Ok, I was at work, and let my mind wander a little. I figured 'why not do an 'interview' with the Maurauders?' And this is what happened when I sat down and typed it in the middle of the night, after much sleep deprivation and reading much Sirius/Remus fluff. Don't blame me, the fairies wrote it… It's terrible, honestly.
Disclaimer: The characters belong to one JK Rownling. I just screw them about a litte. Oh and: I mean her no harm by what Sirius says about her, I love her really, I do, I just got a little carried away… (I mean, the fairies did….)
Interviewer: So lads, here we are, what do you think to this huge pile of fanmail sent in?
Sirius: Well of course, it's only natural that everyone out there wants a bit of Padfoot-
Remus: Hang on a minute, where's Peter?
Sirius: Oi, I was talking!
James: (mutters) You always are…
Sirius: Anyway, who cares where he is? We all know he's a filthy treacherous, cowardly slimeball who-
James: Oh shut up, you know that's not his fault.
Remus: Yes, ladies and gentlemen, we'd like to take this opportunity to point out that Peter Pettigrew is, in fact, a real nice guy.
Sirius: It's all the fault of that bloody J.K. Rowling woman! Making him do what he did!
James: (interested) So, you can be pissed off at just about anyone when given the right ammunition?
Sirius: (snarls) The things she's done to us…
Remus: Remembering of course, that if it weren't for her, we wouldn't be here at all. We wouldn't exist.
Sirius: Oh yeah? Well you might not, but I'm a great idea just waiting to happen! I assure you, if she hadn't thought of me, someone would have sooner or later… And I bet they wouldn't have killed me off either! Stupid, sadistic, evil, torturing hag…
Remus: Yes, well, anyway… Getting back on track, where were we? Oh, Sirius, stop giving me the evils, honestly, you're like a woman, always wanting to bitch!
Sirius: I resent that. I have a healthy appetite for confrontation, that's all…
Interviewer: So, thus far, we've concluded that Sirius is a woman and Peter isn't here. Nevermind, despite what you three have said, let's face it… No one really cares about him, do they?
Sirius: (jubilantly) Well said! They'd much rather it were just the three of us. Or just me. I could have my own one-man show, y'know, I could be great, I could conquer the world, I could-
James: You could bloody well shut up, you great poof!
Interviewer: Ah, thank you, that leads me swiftly onto what is probably, judging by the fanmail we received, the question with the most eagerly-anticipated answer…
Sirius: (groans) Oh shit I think I know what's coming…
Interviewer: Sirius, Remus…. How does it feel to be one of the most strongly supported ships in the Harry Potter Fandom?
Remus: Well, it's certainly quite, erm-
Sirius: How does it feel! I'll tell you how it bloody well feels! It's weird, it's wrong, it's horrible, and there's not one thing I can do about it! Every time one of those bloomin' sick fans sits down at their computer, hands poised and mind full of filth, I am forced to do whatever they tell me! And with Remus! One of my best mates and all! You wouldn't believe some of the things they make us do…
Interviewer: And Moony, how do you feel about it?
Remus: Me? Oh, yes… Um, it's… Disgusting. Of course. Absolutely terrible. Ahem.
James: You don't sound too certain of yourself, mate…
Remus: What do you mean? I don't know what you mean. I don't enjoy it. No. It's an awful experience. Quit bugging me!
Sirius: Aye up, Moony's blushing! Hang on a minute…. Oh Merlin! You don't… y'know, do you?
Remus: Well, I suppose it wouldn't be entirely truthful to say I haven't been… intrigued by some of these fictions that our fans have been writing…
James: AHA! So that's what you were doing the other night when you hid all those parchments under your bed!
Remus: I just wanted to know what all the fuss was about!
Sirius: (now quite scared) And..?
Remus: It's not so bad….
Sirius: Oh in the name of all things Hoggy and Warty! Look! Look! Yes I'm talking to you, all those twisted 'fans' out there… Look what you've done to him! You've dragged him over to the Dark Side with your abhorrent imaginings… He was so frail and couldn't resist the temptation! And now you've turned him into this…Oh Moony, come back to me, please!
James: Sirius, stop pretending like you don't want it, look- you're practically gagging for it…
Sirius: Oh shut up, Potter, just because you're safely attached to a girl! How could this happen? All I ever wanted was fame, glory, wealth, and a bloody good shag! Oh, woe is me!
Remus: Not to toot my own horn or anything, but judging by the responses, I could at least guarantee you the last one…
James: Ooh, what response is this then?
Remus: (red-faced) Oh… No one in particular… Just a few guys here and there…
Interviewer: I'm sure we'd all love to know…. Wouldn't we girlies? (addressing large mob of rabid fangirls held back by barrier behind her)
Rabid fangirls: Oh yes please! gasps and swoons
Remus: Well… Just don't judge me, ok? I was totally plastered… And in a state of major depression because of that awful angsty fic that boy from Brazil wrote where Sirius never spoke to me again…
James: Ah, I remember that, that was a toughy… Anway, carry on.
Remus: So, I was in desperate need of someone, and he, well…. They just happened to be there at the time.
Interviewer: Who! For Christ sakes, just tell us who!
Remus: (deep breath ) -SeverusSnapeandLuciusMalfoy-. Oh, please don't hate me, don't hate me….
Sirius: WHAT! Oh Gods, they had their filthy hands on MY Remus? Right, that's it, Snivellus is never going to have a peaceful moment ever again!
James: Um, Sirius?
Sirius: What now!
James: You just said 'my Remus'…
Sirius: Oh deal with it, you blimmin' homophobe! He's mine and I want him!
Interviewer, Remus, and Rabid Fangirls: YAY!
Remus: Really?
Sirius: Yes! I never realised it until now… Right, stop talking, we have mad passionate making out and getting it on to be doing!
Remus: I love how romantically you put things…. swoon
James: (shepherding away crowd of Fangirls and interviewer) Right, come on girls, nothing to see here. I think they have the right to be left to themselves now…
Sirius and Remus: Mmmph!