A/N: Heheh…this is a random story that IS for Pirates of the Caribbean, but contains multiple characters from other shows and/or movies…all coincidentally are played by Johnny Depp (we all love the man, don't we? Seriously! Who couldn't?). I am determined to keep this a one-shot, but it may be a long one-shot, as it were.

Disclaimer: I own…the idea of multiple characters ending up the way they do, but I don't own the characters themselves. Honestly though, if I owned Captain Jack Sparrow…:D

Oh, and by the way, if you like Lord Cutler Beckett, don't read any of my stories. Ever. He dies. Always. Humiliating, painful, bloody, agonizing death. You are warned. Unless you skipped over this paragraph, then you aren't.

Davey Jones looked down at the mangled, decapitated body sprawled out on the deck below him as he allowed the Bo 'sun to wipe the blood off his crab claw.

"It's a fool of a man to think he can take my heart from me." Yes, Beckett was a fool indeed. Not long after receiving the heart from Norrington, who he re-instated as a Commodore, Beckett took to the seas in an attempt to take control of Davey Jones. Jones tracked him down, and after an unusually short battle with the Navy, Jones cornered Beckett, the last survivor of his crew. What was left of the man was about to be swept then scrubbed off the decks.

But he had his heart back, and he retuned it to it's proper place in the closed chest on his ship. Yes, Beckett was a fool to have tried to tame the sea. But he had died a bloody, humiliating, hopefully painful death.

---

Captain Jack Sparrow gave a huge sigh of relief. The land on the horizon he'd been watching wasn't a mirage- this time. It was land. It was an island, specifically. An island that looked an awful lot like a giant sea-turtle. So here he was, Captain Jack Sparrow, to be rescued by a sea-turtle. Again.

He sighed again as he thought about that damned Kraken. It ate his ship. Never mind that it tried to eat him, it ate his SHIP! It had tried to eat him, though. Apparently the Kraken didn't know it was trying to eat Captain Jack Sparrow. Stupid animal. However, he'd taken care of that thing. Free lifetime supply of calamari, if you will. It made for a good sea-voyage. Which of course was what he was on.

After that thing ate most of his ship, he managed to hack it up and get a good piece of driftwood out. It was a part of his deck. Conveniently enough, the wheel was still intact. It didn't turn the ship worth a piece of eight, but he did feel kind of cool standing on deck with his hands on the wheel. And a huge chunk of Kraken on the 'deck'. It tasted like squid, really.

But now he sailed- well, he floated- towards the island. He hummed a little song to himself, happy as could be.

"Duh nuh-nuh-nuh na-na-na duh-nuh-nuh-na…and really bad eggs… drink up me hearties, yo ho! Now, bring me to Tortuga."

---

Tortuga itself was an island of many wonders. Besides beautiful Caribbean beaches and wonderful yet dangerous jungle scenery, it had quite the town, one of the same name as the island itself. There were locals in the town who lived there all the time. There were part-timers who lived there when hey weren't on the seas. There were men who came to trade goods on the black market. Then there were some people who just did not belong on Tortuga.

In a clearing just on the edge of town, a man stood, looking about. He had no idea how he had gotten to this strange place, but he was here. He looked around, searching for his horse. It wasn't there.

"They send me out to investigate decapitations, and this is what I get," he grumbled, looking around the clearing. A noise in the jungle on the opposite side of the clearing suddenly caught his attention. He experienced momentary relief when he saw it was a man dressed in black. He came out of the shadows, hacking away at the vines that dropped around his head. But the man's relied turned to horror when he realized the man walking out of the jungle had no hands- he was hacking the jungle apart with scissors.

"You there! D-don't come any c-c-c-closer!" he stuttered in fear of the man, who merely looked up at him, carefully snipping a vine the hung in front of his face. They both turned around when another man walked out of the hole in the jungle created by the scissor man, talking perkily to the man about his unusual hands.

"And those must be really good for cutting things up! You can even go through the jungle. Gee, I wish I would have met you before, you could have helped me get through Loompah Land! Yeah! Have you ever thought about working in a chocolate factory?"

"No," the scissor man said quietly. Despite his ferocious appearance, he was obviously very shy.

"Well hello there!" The perky man said as he noticed another human in the clearing. "What's your name?"

"Ichabod," the man said. "Ichabod Crane."

"Well! I'm Willy Wonka, and this is…"

"Edward Scissorhands." the man with the scissors looked as if her were about to offer his hand, then realized you couldn't very well shake scissors. Ichabod noticed immediately how unusually pale both men were. Edward was also covered in unusual scars. Ichabod suddenly noticed he had the odd sensation that he was being watched- by something other than the two men standing in front of him.

"Stay away! I won't marry…you…" Another man had run into the clearing. He was pale as well, and looked oddly like he wasn't human. He looked to be made of some semi-solid, as if you could poke him and dent his face.

"Why aren't you marrying…" Willy Wonka looked into the clearing behind the man, looking for whatever it was that the new guy wasn't marrying.

"This corpse, this awful corpse…this dead woman was chasing me…"

"Someone's been drinking too much rum," Ichabod whispered.

"Well, who are you?" Wonka asked.

"Victor Van Dort."

There was a re-introduction of names and the men went into town, bewildered by the sight of the pirating haven.

They all ended up in the Faithful Bride Tavern, in a back booth attempting, and failing miserably, at avoiding attention from the locals. They all looked up, however, when four men walked over to their table. They, too, were dressed differently than the rest. The locals were now very concerned at the group of weird men. The four men were different from each other as well.

One was tall and tanned with wind-blown hair, as if he had traveled places that others would only dream of. He introduced himself as Roux, and they found he was a French gypsy. The second man was dressed in an older outfit, and he seemed fascinated by the whole pirate town. He introduced himself as Jim Barrie, a writer.

The third man was dressed differently from the rest, and he looked mildly paranoid, as if some one was following him. He mumbled, "As long as Shooter doesn't show up here, too, it's a fine town to be in." He was introduced as Mort Rainey. The last man was dressed almost like Mort, but Ichabod could tell that he, too, was an officer of law. He looked to be only 16 or so, but he claimed to be a police officer of 21. "We ain't in Jump Street anymore," he said, looking round the tavern as he slid into the seat.

There were now eight men in the booth, each telling their stories. One thing was decidedly unanimous- they had all ended up on this island with no recollection of how they'd gotten there. They did not notice the increasingly violent stares from the locals.

They all jumped, however, when another man walked in, soaked to the bone marrow. He glanced around at the people in the bar before he spotted the table where the eight men sat. He waltzed over to them, hearing a sigh of relief from one of the men.

"Oh good, them loons are friends of Jack's."

Jack smiled as he walked over to the table. True there were no friends of his, but they would suit him just fine. He eyed the man with the scissors. Just fine.However Jack was no simpleton by any means and could see that the men were weary of him. No worries, he was Captain Jack Sparrow. Ship or not, he was Captain Jack Sparrow.

"What do you want?" One of the men asked. He was dressed in a way that worried Jack a little bit. But then again, he was used to strange people.

However Jack was no simpleton by any means and could see that the men were weary of him. No worries, he was Captain Jack Sparrow. Ship or not, he was "What do you want?" One of the men asked. He was dressed in a way that worried Jack a little bit. But then again, he was used to strange people.

"You don't know who I am now, do you son?"

"Can't say I know anybody around here. Except for these gentlemen." he motioned to the other seven. He was obviously an authorities figure. Jack studies the group.

Two authorities at least. Ah, well. They weren't with the Navy, that's what mattered. There were two that were odd if nothing else. One looked like a loon, what was the word…Schizophrenic? Jack wondered. Either way, he was not right in the head. The other three were pale and very unusual. Including the man with the scissors. He was very weird indeed. However, they would work to his advantage.

"And perhaps you need some one to show you around these parts," Jack said slyly. "A good influence as it were…none of you are eunuchs, are you?" he looked around suspiciously. After being assured that none of them were eunuchs, he smiled.

"Any of you ever been on the account?"

A/N: Okay so I lied. It'll be a two-part One-shot. That sounds weird…so…yeah. It's really random.