Hello again. Lol. Yet another Naruto-verse fic. Lol. This one is a humorous fic about Sasuke and his morning...LOL. Joy, Joy.

Proceed with caution: Implied slash. Lol. And possibly other disturbing things.

Anyway...onward we go!

"There Are No Words"

You know, there isn't a word for how fucked up Sasuke's morning was, because previously there was no word in existence to describe the horror of waking to find a raven-haired, snake-obsessed Sannin in your bed, stroking your hair back and singing you a disturbing little snake lullaby. No words to describe it.

But that was exactly what Sasuke woke to find in his bed this morning. Orochimaru, child-molesting (yet somehow gorgeous) bastard that he was had then rearranged himself on the bed and proceeded to lecture Sasuke on the properties and responsibilities of manhood.

FREAKY...(shiver)

And while this was going on, Sasuke sat still as stone, clutching the covers in both hands and hauling them up to his chin, all too-aware that he was wearing only his boxers. This was so not a good idea. From now on, he was dressing in full combat armor when he went to sleep. Damn Orochimaru and his damn touchy-feely tendencies.

When the Sannin's one-sided conversation ventured uncomfortably into sexuality, Sasuke panicked and jumped out of the bed, yanking the sheets with him as his only form of protective body covering. It was all very undignified...but... Damn his pride, this was a matter of preservation!

Orochimaru paused momentarily and just gave him that snakey-snarky smile that you know bodes trouble. Sasuke shivered and side-stepped his way around his side of the bed, trying to reach his kunai pouch across the room. The snake-lord's eyes narrowed and he laughed, "Oh, Sasuke-kun...I wouldn't do that if I were you." He rose from the bed, graceful and imposing...still smiling in that gods-acursed way he had. "You might scare off your guest."

Sasuke paused, just a foot away from the possibly-life saving kunai pouch, eyeing Orochimaru with confusion. "Guest? I don't recall any guests." Sasuke knew he didn't have THAT much sake last night...but then again, he didn't remember everything...he blacked out too many times. Sasuke growled; damn Kabuto and his drinking games.

Orochimaru's smirk widened, "Oh, dear Sasuke, it's a special surprise!" He stepped back, walking in graceful back-steps towards the chamber door. "You see, since your training has been completed a full year in advance, someone has offered me a great deal of...shall we say, valuable assistance if I toss you them for the next twelve months." The Sannin shrugged, "How could I refuse such an obviously beneficial tradeoff?"

Sasuke's eyes narrowed in dis-ease...he didn't like where this was going. "Trade off? I'm leaving the compound?"

Orochimaru shook his head, but did not explain further.

Sasuke cocked an eyebrow, "You're allowing someone else in?" He shuffled a step closer to the kunai pouch, "And who might this someone be?"

Orochimaru back-stepped once more and opened the chamber door, admitting a tall, slim figure wrapped in a rather large cloak. Sasuke gasped, choked and tried to reach for his kunai but a slim, pale hand was there first, snatching the pouch away and out of reach. A pale hand...with violet-painted nails.

Ah, sweet justice.

Sasuke looked up into Sharingan eyes and growled.

Itachi stripped the sheet away, gave him the up and down...twice...and then smirked...

..."Hello Sasuke-kun."

Orochimaru closed the door behind him as he left the chamber, not bothering to look back as Sasuke tried to jump the bed and escape. Itachi had him well in hand.

((Time Skip...Time Skip...Time Skip...))

Well, all Sasuke had to say was, if there were no words to describe his morning...there were definitely no words to describe his afternoon, his evening...nor the dawn, noon, dusk and midnight of nearly every day for the next several months...

...nor the aching pain in his bum or Itachi's self-satisfied smirk as he hugged Sasuke against him.

((poke))

...The End...

Lol. God Bless the Uchiha Clan. Lol. Because they're just too damn hot.

Love Always,

-erena g.t. rose