Disclaimer: This is soooo not mine! If it was.
A/N: This is kinda a sequel to "Pick-Up Lines from the SGC." Or you could take it as a stand alone, whatever...
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The day the pick-up lines list was taken down, a new list was started. (Most of the base suspects Ferretti.) New rules were added each day, from the Tokra, the Asgard, and the Atlantis Expedition, among others.
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1) Don't die!
(I don't care how often Daniel does it, you are not to stop breathing! -Landry)
2) Do NOT piss off the female staff during a base wide lock down.
a) OR during that "Time of the Month.
(They have no chocolate and probably some large threat to deal with. We don't want Carter busy trying to kill some dumb Airman, when she should be saving out sorry butts! -Jack)
3) Do not hide or horde Siler's' Duct Tape.
(People, I need that stuff to fix the gate! -Siler)
4) Plan A never works, plan B rarely works, plan C is almost always the best.
a) Always have a back up people; Carter can't save your asses all the time.
b) Or McKay.
(There, happy Elizabeth? -Jack)
5) Decaf coffee is now banned in all but the infirmary.
Eight personnel ended up in the infirmary last time someone attempted to get everyone of caffeine. Janet was not impressed. Or Daniel. Or Carter.
6) All bets are to be placed with Ferretti.
a) All betting is to stay on Earth.
b) This means you SG-14.
SG-14 hung their heads in shame, remembering how their bickering over the odds of how long it would be until Daniel died again, had allowed Jaffa to ambush them. They came running back through the gate bleeding and bruised.
7) "How bad could it be?" "Nothing could go wrong now" or "What could possibly go wrong?" are never to be said.
(We should not have to say this people. -Sam)
SG-2 said it on their last mission, and the world they were on actually exploded.
8) The Ori are not to be referred to as "wannabe Sauramons.
a) Nor are you to point and shout "Look, it's the white Wizard!" at the Priors.
Mitchell grinned when he read this. First diplomatic mission off-world, and he already made the list.
9) The name of your tailor is not an answer in a Goa'uld interrogation.
a) This means you, Daniel.
b) And you Mitchell.
c) And you Sam.
(I expected better of you. Stealing my line…fercryinoutloud -Jack)
10) Grenades are not toys. DO NOT play catch with them.
a) Knock it off SG-3.
SG-3 had the brilliant idea to play catch with their grenades. SG-3 and grenades. "Oh shit!" had been the term best used to describe the incident
11) Please refrain from signing "I know a song that gets one everybody's nerves" off-world. It will just piss the natives off.
SG-27 had been board. The marines, trying to piss their civilian scientist off, decided to begin signing. Loudly, and off-key. The locals, who had been simply observing from up in the trees, became extremely annoyed after the 30th time. The marines were pelted with coconuts all the way back to the gate.
12) Just because I did it, doesn't mean you can.
SG-15 had been under the impression that they could take down a Goa'uld mother ship themselves. Luckily, the Tokra had several operatives on-board who managed to get them out of their holding cells.
13) Don't anger the Russians. Seriously.
SG-19 had started a prank war with SGR-12. It was finally called off by Col. Carter after they somehow managed to convince the cooks to make nothing but borscht for two weeks strait.
14) Disturb the miniature room at you own risk.
The Science Department had taken to bringing in model kits over the last few years, and working on them when ever there was a base-wide lock-down and they had nothing to do. The collection of finished pieces grew until finally General Hammond had approved the use of a storage room. It was the pride and joy of the Science Department. Carter had even threatened to break the arm of whoever touched her model of the Golden Gate Bridge.
15) If Carter can't do it, chances are you can't either.
a) Or McKay.
O'Neill had grudgingly added that one at the request of Dr. Weir. Something about Rodney managing to power the Atlantis shields…
Carter blushed and dismissed the rule. Apparently Rodney just got smug.
16) ATA gene carriers are not lab rats.
a) Especially me!
Jack lost count of how often he was called down to the labs, or Area 51 to test some little do-dad the SGC found.
17) For the safety of everyone on base, please stay in the infirmary until the Doctor says you can leave.
(I have needles! -Dr. Lam)
Mitchell just laughed, remembering a terrified General O'Neill hiding from his "booster shot" after breaking out of the infirmary 3 days early.
18) If you're children have the chicken pox, please stay home.
Feretti's youngest daughter caught it at day care. He carried the virus to the leader of a very advanced and "friendly" race of Aztecs. She accused the SGC of trying to kill her. The day after she had been cleared to go home, the SGC found they were unable to establish a wormhole.
19) If at first you don't succeed, run like hell.
You usually only get one shot at killing the bad guys. So run away before they figure out what's' going on.
20) If you don't know what the button does DON'T PUSH IT!
SGA-1 was now hiding from the rest of Atlantis. Rodney dared John to push a button in a new-found lab. John took the dare. Everyone outside the lab turned bright pink.
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