A/NThis is in Vincent's P.O.V before he met Cloud and the others. It is set during the time he is in Hojo's lab.

THOUGHTS OF A TORMENTED SOUL

I guess I want to be hurt because that's how I feel and it would give reason for me to show it. Never in my whole life have I wanted to harm myself as much as I do now, but I don't want to create that kind of drama. Besides Hojo hurts me enough. I guess I want to do it to myself as a sort of self-punishment for being so so stupid. I feel so alone. I want to feel like I belong with people and fit in, but Hojo has made sure that will never happen. My arm still stings from the claw attached to my forearm, he did this to me two days ago. I hate it; I didn't even need one. My arm was fine. I guess it was all a part of his conditioning of me. All I do is nothing, just hearing about the life I so desperately want; the life I had. I want with all the bitterness in my heart to be someone. I stay alone wrapped in the blackness I've struggled with since I realised how vulnerable I was. I should have just taken Lucretia's word and left when she told me she didn't want me. But no, I had to go back to her. Try and change her mind. And it brought me nothing but hell. And the only person hurt in this is I, even though I only wanted to do what I felt was the right thing. Everything I manage to do is just a bored notion. Tucked away until the next time I am alone and it begins to feed again. A great big swell of anger and longing at the life of others. Wanting to be anywhere but here. Desperately wanting to be a part of another kind of life. I would even jump at the chance to be the vain and arrogant person I came to hate. I'm going crazy, locked inside my own mind and emotions. Ever creating fresh wounds for my depleting mind. The voices in my head keep telling me:

They'll never like you.

You're nothing.

You deserve to die.

You have no one you're pathetic.

What makes you think people would even look at you twice let alone want to know you?

I try to fight it because I don't want to believe it. Then I go silent, I stop crying, and silence welcomes me and I remember I'm alone, and again the feeling of self-hatred rises once more. The thing that makes it worse and makes me feel more alone is the fact there is nothing no one can do. So I don't show it but it is always there manifesting. I don't want to accept that this is how life is for me and lay everything down for Hojo. It's something I have to solve, but it seems so far away.

The End