Title: Cell Block Tango

Verse: X-Men movieverse

Timeline: Post X3

Author: KumaDaPuma

Rating: T

Disclaimer: I don't own these characters and I am not making any money off of this. Cell Block Tango is a song from the Broadway hit Chicago featuring six murdering women. I had absolutely no part in it's creation nor am I benefiting from it's popularity. I'm just a gal who enjoys showtunes among many other genres.

Summary: A song fic centered around six women and their reasons/methods to murder.

Author's Note: This idea was brought to me by one of my fave reviewers: XChocolateChipX. I thank you very much for the suggestion and I hope I bring justice to this story. I am so honored that you would allow me the chance to write something based on your brilliant idea! Be forewarned all…some chapters will be funny, others dramatic…you just never know with me.

For those who don't know the song the original lyrics for the first part is:

pop

six

squish

uh uh

Cicero

Lipschitz

…but I changed the last line because I thought it would be more appropriate for this story. Here are the corrections:

pop

six

squish

uh uh

Cicero

Lehnsherr

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pop

six

squish

uh uh

Cicero

Lehnsherr

He had it coming

He had it coming

He only had himself to blame

If you'd have been there

If you'd have heard it

I betcha you would

Have done the same!

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Storm:

Mood - PMSing

Ever know one of those guys that grates on your every nerve? You know the type: Loud, obnoxious, smelly, and stupid though he thinks he's smart as hell. A real animal. That was Logan.

We had never really been the best of friends though we tried to be cordial to each other. Still, I wouldn't have wanted to "hang out" or anything with the guy. When he first came to the mansion he was conceited and rude. He even had the audacity to call the Professor "Wheels". Such a disrespectful man. I can still scarcely believe the Professor would allow such behavior to slide in his school. Well, the professor isn't the headmaster anymore. I am.

What does everyone see in him? I could tell Jean had a subtle thing for him but her love for Scott kept her from acting on it. She's a smart, beautiful woman and he's a dumb animal. I couldn't understand her attraction to such a misbehaved miscreant. I can understand Rogue though. He picked her up in his camper and then later saved her life. They're friends but I bet they would still be close even without the whole Magneto on top of Liberty Island incident. After all, white trash stick together. Did I just say that? Is it too late to take that back? Oh, well…

It was about the time when Jean died that I realized my distaste for him was growing uncontrollably. He sulked around wearing his ratty wifebeaters, his chin scratchy and his hair even more frumpy than usual. By the way, what's with that coiffure? He looks like he stuck one of his claws in an electrical socket. Seriously though, what is that?

After the Professor died I had to take over the school. By then my distaste for him had practically turned into despise. His plan against Magneto had worked but Hank's the one that brought Magneto down…where's his glory? Why is everyone turning Logan into the hero? Hate that guy…

If I had only one word to spare the man I would use the word "prick" and not because he has one. Logan is an unethical, gruff hearted, mean prick. Ever since Jean died (again, jeez) he's been an even bigger dick. His usually latent politeness soured into self pity and still everyone is at his every whim. I ask you…what the hell is that all about?

Lately he's been disrespecting me in front of the students. It had been that way before, like when he was subbing in the danger room for Scott that one day and he "preferred" not to implement teamwork, defying my orders openly. I had been angry with him but I let it slide. Now that I'm headmistress…well, I won't be tolerating that anymore.

I had scolded some of the younger students for running through the halls after their curfews. Logan came up and told me to loosen up on them and that I needed to stop "raining" in on their parades. Haha. Very funny. He also told me I was a pot calling the kettle black. Not only did that have absolutely nothing to do with the incident but was he citing a racist joke? That cracker ass bastard…

The animosity between us grew steadily. I asked him time and time again not to bring his nasty trash beer into the school but he kept it hidden everywhere. I even caught some of the students with a new found stash chilling in the dry ice down in the chemistry labs. I brought the evidence to Logan but he only laughed and replied the students were bound to drink beer at some point. He repeated the raining joke. I told him to go to hell.

It was after that he didn't even bother hiding the fact he was drinking liquor at the school. In fact he explicitly pronounced it by intentionally coming into my office with the rest of the staff and popping the can open with an aluminum hiss. A few of the others would glance sideways at me with a curious surprise but for the most part I just glared at Logan and ignored it.

It was like I always knew where Logan was just by the sound of the freshly opened can of cheap beer. Pop. He was always popping those damned cans open. I never saw him drink the whole can. I only saw his audacious expression as he took the first swig, daring me to challenge him. Pop. Again and again, it was like he was doing it deliberately. Pop. Pop. I knew he was.

I asked him to the Danger Room one late night. Alone. He came in bearing his malicious grin and an unopened can of beer. What he considered reinforcements no doubt.

"Whaddya want, Stormy?" He asked, my temper already rising along with the cold of the room.

"I want you to stop defiantly disobeying my instructions and testing me in front of the students. It's unprofessional behavior." He laughed.

"Is that what we're here for? I thought you might want a go with the Wolverine…" He smiled perversely and winked in my direction. I felt my blood boil in anger which contrasted sharply with the frost in the room.

"Quit acting like a child and grow up!" I practically shouted though I tried to keep my voice calm. I didn't want him to know how mad he had made me. But I'm sure he was aware. He kept his silly grin and shrugged. His hand went to the lid of his beer on impulse, kind of like a nervous habit. I had said something he didn't like and true to form he was too stupid to give a structured reply.

"And stop drinking beer in the school!" I said upon seeing his instinctive move.

"Or what?" He asked menacingly.

"Or else!" I said shooting back with as much threat in my voice. He paused and looked at me. There was a hint of curiosity in his eyes.

"Or else what?" He asked in a low insolent voice. Pop. He made a point of opening the can in dramatic fashion. His eyes never left me as he searched for that glimmer of rage in my frame. He didn't have to look far.

He dropped the can as I summoned the wind to sweep around us harshly. It screamed loudly in his ears the depth of my wrath. He unsheathed his claws and prepared for a fight but I could tell in his eyes he knew he had gone too far. I had been waiting for him to expose those metal claws. In a way his adamantium skeleton was his curse. He was helpless against a man as powerful as Magneto. He was helpless against a woman as vengeful as me.

I called the lightening. It obeyed me as I pointed its new course. I told it to strike the claws.

It only took one strike to zap Logan into a light bulb. The shock that went through him lit up his metal frame like a Christmas tree. I could see the surprise in his eyes as he began to waste away, his body was not fast enough to regenerate the skin, blood and muscle he was losing. The acrid smell of burning flesh filled the air but I barely paid attention to it. After several seconds what was left of his body crumbled to the floor. I walked up to the steaming pile of shi…er, ash. There was only charred metal and black dust. I'd like to see him regenerate from that. Haha! Sometimes I make me laugh…

I placed all the metal into six separate boxes since I couldn't carry the bulk of it by myself. It must have weighed almost two hundred pounds. No wonder the guy was so buff.

I took the remnants to a cliff and threw them over. I thought vaguely of doing a little rain dance just to ruin his soul's parade but I remembered animals don't have souls. Or so Kurt tells me.

The next day people immediately noted Logan was gone. I had already packed his few things and threw them over the cliff with his skeleton so it looked like he had taken off unexpectedly. I told them he had decided to go find out about his past even though he had already found out the bulk of it back at Alkali Lake. Still, it seemed plausible enough. Rogue was having a hard time believing he would leave without saying good bye but I explained that he was already too sad at having said good bye to Jean that he wouldn't want to say it again. I doubt she believed me but what was she to do? Why would I lie to her? Hee hee…

For months I was able to keep this story. The questions regarding Logan's whereabouts died down and finally life returned back to normal. I had gotten away with murder.

I bet you're wondering how I ended up in jail with the other five murderesses. If I had gotten away with it then how did I find myself behind these iron bars as thick as Logan's adamantium skeleton? Well, it all started when Professor Xavier showed up unexpectedly again. That nosy telepath…

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So, what'd you think? This is the first of six chapters. Every chapter is completely different from each other. Even the moods are highly diverse. Please leave a review. I'd be interested in knowing which character you think kills Pyro... That story will be posted tomorrow.