I know, I know, you are all upset that I'm starting a new story without updating my others, but truth be told I'm having writer's block so I'd appreciate if you were all patient with me as I try to find a way to write for my other stories. I do however want to start this story because it's been in my mind for a while and I hope you all enjoy it.

Warning: Sad stuff, yes I know that is not very descriptive.

Pairing(s): NejiGaara

Unbeta-ed. I finished this just now and wanted to post it because I am too lazy to wait for it to be properly edited so please forgive me for any mistakes you find.

Dedicated to Sasuke2006! She is one of my best friends and a fellow writer, and I'm usually talking to her on YIM when I'm writing or brainstorming so I felt the need to dedicate another story to her. If you have time please go check out her fabulous stories!

Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto.

I have never been a happy person. I may seem like I am one but I'm not. My life has been really sad, but I know that others have had even worse. I know I feel lucky that mine is not as bad but I don't. I'm just unhappy. I hate my family. I have hated them since I was a child and they betrayed me. I resent them, but they don't know that. It is my little secret. I pretend to be happy and like my life when in all honesty I hate it. All of them, I hate them all. They left me all alone. I was so lonely. I'd cry and have no one to go too, I'd be worried and have to keep it to myself. Where was the attention a child deserved? Where was the love and affection? It was nowhere. The love for them I had is gone as well. I will never forgive them.

The mother I used to love and adore is now just a weak woman who is always sad. She always is complaining about her life and how unhappy she is. At least I try to be happy and don't make it worse for everyone by bringing them down with me. She always gets me in an upset mood when we talk. She has her normal moments in which she appears happy as well, but those are just the pills. The drugs she has to take to keep her from being suicidal and falling into depression. I always look into her eyes though and see her sadness. The deep wrinkles on her forehead from all the worrying and sadness. Her long hair has lost it's sheen and is plain and worn out. What used to hurt me to hear was when she'd say she wanted to die. Now sometimes I find myself wishing that she would.

My father was and still is in a way, a monster. When I was little he'd hit me. Mostly he'd just spank me, but sometimes he'd grab my arm and hold me still while he yelled at me. I was so afraid of him. Whenever I did something bad or broke something while he wasn't in that room, I'd hide upstairs in my parent's room's closet. I can still remember the darkness broken by the slanted slits in the door and the old musty smell the coats and clothes in the closet gave off. I'd sit there in fear sometimes with tears streaming down my face, hoping that he wouldn't find the broken object or find out I had made a mistake. I lived in constant fear of him, but now it's different. When my parents divorced my mother told the court of the abuse he gave me and they insisted he go to anger management lessons if he wanted to still have custody for my brother, sister, and I. He took the classes, but he still gets really angry at times, although he doesn't hit me anymore. I still hate him for all the fear and pain he put me through, because of him I've been scarred for life. He was sorry for what he had done, but I will never be able to truly forgive him. Nothing he does can change the past. He's hurt me so much, but never again. Because I won't let him, my father is like a stranger to me.

My older brother, Kankuro, he was gone most of my childhood as well. His friends were horrible; they got him into smoking, drinking, and doing other illegal things. I remember going into his room and my nose being assaulted by the horrible smell of smoke. After a while he didn't even let me in his room anymore. I was being pushed away. He stayed out late and skipped school. When I did see him he had little to say, although he was never cruel to me, he was never there for me. Today though, he's a healthy guy. He doesn't smoke and hardly drinks if at all. He's a vegetarian and wants to save the world. He's like a distant friend now, but if he died, I wouldn't miss him, because he's still not here for me even now. He moved out at eighteen and I barely ever see him.

My older sister, Temari, she was almost as bad as my father. She was cruel, always calling me names and judging everything I did. I was never good enough. Her constant ridicule and criticism of everything I did was horrible and made me feel that I was nothing. That no one cared and if I died no one would even shed a tear. I cried so much as a child and hated myself and I still do. I hate myself. I don't know how much worse my life can get, but I know things can always be worse. For me there is no better. Life is too cruel and love hurts too much. I don't want to care anymore. I just want to live my life and die in my sleep not feeling a thing. I want to be free, from all the pain, from all the cruelness, from all the hate.

But at times I find myself still hoping for happiness. I hope for the impossible. I know that I will never be happy, truly happy. Though I still hope. I guess I'm not completely broken yet. All I have left is the hope. Without that I'd die and live an empty and meaningless life. I don't want that to happen though, so I have to change.

I have to pretend. Put up a façade, one of me happy and content with my life. I hide everything, how I feel, my honest opinions, what I really think of something, just so I will fit in and be liked. I fear not being liked more than anything. I can't stand loneliness. I hate the thought of always being alone. Which is why I hide everything. Hiding all the pain and distrust that lives within me. I've had this act going on for so long that my life is just one big lie. There is no one that understands me. I feel so different and isolated, yet I'm surrounded by people and have lots of friends. I just don't understand it. Why do I pretend still? I have no answer to that. Well I do, I just don't like it.

It's because I'm scared. I'm afraid that once the mask is gone my world will all come crashing down and I'll be alone. My friends will feel betrayed by all the lies and feel that I don't trust them because I could never tell them how I really felt. I wish I could trust, but after being betrayed by the people that are supposed to love you and be closest to you it is hard to be open and honest for me. I don't want that to happen. But I don't want to keep living this lie. I want to be honest, because if I can't be honest then I can never be happy. I sometimes wonder what exactly would bring me happiness and the only thing I can think of is love.

Love, a thing I've never received. I want love so badly that at times it hurts. Especially knowing that no one loves me, that hurts the most. Could anyone love me? At times I find myself thinking no one ever will and at others thinking that maybe, just maybe someone will.

My suffering has no escape though, even if I gain the love of another I'll still be haunted by the memories. Having that love might however slowly heal the pain I have to constantly live with. I just want to heal…and stop being broken…

To be continued…

Please Review! I know it was short but it is only the prologue and I should have the first chapter out soon, which in my time is like a week or two, but it will depend upon reviews. If people really like it I'll work on it sooner and get it done faster.