. Their clothing was strewn about his apartment, getting thrown every which way. Whatever was fastest.
Both had their eyes closed, as they backed into the room, falling onto the bed. Ross continued moving down Rachel's body as he kissed inbetween her breasts, while massaging all over her body. God, those fingers did wonders.
"Ross," she panted. "Condom."
He quickly leapt up, bounding towards his bedside table. He found one, ripped it open, and she helped him put it on. Both were quivering in excitement as Ross made her lay back on the bed, rolling on top of her.
Using his elbows for support, he entered her in one swift movement, causing her to moan in extasy. He kissed her chest, her chin, her mouth, as he picked up speed. Her movements began to match his, as if they were one. Their increasing moans kept them going, as it became almost violent.
It's like I can't breath,
It's like I can't see anything,
Nothing but you,
I'm addicted to you
It's like I can't think,
Without you interrupting me
In my thoughts, in my dreams
You've taken over me
It's like I'm not me,
It's like I'm not me
They came at almost the same time, as Ross's arms gave way and he collapsed on her. Despite her small frame, it didn't hurt. It was comfortable, just like it had always been. After a minute, Ross grabbed Rachel's waist as he turned over onto his back, pulling her to rest on top of him. She moved her arms to his back, folding her hands over the tops of his shoulders.
They both were breathing heavy as they rested, their heartbeats slowly getting back to normal. Ross held Rachel in his arms as his hands stroked her skin. Rachel buried her head in his chest, falling asleep within minutes. Ross followed shortly after, drifting into a deep slumber.
Rachel woke up to the sound of Ross's alarm clock. She immidiatly hit the snooze button without even opening her eyes, an instinct that she seemed to keep since her and Ross were together. She noticed she was still laying on top of him, and he was still fast asleep.
The scenario confused her at first, until she remembered. The bonus night. So yeah, it had been kind of crazy. Not that she didn't like that sometimes, but . . .
She carefully rolled off Ross, laying in what used to be her spot on his bed. She stared at him, a strange feeling coming over her. And then it hit her, like a train hitting a truck.
Why had she done that last night? This wasn't fair, to her or Ross. She smacked her forehead, letting out an "Ughh!" that reverberated through-out the room. How could she have even thought she could have sex with Ross and have it not mean anything? She closed her eyes as she laid her head against the headboard, trying to convince herself that she was over Ross. This night had meant nothing, it was just sex.
Really good sex. Really, really good sex.
'Dammit', she thought to herself. 'I still love that buffoon.'
She opened her eyes again, Ross was still off in dream-land. Her eyes swelled up with tears, and she felt a pang in her heart. She definitely still had feelings for this man . . .but did he have them for her? She sincerely doubted it- after all, he had married Emily . . .
But he said her name at the alter. Bad example.
Then there was the Vegas wedding. So okay, that had been her drunken idea. But they did get divorced . . .
After Ross lied about getting an annulment, not to mention hid the fact that they were still married for two weeks. Scratch that.
She couldn't find good enough proof that he was over her, but she knew the timing with all of this was badly off. This was supposed to be Monica and Chandler's time, getting back together with Ross would take up all the excitement. They couldn't do it now.
She sighed, looked at Ross one last time, and got out of bed. Her clothing being scattered everywhere in the frontroom, she pulled out a pair of boxers and an old t-shirt from Ross's dresser. She then searched for her own clothes around the apartment, finding everything but one shoe. Well, he could always give that back. She was gonna leave before he woke up, but she wanted to see him one last time.
Still asleep. She knew she couldn't leave him hanging like this. She scribbled a quick note onto a piece of paper, putting it on the bedside table. She kissed his forehead and held back tears as she left his apartment.
Ross woke up an hour later. Still in a state of dreamy bliss, he turned over, expecting his arm to fall onto Rachel's waist. However, it caught thin air. He snapped up in bed, wondering where she was.
"Rachel?", he called loudly. No answer.
He rubbed his eyes with his hand, yawned, and turned to the night stand. There was a small, folded-up note there.
Ross,
I'm really sorry I left, but I had to. I don't think last night was a good idea . . .not that I didn't enjoy it, but it's just too hard. I don't think we should do this again, things were going really great when we were just friends. Its worked through most of the past three years, right? Maybe we should keep it that way. I really am very sorry, this wasn't fair to either of us.
-Rachel
He sighed, setting the note back down. He knew he couldn't do it, he could never make love to her and not have emotion. His heart filled with dissapointment, and regret. Once again, he'd have to bury his feelings, because she was so obviously over him.
He got up, collecting his clothing randomly thrown about. He finally admitted something to himself that he hadn't been able to for three years.
He and Rachel were really over.
But last night, he didn't care what she said. It had to have meant something . . .
Whether they were meant to be in the end or not, Ross had a small bead of hope forming. Maybe one day in the future, it would grow.
But for now, it sat dormant, waiting. Just like his love.
So that was my first, like, explicit love scene haha. I usually cut to a song during the actual stuff but I kept going this time. And ya know what, I don't hate it ;-) Reviews would be amazing!