A/n: I've got a surprise for you all…This is the last chapter!
Demyx: Why? T-T
Riku: She got lazy.
Axel: You shamed us all.
Me: Don't make me get Bobo.
Demyx: Who's Bobo?
Me: My secret weapon. For the last and final time I don't own anything. I'm too broke. T-T Just start the story!
Chapter 21
Demyx and Siruxa are playing Wii tennis and then…WHAM! Demyx lets go of the Wii controller and it crashes into the TV. It even blows up and bursts into pretty, but deadly flames.
"That's Zexy's TV! He's gonna murder me!"
"Don't worry, I can steal one from that emo blonde with the motorcycle. He is too wrapped up in a triangle to watch TV. I can't steal TV's from the store because they added cameras and stuff."
"Um…Ruxy I need to talk to you."
"Okie dokie." They sit on Demyx's bean bag couch (yeah he got a bean bag couch) and Demyx checks for anyone who could be listening to their conversation. "What is it?"
"No one can find out about this. Now, Siruxa, we've been together for how long?"
"About a year. It's almost our anniversary so if you forget I'll get Larxene to shove pineapples up your-"
"No no I won't forget!" Demyx reaches in a pocket of his cloak and pulls out a little blue velvet box.
Roxas is taking a nap…and Axel is staring at his face. 'He looks peaceful asleep' (o.o). Axel starts to stroke Roxas's blonde head (O.O) and even touches his lips with his gloved hand (O.o). His face leans in for a kiss, a kiss Axel has wanted ever since Roxas came by. If he couldn't have Larxene, he'll have to make a move out the closet (in yo closet!). Then, smack dab on the target he gives Roxas a smooch.
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"
Roxas wakes up and sees Axel's mouth on his. He punches Axel and gets up with Oblivion in one hand. "WHAT THE FUCK WERE YOU DOING? TRYING TO BUTT RAPE ME OR SOMETHING?"
"If that's what you want."
"Dude!"
Panda Bob crawls in and tugs on Roxas and Axel's cloaks. "Beat it raccoon." Then Panda Bob bites Axel's foot. "ALRIGHT ALREADY GET OFF!" He releases his bite and Axel bandages his foot and gets a pair of crutches. Then the pyromaniac and blondie teleport to Demyx's room where everyone else is apparently there. And…Demyx and Siruxa are holding hands.
"Okay if this is an intervention to make me say I'm a bisexual then you're out of luck! I'm saying nothing!" Axel points at them and Roxas smacks his forehead.
"Um…it's not about that Axel. But it's a good idea though." Xemnas says eyeing Roxas, who looks red in the face like Axel's hair. "Demyx and she-devil have an announcement of some sort."
Siruxa stands up and has a huge smile on her face. "Guys…me and Demyx are getting married in Vegas!" She even holds up her ungloved left hand, which has a silver ring with tiny diamonds and a sapphire in the middle on her left ring finger.
Xigbar spits out his beer like a cannon. Xemnas looks like he saw a traumatizing moment close to Barney raping the Teletubies (sorry if anything graphic has been stuck in your minds). Xaldin, Lexaeus, Vexen, and Zexion look calm but have raised eyebrows. Saix's jaw drops while Axel's eyes widen to the impossible length of Texas. Luxord drops the cards he was shuffling for fun. Larxene looks like she is going to cry and die from laughter. Marluxia is on the verge of fainting and breaking into tears. Naminé looks happy for her friend, but Roxas has a WTF look on his face.
"MARRIAGE? WHAT IN THE MOTHER F F ARE YOU F THINKING? ARE YOU DOING F CRACK OR SOMETHING?" Xemnas is yelling and the curses he said were actually beeped because the censor committee wanted me to beep this part. Damn committee.
"Me and Demyx are ready you douche."
Axel's eyes are getting watery and he gets a pat on the back by the overly floral Marluxia, who is crying and holding a pink handkerchief with pink roses and daisies on it. "Don't worry, at least he's still a virgin. We can beat Demyx in the contest of the Best Man!"
"Actually…" Demyx scratches his hair and he and Siruxa blush. The guys' eyes widened and in unison they say:
"WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH THE WORLD?" Axel notices that Zexion, one of the Nobodies who are young and single, didn't say it.
"Hey emo dude why didn't you say it with us?"
"I have nothing to worry about." That makes the other young men cry. Axel, Marluxia, and Saix are now on the list of Less Manly Dumbasses.
The girls are happy though for their other female friend. "Well, Siruxa I have tips while being married to water boy over here: Violence is best for pleasure and control, make sure he gets you birthday, Christmas, and anniversary gifts, and if you get kids make sure he does not drop them or bring them close to a microwave. That's how Xemnas got retarded." Larxene tells her friend. Only 1 out of 3 of the advices are actually helpful though. Please don't copy the other two advices because I'm not going to court for reckless endangerment.
"HOLD IT! THERE IS NO WAY I'LL ALLOW THIS WEDDING! AND IT'S IN VEGAS FOR GOD'S SAKE! DO YOU KNOW HOW MANY FAILED MARRIAGES WERE FROM VEGAS?"
"Yes. But it's okay. We've got a good minister." Demyx tries to sound smart and make his plan sound fool-proof. "Luxord is the minister!"
Everyone looks at Luxord and he just shrugs. "I got a minister license for any wedding: straight couples, gay couples, lesbian couples, poodle couples, you name it."
"And we have food and the place set up!"
"When is the wedding?" Xaldin asks with absolutely zero interest and zero concerns of the answer.
"Tomorrow." The engaged couple say at the same time, making Xigbar spit out even more beer. "Speaking of tomorrow, I gotta go steal me a wedding dress and shoes! Tootles!" Siruxa gives Demyx a quick kiss and teleports out the room to steal more stuff, bringing society of the Nobodies down to a bad standard.
Axel elbows Demyx and has a mischievous grin on his face. "So…you're a man now. The student is now in the league of the teacher."
"Aren't you a virgin? That means I'm better than you and you taught me nothing, except when it came to those lonesome-" Axel clamps Demyx's mouth shut and in response Demyx bites his hand.
"No biting the teacher! Anyway, we have to make a bachelor party. I'll get a couple of female friends to come and entertain while the other guys get the beer and food and stuff."
"Actually I don't plan on having a party. I'm gonna write a song for the honeymoon and I need to find inspiration. Maybe penguins? No it can be flowers, the Little Mermaid, oceans, water, something that describes her really well."
Xemnas was about to say something but Saix stops him. "Don't worry it will be alright sir. Besides, the girl and Demyx will move out, correct?" The silver-haired superior has a smile brought upon his face and gives Saix a bear hug.
"This is why I love you Saix."
But Saix pushes away from him and brushes off his shoulders. "Sorry, but I'm tired of waiting for you. You were playing hard to get and now I got a new man." And Xemnas is left crying in the corner with Naminé patting him on the back and handing him boxes of Kleenex. Welcome to Kleenex Town boys and girls.
Meanwhile, in Twilight Town, Siruxa is looking for a dress to steal by using binoculars she stole before to look into the bridal shop at the rooftop.
"Too puffy, too draped, too much sparkle, too plain, jeez this store has barely anything worth stealing. Oh hello, what is this?" Siruxa's eyes catch her ideal dress. Not too puffy, draped, sparkly, or plain. Super thieves do get picky when it comes to shopping too. So, she makes a small shadow puddle and digs her arm in it. With her hand keeping the binoculars to her face, she sees her hand come through the ground of the store. Siruxa snags the dress and even causes a woman to faint with a hysterical scream. She picks up the dress and makes the shadow puddle disappear.
"Nice trick Urisa. It's been a while." A voice says behind her. She turns around to see a girl who looks just like her, minus the magenta streaks in her brown hair and the girl is shorter than her by a couple of inches. "How's my least favorite twin doing?" (PLOT TWIST!)
"Doing better than you, that's for sure. So you were finally able to get out of jail Arisa. I knew 25 to life was too much for you."
"No thanks to you. You set me up and made me get caught! I've been in jail for three years and I want revenge! Nice ring by the way." (What kind of disfuntional family do they come from?)
"First of all, thank you. Second, you got yourself caught. I told you that there were laser trip wires that can move at any angle after every five minutes. But you didn't listen to me. And three years isn't that bad. Mom did say you were the baby bitch of the family. Even dad bombed you out of prison because you were starting to go mental after only three years."
"You shut up!" The sky got darker and thunder is rolling. "Mommy and daddy always liked you the best and you stole my boyfriend!"
"I didn't want your boyfriend! He was never interested in you because he was gay (WTF O.O?)! He didn't want to hurt your feelings so he made up that lie about him going out with me!"
"LIAR!" A tornado formed and almost sucked Siruxa in. "How do you like my Nobody power Shadow Fox (a.k.a Siruxa)? Now I'll kill you and gain the bounty of your head!"
While Siruxa is spinning in the tornado she feels like vomiting. But knowing her luck it would come right back at her. "You would kill your own sister for a couple of bucks?"
"Yes!" The tornado stops and drops Siruxa on the ground with a THUD. She tries to get up but is met by a black boot. Siruxa looks at her sister and sees that her appearance has changed: her hair is completely brown, her height is slightly taller to reach Siruxa's, and she is wearing the Organization uniform. "I can pull off disguises pretty well, don't I sis?"
"You should stop this Arisa. Your anger management problems aren't healthy."
"Shut up. I'm Saraxi now. Or should I say Mrs. Siruxa?" She takes Siruxa's ring and puts it on her left ring finger, looking at the sparkle it gave off from the sun hitting the sapphire and diamonds. "A guy actually found a good size for a ring. I'll like this. After the wedding's done, I'll kill you and keep your husband to myself." Then comes the ever so annoying evil laugh followed by lightening and Siruxa just looks at her sociopath sister with a creeped out look on her face. The laugh stops and there is awkward silence so quiet everyone heard Axel let one rip right by the computer.
"I've gotta work on that laugh."
Demyx is looking at himself with the tux on and his hair is…gelled. That's right, g-e-l-l-e-d. He hated the do, but Larxene forced him to where this hairstyle for the wedding because he will not be allowed to ruin his girlfriend's, or fiancé's, wedding. Especially since it is a Vegas wedding. And if he ruins the wedding he can kiss his cohunes goodbye.
"I don't want my hair like this…" Demyx starts shaking his head like a rock star and his mullet/Mohawk do is back. Then Larxene kicks the door down and holding a knife in one hand and a bottle of acid in the other.
"You really don't care about your manhood Demyx?"
"I-I WAS WORKING ON MY ROCKER INPERSONATIONS! PLEASE DON'T CUT THEM OFF!" Demyx grabs a bottle of gel and dumps a pile on his head and styles his hair the way it was before.
"Good boy. You get a cookie." Larxene throws a giant chocolate and vanilla chip cookie and Demyx hordes the cookie like Xaldin at Willie Wonka's Chocolate Factory last Christmas. She leaves the cookie-happy Nobody and leaves the door on the floor with her boot print. Seconds later, Saraxi as Siruxa appeared in the doorway.
"What's up cutie?"
"I want my mulhawk back!"
"What?"
"You know! Half mullet half Mohawk! But Larxene threatened cutting off my cohunes with a knife and dousing what's left of it in acid."
Saraxi raises an eyebrow and makes an embarrassed laugh. "Right…So where will the honeymoon be sweetie?"
"Uh Ruxy you know I don't like that nickname. It's either Demy, Dem-Dem, cutie, or Demy Bear."
'Dear god what did Siruxa give this guy? Meth?' "Right I'm sorry, I'm just so excited for the wedding Demy."
Demyx stares at Saraxi for a while and walks up to her face. "Y'know, there's something different about you…" 'Oh shit if he finds out my identity I'm done for!' He keeps staring at her face and shrugs his shoulders. "Oh well. Probably the cookie Larxene gave me."
"Who's Larxene?"
Demyx gasps and points at the impersonating twin. "You forgot one of your best friends? That's mean!"
"Oh no no no, I thought you meant this other Larxene! No I still remember my friends! I'm not that heartless." (Irony…Nobodies have no hearts…she's a Nobody and she says she isn't heartless…heheheheh…sry).
Demyx just looks at her with a dumb look and shrugs his shoulders. "Okay then. "And besides, the honeymoon's a secret."
"Oh…okay then. How about spending a little fun?"
"Nah, I'm tired and I wanna watch I Robot. It's on the HBO channel."
Demyx leaves Saraxi alone and she curses her sister and retarded boyfriend. She would be thankful to live beyond the wedding before being killed by overly dumb moments. The Nobody walks to Siruxa's room and snaps her fingers. Her twin appears in an iron cage and she seems laid back and whistling a tune.
"You know this plan won't work Saraxi. Just get me out and we can get a family moment arranged on Oprah or Dr. Phil. Trust me, you need it."
"You're still the cool annoying bitch of a sister that I hate even when you know that you'll die. How dumb can you be?"
Siruxa takes a moment to think and sighs. "If I said it you would start being bitchy and I want my ears to be able to hear perfectly without blood pouring out of them."
Saraxi is about to yell, but she takes three deep breathes. She massages the temples of her head and brings her grin back. "I'll pretend I didn't hear that. One thing I want to ask: Why is your fiancé a retarded water boy?"
"He's not retarded. Demyx is a nice, funny, loveable, guy. He isn't a doctor or lawyer but I still love him." (Awwwww…T-T)
The younger and crazier twin has a look of puking guts and organs right at this second when her sister talked like that. "You've gotten stupid. Everyone in this place seems stupid. Some fruity pink-haired chick showered me with flowers for the bouquet for the wedding."
"Um…the chick is a guy. And he loves flowers. Don't ask."
"Hmph. Whatever, the wedding is tomorrow and I must be beautiful for that and killing you." She snaps her fingers again and the cage disappears. Saraxi hears something spill and she sees Xigbar with a drink in his hand and staring wide-eyed at her. "You got a problem patchy?"
"Coooooooooooooool. What did you do? Like, magic tricks or something?"
Awkward silence, crickets chirping, tumbleweed bouncing past, Panda Bob juggling while walking on a rainbow circus ball (hehe…randomness…), and the sound of Larxene trying to kill Axel for trying to take a peek at her in the shower by shouting "perverted asshole" and shooting lightening.
"Sure let's go with that!" She pushes Xigbar out of the room and slams the door. Saraxi decides to sleep for the rest of the night. But after only five minutes of sleep she hears an explosion.
"ROXAS! DEMYX! YOU HOOLIGANS MIXED THE JUJU POTION WITH THE CHUCKY POTION AGAIN!"
'I wanna go to sleep!' She whines in her mind and takes a pillow to her head to keep the sounds out of her head. But commotion continued and now she knows how good sleep you can get at the castle.
Today is the day of the wedding boys, girls, dogs, cats, and anyone else reading this story! Siruxa's in a basement at the casino in Vegas where her wedding will take place. Oh the drama of a damsel in distress who will miss her own wedding and be killed at the hands of her mentally Chucky-like sister.
"There's gotta be something to get me out of this cage. Since when do they have shadow resistant cages?" What she means basically is that Siruxa's power of shadow control are useless records from the 60's that are hiding in Vexen's closet (in yo closet!).
Suddenly the door opens and Lexaeus and Naminé crash through and break Siruxa's prison. "How did you guys find me?"
"Because this Siruxa this morning didn't want my strawberry pancakes with a hot apple pie slice topped with vanilla ice cream. Those are your favorite!"
"Yeah my twin is lactose intolerant and allergic to strawberries."
"Twin?" Naminé asks with innocent curiosity.
"Saraxi is my younger twin who is going to marry Demyx and kill me. She's gonna ruin my dress by stretching it out!"
Lexaeus pulls out a wedding dress of the same type Saraxi took. Siruxa says thanks and takes the dress to change behind a shadow wall she created. She comes out with the wedding dress on and cracks her knuckles with evil devilish intent in her eyes. If you've seen Larxene on her birthday and she got a weapon for a gift, that is what Siruxa looks like right now.
WWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW
Swinging organ music plays and everyone is waiting for the bride. Demyx is on Luxord's left and shaking. Some Organization members are happy, others, like Xemnas, are pissed, and others, like Zexion and Xaldin, look like a little bit of both. Panda Bob, who is in a colorful tux blazer, is eating bamboo with Larxene, who is on pet duty. Jinx the cat is on the floor in the same row of seats as Panda Bob and Larxene. No one dared to pick her up since she is in a nap and if you want to keep your eyesight and voice, then don't wake up the cat.
The organ player plays the swinging version of "Here Comes the Bride" and Saraxi enters the room with a nice smile, but deep inside she is grinning like a murdering clown because she is thinking about killing her sister and getting a huge wad of cash for it. She walks to the alter on Luxord's right and is playing it cool.
"Welcome Organization XIII, pets, Naminé, Jimmy the organ player, and the hobo in the back with nothing better to do to the binding of Siruxa a.k.a Shadow Fox a.k.a Shadow Stalker a.k.a Crazy Girl Who Caused Half The Castle To Be Blown Up From Avoiding The SWAT Team Last Week," he takes a deep breath, "and Demyx a.k.a The Melodious Nocturne a.k.a Water boy a.k.a Dumbass Who Went In The Girls' Bathroom In High School. Now are there any objections?"
Xemnas, Xaldin, and Vexen raise their hands but with an evil glare from Larxene they put their hands down. "Now then-"
BOOM and the doors explode. Lexaeus is holding a bazooka accompanied by Naminé and the real bride. "I object! That bitch over there is a fake!"
The organ player makes a surprised soap opera tune to add dramatic affect. "She's lying! I am Siruxa!"
"Dream on slut!"
"You're a bitch!" And then the cat fight starts. Hair was pulled, punches were thrown, kicks were kicked, tons of things that can't be written in this fanfic, and then Luxord breaks up the fight by hitting a giant gong. Siruxa freezes in her chance to chop Saraxi's head off with the added blade side of her boomerang and Saraxi was going to bust a cap in her twin's brain.
"Can't we act like civilized Nobodies? How about a competition? Three different challenges will be held and whoever wins two out of the three competitions is the real Siruxa. First off is Rock, Paper, and Scissors. Siruxa is the best at this game because so many of us lost a lot of money from her victories."
The girls meet Luxord at the alter and they give a showdown of glares. Then the game starts. Siruxa shoots rock, but Saraxi shoots paper. Then Saraxi beats Siruxa with paper beating scissors. Match 1 goes to Saraxi.
"Why didn't you win?" Naminé whispers in Siruxa's ear, questioning her game.
"My twin was always better at this game than me."
"Next is Match 2: Who can humiliate Xemnas the most with hurtful insults?"
"Hey!" Xemnas gets out of his seat, but Zexion lifts the hair off his eye and hypnotizes him to sit down. "Yes master overlord."
Saraxi's up first, trying to make a yo mamma joke. "Yo mamma is so fat that she was Pumba's fatter stunt double in the Lion King!" She only received boos in reply and she falls back. Siruxa's up now and she cracks her knuckles and takes a deep breath. 'Sis wasn't always so good with jokes and insults. This is mine.'
"Xemnas, you are the worse excuse of a man that I have ever laid eyes on. You are nothing but a mentally traumatized little boy with the scream of a little girl and no manliness whatsoever. Xemnas...I pity you because I feel sorry for someone who got anal raped by Michael Jackson and Barney. At least you still have dignity...or whatever is left of it and two inches of manliness that you paid for." Xemnas breaks down crying and sucking his thumb. Everyone is so surprised at this insult that they are speechless. Match 2 goes to Siruxa.
"Now for the final stage. Match 3: Who gives Demyx the better kiss?"
"We object!" Axel and Marluxia stand up, but this time Luxord gives the evil gambling Vegas Darkness glare and they sit down.
Saraxi goes first and takes Demyx into a closet (in yo closet!). Axel and Marluxia are bummed out that they don't get to see the action (perverted Nobodies). But it didn't last long and they get out. Then Siruxa's next. She takes Demyx into the closet (in yo closet!). This however felt long. After twenty minutes she gets out with a smile on her face and Demyx is speechless.
"Ruxy!" He gives the real Siruxa a hug and everyone knows who the winner is. "But if you're the Ru-Ru I know, then who's that?"
Xaldin pours ice cold water all over Saraxi and her disguise wears off. She looks so pissed she can kill a baby bunny, and it takes real anger to kill a cute widdle baby bunny. "YOU…FUCKING…BITCH!" Storm clouds appear and lightening strikes in the room.
"Oh suck it up already. Besides, I've got reinforcements."
SWAT team members crash through the windows and the ceiling has a hole blown through it. Down a rope suspended by a hovering helicopter a slender woman with frizzy red hair and a tall man with brown hair climb down the roof.
"Uh…hi daddy…how was Havana?"
"Don't give me that bull young lady. You tried to kill your sister again didn't you? First things like the attempt with putting almonds in her ice cream when you know your sister's allergic and then trying to drown her in the sink. This has got to stop Arisa."
"But she was being mean!" The mother grabs Saraxi by the ear and leads her to a SWAT officer.
"We are tired of your crazy attitude, young miss. That is not how we raised you."
"Maybe if you didn't let Urisa help me with the swing I wouldn't have fallen on my head!"
The father hits Saraxi on her hands with a stick he pulled out and the officer takes her into a SWAT truck. He turns to his other daughter and his frown turns upside down. "How's my little angel doing?"
"Good dad. This is my fiancé!"
He looks Demyx up and down and has a sad frown. "I don't like him. He looks stupid. But, I guess on the day of my daughter's wedding I must allow this young man to marry you. It is your wish. I had the chance to marry Pam Anderson, but your mother here is impervious to getting hit on the head with the shovel." The mother smacks her husband on the head and has a pout on her face, then turns into a smile.
"I'm so happy for you sweetheart! Now…" She turns to everyone and takes a deep breath. "IF ANY OF YA RUINS HER MARRIAGE Y'ALL ARE GONNA BE KICKING THE BUCKET WITH CAPS IN THE BRAIN!"
"Says who?" Xemnas says without giving a damn of what this lady is saying. Then Siruxa's father snaps his fingers and a bunch of men in suits aim guns at Xemnas. He gives off a old lady's scream and puts his hands up. "OKAY OKAY DON'T BUST A CAP IN MY BRAIN!"
The wedding continues and the couple are now husband and wife. Then everyone heads outside where Demyx's dolphin gummi ship waits with "Just Married" spray painted on the back in white. Xemnas is grinning and clapping at super duper high speed.
"I guess you'll be moving out right?"
"Actually me and Ruxy plan to stay in the castle to stay with our friends!" They give Xemnas a hug, but they don't see him crying tears of defeat. That girl will never leave him alone.
"Wait a minute. Aren't you Shadow Fox?" A SWAT officer asks. Siruxa freezes and puts on a shy little grin to the officer. "Get her!"
She grabs Demyx and they get in the gummi ship and blast off into space where they will go on their possibly whacky honeymoon. The Organization waves them good bye while the SWAT team curses their failure and heads home with their tail between the legs.
It was all a happy moment. Then Axel turns to Larxene with a weird grin on his face. "So, water boy and fugitive got married. How about we do a little somethin' somethin' or whatever?"
"Shut your mouth perverted pyro." Larxene says without looking at him. She looks calm, except for the fact that her temple is throbbing. Then Axel smacks her butt and she clenches her fists. "YOU FUCKING POOR EXCUSE OF A MAN! THUNDER'S REVENGE FIST!"
Larxene gives Axel a super punch with lightening on her fist and the impact of the punch and Axel's face made a thunder cracking sound. Axel is sent flying and all that anyone can see of him is a twinkle in the sky. The twinkle in the sky from Axel's blast into space forms a message that says "The End". Oh the joys of a disfuntional friendship that makes anyone want to cry, laugh, or even puke.
A/n: I'm gonna miss you guys! (Gives boys a bear hug and cries anime tears)
Demyx: Me too! T-T
Axel: Can I puke now?
Riku: Can someone give me a gun please?
Me: You're being mean on the last chapter? Bobo get 'em!
(Giant piggy chases Axel and Riku around the set)
Me: Well, this is the end of the road folks. Thanks for reading and reviewing throughout the story!