He Likes Who!

Summery: Ah, the internet survey. Truly priceless. But of course, in the day of the Marauders, there were parchment surveys. Just be sure it doesn't fall into the wrong hands, or in James Potter's case, anyone's hands.

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Contrary to popular belief, the Marauders did not know about James' secret love for a certain red-haired beauty. In fact, they had absolutely no clue about his crush, and they were fairly certain he was in love with Elizabeth Farr.

Elizabeth was a short, curvy brunette with bright hazel eyes and a megawatt smile. She was a fifth year, only a year younger then the boys themselves. Elizabeth was a talker, and James never seemed to mind listening to her. They often did homework together and even went to Hogsmade together once.

So you can about imagine the shock of Sirius, Remus, and Peter when they found the survey that led them to the truth, and of course, the boys had to do something about it.

-

It all started one autumn day in the late afternoon. Sirius Black, Remus Lupin, and Peter Pettigrew entered the boys' dormitory and came across an open parchment lying on James' bed. It was engraved with the large bold letters Tell Me About You across the top.

"Merlin's beard! Do you boys know what this is!" Sirius nearly shouted as soon as he spotted the parchment. His grey eyes lit up with excitement and his mouth formed into a crooked smile.

"No Sirius we have no idea what that is, enlighten us." Remus Lupin stated sarcastically, clearly not interested in the piece of paper. He continued to search through his truck from something as Peter stayed in the doorframe, looking like quite the outcast.

"Don't you know what this is! This, this little parchment," Sirius waved the paper wildly in the air, and then shoved it in Remus' face. "This, my fine fellows, is a 'Tell Me about You' survey from Zonko's Joke Shop!"

"A what?" Peter asked curiously. He started to walk towards James' bed, as did Remus.

"A 'Tell Me about You' survey! Questions appear and you write your answers down, and at the end it tells you something quirky about yourself." Sirius stated, sounding very intelligent.

"And why exactly would Zonko's carry this? I see nothing funny about that." Remus said, looking the parchment up and down.

"Well if you would let me finish! After you're done, it seems to just disappear. But that's the joke! It doesn't! All someone needs to do is say 'Let me read about…' and then it will show all their answers, which can get pretty personal!" Sirius stated, still seeming very happy with his discovery.

"I still don't think that's very funny." Remus spoke to Sirius.

"I agree with Moony. I don't see the fun of it. Plus, don't you think James will get mad if we read this?" Peter said softly, with playing with his fingernails.

"Are you boys bloody daft! This is the greatest thing ever! This will tell us everything and anything we ever needed to know about the one and only James Potter! This is amazing!" Sirius said, jumping on the bed to exaggerate his point.

"Sirius Black, get down from there! If this is so bloody amazing, show us already!" Remus scolded Sirius, the seated himself on the ground. Peter followed, then Sirius. They all sat in a circle, with the survey in the center.

"Well here it goes! Tell me about James." Sirius stated. The parchment glowed bright blue for a moment, then grew extensively long, and questions with answers appeared in neat column. The blue glow faded, and the boys stared amazed.

"Since when where surveys so cool?" Remus asked, staring at the paper.

"I dunno." Sirius replied. He then eyes Peter, who was poking the paper over and over. "Peter?"

"Yes." He replied. He then shook his dirty light brown hair and itched his ear.

"What exactly is wrong with you?"

"Huh?"

"Oh never mind!"

"Guys, let's read this and get it over with already!" Remus said exasperated.

"Alrighty then, let's read this baby!" Sirius said and began to read the survey very intensely.

What's your name?

James Charlus Potter

"Did you guys know his middle name was Charlus?" Remus asked, looking at Sirius and Peter.

"Nope, I always thought it was Matthew." Sirius replied.

"Yeah, me too." Peter agreed.

Do you like your name?

Sure. Better then, let's say Bruno or something.

"Bruno?" Remus asked with a laugh.

"What's wrong with Bruno! I think I'll name my kid Bruno just to show him it's a fantastic name!" Sirius stated, crossing his arms with a scowl on his face.

"Alrighty then Padfoot. Whatever you say, whatever you say." Remus replied, trying to hide his laugh the best he could.

What name would you rather have?

I think I'll keep mine, it's been working for sixteen years.

Birthplace?

London

Current Location?

Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry

Eye Color?

Hazel

Hair Color?

Black

Height?

5'10"

Right Handed or Left Handed?

Right hand.

What's Your Heritage?

Pureblood

The Shoes You Wore Today?

Black shoes

Your Weakness?

Pretty girls

Your Fears?

Failing at everything

"Failing? And here I thought he had a thing with giants." Sirius stated, while Peter laughed hysterically, obviously thinking Sirius was kidding.

Goal you would like to achieve this year?

Quidditch Cup

What are your thoughts first thing in the morning?

Another bloody day of school, how fantastic.

What's your best physical feature?

My abs, what can I say? The chicks dig 'um.

"Cocky much?" Remus asked, shaking his head.

Do you Smoke?

Well, not really.

Do you swear?

Bloody hell! Why would anyone swear!

Do you sing?

In the shower, it's great to see the faces of the boys when I'm done; they think I've gone mental.

"He has no idea how horrible he is! Honestly! I sometimes wonder if he is mental." Sirius stated, waving his hands above his head.

"He is really bad." Peter said quietly.

Do you Shower Daily:

Yes, several times a day sometimes.

Have you been in Love?

Yes, with my broomstick, and the girls. Gotta love 'um.

"His broomstick, eh?" Sirius snickered.

"Sirius Black! You perverted little boy, he means his broom you daft thing!" Remus scolded, with a slight blush on his cheeks. Peter just sat there, laughing to himself and still playing with his fingernails.

Do you want to get married?

Yes

Do you believe in yourself?

Yes I do!

Do you get Motion Sickness?

A chaser? Get motion sickness? I don't think so!

Do you think you are Attractive?

Oh yes I do! And so does the entire female population of Hogwarts. I'm fairly certain even the professors think I'm sexy.

"The professors? I highly doubt that." Remus said, raising his eyebrow.

"Well,Professor Sinistra does stare at him a lot you know." Sirius informed Remus, who looked quite disturbed at the statement.

"What's her name again? Isn't it like, Ashley? She's pretty young right?" Peter asked.

"It's Aurora. And she's around 27." Remus replied curtly.

"Oh, how do you know?"

"I read."

"Oh."

Bit of an ego, eh?

Well, what's wrong with that?

Do you get along with your Parents?

Yeah, we're tight!

Do you like Thunderstorms?

Yeah, unless they cancel Quidditch games because of them.

Chocolate or Vanilla?

Vanilla smells better, chocolate tastes better.

Cappuccino or Coffee:

Coffee

Hot tub or pool?

What? Well, I dunno.

Are you sure?

Uh, yeah I'm sure.

Shower or bath?

Shower, but a bath is nice every now and then.

Manicure or pedicure?

A what?

It's a girl thing.

Oh, okay.

What's your shoe size?

14

"Whoa boys, size 14!" Sirius said loudly, snickering a bit.

"He's got big feet. I wear 8." Peter said quietly, not really getting the joke.

"Hah, I'm sorry mate. I'm a size 12." Remus said, apologizing to the confused Peter.

"Me too!" Stated Sirius.

"What? I'm confused." Peter said with a puzzled look on his face.

"Well, you know what they say about big feet…"

"Big shoes?" Peter asked very seriously.

Remus' blue eyes sparkled with laughter as he burst out in a fit of laughs. Sirius also was laughing, snorting occasionally. Peter sat embarrassed, fiddling with his shoes.

How many pairs of shoes do you own?

About four, does anyone really need more then that?

Favorite type of music?

The popular stuff, I 'spose

Who's your best friend?

Sirius is, and then of course Remus, oh, and Peter.

"Awe. Remind me to give him a hug next time we see him." Sirius said, laughing a bit. Peter sat a bit sadden with the fact his name was last.

What's your favorite Holiday?

My birthday

What month's your birthday in?

March 11th. Only a day younger then Remus!

"I love to remind him I'm older!" Remus smiled.

What month would you like it to be in?

March

Dream animal?

Stag

"Wow, what a shocker." Sirius said sarcastically.

"No it's not." Said Peter.

"He was kidding Worm." Remus said to Peter then glanced at Sirius who was mocking Peter by playing with his nails, then his shoes. Remus tried his best to stifle his laughter while Peter sat oblivious to the mocking going on beside him.

France or Rome?

France.

Favorite cough drops?

I like the cherry-lemon ones from Honeydukes.

Black or Green?

Green, like Lily's eyes

"Like Lily's eyes! What! He has seriously gone mental! Why on earth does he like that little nark's eyes!" Sirius shouted. His face turned a bright red color and he tightened his fists. You could certainly tell he did not enjoy Lily's company very much.

"Lily? Lily Evans? I thought he hated her." Peter said.

"He has some explaining to do." Remus stated, and then stared at the parchment seriously.

Are you photogenic?

Of course, I'm ravishingly handsome. Kidding, sort of.

Speaking of, are you a bit cocky?

Well...

I'll take that as a yes.

Okay then.

Owl or Toad?

Owls, Toads are morons.

Seeker or Chaser?

I'm a bloody amazing chaser.

Favorite sport?

That's a no brainer, Quidditch.

Belt or no belt?

Belt, I think.

Snow or Rain?

Rain, Snow's too cold.

Where do you want your first job to be at?

Quality Quidditch Supplies

What is your dream career?

Professional Quidditch Player

Who was your first Crush?

Elizabeth Farr, I liked her when I was a second year and she was a first year.

"I knew it! I knew it! Remus, old friend! You owe me a galleon!" Sirius said excitedly.

"What? Why?" Remus asked puzzled.

"We made a bet! In our second year! Remember! And you said that Elizabeth said that Alice Lowe said that Frank Longbottom said that James said he liked Marissa Langie! So I had to pay you a galleon. So now the truth has come out! You little liar!" Sirius jumped up off the floor and demanded his money.

"I cannot believe you remember that." Remus said as he reached out a galleon from his trunk.

Peter sat there silently, counting on his fingers the process of which the fake information got to Sirius. He ended up giving in, and played with his fingernails a bit more.

How old were you?

12

Do you still like them?

No. She's great in all. But I like someone else.

"What!" All three boys said at the same time, all equally shocked.

"I thought he was like in love with her!" Remus said loudly. Sirius sat still shocked, and Peter just played with his shoes with a puzzled look on his face.

"Who would he like?" Peter asked.

"You don't think…" Remus started.

"No! No way! Don't even think such a thing!" Sirius interrupted.

Do they know?

Elizabeth? Or that someone else?

Did that Elizabeth girl know?

Elizabeth knew I liked her, she liked me too. We kissed in the prefect's bathroom, and to our horror the Head Boy was taking a bath. Needless to say, we received detentions.

"They what! Did you guys know about this!" Sirius asked, with a very surprised look on his face. Remus shook his head.

"I did, I asked him why he got detention that night, and he told me." Peter stated shyly.

"He told you? And not us! Why!" Remus and Sirius said at the same time both getting red in the face.

"You guys liked her too. Remember?" Peter said calmly.

"Oh yeah." Remus said sheepishly.

"Our bad." Sirius told Peter and then continued on reading the scroll.

What about that someone else?

No. No one knows. And I like it that way.

Really?

Yes.

Okay what ever you say.

Okay?

Would you rather have a brother or a sister?

A brother. I'm an only child, well besides Sirius living with me.

"Hah, what can I say? I just brighten their household!" Remus just rolled his eyes at Sirius' statement and Peter let out a giggle.

Do you want kids?

Yes, loads.

Loads?

Yes. Loads.

Would you rather have a girl or boy?

Some of each.

How many did you say you wanted again?

Loads. Remember?

Where do you want to live?

London.

What famous person would you like to marry?

Like, if I had to choose?

Yes, if you had to choose.

Gwendolyn Morgan, the Keeper for the Holyhead Harpies.

"She is pretty fine." The boys all nodded their heads in agreement.

She took one of these.

She did?

Yup. It was interesting. She has a thing for pickles.

Really? That's…weird.

Sirius snickered at the statement, while Remus laughed, and Peter still sat confused.

"Why don't I get these things and you guys do?" Peter asked.

"Someday Wormy, someday you'll understand." Sirius replied.

Yes, it is. What's your favorite scent?

Pumpkin pie

Have you ever been in a sport?

Yes.

What's your least favorite sport?

I don't really like anything other then Quidditch.

Have you ever been in an accident?

Several, some were pretty awesome too!

Favorite time spent with friends?

Pranking other students, it's always a blast.

"Yeah it is." Remus said, and the other boys agreed.

Would you rather in Gryffindor, Hufflepuff, Slytherin, or Ravenclaw?

Gryffindor, forever and for always!

Favorite Girl that you hang out with?

Elizabeth, but I would love to hang out more with Lily.

"He wants to what!" Sirius yelled, jumping off the floor once again, shaking his fists and getting quite upset. "He wants to hang out with the nark! The snob! The single girl who ruins the majority of our brilliant plans!" Sirius stated as he paced around waving his hands wildly.

"This is so not cool." Remus stated as he motioned Sirius to sit down.

"We're going to need to ask him about this." Peter said calmly, still playing with his shoes.

Sirius finally calmed down enough to sit down, and continued to read with the rest of his friends.

Favorite boy that you hang out with?

Sirius. But of course Remus too! Oh yeah, and Peter.

What don't you like about you?

I like myself.

What's your favorite thing about you?

My hair, the chicks dig it.

Speaking of 'chicks'...Do you like short or tall girls?

Shorter then me.

Do you want your girl to be jealous?

No. Guys do not like jealous girls.

Thong or boy shorts?

What do you think?

Sirius snickered. Remus laughed. And poor 'ol Peter still sat confused.

Favorite girl scent?

Lilies...

"He has a fetish for all things Lily. This needs to stop!" Sirius yelled. Peter and Remus nodded in agreement.

Do you want your girl to have piercing?

Maybe in the ears.

Do you like your girl to wear T-shirts or Tank Tops?

Doesn't matter to me! They don't even have to wear a top!

"Hah, I'm all for that!" They boys all laughed and quickly agreed with each other.

I bet you'd like that.

Well…

Skirts or Shorts?

Like me and Sirius always say! 'Why look down when you can look up!'

"Well what can I say? I speak the whole truth and nothin' but the truth!"

"You do?" Remus asked slyly.

"Well, when it comes to the female population."

Remus raised his eyebrow.

"Okay, okay! When it comes to scoping the female population! Better?"

"Yes, much better."

Would you rather your girl was cuddly or not?

Cuddling is good, very good.

Do you and your friends do dumb things?

Pfft no.

Are you kidding me? Yes! What other kinds of things would we do!

"No kidding. This parchment isn't very smart." Sirius stated, yawning a bit.

The paper glowed light blue again, and words began to appear.

I am too smart! How else would I know you like that Elizabeth girl still?

"What? How? Okay. You are freakin' me out!" Sirius said bewildered. Remus stared very surprised.

"You do?" Peter asked.

"Well, whatever. We have better things to do then talk about me!"

The parchment's blue color faded and James' survey reappeared.

What was your favorite grade?

Fifth year was pretty sweet.

D.A.D.A. or Muggle Studies?

Uh, Defense for sure.

Do you have a fear of public Speaking?

No way. Bring it on!

What's your best Christmas present?

The best was my invisibility cloak from my dad. That thing is the greatest clothing item ever!

Least Favorite teacher?

I hate Slughorn. He likes Lily too much. She's mine. He needs to back off!

"What is up with him and Lily! He's obsessed! Ah! This is not good!"

"This is so not cool."

"This is bad. Very bad."

OoOoOkay then, take a chill pill.

A what?

Never mind.

Um, okay then.

Have you ever broken your nose?

Yes, three times.

Who broke it?

Well, first time I fell off a broom. The second Sirius punched me, and the third I fell off a bridge, it was great fun.

"Yeah I did. And I'll break it again if he keeps talking about Lily!"

"I totally give you permission."

"Yeah, go ahead."

I bet.

Oh yeah, loads.

You like the word 'loads'.

Yup, loads.

"He does say 'loads' a lot, doesn't he?" Remus asked. They boys nodded their heads.

Okay then. I don't think I like you very much.

Well I don't really care; I could set you on fire if I felt like it.

Have you ever snuck out?

Nice subject change. But anyways, who hasn't?

What's the longest you've ever been grounded?

Well, my dad said forever, but it ended up being like a week.

Have you ever failed a grade?

No.

Easiest Class?

Transfiguration, I have a knack for that.

Needles or spiders?

Neither, I hate both.

Pajamas or not?

Not. I like to sleep in the nude.

"Okay, did not need to know that."

"Ew and we have to share a room with him! What if there was a fire! And he jumped out of bed! We'd all be blinded!"

"But wouldn't we just use a spell and put the fire out?"

"That's not the point!"

"It's not?"

"Seriously kid, what is wrong with you?"

"I dunno."

Favorite Sweets?

Chocolate Frogs.

Do ever get home sick?

Sometimes. But Hogwarts is like home, so not very often.

Worst Day ever?

Let's just say it was bad.

Toast or Cereal?

Uh, toast?

Sounds good to me.

Alright.

Any last thoughts?

What's my quirk?

Ah. Well you seem to be overly obsessed with that Lily girl. I'm pretty sure you live, eat, and breathe all things Lily. You need therapy, badly. And may I also suggest that you tell someone, before you burst.

What! How...But...Okay, you were worth the 2 Galleons I paid for you.

"He likes who!"

"Holy shit!"

"Whoa, that's bad."

"JAMES POTTER! YOU ARE SO DEAD!"

"Sirius! Calm down! Breathe!"

"He's madly in love with Lily? Lily Evans?"

Sirius was pacing all over the room again, swearing under his breathe and occasionally throwing something. His obvious dislike of Lily was getting the best of him.

Peter and Remus still sat seated on the floor, still reading the survey.

Thank you. Glad I could help. Oh, one last thought.

Yes?

You need to lay off the word 'loads'. I'm pretty sure it annoys people.

The Survey is now finished. Thanks for your business! -Zonko's

The survey glowed light blow once again this time as the color faded so did the words. The parchment rolled itself up into a neat little scroll and flowed gracefully up back on James' bed.

By this time all the boys were now standing. Sirius was furious, and Remus was quite upset. Peter seemed troubled.

"This is not cool." Remus finally said, ending the awkward silence.

"Totally not cool! Doesn't he get it that she's the one whose life's mission is to make sure we rot in detention!" Sirius said deafeningly.

"Guys, James is our best friend right?" Peter began to speak causing both Remus and Sirius to give him fill attention. "Shouldn't we be trying to help him get the girl of his dreams, and not be sitting here saying how much we dislike her?"

"Wow Wormy, that was deep." Sirius started.

"Thank you ver…"

"And very stupid! Why on earth would we want those two together! It would be like hell, living breathing red-haired hell!"

"Sirius settle down! Peter is right, even though it pains me to admit it, but we should be trying to help James out here!" Remus interrupted taking up Peter's defense.

"No! Absolutely not!"

"I'll make sure you get a date with Elizabeth."

"No way I am not helping…wait, what did you say?"

"You heard me."

"Seriously, no joke?"

"Nope, no joke."

"Well bloody hell mates what are we waiting for! We've got a wedding to plan!"

The boys laughed together as they left the room, heading for the library to start their scheming to make sure James got the girl of his dreams.

You see now, that's how the boys found out about James' undying love for Lily Evans. And you also saw the beginning of the most hilarious and entertaining match making scheme known to Hogwarts. Little did Sirius, Remus, and Peter know that they were about to make Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry history.

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There it is! That was the first chapter of many, well hopefully anyway. I am known for my lack of updates. Oh dear. Haha, don't worry I adore this plot and I plan on making it a priority. Hope you enjoyed!