"Bad Day" and various specific things about "Bad Day" are copyright Orin Drake. Everything else, including characters and locations and pretty much everything else ever belongs to Square-Enix.
Background: This was a challenge from the Video Game Yaoi Challenge LiveJournal community, for emeraldembers. My prompt: "Sephiroth keeps his feelings dampened down, but sometimes Zack gets them to show up in full; and that hurts worse than anything else the dark-haired man could do to him." I'd also like to thank a certain webmaster of the Sephiroth and Zack shrine, Milk and Honey for encouraging me and assuring me this didn't suck. Heh. Because once in a while, I should be encouraged. Just not... too often.
Bad Day
by Orin Drake
It had simply been a Bad Day. He was downright sick and tired of everything. The last thing in the whole of the universe that he wanted was for someone to try and cheer him up. And so it was quickly discovered that Zack, fresh from a particularly mind-numbing class on swordplay, did not easily pick up on mental signals after being bored to death for two solid hours. At some later point in time, the incident would be reflected upon by the general over and over, trying to figure out just how it got so far away from satisfactorily repressed.
It wasn't that Sephiroth didn't appreciate the boundless energy and unfailing optimism of the youth... to a degree, anyway. It just pissed him off some. At least, when he was already in a pissy mood. Add to that the general had been tracked down in the hall only moments before meeting Zack by Dr. Hojo himself, to be informed that he was going to get "more extensive treatments" for a "little while"... certainly something was finally going to boil over.
He should have had the presence of mind to warn the boy long before they'd both entered his sparse quarters. He was just too damn frustrated, and Zack had made one of his usual quips, but... Sephiroth didn't even know what he'd yelled, really. It was something loud and sharp, vicious enough to get the youth's normally sparkling eyes to widen in something that was absolutely alien.
It was a terrible mistake, Sephiroth knew that immediately. Too late, though; he hadn't thought before he'd acted. Hadn't kept his perfectly polished, meticulously measured calm even through the anger. It was... disturbing. "I... I'm... sorry..."
"It's okay." Zack shrugged, an honest enough response. "I've never heard you... y'know. Snap before."
It had been... quite a while since the general had shown anything close to anger. At least not while anyone else was in the room, and certainly not toward anyone. It was enough to cast worry across him like a cold shadow; he didn't want anyone near him when he didn't even understand himself... "Perhaps... this evening is not a... good time."
Zack looked positively horrified by the suggestion. "Hey, no! Don't worry about it. One little slip shouldn't ruin a whole night!" He assured. "It's okay, Seph. Happens to everyone."
It was more than a "slip". It was a break--one that should not have happened. Perhaps it did happen to everyone... but he... was not everyone. It was a lesson that had been ingrained within him just as sure as his instincts and his "good sense" (even though he had been very much in question of that one ever since he'd met a certain SOLDIER at his side). But... perhaps if Zack didn't seem to see the wrongness in it... then the night was salvageable after all. He wasn't sure he truly believed such a thing, but it was so... tempting to accept. He thoughts stopped abruptly when he noticed the young man's eyes on him.
Zack blinked as the green gaze pierced him sharply--he hadn't realized he'd been staring. Instead of wasting time with an apology, he cut to the chase. "You alright, Seph? Something happen?"
That was... the oddest thing. The boy was... genuinely concerned for him..? It wasn't like all those times when Zack had asked how he was before (to which he normally grunted or decided to leave the room). The tone was... quieter, kept closer. "I..." He really had no idea how to react--but he did recall conversations between others. "I'm fine. And you?"
The youth made a quiet sound, amused. "Peachy. But that's not the issue."
The words spilled forth before any thought could have been given to them. "There is no 'issue' here."
The defensiveness was starting to make them both a little... tense. Zack was not good with tense. Thoughtless jokes tended to fall out of his mouth. "I dunno about that. Things like this can stem from childhood."
"And what business is it of yours?" the general barked even before he knew the question had upset him. He barely held back a cringe immediately afterward; his little "slip" seemed to have intensified into a minor landslide. The boy was not helping. In fact, he seemed only to be making it worse... but Sephiroth was determined not to admit to his own fears about himself.
Okay. Zack made the mental note quickly. Childhood: bad.
The man merely shook his head and lowered his gaze, somewhat surrendering. "I... I cannot apologize enough. Perhaps it really would be best if you were to--"
"Look." The youth interrupted evenly, only loud enough to be heard. "I'm not leaving. You're obviously not feeling that great, I get that. But who else is gonna make you feel better?"
The smile and the sentiment were almost enough to chase the shadows away. It would have been his cue to make a move in any other situation... but Sephiroth couldn't bring himself to try. "While that is kind of you--"
"Nu-uh. I'm not getting the brush-off." Zack was damn determined not to give up and move on like it seemed so many others had done. No wonder the guy was so soured on friendship; no one had ever latched on with the refusal to be shaken off, before! And if anyone was up to being that example...
Instead of being reassured, Sephiroth had begun to feel oddly... cornered. Some part of him knew that he shouldn't feel that way around the young man he had actually begun to think of as a friend, that Zack had no intentions of causing discomfort or worry, and yet... that part of his mind seemed choked off. What fought for dominance was sheer, panic-stricken instinct--trust no one, nothing, back into a corner and fight to be alone. He'd tried not to revert to old habits, tried to deal with it in other ways, but... "I... I do appreciate it, but..."
Despite his reputation, Zack was not oblivious--and he certainly wasn't stupid. He saw the feral, wild-eyed look in the man's eyes, seeing how hard he was fighting not to literally run away to somewhere safer. He couldn't let Sephiroth think of him as an enemy. "Please, Seph." He didn't care that he was pleading. "You're always wound so tight... I can only imagine the shit you have to deal with." He sighed, mostly at himself. It sounded so... stupid and corny and... just... ugh. "You don't... have to deal with it alone, y'know? I... I want to be here."
Panic. It was... it was panic. What was that? What was the boy trying to do to him? There was no one in the world that had that sort of kindness. Not toward him. Flee, run, get away...
The youth spread his hands out in front of himself slowly, trying to alleviate the situation. "It's okay, really. I swear it is! You're only human--"
No more. He could retain a stoic silence no longer. "I have never been 'only human'." He growled.
The tone, the way those slitted green eyes narrowed... Zack had never felt in the least bit threatened by the man before just then. Yeah, something was bothering him alright. But he had the feeling it was something that had been simmering in Sephiroth since the man's very first memory. "Well you should be. You should be allowed to be."
The way the boy had used "should"... a viciously bitter laughing noise left the general's mouth--shortly before venom came forth. "That is not my life, Zack. I haven't got these... freedoms."
Zack's fists balled tight with unexpectedly strong anger. Not at Sephiroth, but of all the people that had beaten those ridiculously horrifying notions into his head. "Well I don't see why not! I don't know why you just accept that! Why don't you fight back?"
Somewhere in his consciousness, he knew his voice was rising. It had never risen to that volume before--the simple knowledge that he had no control over it was enough to vibrantly color his scathingly bitter response. "I am not fortunate enough to be one of you. Someone... normal. Someone who can fight back."
"But you're a fucking human being, Seph!"
"I am property, Zack." He hissed back. "I am owned. I am a living weapon. I cannot afford to have these... wants. These emotions." The last word was spat with more hatred than he cared to reveal... but that was just another nail in his coffin.
The youth felt a lot of the fight leave him, then. It was just so... empty... so hopeless... but the rage remained. How dare they... how dare anyone make another person feel that way... "No one has any right to treat you like shit!"
Sephiroth blinked at the shrieking pitch of Zack's statement. He clearly just... believed what he said so much... But he was wrong. "They bred their 'right' into me!"
It hurt to see so much anguish. "But it's... it's just... it's not fucking... It's not right, Seph! It's not fair!"
The fire had begun to cool down with that sentiment, but the bitterness remained in Sephiroth's voice. "Fairness, Zack... holds nothing. This is Shin-Ra, in case you have forgotten." He didn't like the burning lump in his throat. He liked the fact that he couldn't ignore it even less. Or that very sudden tightness surrounding his abdomen...
--The general's eyes widened considerably. What the--?
Zack was not relinquishing the hug he'd just attacked with, however. Just like that, the fight was over. Clearly, there had been no winners. When it was equally as clear that Sephiroth likely would not get over the surprise of a hug being used as a fight ender and would neither return it or push him away, the youth spoke softly. "I wish... you'd let yourself... get some of this out, at least."
The sentiment left the hugged man blinking stupidly--even moreso than he had been. Get... it out..? He managed to find his voice, though his arms were still not working enough to either embrace nor shove. "Are you referring to... 'venting'..?"
"Absolutely!" Zack confirmed, still not letting go.
"I don't believe that would be a decent idea." He discouraged, words lacking a bit of strength from the increasingly tight hug.
It seemed the boy was attempting to formulate... a plan. "You know, Seph... I mean... you can get... a little rough..."
"No, I can't." He severed the idea at its source. Fear flooded into him again. "I... I'm concerned that I won't... know when to stop."
A short silence... and then he released his hold just enough to pull back and smile. "Restore materia, remember? And I am a SOLDIER 3rd Class."
"I will hurt you Zack." He'd meant it entirely as a warning... but it somehow came out a bit more like a promise.
The youth had very often been accused of being an idiot. He couldn't deny it, really; he wasn't half as dumb as most people thought, but he sure did surprise himself on occasion. He wasn't very careful... with anything... Looking before he leapt was nothing he managed to see particular benefit in, but his reaction to those words seemed a little more... dumb than even he was used to. His pulse quickened, throat going dry, a barely noticed shiver moving through his spine... the chance to see something that Sephiroth never showed anyone... and he knew that he would be capable of keeping such secrets safe. "Materia." He reminded, voice rough... but certain.
Sephiroth didn't even notice his fingers twitching. He was well beyond the desire to argue any longer. If the boy so openly wanted to be the center of his abuse... he hadn't the ability to refuse at that moment. Zack had been bothering him about not holding back, after all. About trusting him, and believing what he said. What an excellent way to be sure he was never bothered about it again. In the deepest depths of his mind, he knew he was only using that as an excuse to give in... but at that moment, he chose to ignore the idea. He'd been given consent. Consent enough. His voice was a deep growl despite the boy still somewhat clutching to him. "Pants."
Well that got Zack to release his hold. He backed up a step, looking up at the man in confusion. "Wha-... Huh?"
"Take them off." It was an order, no question. "Unless you'd like your uniform shredded."
There was something in the youth that told him he really ought to be careful. Perhaps it even suggested, albeit quietly, that he should back up and take his opportunity to escape in one piece. But that wasn't what he wanted--a fact he didn't even know until he consciously realized there was... quite a draft against his legs... Staring down at his own mischievous hands and what they'd just done to his pants, he had an odd moment of near-clarity: his brain simply did not operate when he was extremely turned on.
That one fragile second of pause in Zack's motions caused the general's control to slip even further. Not entirely--in reality barely just a fragment--but it was enough. He found a low growl in his throat, hands tearing easily at the fabric that hadn't already been shed before clamping down on the boy's shoulders and spinning him, pushing him.
Zack was a little too surprised at how quickly things were progressing to do anything but let himself be unceremoniously shoved forward, nearly saving himself from taking a spill over the arm of the couch. He'd have recovered, would have been able to catch himself if Sephiroth hadn't known exactly when to give that none-too-gentle push to his shoulder... Well. Naked and bent over a couch with Shin-Ra's Silver General behind him wasn't the worst way to spend an evening. It was only when unnecessary force was used to keep him down that he began to get a little... concerned.
One hand firmly on the boy's back, Sephiroth used the other and every ounce of grace and speed to rid himself of his own clothing with the other hand. Only when he needed to shed both gloves and sleeves did he release his hold--and even then it was a move that unenhanced humans would never have seen with their naked eyes.
Hm, naked. Bare. Hot and heart pounding and breathing hard... Sephiroth wasn't even aware he was slipping still further, staring down at the beautiful body held beneath him, both frightened and willing. Just as he liked it. Just as he'd wanted.
Zack had heard the term "taste fear" before. He'd never actually done such until just that moment... and it was not a pleasant thing to have on his tongue at all. Least of all when that pressure on his back finally lifted, grasp settling instead at his hips. No warning. No time for thought.
Had he been capable of such a realization, Sephiroth would have cringed at how far he'd allowed his own control to fall. He did cringe with the anguished sound of the boy's painful gasp beneath him, something that became a wail and then a strangled gurgle before anything solid could come of it.
When Zack could finally manage a breath enough to whimper, he was almost sorry he invited the whole ordeal. Almost. His fingers buried firmly in the arm of the couch (which would require the purchase of a new piece of furniture to fix, he assumed--he'd pierced both the leather and the batting underneath) and his jaw set, he was just on the verge of asking reprieve when he felt an enormously warm tingle arc through his spine with a surprisingly delicate thrust. It did not overcome the pain by any degree, but he could feel something beyond the more... unpleasant sensations rushing through every part of him.
No words from behind him; no apologies, no questions, not even the assurance that everything just might turn out okay afterward. It was unsettling to the youth in multiple ways--but he'd offered himself. As escape or sanctuary, it didn't matter. The fact that the general had accepted his offer was enough to keep him there, keep him receiving anything granted to him. Even if it tore another squeaking gasp from him with the unexpectedly slow withdrawal and reentry.
Zack shivered with the knowledge: there was blood. It was a smell and a pooling warmth against the back of his thigh. He'd reached to the cushion with one hand, tearing straight through the leather in an effort to suppress more painful sounds as the speed began to increase and everything within the vicinity of his hips burned. There would be bruises on the actual flesh, he was certain... but he did not revel in the idea of what the next morning would feel like even after Restore materia.
His thoughts were interrupted by another white hot pain thrashing through his spine, started at the juncture between his neck and shoulder. Bitten. The idea was just so... overloading in the moment... More blood. He felt the warm trickle over his shoulder, some dripping around his neck and down his chest. As he felt Sephiroth's tongue lap against the wound, warm breath panting out on his neck, worry about the lack of words or predictability of anything once again surfaced.
"S-Seph..." He wasn't afraid, per se... but every additional second of non-reaction was making him a little bit... nervous. "Se--" A hand over his mouth. He tensed, but did everything in his power not to struggle. No. He couldn't let the animal instinct win. He couldn't allow himself to do anything that might be interpreted as turning his friend away...
A hand over the boy's mouth was the only thing the general could do to get it to stop; the emotion raging inside of him like an oncoming summer storm in the mountains, the gentle allowance he found for doing such horrifying things to the boy who trusted him... Stupid, the youth was so damn stupid... but Sephiroth knew himself to be even more so. Never should have agreed, never should have started... there was no way he could stop when he'd already gone so far.
The hand over his mouth, the blood, the pain, the increasingly desperate motions of the man holding him down... Zack couldn't have explained it. He didn't even understand it, but... a subtle shift in the angle of the thrusts allowed him a little freedom against the cushions beneath--and just enough friction.
Gasping, bleeding, rush and slide--tightening muscle, shaking, panting and an icy fire of pain-pleasure-completion. It was neither empty nor satisfying. It just... was... and it would be regrettable.
Coming back to himself far too quickly, Sephiroth found that he couldn't stop the mild trembling moving through his limbs. Part of him had to admit to not even truly wanting to repress it... but that was a ridiculous idea, crushed firmly beneath years of training and practice. He pulled away slowly. If he hadn't been fully aware of what he'd just done, he'd easily have darted backward as if burned--but as it was, he'd hurt the youth enough. Materia. Yes, materia.
Zack didn't move. He waited, panting, trying very hard not to so much as hiss through his teeth at the fierce and throbbing pain left behind. He focused instead on the ruined couch and tried to laugh. It was a brave attempt, perhaps--right before he felt the wash of Restore materia making everything burn even worse.
Another Cure spell, then another--Sephiroth knew he was temporarily draining himself, but he wasn't about to let the boy suffer a second longer than he already had. He couldn't bring himself to speak, only moving closer to pick his uniform up from the floor. He'd reached for the boy's clothes at the same time, but... well, the pants were alright. Everything else would have to be replaced.
Seeming to sense his thoughts, Zack wheezed a quiet chuckle as he tested out his newly healed muscles. Still a little sore, but nowhere near what it had been; he lifted himself just enough to turn and sit carefully upon the couch's arm that he'd nearly clawed apart. He winced not with the events prior or with pain, but with what he saw in front of him. Maybe he'd been wrong. Maybe he hadn't helped at all.
The normally stoic, cold green eyes had gone wide and somewhat... unmasked. Fear, guilt, self-hatred, anger--all fully revealed as the general took a step back and tried to gauge just what he should do next. Zack's move had surprised him to the core; he'd fully expected the boy to run or shout or... worst case, curse and threaten before he went and told everyone. About how unstable Shin-Ra's precious perfect SOLDIER was. About how... perverted...
Sephiroth shook his head of the thoughts, blinking and attempting to return to a state of cold distance. It likely failed with the unnaturally timid tone of his voice as he looked away. "I... would understand, if... you don't want to... if you didn't..."
"Hey." Zack shattered the desperation in the room with a smile. Inside, he was panicking. Inside, he was sick with the worry that he was going to get pushed away, locked out of the man's life forever while the general allowed himself to spiral into total destruction. "I invited it, didn't I?"
Silence passed. It wasn't simply that Sephiroth couldn't think of anything intelligent to say, but the added weight of wondering just how the boy managed to survive when he was obviously a complete and utter idiot made words difficult to form. There was simply no way to express matters except for a disgusting understatement. "I went too far..."
Dammit, that wasn't what the youth had been trying to do! Granted he'd gotten a hell of a lot more than he thought he was asking for, but... whether it amounted to trust or just plain being broken down by constant stress and the boy's continuous prods... he wasn't going anywhere. The general did not need another person afraid of him. "No, you didn't. I'm still here. All healed and everything, see?"
"Zack." He knew the youth was capable of miracles with that kindness, that smile. He knew he wasn't worthy. And certainly not after... "The thought of..."
"Then don't think about it." The boy shrugged, entirely nonchalant. "Everything is fine. I'm up for an encore."
Another moment of blinking, confused silence. "Zack."
He knew he'd won. When he wasn't tossed out into the hall with his pants on his head, he gained all the assurance he'd ever need. "Maybe not right now, though. I think I'm gonna need me a little TV and junk food. Gotta build up the energy, y'know?"
Sephiroth began concentrating on getting himself dressed. He certainly had to focus on something besides the invading question... which one of them was really the idiot?
Mmmm. I so very much needed to get back to the "edge of consent violence". There, I feel better now. I hope you guys feel better too. cough
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