– Bene Gesserit Litany Against Fear, from Dune by Frank Herbert
In all the years that she'd thought about what it would be like, Integral had considered every possible aspect of the experience – the circumstances that might influence her decision, the way Alucard would gloat to finally get what he wanted so dearly, the way it would feel to permit his mouth against her flesh, the way it would feel to have his teeth penetrate her the way she had never allowed herself to be penetrated. Not that she'd been penetrated in any way, but things do change…
She had thought about how he would hold her in his arms, the way her body would weaken as he took her blood, the fact that she would probably cling to him when the lassitude of blood loss overtook her.
She had thought about what it would feel like to come back from death. She had wondered whether it would hurt to come back or would it feel good? Or would it just be? Neither good nor bad, just a fact of existence.
The loss of control frightened her. Giving herself into Alucard's hands to allow him to kill and resurrect her frightened her.
If there was one thing that Integral Fairbrook Wingates Hellsing hated in herself, it was fear.
Integral had never read Dune. She didn't read things as frivolous as science fiction when she lived a gothic horror novel every day of her life, but she would have recognized and appreciated the idea and ideal behind the Litany Against Fear.
She would face her fear of losing control, but she would not permit the loss of control to last. She would not be in Alucard's thrall. She would not be Alucard's servant. He would have control for only as long as it took for her to take his blood in return.She wondered how it would feel to bury her fledgling fangs in Alucard's flesh. How it would feel to have the strength of his blood flow into her. She wondered what the flavour of his blood would be like. Would it just taste like blood? Would it taste like a fine wine? Would it be as delicious as every vampire she'd ever seen had made it out to be? Would the flavour of his blood be different from all other blood she would taste thereafter?
She wondered, as his mouth descended toward her exposed neck, if her decision was based as much on a need to master her fear as it was on the practical reasons she'd given herself and Alucard when she'd made the request.
She supposed she would find out very soon.
This was written a while back for a ficlet challenge at Thess' request. She asked for Integral and the word "flavour."