Why It's Not Good To Mix Magic with Fullmetal

Chapter One: If you close it fast enough, the door might not notice

Yes, another story!

Ah, I just love the smell of a Harry Potter crossover with Fullmetal Alchemist after 8:00!

Warnings: Boyxboy goodness, some swearing, a bit of OOC-ness and another one of my sad attempts at humor. This is based off the third year of Harry Potter, so it all should follow that plot.

Parings: RoyxEd, HarryxDraco in future chapters.

Ooo, yes. Since I think that everyone is writing some sort of crossover, I wanna write one as well! Yay for us all. Updates for this story WILL be slow, since I have other stories to write chapters for as well.

And I may not update this story for a while… + 100 days or so. Sorry, but I want to finish my other stories first, so this story will just be there.

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"You'll be going to Hogwarts, a magic school somewhere in London."

Those were the first words Ed heard, after he sat down in Roy's office, after being called there for a new mission. Overall, he wasn't impressed.

"You need to work as a body guard, for some kid named Harry Potter. He is in danger from a mad murderer, and I think that the Philosopher's stone was said to be there. Everything you need to know is in the report."

"What the fuck, Colonel Shit, is this all about? Magic isn't real! Or do you mean like fairies? Oooo, look at me, I'm a pretty little fairy!" Said Ed, who was very open minded…. today, as he got off of his seat, and started to prance around the office. Al, who followed Ed wherever he went, watched and sweat dropped as he saw Ed turn his red jacket in a pink tutu. He put on said tutu, then pranced around some more, and did a little dance.

Roy just simply ignored Ed and his fairy dancing, but turned a light pink when Ed started to shout out "I'm a fairy! I'm a pretty little fairy!"

"No, Fullmetal, no fairies. Wizards and Witches. Yes, magic is very much real. And Al, sorry, but you have to stay behind. It'll look really weird if Ed was continually being stalked by a suit of armour. Fullmetal, yo- Fullmetal sit down!" Roy yelled at Ed, who was still dancing in the background. Ed stopped prancing and dancing around and sat down, still wearing the pink tutu, a light blush across his cheeks. Roy noticed this and smirked a little.

'Damn, he looks really cute when he blushes……….oh no wait, Fullmetal. Really cute. When blushes. Damn, I should stop reading those Yaoi fan fictions….' Roy, and as subtly as he could, quickly shook his head at that thought, trying to get it out of his head. But Roy's subtleness is about as subtle as a brick, so Ed and Al quickly gave concerned glances. Well, Al's more concerned, and Ed's a glance of humor.

"Um, Colonel, what's wrong?" asked the sweet and innocent 7' foot armor called Al. Roy then realized that his subtle as a brick shaking of head went noticed.

"Nothing Al, nothing at all. Now, Fullmetal, you leave in the morning with me, for London, where we will get all your school supplies." Hearing this, Ed naturally started to complain.

"What! Not you, you bastard! Why not Al?" His mouth was yelling at the Colonel Bastard. But his mind was going along a different track.

'YEEESSS! Finally, spending a whole day with Roy'

After a few more ranting moments, Ed finally calmed down.

"Whatever Fullmetal, I don't really care, now get your ass out of here, and I'll see you seven o'clock sharp outside headquarters, got that?"

"Yes sir." said a very pissed off shrim- I mean, Ed. He slowly walked to the door, with Al trailing behind.

"Damn I hate him! Well, at least I get to go to the school with you Al." complained and whined Ed, as he acted angry. He really didn't want Al to find out that he liked Roy.

"The school, brother? No, um, actually brother, the Colonel said that you'll have to go by yourself. He said it'll look weird if I came with you." said a now depressed Al. "If you were listening, instead of prancing and dancing around, you would have known that already."

Ed sighed, "Alright Al, come on. Let's go eat" And with that, the too brothers made their way to the lunchroom, to snack on some Meatball surprise and Caviar.

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The next day, a very groggy Ed sat in the steps leading up to the main building of the Headquarters. He yawned as he waited for Roy to finally arrive. He had gotten there at about six o'clock, meaning that he was one hour early. He yawn again, and checked his silver State watch, the time was seven thirty.

Roy was half an hour late.

Ed had just about enough of Roy. Yes, it did give him time to read and reread the report. Ed now knew it off-by-heart. Sure, Roy was tall, dark and handsome…….ok, so he was almost perfect. But he was so unreliable! Just as Ed's thought went down the path of Roy, as if on cue, Roy turned up. He was puffing, and a little red in the face. He looked as if he had run here.

"What took you so long, bastard?" yelled Ed. Roy looked at Ed, a fake shocked expression on his face.

"Well, I had to get ready; don't I look fabulous in this?" Roy said, twirling around. Ed sweat dropped, and Roy kept on doing his little dance. Soon, a group of people had managed to form a circle around the two, clapping along to the imaginary dance beat. Ed, thinking fast, quickly turned his coat into a hat and placed it on the ground. Soon people were coming up to the hat, and throwing money into it. Ed chuckled evilly.

After about five more minutes, the crowd left, off to find some other dancing loon. Ed was counting up the money, and he looked up to see Roy still dancing and singing about his clothes. Ed's eye twitched, as he yelled at Roy.

"Roy, STOP THAT FUCKING DANCING! Your clothes don't look any different then normal jeans and a plain white t-shirt! Get your ass back over here, so we can fucking catch the train to London already!"

Roy looked at Ed, shocked. Had Ed just used his first name? But before Roy could question Ed about it, Ed grabbed Roy by the back of his t-shirt, and dragged him off in the direction of the train station. Roy quickly pulled himself away from Ed, brushed off the imaginary dirt that got on his clothes, and walked along side Ed. As they kept walking, they somehow kept getting closer and closer to each other, until finally their arms touched. Ed, Realizing this first, blushed, and yet didn't pull away. Roy soon noticed this, and smiled. He also didn't pull away. They kept walking down the street, a bit too close for comfort.

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They arrived at the train station just in time to see it leaving.

They both yelled in panic, and chased after it. But fate was on their side that day, and they managed to get on the train…some how. That's when Roy decided to get back down to business.

"OK, Fullmetal, There's someone on this train who will be going with us to Hogwarts. His name is Professor Lupin. He will be teaching the Defense against the Dark Arts, oooooooo!" Roy said to Ed, waving his hands around making ghost noises, as they walked along trying to find this, 'Lupin' person. And sure enough, they found him.

In the last fucking carriage on this hilariously long train.

Lupin looked up from the book he was reading, to see them both standing in the opening of the compartment door, and gave a heart warming smile.

"Ah, so good to see you Roy Mustang, and, aw, what a cute little eleven year old we have here!" said Lupin, as he stared his grey eyes into Ed's.

"I'm FIFTEEN you BASTARD!"

Lupin looked confused for a moment, and then muttered out an apology. Roy and Ed sat in the compartment, as the awkward silence came. Roy sat next to Ed, which Ed found greatly to his delight and weird fantasies. Then Ed finally realized something, something that he should have realized ages ago.

"Wait." Ed's said in an innocent voice, as he turned to look at Roy. Roy raised one eyebrow, saying without words for Ed to continue on."…..YOU'RE COMING TOO?" The shouting caused some other people to look over at them, including a group of girls, while Roy tried to tell if he was deaf or not. After shaking his head a couple of times, and stuffing a finger into his ear. Soon enough, he realized he could hear, and quickly answered Ed's question.

"Yes, I thought I already said that…..and it was really obvious, why else would I be on this train with you?" replied Roy, as he went into a cute thinking pose. A couple of girls near by started giggle. Roy noticed this, and shot them a wave, wink and a smile. The girls started to giggle really loud and they nearly fainted. Ed noticed this, and hit Roy. Ed then sat pouted, his head turned away from Roy, trying to hide his glee of Roy going to the school with him. Lupin just raised one eyebrow at this, and went back to reading his book. They all sat the rest of the train ride in silence.

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As they all got off there train, at the King Cross Station, Ed then thought about something else, why was Roy going to Hogwarts or maybe, what was Roy going to do at Hogwarts? Ed decided to get this all important question out if his head.

"Hey Roy, why are you going to Hogwarts apart from the obvious reasons?"

Roy took a couple to moments to think of an answer, but he didn't need them. He was still trying to get over Ed's little pouting moment on the train. Damn, it was cute! Like a little kitten, or a picture of Chibi Envy in a bunny suit…..

"I'm going there to teach Alchemy to the students because…well, the headmaster, Dumbledore, and I've only gotten that far. We'll think of a reason when we cross that bridge."

Ed face palmed. 'Damn that lazy, bastard, sexy son of a bitch!' thought Ed, as he lifted his head from his hands. He looked at the Colonel, and sighed.

"And Roy, what about me? You can't expect the school to believe that I just wanted to go there for no reason! Shouldn't I be in the first year then?"

Roy just waved his hand in a 'don't worry, don't worry' kind of way.

"We have it all worked out."

Lupin then hurried them away. They all walked the streets of London, Ed being bored out of his mind, and Roy, looking at every passing girl. He felt like a kid in a candy shop. Ed saw this, felt hurt, and hit Roy again. This caused some fighting, which ended up in Lupin having to walk between the two to keep them apart.

About fifteen more minutes later and Roy was getting tired of walking. He wished he could walk next to Ed again. He sighed. But his thoughts of Ed were soon replaced with the thought of where the heck are we? Lupin then turned a left, and walked into this shabby looking pub. Ed and Roy exchanged worried glances, and then followed him into the dark pub.

Inside the pub/Inn place was filled with different kinds of weird people, in Ed's mind. There was this couple at the back, sipping away on a liquid that look like sherry, and a young wizard, stirring a cup of hot chocolate, without his hands. The spoon in the cup was moving on its own. Ed's eyes went wide in shock. The news that he was actually going to a magic school…..to learn magic…and of course to play bodyguard…everything he stood against. But his mind soon left those thoughts, and Roy came up behind him, and placed an arm over Ed's shoulder. He looked up at Roy, shocked. Roy just smiled, and kept walking. Ed had a light blush on his cheeks, and it didn't help that a couple of girls, or witches, were there, pointing at them and saying how 'cute' they looked together. One even got out a camera, and took a couple of photos. But Lupin kept walking through the pub/Inn.

"This will be where we'll be staying until it's time for us to leave for Hogwarts. We all have to share a room, because I don't have enough money for all of us to have our own rooms and you're already freeloading off me anyway." Lupin called over his shoulder. Ed looked at Lupin, then back to the group of girls, a look of pure terror on his face. That was something he wasn't looking forward too.

Lupin lead them all the way out to the backyard. Ed looked around, seeing nothing but a bin in the corner, and then turned to Lupin.

"Why are we out here again?" He asked, rather rudely. Roy hit him over the head, Ed yelled "Ow!", while Lupin just winked.

"You'll see."

Lupin then walked over to the corner, of the cement backyard, and with his wand, taped some brick on the wall. At once, the brick wall moved away. Roy and Ed could only gap in wonder, as Diagon Alley was reveled!

Lupin away his wand, and turned to speak to Ed and Roy.

"Welcome to Diagon Alley!"

All that Roy and Ed could do was stare at the busy street. They quickly moved more into it, as the brick wall quickly returned to a solid wall. The street was filled with shops, and witches and wizards. Lupin just rolled his eyes at there amazement, and quickly made his way down the street. Roy and Ed, or course, followed him, not wanting to get lost in this place. Lupin was pointing at the shops, naming them, and moving right along. This information was lost on Roy and Ed, who were still trying to get over it all. Suddenly, Lupin stood and looked at Ed.

"Yes, you'll be able to get all those things I just said," Ed coughed a little, and tried to look like he knew what Luipn was talking about. "After we go to Gringotts, the wizard bank. Come along now" said Lupin, as he walked into this big white building at the end of the street. Both Ed and Roy were amazed again, failing to hide there wide mouths. But they quickly followed Lupin. Lupin walked right through the great marble building, and left Roy and Ed to gaze upon it. These little creatures were running around it, some carrying gold, and other jewels. About one hundred of them were working behind desks, mad of wood. Ed was about to say something about it to Lupin, but Roy saw this coming and answered for Lupin.

"Goblins."

Ed looked at Roy, asking without words, how the hell did he know that? Roy laughed at the expression on Ed's face, and held up a book that said One hundred and One magical creatures.

"It's in the book."

Ed just grumbled. "Fucking Colonel, and his too hot expression with his pretty boy hat, and sexy smirk!"

Roy quickly looked over at Ed. Did he just hear what he think he did? He wasn't even wearing a hat! Oh, and that sexy remark thing too. But before Roy could question Ed about it, Lupin called them over. He was standing in front of counter. Lupin waited for Roy and Ed to catch up, and then said to the goblin behind the counter "We'd like to take some money out of my safe, Professor Remus Lupin."

"Do you have your key, sir?" the goblin replied. Lupin looked through his pockets, and pulled out a small gold key. The goblin took it from Lupin, and study it for a moment, before nodding in approval, and turning to another goblin.

"Griphook! You are to take Pro. Lupin to his safe, now!" Griphook nodded, and asked Lupin to follow him. Lupin then turned to Roy and Ed.

"Now, you guys wait outside for me until I'm done, ok?"

They both nodded, Lupin smiled and followed Griphook through a door behind the counter. Roy and Ed then both walked out of the bank, surprised glances here and there.

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They waited on the steps of the bank, for what seemed like forever. But this was a perfect chance for Ed and Roy to get to know each other better. However, that would be way too predictable, so we'll just skip to the part when Lupin reappears.

Lupin finally cam out of the bank, money sack in hand. He smiled at Roy and Ed again.

"Edward, do you have your letter?"

Ed looked confused, before shouting out, "What? What letter? No one ever gave me anything!" said the over dramatic Ed, running away to some dark corner, filled with angst and emo-ness.

Roy quickly looked through his pockets and a found a letter addressed to Ed.

"Here you are, Ed, sorry about that!" Roy grinned down at Ed. Ed blushed at the use of his first name, and quickly took the letter from Roy's hand. Their fingers lightly touched, and sent warmth down Ed's arm. Ed shivered at this, but quickly tried to forget about it, and opened the letter. It read:

Dear Mr. Elric

We are pleased to inform you that you have a place in Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. Please find enclosed a list of all necessary books and equipment. Term begins on September 1. We await your owl by not later than July 31. Also, since you are starting at the third year, you will have to buy a couple of extra books, so you will not fall behind. As well as your equipment list, there is a permission form, if you get it signed by your parent or guardian, allowing you to visit Hogsmade on some weekends. We recommend that you did, since the only reason you are coming to Hogwarts is to bodyguard Harry Potter.

"Oh, Well that's just a tad bit random" Ed mumbled to no one as he read the letter again. Lupin just nodded and signaled for Ed to looking inside the letter again. As he brought his hand out, he was holding two piece of parchment. He opened the first one, and it read:

Here is the list of everything you need for your third year. I would also recommend you buying the Standard Book of Spells, Grade one and two, for a bit of background information.

Uniform

1. Three sets of plain work robes (black)

2. One plain pointed hat (black) for day wear

3. One pair of protective gloves (dragon hide or similar)

4. One winter cloak (black, sliver fastenings)

Please note that all pupils' clothes should carry name tags

Ed snorted at this, which cause Lupin and Roy to look at his strangely. Ed lowered his head again, blushing, and continued to read the parchment.

Set books

The Standard Books of spells, Grade Three - by Miranda Goshawk

A History of Magic - by Bathilda Bagshot

…..

Ed gave up reading the whole entire book list and just skipped it.

Other Equipment

1 wand

1 cauldron (pewter, standard size 2)

1 set glass or crystal phials

1 telescope

1 set brass scales

Students may also bring an owl OR a cat OR a toad.

Ed lifted his head back up and stared at Lupin.

"So, we buy all this now?" Ed questioned, waving the letter in his hands.

"Yes, yes, come along" said Lupin, as he walked towards a shop called Madam Malkin's Robes for All Occasions.

And thus started the epic shopping adventure for Ed's magical gear.

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XD I can just imagine Ed running out on the street yelling out "I'm a fairy! I'M A FAIRY!"

Yes, I get my kicks from imagine stuff like that…

Ah, there goes the first chapter already.

Updates for this chapter will be slow, as I have other stories to attend to. So don't get mad at me for not updating!

Good? Bad? Why am I still writing more stories? Please Review and tell me! Flames will be accepted, grammar and spelling checked, and sent back to the senders.

Hope you enjoyed reading it!

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NOW READ THIS! THIS IS A NOTE FROM THE EDITOR WHO WILL HUNT YOU ALL DOWN WITH A PLANBOOK IF YOU DON'T READ IT! (Fear the school supplies.)

Okay, I want every one of you who read this to review. Mostly because I said so but also because Panic is an awesome author who deserves to have her stuff reviewed. And, for any authors out there, you guys love it when your stuff is reviewed and you all feel horrible when there's a million hits and not one measly review, right? Well, if you review, then I will personally go read your stuff and write a long review for you. Equivalent exchange, right? Not to mention that people put hard work into writing their stuff so the least you could do is review. Now go click on the button, it'll make everyone try harder. Flames will be taken by me to use on my homework. I call all dibs on those things, gawd knows I'll need them.

Love, DaRLinG1357