Disclaimer: I don't own a single bloody thing. But after a while, you get used to it.

A/n: First of all, I'd like to point out that I did not write this with malicious intent. I'm writing this in hopes it'll help and if you laugh in the process, then…good. I hope it doesn't seem like I'm putting on airs. Mary-sueism is a delicate subject though I am not innocent of never making one-and I bet quite a few people can say that too. With this in mind, I hope this helps and on with the story-thing!

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A knock resounded on the door of the professor's home and Mrs. Macready frowned even deeper. This would make the sixth visitor for Professor Kirk in two hours. She rarely put her nose in his appointment affairs, but with all the vexing visitors, she couldn't help but wonder what the bloody hell he was doing.

She opened the door only to find another beaming young woman on the door mat. She was around sixteen with long red hair that fell past her shoulders in soft curls and her bright green eyes look kind, but held a glint of unfathomable sorrow. Her skin was as pale as milk, and her odd gown of blue clung to all the right places.

She gave Mrs. Macready a bright and enthralled smile and the house keeper returned it with a raised brow and a deepening frown. "May I help you, miss?" the grumpy housekeeper inquired, almost knowing the answer.

"Yes, my name is Lily-Rose-Raven-Francesca- Evie- Sif- Zena- Darlene- Bethany- Linette- Cristalle- Merete- Andromeda- Ianthe- Zabel- Ana- Cassandra- Chrysteena- Sopheea- Ke'randah- Larahnda – Ringo- Hell Spaz- Sashonda- La'tanda- Joronda- Delphiea-" As the girl introduced herself, Mrs. Macready slipped away and did half of her duties and got a drink a good stronger than wine. When she came back several hours later, the girl was still on her name. At last she finished by saying, "But you can call me Misty O'Neil." She gave a small giggle, "I'm American. I came to see Professor Kirk and hopefully to make Peter fall madly in love with me. Though I'd settle for Edmund."

"Right this way then." The housekeeper sighed and walked Misty up the grand stair case and past all the priceless curios.

"Wow." Misty breathed, "I haven't seen anything like this before! You see, I was born on a cold September night in the poor neighborhood of NYC, my mother was a Broadway star but she died under mysterious circumstances so now I'm an orphan. But she passed down her gift of song to me!" She paused on the stair and took out a harp from no where and began to sing in what could be defined as the clearest and prettiest voice ever heard. "Memory, all alone in the moonlight. Has the moon lost her memory? She is smili-"

"We'll have enough of that." Mrs. Macready cut in and took the harp she tossed it into the convenient fire place, ignoring the shocked look on Misty's face. "This way please." When they reached the professor's door, Mrs. Macready was ready to fling herself out of the window. And with out another word, she left Misty with her employer and said a silent prayer for his sanity. This girl was the sixth beautiful, singing American with a befuddled past that came to see him.

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"So," Professor Kirk began lighting up his pipe, "I understand you're here because you're a Mary-Sue."

"I am most certainly not!" Misty cried indignantly, "I am Narnia's only hope! I am pretty, talented, witty, smart, pretty, a singer, a tomboy from a horrible past that I will not speak of- unless you ask me twice and say 'pretty please', pretty, fluent in every language-including Yiddish, pretty, a friend to all-"

"My point exactly. You're a Mary Sue."

"Noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!" She cried dramatically, falling to her knees.

"It's alright child. Admitting you are a Mary-Sue is the first step."

"But everyone likes me," She protested weakly.

"My dear, I'm afraid you are mistaken." Professor Kirke said, patting her shoulder gently then turned and looked to a vacant spot, as if her were addressing someone else. "A Mary-Sue is classified as an original character who appears flawless, who everyone likes and who usually has a past more dark than an opera show set in West Virginia. Often she is based off of the author herself, or is the vision of what the author wants to be.

As you can see with Misty here, M.S.'s are always rather pretty with a supermodel's physique. She often has a name jam-packed with names the author thinks of as beautiful names or an anagram of her creator's name. Other times her name can be a reflection of the character's personality. For example, a particularly dark Mary-Sue would hold the name 'Raven'."

"Who are you talking to?" Misty wondered.

"The readers."

"The readers?"

"Yes, my dear, we are in a fanfiction."

"Really?"

"There'll be doughnuts in the kitchen after this for all the readers and cast."

"Wow."

"Quiet, please." The professor requested and turned back to look at the same spot. "Mary Sues are usually the main character in the story, often leaving the canon characters out in the cold." He walked over to a refrigerator where Lucy, Susan, Reepicheep, the Beavers, and Tumnus were smushed in. The professor cast the vacant spot a calculating look and said defensively, "What? Its bloody summer! How can I illustrate this if they're sunbathing?

"Let us out." Tumnus pleaded but his cries fell on deaf ears.

"Of course, the person who's her love interest does get a little recognition. Just not as much as her.

So, you have a M.S.? Don't beat yourself up. Many writers are guilty of it, once-if not twice before. The trick is to know the difference between Mary-sues and completely developed ocs. And upon identifying a Sue, knowing how to fix her." He paused and cast Misty a look. "This is where you come in, dear."

"It is?" she questioned.

"Yes, we are going to turn you into a completely original character. And you all, will be the witnesses. So, go on to the next chapter, if you like- and bring your Mary Sues. Hopefully I can help. If not, well, at least you'll be getting doughnuts anyway." He turned back to Misty. "Stand up," he instructed and the M.S. did so. "Wave to the readers, and say you hope to see them in chapter 2."

Misty gave a large, mindless smile and waved vigorously. "Bye. See you next chappie."

Professor smiled and nodded as Misty kept waving. After a few moments, he took a hold of Misty's wrists while saying. "…And stop."