This is a light hearted romp through the fandom of Harry Potter, I get to totally manipulate characters, while they still remain the same.

Yes it's a little over the top, incredibly OOC, but it's fun. Something to help me relax from the little more tense Confusion. (For a more serious HP/SS fic, with no crossovers go there)

If you've read my other fics you'll probably realise my writing style changes - Flippant - It tends to do that the lighter a fic gets.

S: This is a kind of cross over, coz it's still Harry and Snape… but they came from a different world.

Warning: AU, Dark themes,Harry Potter/Severus Snape pairing (not a student/teacher relationship). malexmale relationships, if you don't like the idea please press the back button… or the little cross up there in the right hand corner.

Oh yeah I suppose this is a kinda warning too, very OOC characters, well kinda OOC coz they aren't really the characters but… yeah anyway… (And don't worry, Snape will change into a more Snape like persona)

Disclaimer: I find it easiest to say I own nothing, because it's true,

and if you sue you'll own nothing too --0

XXXXoooooXXXX oooooXXXX oooooXXXX oooooXXXX oooooXXXX

If you think I need to make the Point of View clearer, by adding initials, please let me know and I'll add them.

Onwards towards OOC-ness and other worldliness.

Chapter 1

Don't press that button!

Harry sat in the Great hall trying to concentrate on his silver fork buried under a pile of potatoes and not on the fiery glare on the top of his head from across the hall. He shook his raven-haired head as if trying to dislodge the obsidian stare, defiant emerald eyes rose in challenge. He tried not to squirm but the slow raise of the lip into a sneer broke his resolve and his eyes returned to the plate.

A normal meal.

…And then everything changed…

The world lurched and a piercing light flashed through the hall. Harry blinked and tried to focus on something as the world swayed for a moment. The black figure beside him soon cleared and formed a tall man, jeans and a tight white t-shirt under a long black coat. The skin was pale but not sickly and long dark hair was pulled back by a serpent clasp.

"God damn it Sev, I told you NOT to touch it!" Harry twitched, tanned hands clenched in fists against his tight black leather pants, the black fishnet glove bit into his palm.

"Oh, but you know how I can't keep my hands to myself." The other drawled and shot him a quick suggestive grin. Harry rolled his eyes and glanced about him, mouth falling open at the sight of hundreds of kids dressed in dark robes and hats, looking like his Wiccan friends, like witches and wizards.

All of them staring at him and the man beside him.

Harry swallowed, his eyes following the long tables, before they were drawn to what he guessed was the head table. A group of adults all wearing ridiculous outfits stared at them, a giant man sat at one end dwarfing an already miniscule man beside him. He found his voice.

"Holy shit Dorothy, I don't think we're in Kansas anymore." He turned to Severus who stared at him incredulously.

"Toto! You can talk!" He broke into a grin as Harry punched him in the arm. The man had a tendency to joke in the most intense situations. It helped both of them relax. He remembered when one of their machines had broken, their experiment exploding and plastering itself all over the walls, the seedy joke that had resulted was one Harry had trouble forgetting.

"I hate you."

"… Harry?" Severus had turned a little pale staring over Harry's right shoulder at the table of adults behind him. Turning Harry blinked at what had drained the colour from the man's face. An identical replica of his Severus, but with dark robes and hair that was out, which held the same silkiness that seemed unique to his man.

"You have any unknown relatives practicing in dark magic Sev? Witchcraft? Paganism?" Harry had drawn closer to Severus as they spoke in half whispers.

"Not that I know of…" The taller man frowned

"But I hope to God that if you suddenly do… they aren't like Aunt Cheryl." Severus felt the younger male pressed against him shudder.

"Excuse me." A tall man, a beard tucked ludicrously into a bright purple robe complete with gold trimmings, stood with a curious gleam in his eyes. "May I have your names and where you come from?"

"I suppose you may." Harry answered and they stood for a moment in silence, the old man expecting them to continue, but no one spoke. It was a game he was infamous for, reporters who flocked to their doors were always wary when face with 'Potter', language was a dangerous tool and questions had to be asked precisely. Half questions such as 'May I ask what made you experiment with blueberry?' was always answered with 'you may' or 'you may not', the limited time reporters were allowed was wasted by re-asking the question, it frustrated them to no end, and Harry loved watching them fumble over themselves, not wanting to insult him.

"Well?" Severus's arms folded over his chest and eyebrow raised in waiting, Harry elbowed him in the ribs. The dark haired man always took pity on those he toyed with, or more so that he became frustrated by their slowness, had it been up to the fiery man, he wouldn't have allowed any reporters between their walls. Only a few times had he been roped into talking to the journalists, and even then he had been short and terse, directly to the point, almost scathing in his answers. Yet still the newspaper parasites preferred to face the barbed tongue and biting words to Harry's games.

"Er… What are your names?" Harry broke into a grin and mock bowed, the man was quicker than others, sometimes he had been forced to wait in silence for minutes as reporters flailed over the unexpected silence.

But even still Harry couldn't help but play around a little, test the waters as he liked to call it. The affectionate nickname he had garnered with his swift smile, piercing eyes, quick hands on the streets when he was younger was one he often caught people off guard with, especially with Wiccans. He loved playing with stereotypes, people always reacted the strongest to them.

"Antichrist, son of Satan, and this is my minion lapdog."

"Lapdog!" The dark haired man sputtered.

"Absolutely," Harry continued without missing a beat. "now be a good puppy and you might get a treat." Turning to the shocked old man. "We are here to do your evil bidding or anything else you witches, wizards, satanist, sorceress or other miscellaneous cults, may require..." He tapped his jaw thoughtfully. "For the right price of course."

A shocked silence followed the words.

"No?" Harry looked around in mock expectance and shrugged. "Well perhaps you could tell us where the closest bus stop is and we'll be on our merry way." A little disappointed he turned from the older man, he had expected at least a larger reaction from the hall full of people.

"DEATH EATER!" A loud cry from a red head who pointed a stick at them caught them by surprise, but what drew their eye was the boy trying to pull the energetic boy back down. The spell of silence broke and the entire hall exploded with noise.

"Ok, that's freaky. " Harry muttered indicating the boy that looked like him and Severus nodded.

"He's cuter though." Harry turned in exaggerated shock and disgust to Severus who tried to look like he was checking out the other boy without laughing.

"Is not!"

"Sure he is, cute messy hair, an innocence you couldn't muster if you raided a nursery and dressed in diapers."

"Your just plain kinky." Harry snorted "Besides I'm not cute. I'm hot."

Severus chuckled and rolled his eyes.

"No, you're a try-hard bad ass."

"There is nothing wrong with my posterior!"

"Your posterior? I own it baby." He drawled and gave the boy a quick smack.

"No way." Harry held up a hand in dismissal. "Nope. Don't talk to me. You are so dumped!"

"We've been through this before. You can't dump me!" Severus threw his hands up in mock disgust. "We're married!"

The hall fell eerily silent and the two looked around them, backing slowly towards the door.

"Well." Harry cleared his throat, intent on continuing the banter, trying to make himself feel less awkward. "I guess I'll have to file a divorce."

"What about Voldy?" a collective gasp followed by low muttering, Severus continued hurriedly, aware of Harry's unspoken plan. "Have you thought about our baby boys needs?"

"I'm taking him, the tv and my laptop, you can have the house and Albus."

"Albus! I don't want Albus, I swear he sees everything and plans it all. His a manipulative bastard." A collective gasp. "You can't leave me alone with him." Harry looked thoughtful, before grinning.

"Well… I suppose I'll have to save you from his excessive twinkle."

"Twinkle my ass, it's called psychopathy."

"His a goat for gods sake!"

"I swear his an old man in disguise."

"Albus!" An outraged cry came from the head table and an older woman glared at the tall man at the head of the table. "You never told us Harry and Severus had twins! And spying on them in your animagus form." The old man coughed and spluttered. "and deceiving us like that is…"

"Wait." Harry held up a hand. "How do you know our names?" She looked at them blankly before her eyes narrowed, as the old man shook his head muttering something about a goat.

"Who are you?" Her lips pursed.

"Harry Potter-Snape, and Severus Potter-Snape, owners of the Willy Wonka Chocolate Factory." Severus spoke up and they stared at the tall dark haired man blankly.

"You know… Willy Wonka's chocolate, candies and lollies?" Harry elaborated a little. Not even a flicker of recollection.

"Oh God. They don't know what Willy Wonka is… what kind of freak place have we landed in!" Harry stared at the blank faces before trying not to panic, he thought this had been some kind of advertising stunt, perhaps a prank by their 'arch-nemesis' in the candy industry, the Weasley twins. But that blankness couldn't be faked and he had this sort of sixth sense when it came to people lying to him. He tried not to freak out as a translucent man with a head swinging off one angle rose through the floor a few feet away from them.

"An excursion Harry?"

"Excuse me?" The ghost, as Harry had dubbed him, indicated their outfits.

"Your uniform and Professor Snape's robe, I don't think I have ever seen you out of that robe Severus…" The ghostly being suddenly noticed the silence and turned around to realize he had made some sort of a mistake, quickly slunk back into the floor. Harry watched his head disappear into the stones trying to breath calmly.

"I want to go home." He rounded on Severus. "I told you NOT to press that button! Why don't you ever listen to me!" Severus waited patiently for the tirade to end. "No one knew where that button would take us! Not even Charlie knew! How often have you been warned!"

"Mr Wonka wouldn't have placed an unsafe button in hi-"

"Wonka was a NUT CASE! He would've put a button to hell if he could've, just to see how fun it would be to tell reporters that it took them outside."

"Harry…" Severus was interrupted before he could attempt to calm the younger man.

"It took Charlie to the God damn moon! Tell me that isn't safe and I'll kick you in the balls."

"You're over reacting."

"Overreacting? OVERREACTING! Then tell us you god damn genius, where the hell we are! Tell me where there are evil twins running around and everyone dresses like freaks!"

"Obviously this is Wonka's home land." That stopped Harry in his tracks.

"What?" A furious hiss.

"He explained it didn't he. He came from a land of magic, that's why he chose us because he could sense magic in us." Harry twitched and Severus hurried on. "He went to a school where there was a great hall full of black robed students, a roof of stars." Harry glanced at the galaxies swirling across the star filled roof. "A table full of teachers with more outlandish clothing then he wore, and ghosts." Severus paused.

"We're in Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry."

Harry stared at him before deep, rich laughter bounced out across the Great Hall.

"Oh, that's a good one, pull another."

XXXXoooooXXXX oooooXXXX oooooXXXX oooooXXXX oooooXXXX

S: I hope you enjoyed that! (I warned about the OOC-ness, although it's not really, considering Harry and Severus of this world will remain as in character as I can make them)

I'm not sure when the next chapter will be up, but i have a feeling it's going to get more angsty.

Why can't i write happy things? sigh