Summary: Okay, got a new chapter story for you guys, just 'cause I love you so much! XD In this story, I write about various Beckett-bashing goodness. You read them, and (hopefully) laugh. Get it? Got it? Good.

Disclaimer: Do I look like I would own PotC? That's what I thought. I suppose the oliphaunt might be mine, but he could've followed me home from some zoo. One never really knows. Oops, nevermind. He did follow me home, from the local Zoo of Tolkien's Awesome Beasts. Poo.

Chapter 1: In Which Beckett Gets Squished by an Oliphaunt

Beckett was taking his usual 5-in-the-morning walk. He looked up at the sun, and smiled happily.

"Ah!" he said, stretching his arms out. "What a lovely day!"

Suddenly, he heard a gruff voice call out, "Sic him, Leroy!"

Beckett stopped walking. Frowning, he turned around to see who had spoken.

It was Spazzy. You may know him as Jacoby.

"You!" Beckett exclaimed, pointing a finger at Spazzy.

"Yeah? Wot about me?"

"I didn't know you spoke English!"

"I don't," Jacoby grunted, turning away. Beckett shrugged, and began walking again.

Suddenly, a loud thumping was heard. The ground shook violently, and birds fell out of the vibrating trees.

Slowly, Beckett turned around.

There, stampeding straight towards him, was an oliphaunt.

Yes. One of those. From Lord of the Rings.

Riding on top of the oliphaunt was Legolas and Gimli.

"Go, Leroy, go:" Gimli hooted, urging the oliphaunt onward. Beckett stared at the oliphaunt in shock. (By the way, if anyone can draw, I'd love to see them draw this scene! XD)

Leroy stopped in front of Beckett and trumpeted.

"Squish him, Leroy!" Legolas said, grinning. Just to make sure Beckett wouldn't run away, he took out his trusty bow and shot an arrow through each of Beckett's feet.

"Owww!" Beckett whined.

"Don't be such a baby!" Legolas huffed. "I didn't like you when I saw the movie, and I hate you even more in person. I'm so glad me and GImli get to do this!"

And before Beckett could say anything else, Leroy squished him.