Thanks to my AMAZING reviewers.
NYlovebaby- I'm glad you liked it.
Aya Kurayami- Something bad? Hmmm, maybe. (Runs away)
Rhun- Yeah, I don't have time for much of anything easier, the week is SO stressful. So on the weekends I just chill, eat, and watch TV. I try to write but sometimes I just want to relax. Thanks for understanding and your comments!
DeGrAsSiMyAnTiDrUg- Aww, thanks. Yeah, my 8th grade grad was tough; I only go to HS with 2 other girls from my old school so it was REALLY sad. Thanks!
Tamii92- Thanks, I'm trying.
Amber- Thank you, I glad you like it.
Zashleyalways- Ack, I'm sorry this story is kinda depressing and I don't know why! But, I am trying to update PROMISE.
XBeautifulbabe405X- Okay, the school system is Freshman year (Grade 9) most people are 14 to 15. Sophomore year (Grade 10) is 15 to 16. Junior year (Grade 11) is 16 to 17. Senior year is is 17 to 18. Those are the general age ranges. I am glad you like my story all the way over in the UK!
Socceroxzgrl- Aw, thanks so much! I am trying really hard to update this story and Frosh Year. Promise.
A/n: I wrote the review responses a LONG time ago and frankly, I just didn't have time to update with my hectic school schedule but if you are reading my story now… I love you because I like this story and want to keep it going and I can't do that with out my readers and reviewers. So a MILLION thanks to you for sticking with me even though my updates suck. I know its been months but I really want to keep going with it even if it is at a terrible updating pace.
Disclaimer: No I don't own HSM.
I've only been afraid of one thing of my entire life. Not, that I was ever willing to admit it before, but now I'm older, more mature and willing to admit my secret. I am thoroughly terrified to be alone. I'm afraid that I will be left alone when I am old with no one caring about me or what I did in my life. Doesn't everyone have a little bit of that fear in their lives? Maybe only the ones that don't have or know love in their lives or maybe they've accepted the sad reality. Not, perfect Sharpay Evans though right? She has the amazing boyfriend and great GPA. She has it all. That is a complete and utter lie, I hold that fear with me everyday, especially now leaving for college in a place totally foreign to me. Ryan, the one person that I had the deepest bond with that only we could understand was going to be 2,800 miles away from me. My boyfriend of two years would be 500 miles away. Even Kelsi who would be at Juilliard in New York with me wouldn't be at the same school.
My life was flashing before my eyes all eighteen years of it. All the musicals, basketball games and parties drifted through my mind. I wouldn't be the star anymore; I would have to re-establish myself as an actress in a place much larger than East High where my reputation had carried me for years. I'm about to be isolated from my friends and away from the comfortable bubble that Albuquerque and EHS had provided for me. Does that scare me? Of course it does.
The reason I am doing so much thinking about this? I have to leave today. I rolled on to my back as I lay in my bed staring up at the glow in the dark stars I stuck up on my ceiling when I was 10. There were marks on the ceiling of ones I had peeled off or had fallen over time. I heard a knock on the door and who else was peeking his head around the door but Troy. I gave him my best smile in my current state but I knew I couldn't fool him with the look he gave me back.
"Hey, how are you doing?" he asked me softly while sitting on the edge of my bed. I sat up and leaned against him. I was turned the other way however looking out the window near my bed and him facing the door.
"Okay," I breathed barely above a whisper. He turned toward the window and I rested my head on his shoulder, "How did everything change so fast? I mean it's barely hit me that I'm completely done with high school."
"Me either, I mean I played my last game as a Wildcat and with my dad as my coach. We can't be out of East High can we?" he said with a slight chuckle.
"Well, see I was pretty sure that they were going to try and hold us back for another state championship and amazing musical," I joked, smiling in spite of all my emotions.
"I'm pretty sure Mrs. Darbus wanted to adopt you and force us all to stay," he said his laughter increasing.
"Hey, I was a star, and the brightest one at East High," I said sarcastically.
"I don't doubt that," he said sticking his chin on my head after kissing the top of my head.
"Ha ha ha," I cracked feigning laughter.
Things had never been awkward in our relationship but we hadn't talked about the "I love you"'s since the incident occurred. I mean what was there to say? I couldn't be, "So you know when you said I love you did you mean it or was it just some late night coincidence?" That would be smooth of me wouldn't it?
"What time is your flight?" Troy asked me softly, even thought I was sure he already knew.
"Six tonight," I answered sighing heavily.
"That's good we have a lot of time then," he said surprisingly bright glancing at my iHome, "You finished all your packing and stuff?"
"Yeah, mom made me do it when Ryan left," I said starting to tear up.
"Come on, get dressed then. We have a big day ahead of us," Troy told me getting up from off the bed.
"I rather just lay here all day. I can't believe that this is the last time I am going to wake up in my bed, the last time I wake up in Albuquerque," I told him even though I knew I was being overly dramatic. I crawled back under the covers of my bed with Troy standing over me. I could make this situatuation what I wanted to and right now I just wanted to forget about it, even if I would have to leave at six.
"You don't have a choice get up," he told me pulling away the covers and giving me a kiss.
I groaned and got out of my bed slowly while putting my hair up in a messy bun and approached my closet. I turned to my right and stared at myself in the full length mirror. I looked awful, like I hadn't slept in days, which truly I hadn't. I covered my face in my hands, everything seemed to be spinning out of my control and that was the one feeling I didn't want to have before I left.
I felt a pair of arms snake around my waist and I leaned into them. My alarm clock went off telling me that it was exactly 9 A.M. The Killers, "For Reason's Unknown," drifted through the speakers as I stayed leaning into Troy's embrace and he rested his head on top of mine.
I pack my case. I check my face.
I look a little bit older.
I look a little bit colder.
With one deep breath, and one big step, I move a little bit closer.
I move a little bit closer.
For reason's unknown.
Could this song explain my life anymore clearly? I definitely had changed not only in looks but, had grown up. I think I learned I handle things better especially after "Twinkle Towne." I don't know if I am ready for this big, huge step in my life. I really don't have a choice though I am going to have to leave in a mere nine hours for a place completely different from small Albuquerque. I am beginning to forget why I even chose to go to school so totally different from what I know. Then again maybe that's why I chose NYU to experience something I never have. That doesn't make leaving any easier though.
I caught my stride.
I flew and flied.
I know if destiny's kind, I've got the rest of my mind.
But my heart, it don't beat, it don't beat the way it used to.
And my eyes, they don't see you no more.
And my lips, they don't kiss, they don't kiss the way they used to, and my eyes don't recognize you no more.
For reason's unknown; for reason's unknown.
This was my other looming fear. Would Troy and I change so much from what we are now that our relationship would change for the worst? We had known each other for such a long time I couldn't imagine us not having a relationship. I knew I couldn't prevent the changes we would go through going to college. We both needed to grow up somewhat but I hoped that wouldn't mean growing apart. I don't want to grow apart from him. He however was about to be surrounded by tons of girls at Duke. They would swoon over him and his basketball greatness while I would be stuck in NYC watching him on ESPN unless he was playing in the Garden. That thought alone made me nervous; he would soon be a basketball god but not only at East High and in New Mexico but possibly across the whole country. How do you deal with something like that?
There was an open chair.
We sat down in the open chair.
I said if destiny's kind, I've got the rest of my mind.
But my heart, it don't beat, it don't beat the way it used to.
And my eyes, they don't see you no more.
And my lips, they don't kiss, they don't kiss the way they used to, and my eyes don't recognize you at all.
For reasons unknown; for reasons unknown.
Can I deal with something like that? Millions of opportunities were going to appear for both Troy and I but would our relationship prevent us from taking advantage of them?
My head started to ache with the enormity of it all. I was starting to miss the simplicity of high school already. We had our places at the head of the East High food chain as reigning Drama Star and Basketball Hero extraordinaires with amazing friends and fabulous lives. We did what was expected of us; we knew our place and didn't really step out of it after the musical during sophomore year. I realized then about how lucky I had been to lead the life I had been living here in Albuquerque.
Going to college, Troy and I would have to live up to high expectations that our respective colleges had placed on us. We would have to try to recreate what we did in high school on a much larger scale and frankly I didn't know if I could.
I said my heart, it don't beat, it don't beat the way it used to and my eyes don't recognize you no more.
And my lips, they don't kiss, they don't kiss the way they used to, and my eyes don't recognize you no more.
For reason's unknown; for reason's unknown; for reason's unknown; for reason's unknown.
As the music slowed to its conclusion, I furrowed my eyebrows. What was I going to do? I didn't feel prepared at all to leave my comfort zone and especially leaving it out with the steadiest person I knew. I needed him with me but this time I would have to go it alone and I didn't want to.
"Come on," Troy said holding me at arm's length and looking me right in the eye, "We've only got a little time to say goodbye to everything before you leave."
I stepped toward him and kissed him with tears beginning to roll down my cheeks, what could I ever do without him?
A/N: The story is still on hiatus but I somehow managed to finish this chapter. Tad bit of a cliff hanger for you. Hopefully you like it. I am SO sorry for my really crappy updating.
Well, I am not going to promise an update because really I don't know when the next time will be. Thank you for reading my story however and your reviews are MUCH appreciated.