Winter Days
by tikitikirevenge.
Chapter 7
"But how can the Pokemon be dead? Who would want to kill them like that?" asked Zelda as they raced down the hallway.
"I don't know," said Link, kicking a door open and dashing through. "But Jigglypuff seemed really upset about it."
"Maybe Pikachu and Pichu are just unconscious," said Zelda, crossing her fingers in hope.
"Hope you're right," said Link, and in the distance he saw a sofa blocking the hallway. He narrowed his eyes and picked up speed.
"But even if they're unconscious," said Zelda, frowning as she darted around the body of Captain Falcon, "aren't they going to need some sort of medical help?"
"I guess so," heaved Link, the gigantic path-blocking sofa drawing ever-nearer with every step. "That's probably why Jigglypuff came looking for you."
The sofa was almost on them. Through gritted teeth, Zelda replied, "I'm hardly an expert healer…"
…and they reached the sofa, hitting it at full pelt. At the last minute, Zelda leapt up, bounced of the cushions of the sofa and did four full midair somersaults, springing up and above the gargantuan couch and landing on the ground in perfect fighting stance.
"Wow, that's pretty impressive," remarked Ness. "Isn't it, Yoshi?"
Zelda had landed on Yoshi, fracturing his left leg.
"Hey, you have a broken leg!" said Ness. "That's pretty funny, huh, Yoshi?"
"Arararararar…" snarled Yoshi hatefully.
Zelda stepped off Yoshi muttering a quick apology and turned around to see the sofa explode into a pile of flaming debris. Chunks of burning cotton flew everywhere, leaving nothing but embers. Through the rubble, Link stepped through, a triumphant grin on his face.
"Couldn't you have just… jumped over it?" said Zelda, shocked.
"Nah, I never learnt how to jump," said Link.
"Oh, ri… what?" said Zelda.
"If there's one thing I've learnt through all my adventures," Link explained, "it's that if you ever see anything suspicious…"
"Okay, we're going," said Zelda, pulling Link off by the arm. "I don't want to be around when Master Hand sees we've destroyed one of his million-dollar sofas."
"Yeah, let's get to those dead Pokemon," said Link.
"What about Mario?" wondered Zelda, as they jogged off. "He's a doctor; he'd know what to do."
"I'm sure he's on his way right now," said Link.
…
On the roof
"SOMEBODY HELP!" shouted Mario.
Donkey Kong woke up with his hands tied behind his back.
"What the…?" he said.
He opened his eyes blearily, glancing both ways to see if there was any hint as to what was going on.
"Hi, DK!" said Peach brightly.
"Peach?" said Donkey Kong. "What am I doing here? Why are my hands tied together behind my back?"
"Well," said Peach, "you learnt my secret flower-growing method. I can't let you tell anybody what it is."
"What… are you talking about?" said DK, drawing a blank.
"Stop talking!" said Peach.
She walked over to the door of her bedroom and pushed a chair under the handle.
"Now," said Peach, "to make sure you never leave!"
She picked up a foam baseball bat.
"Peach…" began DK, "what are you doing?"
Peach swung the bat at DK's head.
Piff!, went the bat.
"Ow!" cried DK. "What was that for?"
"I'm trying," said Peach, sounding quite harassed, "to kill you."
"Yeah, but why?" said DK.
Peach hit DK with the foam bat.
Piff!, went the bat.
"Stop talking!" said Peach angrily. "I'm trying to kill you!"
"But why… I mean, you can't just randomly kill people whenever you feel like it!" Donkey Kong was starting to grow angry. "This is really rude behaviour, you know!"
"Shut up!" said Peach. She slammed the foam bat into his head.
Piff!, went the bat.
"Ow!" said DK. "I'm going to tell Master Hand about this!"
"Sure," said Peach darkly. "Rat on me to that annoying hand person. Get me kicked out of the Smash Brothers. But – wait! How can you tell on me… if you're dead?"
At this last word she swung the bat at DK.
Piff!, went the bat.
Peach stared at the bat, disheartened.
"I need to go find a better bat," said Peach.
"Um…" said DK, thinking quickly. "Maybe if you got a bunch of daffodils? That would be quite lethal."
"I shall do exactly that!" said Peach, and, holding her head high, she walked out.
"HELP!" shouted Mario again.
No response, seeing as he was alone on the roof. With no way down.
"HELP-A ME!" Mario cried again, even louder.
"Hey!" came a voice from down below. "Mario!"
"Yes! I've been-a found!" cried Mario, rushing over to the edge of the roof to look down.
Fox was looking back up, a confused expression on his face. "How did you get up there?"
"Doesn't matter! Help me!" Mario shouted back.
"Um, okay," said Fox. "I'll be right back!"
Fox ambled inside the Smash Mansion.
Save Mario, he thought to himself, save Mario and become a huge hero; save Mario, save Mario, save Mario…
He ran headfirst into Falco and Samus. They were making out.
Fox's jaw dropped. "What?" he said. "What are you doing, Falco?"
No response from either.
"You can't… that's so stupid! You two have nothing in common!" said Fox angrily. "That's a stupid pairing! You don't deserve happiness, Falco!"
"Wait, what?" said Falco, looking over his shoulder.
"Ignore him," said Samus, pulling him back into her embrace.
"For that matter," said Fox, "how can Samus be kissing you if she's still wearing her helmet?"
"Shut up," said Falco.
The kissing turned more passionate.
"This is just ridiculous," said Fox bitterly. "Why don't I ever get any of the girls?"
Falco and Samus were kissing and they were not listening and so they did not talk back.
"Hey! HEY! Look at me!" said Fox, poking Falco in the back.
"What!?" snapped Falco, turning around.
"I asked you: why don't I ever get any of the girls?" said Fox angrily.
"Um… remember Krystal?" said Falco.
"I think so," said Fox. "Talking blue fox-thing?"
"Yeah, remember what happened to her?" said Falco.
Fox frowned. "Kinda…"
"I think I love you," said Krystal dreamily.
Fox shot Krystal in the head.
"And that," said Fox, spinning the gun around his finger, "is how you use a laser blaster. Cool, huh?"
He waited for a response but none came.
"…Krystal?" he said, and tears welled in his eyes…
"Yeah," said Falco. "I think that scared any potential female companions off."
"Ah, right," said Fox.
"Get lost," said Samus, waving a laser cannon threateningly.
"If that's what you want," said Fox sulkily. "See how I feel."
He stomped off resentfully.
"I feel annoyed," said Fox.
"So," said Ness, "I set up an account with a trusted online store…"
"Really," muttered Nana disinterestedly.
None of the kids had left the room for some hours now. Ness and Nana were sitting on the couch in front of the TV screen. Popo and Kirby were on the floor enjoying an intense one-on-one battle in Mario Street Croquet. Kirby was the better player by far, but he was constantly distracted by the bowl of chips that Popo had strategically left on the ground, so the match was about even.
"Yeah," said Ness. "I ordered that console we wanted."
"Nintendo Vee?" said Nana, suddenly sounding interested.
"Yep," said Ness. "They're apparently based across the road, so we should get it within the hour."
"Nice," said Nana, impressed despite herself.
"Haha, owned!" cried Kirby, as his croquet balls turned into gigantic green shells that ran over Popo's on-screen persona.
"Look, Kirby, potato chips!" said Popo for the fourth time in the last ten minutes.
"Ooh!" said Kirby, dropping the controller and darting across the floor.
"Watch me go!" cried Popo, working furiously with his thumbs and driving his advantage home.
'Triple Croquet!' cried an Italian voice from the screen.
"Aw, c'mon," groaned Kirby good-naturedly, darting back to his spot with a mouthful of salted potato.
"So, nerd-boy," said Nana, nudging Ness.
"Don't call me that," muttered Ness. "I do baseball for a reason."
"When you ordered the Vee for us," continued Nana without missing a beat, "you did remember to get some games with it, didn't you?"
Ness blinked.
Nana's eyes narrowed. "You idiot! You didn't, did you?"
"Nope," whispered Ness solemnly.
"Idiot!"Nana growled.
"Haha, just kidding!" said Ness, his face brightening.
"What?" said Nana.
"As if I'd forget something like that!" said Ness, laughing good-naturedly. "I just wanted to see how annoyed you'd get."
"That wasn't funny!" snapped Nana, face turning red.
"You should have seen the look on your face…"
"Not funny!" screeched Nana.
"I dunno, sis," said Popo from across the room, "it sounded pretty funny to me…"
Nana threw an icepick at his head.
Popo fell to the floor, bleeding.
"SCORE!" cried Kirby, pumping both fists in the air. "Ten points in one stroke! You suck, Popo!"
"Anyway," said Ness, smiling, "I did order some Vee games."
"Which ones?" said Nana instantly.
"Popo?" said Kirby. "Didn't you hear me? I said you suck at street croquet!"
"All of them," said Ness.
"Oh, great," said Nana happily. "I can't wait… wait, all of them?"
"Yep, every single one that was for sale," said Ness. "There was a special offer; buy twenty, get one free."
"But there have to be dozens," said Nana. "That would have cost you thousands of dollars…"
"Popo?" said Kirby worriedly, poking at Popo's still body.
"Credit fraud," said Ness.
"Oh," said Nana, impressed. "That's cool. You're cool."
"I can't feel a pulse!" cried Kirby. He munched some chips in panic.
"Thanks," said Ness blushing a little. "The last time someone gave me a compliment like that…"
"Hey, Ness," said the lead singer of the Runaway Five, straightening his expensive-yet-fashionable suit.
"Yeah?" said Ness.
"We really owe you one for getting us out of that contract," replied the lead singer.
"Yeah," chorused the rest of the band.
"Ness?" said Paula, tapping him on the back. "These guys freak me out. We don't owe them anything. Let's go."
"Oh, come on," said Ness. "What's the worst that could happen?"
"Hey, Ness?" said the Runaway Five singer dude.
"Yes?" said Ness.
"You're cool."
Ness felt his eyes watering.
The singer-leader-glasses dude smiled and patted him on the back. "Anyway, back to a life touring and singing and getting drunk and beating up fans!"
The police arrived.
"…oh."
"Come on, let's get out of here," said Paula. Jeff nodded in agreement beside her.
"But Paula…" said Ness. "He gave me a compliment! No-one outside my family's ever given me a compliment like that before?"
Paula sighed. "Oh, for goodness' sake… look, Ness. You're awesome. You're like… a living idol of… coolness and… you're totally… rad."
"Doesn't count," said Ness, crossing his arms. "You're a girl."
Paula whipped out a deluxe frying pan and swung it–
"…anyway, thanks for the nice words," said Ness, awkwardly shoving the memory into the back of his subconscious.
"Least I could do," smiled Nana.