Title: When the Evidence Lies

Rating: M for mature themes

Summary: The Evidence tells Grissom that Sara has done the unthinkable, so he leaves the lab and the country without explanation. Can their love be salvaged when he learns what the Evidence really means?

Spoilers: Established GSR post Season 6 Finale

Author's Notes: This story will deal with mature themes and may not be suitable for all audiences. I don't own them, just taking them out for a spin. The story wasn't beta'd so all mistakes are my own.

Nothing is easier than self-deceit. For what each man wishes, that he also believes to be true.-- Demosthenes

Gil's POV

October 1st 9a.m.

This was the fifth morning in four weeks that Sara had gotten sick. He didn't know how many other mornings she'd been sick, but she'd been wane, pale and tired for weeks. It was time to face the evidence he thought as he listened to her brush her teeth and rinse her mouth. Somewhere along the way the precautions hadn't been enough, the birth control had failed and Sara was pregnant with his child.

Grissom found that fact a surprisingly easy to face. It was a future he'd never envisioned until Sara came along, but now he was actually looking forward to becoming a father. Already he could see that this would be the greatest experiment of his life; watching Sara's slender body adjust to accommodate the new life, tracking growth developments and then witnessing the formation of this new unique individual.

Sara smiled a little at him as she came back to bed, but it didn't reach her eyes. "Sorry about that guess my stomach's still a little delicate."

He wanted to ask about the baby, but didn't know how. Communication still wasn't his strong suit. So when she curled up on her side of the bed, he spooned around her and rested his palm against her still flat stomach. Her breathing changed subtly and he knew she was sound asleep, which gave him time to look at the rest of the evidence and figure out how to talk to her about it.

Maybe Sara was in denial about her condition? She had to know the dangers a fetus faced with the chemicals they used. Maybe she'd made a decision without him to terminate it? What if he asked her and she lied about it? The questions plagued him, while the thoughts and emotions grew more disturbing as they kept building on old fears and insecurities. Until it felt like the walls were closing in on him and he had to get out of there.

Slipping out of the paisley bedding he tucked his side down and gently kissed her forehead. He needed to figure out how to talk to Sara about the baby, but couldn't do it here. The dark voice in his head that taunted how she was just like Melinda, that history was repeating itself.

Grissom found himself silently praying as he dressed that the voice was wrong. Thinking about the beautiful literature professor who had left scars on his heart and psyche that still hadn't fully healed even decades later, required several stiff drinks. If the past truly did repeat itself with Sara, he wasn't sure he'd ever recover.

October 1st 6p.m.

His cell phone rang as he finished getting dressed after his shower. "Grissom."

"Hey it's Sara. I'm not feeling well enough to be able to make it in tonight."

"Are you okay?"

"Yeah. I'll be fine." She didn't sound fine, she sounded like she'd been crying.

"Honey, you want me to come over? Bring you some veggie soup or something?"

In the silence he could make out the background noise, a cheery female voice. "Sara? Dr. Baumgartner wanted me to…"

"Hold on a sec Griss." Sara's voice was muffled as she covered the phone with her hand.

When the other woman's voice became clearer, he realized Sara's hand must have moved slightly. "Make sure you get plenty of rest, fluids, take Tylenol if there's any pain or cramping from the procedure."

"Thank you." Sara's voice told the other woman. "Griss?" Her voice was even clearer now. "I'm just gonna stay in bed. I should feel better tomorrow after a little rest."

"Right. Okay."

"Be safe tonight, okay?"

"Yeah. Feel better." He ended the call gratefully and sank onto his bed devastated.

Dr. Adrienne Baumgartner was Catherine's physician. He remembered the pretty ash blonde from when she delivered Lindsay. His mind tried to grasp the idea that Sara had a procedure by an OB/GYN. Logically he knew it was her choice to terminate the pregnancy, but his heart was crying out in anguish she hadn't even talked to him before she'd killed their baby. When the wet drop rolled down his nose and landed on his hand, he realized he was crying; grieving for the loss of life and dreams of family.

Taking a deep breath, he picked up the cell phone he didn't remember dropping and called Catherine. In a brisk tone he let her know he wouldn't be in tonight and Sara had called in ill. He didn't give Catherine time to question him further. Just said he had a migraine and that his phones would be off.

A flash of neon pink caught his attention and he noticed Sara's pajama top was caught on the edge of the laundry hamper. It was from the set he'd bought for her birthday a few weeks ago. They'd caught his eye because the image on the front was a neon yellow and green sun medallion that was similar to her tattoo. The memory was adumbrated by his grief which was quickly replaced by an uncontrollable rage and a need to strike out. Needing a safe outlet he picked up the soft cotton shirt and began ripping it apart, until it was as ruined as their relationship.

When he sat down to write Sara a letter he was surprised to see a letter of resignation being neatly typed across the laptop screen. Years ago he'd told Warrick that when he left there'd be no cake in the break room. For a while, he'd thought that had changed because being with Sara was opening him up. Except now as he printed out the letter he wondered if he'd been fooling himself.

Once the letter was signed and the envelope sealed, he was amazed at the speed his brain formulated the next step of the plan. He called Jason White at UNLV who agreed to take care of Gil's insects and spiders. That was quickly followed by a call to Roger Casselman who'd asked Gil to go on a Rainforest expedition in his place. He'd initially turned it down, not wanting to be away from Sara, but now it was the perfect escape if the spot hadn't been filled.

By 7 a.m. all the arrangements had been made, but he waited until noon to drive to the Sheriff's office knowing that most of the Graveyard staff would be gone by then. There would be the usually ploys by the Sheriff to try and keep a valued employee, since forensic entomologists were rare, but Gil Grissom was decided that no one could stop him from leaving Las Vegas.

Sara's POV

October 1st 11p.m.

"What did you do?" Catherine demanded as soon as Sara walked in the door.

Still not feeling well, Sara blinked at the older CSI while trying to remember anything she might have done to piss off Catherine. "Huh?" She finally answered when nothing came to mind.

"Gil's gone." Catherine's heels tapped sharply against the tile floor as she paced the break room. The combination of noise and movement were making Sara's headache worse.

Staggering to the unoccupied sofa, she ignored the rest of the team's obvious curiosity. "What do you mean? Everything was fine the last time I saw him."

"Well something must have happened for him to just suddenly turn in his resignation letter to the Sheriff this morning."

"He resigned?" Sara repeatedly quietly.

"No." Catherine sighed softly. "The Sheriff convinced him to submit a 6-month Leave of Absence instead, giving Gil the option to return at that time or quit."

"I don't think he's coming back." Warrick's voice was quiet in the sudden silence. "His bugs and stuff aren't in his office. Plus his home and cell phones are forwarded to an answering service that said he'd be out of the country for the rest of the year."

"I never thought he'd really leave without saying goodbye." Nick's quiet voicing of disbelief was the last straw, sending Sara racing out the door.

Since the dark haired, dark eyed CSIs were the acknowledged emotional ones of the group, seeing Sara sprint the room crying was understandable each had seen evidence of a special vibe over the years, maybe even to be expected. Seeing her with one hand pressed against her mouth, with a distinctly ill look was not.

Resting her head against the stall wall, Sara heard Catherine enter the rest room before she saw her, so her voice wasn't a shock. "Sara are you pregnant?"

"No Catherine I'm absolutely not pregnant." Sara's laugh came out sounding more like a sob. The quiet tears she'd been crying as she entered the stall were no longer enough, the physical and emotional pain were too much. She was suffocating under the full impact of Gil's leaving without saying goodbye, the impossibility of Catherine's question and results of yesterday's appointment with the Doctor overwhelmed her.

Kneeling behind the sobbing brunette, Catherine pulled her close wrapping an arm around the shaking shoulders and swayed trying to offer her some measure of comfort. In all the years she'd known Sara she'd never thought she'd see an outburst like this. The team had seen Sara mad, sad, depressed and resigned, but this reaction was like a deep and profound grief. It reminded Catherine of her own grief when Eddie died.

Catherine smoothed Sara's hair back and whispered over and over. "Shush Sweetie it will be okay." Sara didn't say anything, but it took a long time for to quiet down. Looking into sorrow filled brown eyes, Catherine privately wondered if it would ever be alright again.

Catherine's POV

October 2nd 12:45 a.m.

Sitting behind Grissom's desk the Interim Nightshift Supervisor wanted nothing more than to find her friend and beat him senseless. In the years they'd known each other Catherine had never observed him be so rash and irresponsible. Studying the piles on his desk she didn't think this was a well thought out decision, but the missing bug tanks and experiments suggested it wasn't exactly a snap one either.

Leaning back she closed her eyes, wondering what the hell was going on with him. Jim had teased Gil during his fling with Lady Heather to get a sport's car, but Catherine thought maybe this was more a Grissom sort of mid-life crisis. The office phone rang disturbing her reverie.

"Willows."

"Hey Boss Lady."

"Where the HELL are you Gil?"

"On a plane to the middle of the Rainforest." He hadn't called to talk about himself. "How's the team?"

"You want the truth?" She asked bitterly wondering if she should tell him. The team was mad about his sudden departure, but was also worried about Sara she wasn't taking the news well.

It seemed like she'd held Sara for hours in the bathroom. The girl had cried so hard, she'd thrown up again and when the tears had finally stopped flowing; it was hard not to notice the change. Sara had lost her sparkle, her smile and Catherine thought that Sara had never seemed so lost or broken as she did now. That had been enough to scare Catherine into sending Greg to the Morgue to ask Robbins to come check her out.

Al had seemed shocked and worried when he'd come out after speaking to Sara privately in the break room. With no concern for how short staffed the Lab already was the Coroner ordered Nick to take her home, stay there until he was relieved and sent them off after whispering strict instructions to the Texan. Catherine hadn't caught what they'd said, but their body language had her curious and worried, it was almost like the men were afraid to leave Sara alone.

"Bad?"

"You left without a word or any warning Gil. How could that be good?"

"I'm sorry." His voice was soft and the exhaustion obvious.

"When was the last time you slept?"

"The shift before last."

"Gil! You made this kind of decision when you were exhausted."

"Cath, it was the right one."

"Keep telling yourself that Gil, because I hope all the pain you're causing is worth it." Not surprisingly he didn't respond.

"I'll be too deep in the jungle for anyone to reach me by phone or e-mail. I'll be back in six months Cath. Letters will be packed in with the supplies, it won't be weekly or anything, but I left the address on my desk just in case."

"Gil." The call ended before she could say more and she wondered if he'd done it on purpose. There would be no changing his mind she realized. Opening up her e-mail she sent a group text page to the team, which she'd follow up with an e-mail and the address.

Nick's POV

October 2nd 12:45 a.m.

After checking the label, making sure it matched the name Doc had given him, he gave Sara the single tablet and a glass of water. She was like a zombie unable to think for herself until he ordered her to swallow the pill with the water. When she came out of her bedroom wearing the strangest looking outfit he was worried.

She was wearing a very large man's blue tropical print shirt over the brightest and outlandish looking pajamas he'd ever seen. The cotton pants were neon green covered with neon pink spots and neon yellow trim along the bottom. While the tank top she wore underneath was canary yellow with 'Berkeley' emblazoned in bright blue across her chest. On her feet were very fuzzy fuchsia and dark amethyst socks.

One look at the combination convinced him to stay much closer to her after that and give her specific directions. It was strange helping her get through the simple ritual of getting ready for bed. Catherine and Sara were the strongest, most independent women he knew outside his family. So it was unnerving to see them both so shaken, but it was Sara softly crying herself to sleep that left him feeling helpless because there was nothing he could do to comfort his friend.

The buzzing of an incoming page was really disconcerting in the sudden silence after Sara had fallen asleep. She hadn't told anyone what was wrong, but Doc Robbins, who bound by privilege, couldn't say anything either. Instead he whispered a stern warning to keep a very close eye on her and give her the prescription sleep aid.

"Grissom called, he'll be in the Rainforest and stay for the next 6 months studying bugs. Not reachable by phone or email, but left an address we can write him at." Reading the page from Catherine he wondered if this was good news or not.

Grissom's POV

October 2nd 1:00 a.m.

The line had died, but he held onto the phone for another minute, it was his last connection to Vegas, his friends, co-workers and Sara. Shaking his head he drove the image of her from his mind. That was the life he was leaving behind. History had repeated itself; just as he had last time Gil mailed a final letter from the airport as he was leaving the country. Like last time he was determined to be over her and the pain by the time he returned.

Author's Notes:

All reviews appreciated, but please don't flame. This story will be GSR but rather angsty at first so please bear with me.

The Pajama top Grissom destroys was inspired by the sunburst pajama set on pajama a big thank you to Mel Olle who was kind enough to rescue me from writer's block by suggesting Sara's pajama bottoms. Thank you!