I Will Love You Better Now

It had been three months since he had last seen Obi-Wan. At first, he assumed that the boy was simply off-planet. On a mission, meditating... an infinite number of possibilities existed. It wasn't as if Xanatos sat around waiting for him to show up anyway; he had his own corporation to run, business to take care of, plotting to do… he couldn't be bothered to sit around hoping Obi-Wan would deign to grace him with his presence.

But then, one week became two. Then three. Days ticked by more slowly. Xanatos could practically hear his chrono clicking through every second that he didn't see the insufferable teenager, spanning into a month. Then two. Now three. He busied himself with other things, refusing to acknowledge that it bothered him. He wasn't some lovesick pre-teen girl who had nothing better to do than wallow over a missed date. There was, however, some itching in the back of his brain beneath his veneer of indifference. It started out as a small irritant, and then slowly grew into a constant thrum. A suspicion, maybe even a fear…

Obi-Wan was never coming back.

But that was absurd, grounded in nothing. The boy constantly threatened to leave him, but that's all it was. An empty threat. They hadn't even fought the last time they had been together. Not really. Okay, maybe a little bit, but nothing abnormal. So then, where was he?

It was a battle of pride for Xanatos. He'd sought out Obi-Wan in the past when he was feeling impatient or just wanted to fluster the boy, but this was different. Those other times weren't after such a huge gap between visits; they were playful banter, extended foreplay. This time… He had been spurned, practically rejected. Obi-Wan refused to come see him, as if he was in a position to turn down Xanatos. The older man couldn't bring himself to look for the boy. It would have been weak.

Or at least, that's what he told himself a month ago.

Somehow, despite the fact that he didn't care (and he didn't) he found himself stepping carefully through a window into the Jedi Temple, their security laughable as usual. The new locks were amusing; they had taken Xanatos a whole three standard minutes to crack. That was a new record for the Temple, and he mentally congratulated them. He congratulated himself on his own brilliance more, of course.

The boy wasn't in his room, forcing Xanatos to retreat back to the ledge and find another window. He couldn't risk entering the hallway through Obi-Wan's room; someone could be out there. What would he say when asked why he was in there? Even assuming that the Jedi in question didn't recognize him, it would still be suspicious.

He stood on the ledge for several moments, using the force to cloak himself while he considered his next move. Obi-Wan might be in the medbay. If the teenager was somehow injured on mission he could still be recovering. It made sense, at least more sense than the alternative: he had simply decided he didn't want to see Xanatos anymore. That didn't make any sense at all.

It was also more desirable than another alternative: Obi-Wan had suffered from something worse than a mere injury. That he was never coming back, because he simply couldn't.

Xanatos banished the thought as soon as it slipped in from his subconscious. He's not dead. I would know if he died. I would have felt it – he would have reached out to me.

Ever so carefully, he traced his way around the outside of the Temple until he found a window closer to the med center, but still in a relatively deserted part of the building. It was late, so there weren't many Jedi or employees about. However, there was always some life going on in the Temple; even Jedi could experience insomnia, especially the Padawans. And some Jedi were members of naturally nocturnal species. He went still beside the window, reaching out with the force. There was no one in the hallway, and he silently pried the window open and slipped inside. Pulling his hood up to hide his face, he strolled down the corridor toward the medbay like he belonged. It wasn't a complete lie.

About 10 yards from the destination he stopped, leaning against the wall. He couldn't risk actually entering the medbay – healers were the worst kind of nosey, and he didn't feel like inventing some absurd story for going into the medbay without needing any healing himself. Assuming Obi-Wan was in there he could feign a visit, but if he wasn't then what? No, he would rely on his own abilities to feel for the boy. If Obi-Wan was there he would know.

Pressing against the wall he reached out, searching for the boy he couldn't admit he was worried about. Nothing. No response. He wasn't…

There was a subtle, gentle pull in the corner of Xanatos' mind.

Not the medbay. Someplace else… but not far.

Xanatos turned on his heel, walking quickly, but not too quickly, in another direction. Obi-Wan was here somewhere, and not, to Xanatos' irritation, grievously injured.

His trek took him to wide lounge, the Temple's version of a café. It was frequented by Padawans for relaxing with friends and casual studying. Obi-Wan's presence in such a place when he was supposed to be mending from a broken leg or cracked skull did nothing to improve Xanatos' mood.

The room was spacious, filled with comforting things like fluffy chairs and low footrests. Instead of entering through the main doors Xanatos cut around to a back entrance with a staircase. Above the room was a loft area with extra tables. He remembered from his time at the Temple that the loft only filled up when there was no room on the floor below – or when there was a student who wanted to be with others, but left alone.

He hugged the wall to better keep from being seen, and glanced over the railing.

Obi-Wan was below. Completely fine. Completely fine. Someone was with him, another boy maybe two or three years older than Obi-Wan. They sat extremely close together, their knees touching and their heads bent towards each other conspiratorially. The stranger reached over and squeezed Obi-Wan's hand affectionately. Very slowly, he lifted that same hand and kissed the knuckles.

Xanatos' vision went red. Jealousy flashed through him like a knife. What was going on down there? It took all his self-control to keep from murdering the interloper. Or both of them. But murdering one – or two – Jedi when there were droid servers milling about ready to raise an alarm would unnecessarily complicate his life.

As if suddenly sensing Xanatos' deep flash of anger, Obi-Wan's head shot up, shock on his face. He ripped his hand from the other boys grip, but it was too late. Their blue eyes met beneath Xanatos' hood.

The older man ducked back into the shadows just as Obi-Wan's "friend" lifted his head as well.

His fury shook all the way to his core, more deeply than even he would have expected. His fists clenched and unclenched, and he suddenly wished he hadn't come at all. It was an unusual feeling for Xanatos – like he had made a mistake. He felt exposed in a way he had never felt before.

Needing to be any place but there he turned and left the Temple.

-E-

No. Nonononono.

What was he doing there? It was one thing to sneak into Obi-Wan's room in the middle of the night and sneak back out, but why would he be in the lounge? Did he want to be caught?

"What's wrong? You look like you've seen a ghost," Markus touched Obi-Wan's shoulder.

He visibly and almost violently flinched away from his friend, and the other boy's brow furrowed in confusion.

"What's wrong?" He repeated.

Despite the Jedi order being a relatively close-knit group, Markus and Obi-Wan had never met prior to his most recent mission with Qui-Gon. Markus and his master had accompanied them.

Obi-Wan found him... distracting. He had spent any spare moment on the mission with Markus, and found himself wanting to spend more time with him than even that. Since returning to the Temple whenever he wasn't studying he was with the other Padawan. How long had it been? Surely not that long. Not long enough to compel his indifferent lover to look for him...

Apparently, it was longer than he had realized.

Obi-Wan glanced helplessly back up at the loft, but Xanatos was gone. Long gone. Bile rose in his throat. He could only imagine what the older man had seen, and assumed. Or maybe assumed was the wrong word. What was going on suddenly seemed very obvious to Obi-Wan in a way that it hadn't before. He glanced at Markus with realization. Was this cheating? He almost let out a humorless laugh at that. Was he even in the type of relationship where one could cheat?

"Obi-Wan?"

"I have to go," he rose so quickly he almost tripped. "I'm sorry, but there's something I have to do right now."

He practically ran out of the room, leaving his friend bewildered and confused.

-E-

The knuckles on his hand split open as he punched a hole into the wall of his penthouse. It didn't help.

Stepping back, he drew the force around him like an angry ball. It wound tighter and tighter around him, and then he released it like a spring. The energy wave crashed through the room, splitting furniture and cracking the windows. He breathed out heavily. He was in control of his anger. It was a weapon, not a wound.

He didn't know how long he stood there, focusing on the force and his anger until the door to the penthouse slid open. Only one person knew the entry code. Xanatos didn't even need to look up.

"Get out."

Obi-Wan stopped several feet from him. Smart. He surveyed the destruction in the living space. "I need to talk to you. What you saw... it wasn't what it looked like."

Now Xanatos did turn his head towards the boy, lifting an eyebrow. A façade of indifference and calm. "Is that so?"

A shaky step forward, slightly closer to Xanatos but still out of arms' reach. "I was just talking to my friend. That's all he is."

"At yet you feel the need to explain. What's your point?"

The harshness in Xanatos' tone made Obi-Wan falter. "I just… I wanted you to know that there's nothing going on with him. Not really."

Without warning Xanatos shot across the divide so that he and Obi-Wan were only a few inches apart. The boy was so startled he took an involuntary step back.

"And what difference does it make to me either way?" A smirk played across Xanatos face, and he let out a cruel laugh. "You didn't think I cared, did you?"

Obi-Wan stared back at him, an ache in his eyes. He didn't answer.

"Oh," Xanatos stepped back and raised an eyebrow. "Do you think I love you?"

Hurt crossed Obi-Wan's face. "Why are you being this way? I'm just trying to talk to you. And," he continued waving his hand around the room, "obviously you do care, as you've taken it out on the furniture."

It was exactly the wrong thing to say. Fury pooled in Xanatos' vision and he grabbed the boy's chin in one hand and wrist in the other. "I am angry," He said slowly, letting each word sink in. "But not because of some pathetic feelings for a Jedi child. I'm angry because you are nothing, and yet you think you have some power over me. You think you have some right to decide if and when this ends, and you don't."

He released the boy's chin and wrist, leaving angry red marks where his fingers had been. "Now, if you want to strip down and get in my bed I will gladly have you, or you can leave. It doesn't matter to me either way."

Without another word he turned and walked towards his bedroom. Triumphantly, he heard the boy following him. But before he could feel any relief or victory he stumbled forward. It took him several seconds to realize what happened. Obi-wan had shoved him. Obi-Wan had shoved him.

"Who do you think you are!?" The boy's voice shook with anger and unshed tears. "Why do you try to ruin everything!?"

Xanatos turned and looked his lover, if he was still that, up and down scornfully. "There isn't anything to ruin. And anyway, I wasn't the one crawling all over another Padawan. After all your diatribes of fidelity, look at yourself. You're a hypocrite."

"Why do you care about it if I'm nothing?" Obi-Wan spat. "And I wasn't crawling all over anyone. Markus is a friend. A friend I flirted with, okay? He's kind-spirited and gentle, everything that you're not. So maybe I did want him. So what?"

Want him? Obi-Wan had wanted, or maybe he still wanted, that weak Jedi Padawan?

Xanatos' hands clenched slowly. "You know," he said carefully, "you're completely alone here. Do you really think it's a good idea to bait me? I could hurt you. I could kill you."

Obi-Wan shrugged. "You have no reason to be angry. If I don't mean anything to you, then why lash out at me?"

There was a challenge in his glare, Xanatos could see it. Exactly what Obi-Wan was challenging him to do, he didn't know for sure.

"Why did you want him?" Xanatos asked finally.

Confusion crossed Obi-Wan's face momentarily, as if he had forgotten about this "Markus" altogether. "I guess, because he's good. A better person than you. I wondered what it would be like to be with someone like him."

It made sense. Even to him, in the midst of his anger, he could understand. He never thought he would be able to hold on to good, moral Obi-Wan. Somewhere in his mind he had always known.

"So why are you here?"

Obi-Wan sighed heavily. "Because when I saw you all I felt was guilt, and suddenly Markus was too good. He would never treat someone the way I treated you – I think a part of me actually wanted to hurt you by not coming to see you."

Xanatos' anger was replaced by a deep weariness, setting in all the way to his bones. "We have no promise of monogamy. The whole idea of that is foolish. I don't know why you bothered feeling guilty."

"Because I'm in love with you," Obi-Wan shrugged his shoulders.

The words hung heavily in the silence, equal parts foreboding and hope.

"What?" Xanatos said after several moments of just staring at Obi-Wan. He had heard the boy, but the words had yet to sink in. Surely he hadn't just said that. No one had ever said that to him before…

"I love you," Obi-Wan repeated more slowly. "I'm in love with you. I don't want anyone but you. I don't want you to want anyone either."

Xanatos didn't know what to say. He wouldn't repeat the words back; they were stuck in his throat. He didn't know if he loved Obi-Wan, he wasn't even sure he was capable of loving anyone. But if he was going to love someone, he knew with complete certainty it would that boy.

As if he didn't expect a response, or maybe afraid of what the response might be, Obi-Wan flung himself at Xanatos. He kissed him desperately, tugging the other man's cloak off in the process. This was something Xanatos could handle, something he knew how to do. He pulled the boy even closer to him, biting his lip and tongue. They didn't need words.

They knew.

-E-

A/N: Wow. I know it's been FOREVER. I'm reigniting my love of Obi-Wan/Xanatos. I just hope that you guys enjoy this chapter and the next one, which is the smutty aftermath of this fight and may even be up before I go to bed tonight.

And gee wiz how does one do symbol-based section breaks in this new set-up!? Clearly I've been away from for too long.