Disclaimer

The characters in this story belong to the Tolkien Estate, New-Line cinema and the Disney Corporation. No money is being made from this – it is written purely for pleasure.

Kings and Pirates

King Elessar still known to his friends as Aragorn contemplated the captive standing before him. The man had been accused of piracy, caught trying to loot one of the merchant ships trading out of the docks just outside of Minas Tirith.

Considering the seriousness of the charge the man looked remarkably calm, but then the man looked remarkable as well. Colourful was too staid a description for the individual who was not quite swarthy enough to be from Harrad but neither was he from Gondor. From the tip of his leather boots to the hat sitting rakishly atop braided black hair he was the most exotic looking creature the ruler of Gondor had ever seen, and he had seen some sights in his time.

"What did you say his name was?" the King asked the guard who had hauled the man in.

"He says his name is Jack … "the man began only to be interrupted by his prisoner.

"That'll be Captain Jack Sparrow, if you please" the man drawled "beggin' your highness's pardon but being as how you are a King you know the importance of titles." Jack had the impudence to wink as he made a courtly bow. The guard made to cuff the man for his insolence but a look from the king stayed his hand.

"Captain Sparrow, have the courtesy to remain silent whilst the charges are read out, you will have an opportunity to speak in your defence in a few minutes."

Jack put his finger to his lips and then clasped his hands in front of his chest inclining his head.

"Read out the charges." The King commanded, he was trying not to show his amusement. The pirate certainly had style.

The clerk took the rather lengthy charge sheet and began.

"Boarding a trading vessel with the intent to steal cargo, assaulting the captain and first Mate of said vessel, making lewd and libidinous suggestions to the captains wife, making lewd and libidinous suggestions to the apprentice sailor on duty in the captain's cabin, stealing a horse to make his getaway. Causing damage in a nearby tavern, stealing and drinking several measures of strong wine, making lewd and libidinous suggestions to the tavern owner's daughter, making lewd and libidinous suggestions to the tavern owner's son…"

Aragorn held up his hand…."Is there much more?" he asked incredulously.

"The rest is fairly similar Sire; the clerk said scanning down the list. The subsequent crimes took place as the accused was trying to escape.

"The captain and first mate, were they harmed?" the King asked

"The men are recovering Sire, The Captain had to be taken to the blacksmith to remove the chamber pot from his head and the first mate sustained a bruise where the ship's goat kicked him."

Seeing the King's confusion the clerk explained.

"The accused had tied the first mate to the goat's tether rope and the animal became alarmed and kicked out."

"Wonder why?" Jack muttered with a grin,

"Captain! I asked you to remain silent; if you cannot do so then I will have you contemplate my dungeons for a while before we continue do I make myself clear?"

"Perfectly" Sparrow replied putting his hand over his mouth but he did not seem at all put out at the prospect.

"Are any of the witnesses present?" Aragorn asked.

"The tavern owner is here Sire but the captain and first mate are still 'indisposed'"

The tavern owner stepped forward bustling with self importance and righteous indignation. The King who had frequented many of the town's taverns in disguise knew the man to be a bully who occasionally short-changed his customers.

"That man! He said quivering with outrage "Rode a horse into my tavern where it smashed several tables and then he drank several of my best wines before insulting my children, I demand you hang the villain!"

"You demand do you?" the King said quietly raising an eyebrow. The man realised he had overstepped himself and began to bluster.

"My Lord, I mean, you can see he is without any sense of decency, I run a respectable business."

"We are here to establish the facts" Aragorn told him. "Have you anything else to add?"

"Only that he tried to seduce my daughter, the poor girl is quite beside herself!"

Somehow the King doubted this was the case, the girl was quite a flirt as he recalled and he had a feeling she would quite take to the exotic stranger.

He glanced across at Sparrow who was grinning and rolling his eyes but for the moment he was keeping quiet.

"Captain you are entitled to have someone who knows out laws speak for you if you so wish" Aragorn informed him. Jack glanced around the court his eyes alighting on Legolas who was lounging against a pillar near the throne.

"What about him then?" Jack said pointing to the astonished elf.

"You want Prince Legolas to represent you?" the King asked.

"Why not?" Jack asked "You did say I could have someone on me side and I choose him!"

"Very well if Prince Legolas is agreeable you may withdraw to prepare your defence." Aragorn glanced at his friend who nodded his assent.

They were only gone about 5 minutes when Legolas came back in hauling Jack with him by the scruff of his neck. The pirate captain had what looked suspiciously like a handprint on one cheek and the elf looked outraged.

"I must decline your request to represent this man" Legolas said with as much dignity as he could muster. Aragorn was intrigued, he looked at Jack who shrugged and opened his kohl rimmed eyes wide in a totally unbelievable show of innocence.

"Guards, take the accused to the dungeons for now, we will continue this hearing later." Aragorn ordered. "Come Legolas we will discuss this in private."

"You hit him" Aragorn accused when they were alone.

"He deserved it!" Legolas countered hotly – "He pinched me and made some very crude suggestions!"

"Where did he pinch you?" Aragorn asked struggling with amusement.

"In the ante room" Legolas said primly, Aragorn threw his head back and laughed.

"It's not funny Aragorn!" Legolas huffed.

"Oh but I think it is" Aragorn said grinning wickedly.

His friend's humour was infectious and Legolas began to smile as well.

"He really is a most extraordinary creature" the elf mused, "he seems to be totally incorrigible."

"What am I going to do with him?" Aragorn asked – "I could hang him for theft and piracy but he has done little harm and I have not been as entertained in years!"

"You cannot mean to let him walk free!" Legolas exclaimed.

"No I cannot but nor do I feel inclined to let him fester in the dungeons"

"You could have him flogged"

Legolas, I had thought you were more forgiving than that!"

Legolas had known that the King would do no such thing or he never would have suggested it.

"But what are you going to do Aragorn?"