A/N: Hey! Back again. Well, here is the (hopefully) humorous story that I have been working on! It's not really a complex plot so it'll just be maybe ten chapters. It starts out as Ron/Hermione and implied Harry/Luna but of course, that's not really what's going on, is it? Will end in Harry/Hermione and Ron/Luna so stick with me, here!
Disclaimer: I don't own anything you recognize, everything belongs to J.K. Rowling, etc.
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Chapter 1
And So It Begins
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She was holding Ron's hand underneath the table.
She was holding his hand underneath the bloody table.
Harry glared at the table, blaming it for whatever had spurred Hermione to hold Ron's hand underneath the table!
Harry held up his own hand and studied it. Sure, it was a little callused from all that Dark-Overlord-fighting and from all those… err, other activities that involves hands. Harry blushed. However, it was smooth enough to be a good hand to hold. Harry glared at Ron's other hand, which was gesturing wildly in the air.
'I bet his hand is rougher than mine!' Harry thought angrily. Again, as Harry thought this, a feeling of confusion immediately followed, thoughts and feelings jumbled as he wondered why exactly he was paying attention to hands.
Harry shook his head as if to snap out of it and looked at Ron's hand. It did look rougher, with calluses that showed that he frequently did chores around the house.
Harry moodily snatched his goblet of pumpkin juice and brought it to his lips. Harry once again glanced at them warily from across the table, peering from the top of his goblet. Ron was telling a story, one which Harry hadn't bothered to pay attention to. He was too distracted by the fact that they were holding hands.
'The worst bloody part of it,' Harry thought, his aggravation building, 'was that they didn't even bother to tell me!' Ron and Hermione had been acting their usual selves, although they seemed to bicker a lot less. Harry sighed softly and decided to reenter the conversation.
"…then Fred actually turned to my mother and said, 'Well, giving birth isn't really a hard job.' She yelled for hours!" Ron said and laughed heartily. Hermione giggled.
"Oh goodness, they must've gotten into deep trouble after that," Hermione added.
Harry tuned them out, deciding that they wouldn't notice if he started dancing on top of the Hufflepuff table in his undergarments. "Wouldn't Susan Bones be surprised?" Harry mused aloud.
"Wouldn't who be surprised, Harry?" Hermione asked suddenly, causing Harry to jump.
"Err… Snape?" Harry responded weakly.
Hermione's brow wrinkled but she seemed to accept the answer. She turned back to Ron, her interest obvious by the way she leaned toward him as he spoke. Harry glared daggers at Ron, not knowing why he was suddenly trying to burn a hole in his best friend's head, and stabbed his meal with his fork.
Harry wasn't sure when they had gotten together or what exactly Harry felt whenever he saw them. He just knew that the thought of them… together made him sick to the stomach. Harry shuddered.
He knew he shouldn't be feeling that way. Of course, as the dutiful best friend, he had to feel happy for them. And he was happy for them. Really, he was. He just wasn't for them together. Harry sighed, his thoughts confusing him even more so. Harry stabbed his meal again with more fervor.
Harry looked once more at the couple that was currently befuddling his thoughts and blinked. Harry was sure that Hermione had just glanced at him quickly. She was now fluttering her eyelids at Ron, making more of a show. Ron seemed to respond quickly to, well, whatever she was doing. He gave a quick glance to something ('or someone?' Harry thought) behind Harry, before grinning at Hermione. He then twirled a tendril of her hair in his fingers. A vein in Harry's temple throbbed as Harry stabbed his plate dangerously.
Harry was about to open his mouth angrily and snatch that red-headed-up-to-no-good prat of a best friend's fingers away from Hermione's hair when a voice spoke up from behind him.
"Hello, Harry. I don't think the meat likes what you're doing to it," A dreamy voice said from behind him. Harry spun his head around, startled, and winced when he heard a loud pop.
Luna smiled at him. "Are you alright?"
Harry frowned. "Fine, Luna, you just gave me a start, that's all." Luna nodded disinterestedly before gazing at the seat next to him. Harry waited for Luna to ask to sit down but it never came. Harry cleared his throat awkwardly before scratching the back of his neck. "Erm, Luna? Would you like to sit?"
Luna beamed brightly and Harry winced, not prepared for such an eager reaction. "Why, yes, I would, Harry." Luna plopped onto the seat next to Harry's and tilted her head, staring at the woodwork.
Harry glanced at Ron and Hermione and found that they were still engrossed in each other. However, Ron seemed to have stopped telling his story and was hunched over, leaning close to Hermione to mutter something to her and waving about his hands. Hermione was shaking her head and seemed to be pointing out something behind Harry's head before whispering a reply back to Ron.
Harry sighed, not even going to bother with the couple, and decided to try to make conversation with Luna. Harry leaned over to see what she was looking at on the table and found that there was nothing.
"Do you see something?" Harry asked conversationally.
Luna jumped slightly and gave out a sound of surprise loud enough to catch the attention of the people around them. Then, confusing Harry even more so, she laughed loudly and heartily, causing Harry's eyebrows to shoot up.
Harry glanced at Ron and Hermione from across the table. They were looking at him oddly. Ron's eyes were narrowed at him and, wait, did he growl? Hermione was looking at Luna with a look that only one gave after they seemingly stole something that was their property.
Harry seemed to be imagining things because their looks disappeared in a second and Hermione leaned more into Ron ('If that was possible,' Harry thought), laughing loudly and touching his arm. Ron brought their joined hands onto the table and, after sneaking a peek at Luna, continued his previous story.
Harry was very, very confused during this whole process. And he was also very, very enraged at the sight of Ron and Hermione's intertwined hands.
'Must. Keep. Temper. In. Check,' Harry thought, gritting his teeth. He then realized Luna was talking to him.
"…gave me quite a start, Harry," Luna finished.
"Oh, uh, yeah. Sure, Luna," Harry said.
Luna nodded serenely before leaning in, as if to tell Harry something. Harry also leaned closer, wondering what she could possibly tell him. Unbeknownst to Harry, their positions looked terribly suggestive.
"Harry!" Hermione said loudly, distracting Harry from whatever Luna was going to tell him.
"Erm, yes, Hermione?" Harry asked.
Hermione then narrowed her eyes at Harry and said in a restrained voice, "Public displays of affection are not allowed in the Great Hall, Harry."
Harry was bewildered at Hermione's statement and looked at Ron to ask what she was blathering about. Ron, however, was looking murderous, which made Harry nervous. What had he done wrong?
"That's not a rule, Hermione," Someone spoke up calmly. Harry then realized it was Luna, temporarily forgetting she was there.
Hermione turned her glare to Luna (Harry was relieved, he couldn't have taken one more second of Hermione's death glare) and growled, "Luna, you are not in a position to tell me what are rules and what are not. I'm Head Girl and I bloody make the rules."
Luna seemed to take Hermione's tone in stride and replied, "I think only the Headmaster can make new rules, Hermione. Now that I think about it, your position really isn't that important."
If Harry was confused before, he was completely disorientated now. Harry looked at both girls for explanation but found that they were still glowering at each other. Hermione, fortunately, didn't reply to Luna but her death glare seemed to intensify. Luna, not backing down from a challenge, glared back, which surprised Harry since Luna was such a serene person.
Hermione and Luna stared off, both of their glares directed at each other. When Harry turned to Ron for an explanation, he found that Ron was glaring at him, challenging him to the same stare off that Hermione and Luna were currently in. Harry had enough of everyone's confusing antics.
'What is this, National Confuse-Harry-Potter Day?' Harry thought exasperatedly. Fortunately for him, the feast ended then, leaving everyone to go off to their dorms for the night. Harry sighed with relief and stood up to leave. Luna stood up with the Gryffindor students and faced Harry.
"Would you mind walking me to my common room, Harry?"
Harry's eyes widened in surprise. "Me?" He squeaked out.
Luna smiled dazedly and nodded. "Yes."
Harry scratched the nape of his neck before glancing at Hermione and Ron, asking permission with his eyes, temporarily forgetting that both of his friends were extremely ticked off.
Ron gritted his teeth and said, "Yes, Harry, why don't you escort Luna back to her room? Always up to you to be the damn hero, huh?"
"Go on, Harry. Have a fun time," Hermione said sarcastically.
Harry felt a headache coming on as he tried to comprehend what the bloody hell was going on. Harry was about to apologize for whatever he had done wrong but took back that thought immediately when he saw Ron throw his arm around Hermione's shoulders. Harry's confusion turned to rage as he remembered that they had gotten together and hadn't told him. 'Might as well have a little fun,' Harry thought.
Harry gave Luna his most disarming grin before offering his arm. "Shall we?" Luna nodded with a hint of a smile and took his arm. They strolled out of the Great Hall and turned to the right. They walked forward in a few moments of awkward silence. Harry paid no heed to the awkward silence for he was furiously trying to figure out what had just happened.
'Bloody Ron and Hermione. They're supposed to be my best friends! Why are they picking fights with me and Luna? What was Luna up to anyway? Why had she asked me to escort her? Didn't she like Ron? It was fairly obvious she did in 5th year,' Harry's mind rambled on inwardly before Harry stopped in his tracks. His curiosity could take no longer. He was about to start questioning Luna but she quickly cut him off.
Luna looked around with alarm, her eyes widening. "Did you encounter a gargle?"
"Er—what?"
"A gargle!" Luna exclaimed.
Harry's brow furrowed. Being around Luna sure gives you a mental workout. "Don't you mean gargoyle?"
Luna shook her head feverishly. "No, a gargle! The distant cousin of a nargle! Is that why you stopped so suddenly?"
Harry tried to comprehend what the hell she was talking about then gave up, deciding that trying to understand Luna would probably take forever. "Yeah, uh, sure, okay. But no, I just wanted to talk to you. Erm, I thought you liked Ron?"
Luna's smile turned roguish for a moment before returning back to her dazed form. "What do you mean?"
Harry was stumped for a moment. He wasn't prepared for that question. He sort of expected her to just blurt out her feelings for his red-headed friend. "Um, I thought you liked Ron? You always were kinda, err, affectionate? Is that the word? Yeah, affectionate towards him."
"Yes, I rather was, wasn't I?" Luna remarked absently.
Harry gaped at Luna. "Right, sure. So, why did you ask me to escort you? Why not Ron?"
Luna's large eyes seemed to twinkle but in a flash, it was gone. "Surely, you've noticed how Ronald and Hermione have been acting?"
Harry's stomach gave a sickening lurch and he swallowed a few times to calm it down. "Yeah, so?"
Luna's large eyes suddenly had a very familiar twinkle. "Harry?"
Harry, oblivious to what she was planning to do, replied, "Yeah?"
Luna's often scatterbrained smile turned mischievous while she walked forward. "Follow me."
Harry stood in the corridor, bewildered, as he tried to comprehend that sentence before he realized that Luna had already turned the corner.
"Luna, wait up!"
Boy, was he in for it.