How to annoy Darth Vader (And live to tell the tale!)

by

obsessedbutnotcompulsive

A/N: This is a little diddy inspired by Star Wars nuts' '26 Ways to annoy Darth Vader' and starts up right at the beginning of Empire Strikes Back. This is complete fluff and is not meant to be taken seriously at all, so don't get strung up on the finer details, you won't enjoy the story at all. I just wanted to write this to think up the reactions to the main characters actions, and don't worry, I did ask for permission first before I wrote this! Well, enjoy!

P.S. Tarkin's still alive because he makes me laugh.

Disclaimer: I do not own Star Wars or anything to do with Star Wars. I did not write '26 Ways to annoy Darth Vader' and do not take any credit for it whatsoever, it belongs to Star Wars nut.

Dear Diary,

Well, today was my first day on the Executor! (I'm writing this in my cabin, by the way.) I was so excited! I thought it would be nearly impossible to get a job on Vaders ship, but I did! I'm even stationed on the Bridge! I thought it would be so much fun to get this job then annoy the hell out of good ol' Darth. The creepy old hermit who lives up the street told me all about him, I know all the inside stuff, deep personal stuff too. So as soon as I heard he was on a "No Kill Program", which basically means he's not allowed to Force strangle anyone, I applied. The next thing I knew I was hired!

So this morning I put on my uniform, (which, by the way, made my ass look huge!), boarded my shuttle and then was off!

As soon as we landed I went straight to the Bridge. Tarkin was the first person, to...erm, greet me. God he's creepy! His skin's all stretched out on his pointy cheek bones, he looks like the Crypt Keeper! Ugh, I shudder to think about it.

So he showed me where my little station was and what to do, but it's not like I paid any attention, I'm here solely for the purpose of annoying Darthy. It's not like they can expect me to do any gasp work!

So I sat around for about an hour waiting for Darth to show up. I thought about pulling off my boots and painting my toenails, but I decided against it because I didn't want to get fired before I even had the chance to bug dear ol' Darthy. So I just sat around being bored.

After about an hour, some guy announced he was coming in and everybody stood up. So in strode Vader, black cloak billowing, respirator doing the weird 'Oh Ber' thing.

After we had all sat back down and he had gotten the low down from Tarkin, I got up and went right over to "introduce myself", MOIHAHAHA!

So I walked up and Tarkin made a move to tell him who I was, but I beat him to it.

This is how it went down;

ME: "Yo yo! Vader, ma man! Big V! Wazzup homie? Gimme the low down! The 411! How you be ridin' dawg?"

VADER: "Ohhhhhh Berrrrrrrr. Ohhhhhhhh Berrrrrrr."

ME: "Y'know Dawg, don't mind me sayin' but how you do yo' business in dat suit? C'mon, tell a brotha! But I must say, yo suit is off da hook! You got some serious bling down wit dat Ligthsaber homie! I mean, Bling Blang Blam! Dat shit fo shizzle!"

TARKIN: "Return to your station immediately!"

ME: "Don't be hatin'!"

Then I walked away, snickering under my breath. I went back to my little work place and sat there for 15 minutes. Then I decided to blow that popsicle stand and went to the cafeteria to get some lunch. I had just grabbed my grub and was sitting down at a table when who else would stroll in but dear little Ani on a routine inspection.

Taking my chance, I ran over to him.

It went like this;

ME: "OI! ANI!"

VADER: "Ohhhhhh Berrrrr. Ohhhhhh Berrrrrr."

ME: "Guess what? I decided to take up Podracing as a hobby! I heard you used to do it and I was wondering if you could give me lessons? What do you say big guy?"

Then the next thing I remember is waking up in the medical wing. Turns out he knocked me out.

So here I am, sitting in my little cabin writing.

Aww, he's such a sweet boss.

I'll write later!

Can't wait for work tomorrow!

Kerry (a.k.a. the most rockinest person you will ever know!)

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A/N: So I hope you guys liked it! I know it was short, but the next chapters will be longer, and there will be more of a plot. Let me know what you think! Even flames are welcome, and I'm sure I'll be receiving plenty of those!