I try to block out thought of you so I don't lose my head
They crawl in like a cockroach leaving babies in my bed
Dropping little reels of tape to remind me that I'm alone
Playing movies in my head that make a porno feel like home

Lucius closed his eyes as thin arms wound around his neck and the feel of fingers smoothing the matted hair at the nape of his neck. He was filthy from the dirt and blood that coated the floor of his small cell in Azkaban and yet she still drew him close and rested her head on his chest.

"I've missed you, Lucius," he felt her whispered words on is chest and held her close to him.

He'd missed her terribly but from months of misuse he didn't trust his voice and simply kissed the top of her head

"Draco is being pressured by the Dark Lord to help his followers into Hogwarts," she began to explain to him after she pulled back and took his hand, leading him to the small table that was kept in the 'visiting' room.

There's a burning in my pride a nervous bleeding in my brain
an ounce of peace is all I want for you, will you never call again?
And will you never say that you love me just to put in my face?
And will you never try to reach me? It is I that wanted space

He listened as she told him of their son's problem and looked away from her when she looked him in the eye. He couldn't understand why she was here. He'd made her life Hell the last few months before he was incarcerated and yet she'd never missed a weekly visit.

"What should I do, Lucius?" he was brought out of his thoughts by her question.

He looked across the table at her blue eyes that were showing the beginning of tears and lifted a shoulder, wishing she wouldn't get involved in what He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named was planning. He'd tried to keep her as far away from the inner circle and their plans but knew she wasn't entirely ignorant to what was happening.

I'm sober now for three whole months it's one accomplishment that you helped me with
The one thing that always tore us apart is the one thing I won't touch again
In my sick way I want to thank you for holding my head up late at night
While I was busy waging wars on myself, you were trying to stop the fight

"I suppose I could go to Severus," she murmured, looking up as his face to gauge his reaction.

He knew that Severus Snape was a spy for the Order and wished he would have had the foresight to choose the same life after he received the mark so long ago. The hooked-nose man, while snarky, was loyal to the Order and would protect Draco as well as 'Cissa if they looked to him for help to escape the wrath of the Dark Lord. Lucius hoped that Draco would be strong enough to disregard everything he'd been taught at a young age but knew that those hopes fell on deaf ears. He remembered, after his father had died, his mother coming to him and begging him to discontinue the Malfoy way. He'd laughed in her face and kicked her out of the Malfoy home as well as his thoughts.

"Lucius, please, love," he heard the whispered words and closed his eyes once more, something he'd grown accustomed to doing during his 'stay'.

When he did open his eyes he saw a tear slide down the flawless cheek of his wife and reached to wipe it off, remembering how she had shed so many tears while she tried to persuade him away from the Dark Lord. He would scoff at her attempts and push her away both physically and mentally for days after her questioning of his once Master.

You never doubted my warped opinions on things like suicidal hate
You made me compliment myself when it was way too hard to take
So I'll drive so fucking far away that I never cross your mind
And do whatever it takes in your heart to leave me behind

He didn't know why she never left him, he would have left her in the space of a heartbeat if she would have done a fraction of the things he'd done to her. When he'd first been brought to this prison he had fully expected to serve his sentence in solitude, thinking no one from his past would bother making the journey to this place just to speak to him. He's been in Azkaban for no more than a week, he remembered, when the rusted door of his cell had been thrown open and a long skeletal arm had motioned for him to exit the small quarters and follow the intimidating creature. He didn't move had it took the overpowering presence of 'The Kiss' giving being in his cell to motivate him to follow the thing to the small room he now sat in.

"What am I to do, Lucius?" she asked wiping a tear from her cheek as she watched him.

He didn't know how to get her out of the situation she had been put into and feared that she would suffer a fate such as his…or worse.

And with a sad heart I say bye to you and wave
Kicking shadows on the street for every mistake that I had made
And like a baby boy I never was a man
Until I saw your blue eyes cry and I held your face in my hand
And then I fell down yelling "make it go away!"
Just make a smile come back and shine just like it used to be
and then she whispered "how can you do this to me?"

Because of his now unlimited alone time he found himself thinking of past mistakes and the path he'd chosen not only for himself but for his family as well.

"Why are you doing this, Lucius?" she cried when he met her eyes. "How can you sit there and say nothing?" she questioned, as she had the week before, when he kept his silence.

"'Cissa," he said softly, clearing his throat and swallowing a few times before continuing. "Go to Severus. Make sure that yourself and Draco are protected."

She gasped when he spoke and he watched a pale delicate hand go to her mouth to cover the small smile that always showed itself when he spoke, as if she were truly please that he was listening and she cared about him. He thought over his next question a few minutes before asking, almost afraid of what the answer would be.

"Why do you keep coming here, 'Cissa?"

"Do you really need to ask, Lucius?" she asked, a sad look crossing her beautiful face before she gave a small smile. "I thought it would be obvious."

"I've never treated you with the respect you deserve, love," he started, her smile growing at the term of endearment that seldom crossed his lips, "yet you never treat me as if you hate me. You show up and ask me questions as if we're simply sitting in the parlor at the house and you smile at me as if you love me."

"I do love you, Lucius. I miss you and Draco does to. I fear I would go insane if it wasn't for the assurance that I am able to see you every week," she said, shaking her head at his thoughts.

"But with everything I've done…"

"It doesn't matter, Lucius. I will be here for you as you were for me in my hard times. Love doesn't know the walls of prison," she interrupted him by placing a hand over his and squeezing his fingers, a smile on her face letting him know that she was not leading him false with her words.

He turned his hand over and twined his fingers through hers before he lifted their joined hands and rubbed the back of hers against his cheek, his eyes closing at the sent of Lavender Powder and a trace of Vanilla Water.

Hate me today
Hate me tomorrow
Hate me for all the things I didn't do for you

Hate me in ways
Yeah ways hard to swallow
Hate me so you can finally see what's good for you want for you