Teddy Bears Are Not Self Defense!, a sailor moon fanfic

Title: Teddy Bears Are Not Self Defense!
Author: Princess Destiny
Email: In Profile
URL: In Profile
Couple: Usagi And Mamoru
Rating: PG 13+
Summary: 'One Hour Challenge' #5: Response Fanfic. Tuxedo Kamen discovers that Usagi is Sailor Moon and follows her home to speak with her about the Rainbow Crystals, but instead gets knocked out by a teddy bear!
Chapters: 1/1
Status: Completed
Year Completed: 2002

Comments: Hi everyone! Here is a funny, romantic One Hour Challenge that I wrote years ago. I still think it's cute, so I hope you'll enjoy.

Original Notes: No teddy bears were harmed in the concussion of Tuxedo Kamen. Hehehe. This one's for you Tuxedo Kamen! You finally don't get beat up on or look like an idiot...umm-peeping tom doesn't count, does it!

Don't forget to come and check out 'Destiny's Gateway' my Sailor Moon Archives. We have over 530 romantic Fanfics for allll the pairings you could ever think of for that fandom. We'd love if you'd post your Fanfiction up with us.

Please review me! You don't know how much it means to an Author to get a review on their Fanfic and to know that you're enjoying it. Believe me, it makes us want to write more for you. LOL.

Enjoy the Fanfic!

Hugs,
Princess Destiny

TEDDY-BEARS ARE NOT SELF DEFENSE!

By Princess Destiny

Tuxedo Kamen couldn't believe it! Sailor Moon was Usagi! What were the odds that the most klutzy ditz in Tokyo could be...the most klutzy ditz of a super heroine in Tokyo?

He mentally slapped himself for seeing the identical personalities before now. But now what? He had intended to follow her and ask her privately about the Rainbow Crystal-but he hadn't expected her to de-transform into his worst enemy five minutes later in an alley.

"I don't believe this. I just don't." he muttered to himself, following the blonde home by the rooftops. Usagi? Usagi was Sailor Moon? Didn't that just beat all?

He watched from across the street as she entered a house and the lights all went on. Then a window at the front of the house on the second story flashed on and he saw a glimpse of her through the open curtains. So, at least she appeared to be alone tonight, though he had to wonder where her parents were! She was only fourteen!

Yeah, a fourteen year old who saved the world from inter-dimensional demons nightly.

He rubbed his hand over his eyes wearily. "Well, I followed her this far. I might as well ask her what she knows about the Crystals." he said aloud.

Moments later, he was running across the street towards her window.

Usagi had just changed into her shirt pink nightdress-spotted with bunny rabbits eating carrots-in the bathroom and entered her bedroom again when there was a weird noise from the open window.

She froze, but couldn't see anything in the darkness outside. "Luna?" she called hesitantly, moving closer to the window. Something large loomed outside and she shrieked, falling backwards, arms flailing. Her right arm connected with her bedside lamp and knocked it off with a crash, plunging the room into darkness.

The blonde girl bit her lip, trembling as something scrapped at the window sill and then there was the sound of something heavy landing on the carpet. Her eyes widened in fear and she crawled towards her bed to look for a weapon.

She had heaps of toys under it. Barbie, dolls, some building blocks-and a baseball bat, ball and mitt.

Her fingers felt around swiftly for the bat, but instead came across something solid and heavy. She frowned and picked it up, realizing belatedly that it was Teddy from the beady eyes and ears.

The person moved closer towards her and she leapt to her feet, brandishing the teddy bear before her like a sword. She was Sailor Moon! She faced bizarre Youma's and evil Generals every day! She wasn't going to let some burglar cower her!

"Okay! Who's in my room? I have a teddy bear and I'm not afraid to use it!" she threatened, wielding Teddy above her head. She peered into the dark and just made out the ominous shape of a guy. Before he could open his mouth, she let him have it. "Ha ya!" she screeched, swinging Teddy about like a baseball bat. "Eat stuffing, creep!"

Whack

The teddy bear hit the guy solidly in the general area of his head-she was just guessing-and made a surprisingly solid noise when it collided with yielding flesh.

"Owww!" he groaned, sounding somehow very familiar. She was sure she'd heard that self-same groan before! Then he was alarmingly silent.

Thunk

The person dropped like a bolder and didn't move.

"Oh my god! I've killed someone!" Usagi screamed, dropping Teddy and jumping around anxiously from foot to foot, wondering what to do. She raced over and up-ended the lamp, screwing the bulb back in to lighten the room. The bottom of the lamp had smashed! She laid it on it's side and turned around to see her intruder.

When she saw who was on her floor, she almost had a heart attack! "Oh my god. I killed Tuxedo Kamen!" she shrieked. Then she saw his chest move and was less panicked. "No, no wait...I gave him a concussion." she amended dropping to her knees beside the unconscious hero. She reached out and peeled back an eyelid to see if his pupils were dilated. She'd seen it in a movie somewhere.

Having assured herself that yes, he was breathing normally and his eyes looked okay, she settled back onto her heels and stared at him. She had a super hero in her room. An unconscious super hero. A gorgeous, unconscious super hero. She grinned widely.

"A gorgeous, unconscious, helpless super hero in my room." she said aloud.

Boy, Luna would kill her if she happened to come home from Ami's right now. Yep.

Her eyes fell on Teddy, who was laying on his side innocently, stuffing coming out of his sides from his collision with a solid skull. Usagi grabbed the culprit and glared at it accusingly. "You gave Tuxedo Kamen a concussion, Teddy!" Why, oh why had she let her mom re-stuff Teddy the day before? He was as solid as a rock and surprisingly lethal for a stuffed-toy.

Usagi leaned over Tuxedo Kamen again and lightly patted at his cheeks, trying to wake him. "Hello? Tuxedo Kamen?" she called out softly, grimacing at the red welt that was beginning to come up high on his left temple. Oooh, she'd hit him hard! And wow, when did her aim get so good?

Tuxedo Kamen groaned, moving slightly. Everything hurt! He cracked his eyes open and everything spun crazily, then a shape began to focus in front of him.

"Hello? Are you okay? I didn't mean to hit you so hard!" Usagi groaned, watching as his blue eyes squinted about, trying to figure out what was going on. His gaze sharpened on her face and filled with relief, then confusion.

"What happened?" he demanded, voice weak. He felt like he'd been hit by a truck in the head. A big migraine was starting, sending shooting pains through his temples and the back of his head.

"You umm...got knocked out." Usagi wrung her hands, trying to sound innocent.

"Knocked...out?" he replied, trying to recall. He remembered coming into Usagi's room...then, he tripped over something...then...something hit him and then Usagi was leaning over him.

"Wait a minute," Tuxedo Kamen growled. "You must have hit me!" he accused, thrusting a finger in her face with growing anger.

"I uh...it was an accident!" she told him, stepping back slightly in alarm. he was meant to protect her, not yell at her! Oh wait, she wasn't transformed! She gave a slightly sheepish smile, which he took to be guilt over giving him concussion. She quickly thrust Teddy behind her back-which was her second mistake. Tuxedo Kamen's eyes followed her movement and zeroed in on the 'weapon of choice'.

"You hit me with a teddy bear!" he roared at her, eyes blazing blue fire.

"I didn't mean to! Well, I mean I did-but you were on intruder!" she shouted at him, beginning to get angry too. He had broke into her house. He deserved to be clobbered! Oh, what was she saying? He was her crush. Her hero. "Please don't be angry?" she pleaded, peeking up from under her lashes.

Tuxedo Kamen glared murderously at her, not taken in by her innocent look. He knew she was Usagi and the petite girl was annoying as hell!

And she'd just beaned him with a teddy bear!

"What was it filled with concrete or something?" he shouted wrathfully. "I should spank you!"

"What?" she gasped, stunned. "No, no!" she waved her arms about frantically, trying to get him to calm down. "No spanking. It was an accidentally on purpose encounter." she gulped as his eyes became even more angry. "Umm-no, that didn't sound right..."

"Don't bother! I'm seriously thinking of bringing legal action against you." he told her, lying through his teeth. He'd never really sue Sailor Moon. But Usagi...now that was another matter. He didn't mind taunting his worst enemy...and his biggest crush...he was confused now. But the important thing was the migraine and the lump he suspected was growing on the side of his head. She owed him! He only came to talk, for crying out loud.

Usagi's eyes grew huge at his words. Legal action! Could he do that in her own house? "Please don't sue me!" she wailed, wringing her hands. "I'm broke, I swear. I don't even have comic change."

Tuxedo Kamen's death-glare never wavered.

"It was self defense!" she wailed louder, jumping up and down.

"Teddy bears aren't self defense!" he roared at her, pointing to his throbbing head. He had a migraine the size of Mount Olympus in the making and wasn't inclined to be lenient at the moment.

"They are too!" she shouted back, glaring now. Now, he was getting ridiculous! Any weapon at hand was self defense! She'd swear it at court. Besides, he was lucky she'd found Teddy and not the baseball bat. She bit her lip, tempted to tell him how close he'd had to ending up in the hospital with more serious injury than a lump.

"Like that would stand up in court, Usagi." he retorted.

"Well...maybe," she said uncertainly. Her hand shot up and she pointed at him accusingly. "But you did sneak into a defenseless girl's room-"

He gave a derisive snort. "Helpless! You're a teddy-wielding maniac."

"Excuse me? You toss roses with raser-sharp ends at people!" she screeched like a fish-wife.

"Yeah, well you throw a lethal frisbe!" he bellowed back. Then he realized his mistake. Ooops?

"Hey," Usagi said, eyes narrowing suspiciously. "How'd you know I was called Usagi?" her lips firmed. "And that I was Sailor Moon?" her finger stiffened, jabbing sharply into his chest. "Are you a peeping tom, Tuxedo Kamen!" she demanded.

Tuxedo Kamen gaped at her. "Excuse me?"

"I mean, I know I'm pretty and all-"

He glared and began to mutter under his breath about blonde ditz's and their teddy bears.

"-and you couldn't resist peeking in on me-"

Mutter

"-and I look totally cute in this nightie-"

"Okay! Enough with the vanity, Moon." he shouted at her, having had enough. "Sure, you're pretty, but you're also a ditz and a klutz and you stuff your face!"

Usagi shrieked in outrage and stomped her foot. "How dare you! You overbearing male jerk. You're just like that creep, Mamoru-" her eyes widened. "Oh my god!"

"What?" Tuxedo Kamen said warily. She must have discovered that he was Mamoru!

"You-you-"

"Yes? Yes?" he said impatiently.

"You must be friends with that jerk!"

Thunk

"Tuxedo Kamen? Are you okay? I didn't even hit you this time." Usagi said in concern, dropping to her knees beside the prostate hero. He was laying on his back where he fell over and was staring up at the room with an expression that was a cross between disbelief and anger.

"Unbelievable. Unbelievable." he said, shaking his head.

"What is?" Usagi said, frowning. He sure was acting weird! Not at all like his usual aloof, heroic self.

"How blonde you are, Odango!" he said suddenly, turning his masked face towards her and smirking.

"Arrgghhh!" she shrieked in anger, punching him in the chest. "How dare you Tuxedo Kamen!"

Then his whole sentence hit her and she glared at him murderously, bending in close so that she was almost nose to nose. "Mamoru! Is that you!" she demanded, trying to see past his mask.

"Bingo, Blondie," he drawled. "It took you long enough."

"Grrr!" Usagi reached out and ripped off his mask, revealing Mamoru's sardonic gaze. She lost it and began pounding his chest, yelling insults at the top of her voice.

Punch

"You creep!"

Slap

"You jer!"

Pummel

"You cad!"

Tuxedo Kamen growled at her and caught her fists before they could do him further damage, jerking her in close to glare into her eyes. "Okay, now I am suing you! For assault and battery!"

"Just try it, Chiba Mamoru! I'll counter-sue you for breaking and entering." she growled back, thankful that she'd become addicted lately to 'Law And Order'. Wasn't TV great?

"You're paying to get this tuxedo ironed!"

"You're paying to fix my lamp!"

"You're paying for my hospital bill, 'cause I need to go and see if I have concussion."

"I hope you do! And you're paying for my teddy to be re-stuffed."

"Oh, shut up!" Mamoru yelled, releasing her hands and grabbing the front of her nightdress to yank her all the way down. She sprawled over him and yelped in astonishment, but then he crushed his lips to hers and she was dead silent.

He was kissing her! Kissing her! Usagi's mind went out the window right then, body turning into goo as all these emotions raged through her.

When Mamoru let her go finally, all she could do is grin in a silly manner at his smug expression. "Why did you-did you kiss me?" she gasped out, still out of breath from being thoroughly kissed.

"To shut you up." he announced unwisely. Mostly a lie, of course, but she didn't need to know that! They were still Mamoru and Usagi, the two worst enemies in Juuban!

"You creep!" she shrieked.

"You ditz!" he bellowed back, deafened.

"Jerk."

"Blonde."

Usagi glared heatedly and then leant over and kissed him hard.

"Why did you do that!" he gasped out in astonishment.

"To shut you up!" she yelled.

Tuxedo Kamen glared and shoved her off, leaping to his feet. "I'm out of here. I was going to ask you about the Rainbow Crystal, but forget it."

"Good!"

"Get out." she shouted, shoving him towards the window.

Tuxedo Kamen tripped over a pile of clothing and sprawled on the window-sill, anger coursing through him. She was so annoying! "I'm leaving."

"I'm thrilled."

"Me too!" he snarled.

"Out!"

"Shut up, will you?" he roared, feeling like they were both five year olds screaming at each other over the playground. He reached out and yanked her to him. She landed on his chest and opened her mouth to shout, but he shut her off by kissing her passionately.

"Will you quit shutting me up that way!" she yelled in outrage, when he let her up for air. She wound her hands into his vest and yanked him close to kiss him back.

They both pulled back at the same time, gasping for air, but thoroughly enjoying their battle. it had so much more potential now!

"I've got to-" Gasp "-go!" Tuxedo Kamen managed, drawing in deep breaths and pulling his arm back from her waist.

"Okay." Usagi gasped back, releasing his vest and stumbling back to give him room.

They stared at each other for a long moment, not quite sure what had happened, but quite happy with how it had turned out.

"See you tomorrow when you crash into me?" he teased, leaping onto the window sill and then out onto the closest tree branch.

"Same corner as usual." she retorted, crossing her arms.

At the same time, she stuck her head out the window and he leaned into the window and their lips met again for one last sweet kiss.

"Goodnight, Odango Atama." he murmured, disappearing.

"Good night, jerk!" she called after him, knowing he'd hear. Usagi pulled herself back in the window and yanked it down and locked it-then unlocked it...just in case he came back later. After all, she hadn't expected Tuxedo Kamen to turn up in her room and HE hadn't expected to be beaned by a surprisingly lethal teddy bear.

Her eyes fell on his discarded mask and she smirked. Now she had an excuse to track him down! Just in case they didn't bump into each other like usual. Nothing had changed and yet everything had changed. But they'd still have their fights...and hopefully, more kisses!

The End

Write me if you liked! Comments are adored and much appreciated.

How was it! I know, I went back two Challenges, but it was worth it huh::Giggles: I tried to an original bedroom scene for U/M that I hadn't used before. And as far as I'm certain, Tuxedo Kamen was never knocked out with a lethal teddy bear before! Aww, and wasn't their fighting CUUUUUUTE? Yes, there is a Sequel to this one and a few Chapters are already written. I'll be posting that one up this week also. FEEDBACK!

Please don't forget to check out my Archives 'Destiny's Gateway Romance Fanfiction Archives'. We're a 'Couples' Fanfiction Archive, pure romance in any rating and always with a happy ending. Our Sailor Moon section is quite extensive and growing daily. We would love you to come on over and have a read and even submit your own Fanfiction there. :) The link can be found in my Profile, so just click on my pen name above this Chapter and come on over. All of my Fanfiction is up there, and I've written over 130 Fanfics.

This Fanfic was a Challenge from the 'One Hour Challenges Archive'. What you do is pick a Challenge-which is posted daily by me-then a 'Couple' from the 'Destiny's Gateway Romance Fanfiction Archives', then you have an hour to write as much Fanfic as you can. Details are in my Profile. :Grin: In this case, the 'Couple' I chose was 'Usagi And Mamoru'.

Hugs,
Princess Destiny

PS: See Archive link in the Profile for 'One Hour Challenge' sentences.

Hugs,
Princess Destiny