Why All the Rum is Gone

"What is wrong with that girl?" Captain Jack Sparrow demanded of nobody in particular as Elizabeth marched away from him, having rejected his advances for the umpteenth time."

"I can't imagine," grumbled James Norrington, who was swabbing the deck just to his right and cursing the inefficiency of cleaning the decks in the middle of the day instead of before dawn.

"Well anyone can see she wants me," said Jack. "Why's she keep runnin' off? What'm I doin' wrong?"

"Are you asking me?" said Norrington. "Because she ran off on me too, remember?"

"Sure, but yer not a pirate. She's got a thing for pirates."

"That's true."

"How bout you, mate? Ye got a thing for pirates?"

Norrington sighed. "I suppose I must have; I'm here, aren't I?"

He tried to carry on cleaning, but Jack wasn't finished with the conversation. "Thing is, I know she wants it. 'S like I said, the curiosity's gettin' to her. An' it's not like I'd tell Will. I got some morals."

"Apparently she has too," said Norrington. "Or maybe it's just the lice," he added under his breath. Jack heard.

"I'll have you know lice are considered a sign of a generous spirit in Arabia."

"Are they?" Norrington wondered how many lashes insulting the captain was worth on the Pearl and decided to risk it. "Well, maybe it's the huge pox sore on your face, or the fact that you have breath like a donkey's, or that you haven't bathed in God knows how long."

"I have never bathed," Jack said proudly.

"I see." Norrington tried to move off.

"And ye've no need to flatter me," Jack added, "I already hired ye, or so I'm told, and ye've no hope of promotion, what with all the tryin' ta kill me an' all."

"Quite so," agreed Norrington. "So I'll just get on with my duties, then, shall I?"

"Sometimes I think you Navy blokes have the right idea, not lettin' women on board. Nothin' but a distraction, they are."

Norrington reflected that in the Navy, a captain wouldn't be having this conversation with a foremast jack in the first place. Oh, how he missed the Navy.

"An' anyway, ye've got all those ship's boys," continued Jack. "Have many boys on the Dauntless, did ye?"

Ohhh. So Jack wasn't just being obtuse, he was deliberately goading Norrington. "Some," he replied noncommittally.

"O'course, here we just got each other, don' we?" Jack asked, throwing an arm across Norrington's shoulders.

Norrington stopped swabbing and scowled at him. "Do you have a point to make, Captain, or are you only provoking me out of boredom?"

"Mmmmm, mostly boredom," admitted Jack, not removing his arm. Norrington caught a faint whiff of paprika.

"You know, when I commanded a ship, I never had the kind of free time you seem to have," observed Norrington. "Doesn't the helm need your attention? You're the one with the compass."

With his free hand, Jack flipped open his compass. The needle swung lazily from east to west and back. Norrington rolled his eyes. "Looks like I can't be much help," said Jack. "Now, what say you and I retire to my cabin and discuss free time?" Norrington tried to edge away. "C'mon, Jamie, I'll make it worth your while."

"How could you possibly do that?"

"Tell you what… Come to my cabin with me now, and I'll leave both you and Elizabeth alone for th' rest o' th' day."

Norrington sighed again and put down his mop. "All right," he said. "That's too good an offer to refuse. I just hope you've got a hell of a lot of rum in there."