Wondering

Being with Cloud is better than anything he's ever known before, Zack has decided. Just seeing that reserved, wary face light up in a smile as blue eyes glow without the aid of mako every time the blonde sees him makes Zack feel like he's found the greatest treasure in the world.

He's not sure what he did to deserve to have Cloud trust and care for him the way he does, but Zack's never been one to worry about such things.

Instead he enjoys his lover's company, the sense of humor that will only make itself known when they're alone, the way innocent startlement gives way to happiness each time Zack says "I love you".

If he were prone to introspection, he would admit he's just a bit smug about being Cloud's first lover, having stolen his first kiss even. As it is, he concentrates on how wonderful it is to kiss Cloud, to cuddle with him and fall asleep with his head pillowed on Zack's shoulder. How it makes his heart swell each time Cloud dares to initiate a hug or a kiss. How it's all he can do to continue feigning sleep when Cloud whispers "love you too" in the dark of the night. How perfect it is to hold him close, to be inside him as Cloud wraps arms and legs around him, to listen to those gasps and moans that are uniquely Cloud's.

Any one of these things are better than any companionship or pleasure he's found with women, with his fellow SOLDIERs or even with Sephiroth.

Zack's been gentle before, but he's never made love the way he does with Cloud. And when they're moving together slowly, almost lazily, as if they have all the time in the world to enjoy each other, he can't help but wonder what the difference is. He wonders why that particular gentleness breaks down Cloud's walls and reservations. He wonders why it's enough to make his shy, reticent lover look at him with too-bright eyes and speak words of love he would otherwise never say when he knows Zack can hear him.

He wonders what that gentleness would do to him if their roles were reversed, for what walls does he have where Cloud is concerned?

And for perhaps the first time in his life, Zack is afraid to ask for what he wants.