This is random and unapologetically nonsensical. Unless, you know, during the course of the fillers someone on Naruto turns into a cat. Then I'm calling this thing canon, dammit.
Title: Sasu-kitty!
Author: desolate butterfly
Genre: crack, humour
Pairings: KakaSasu
Rating: PG-13 for Sasuke's language
Summary: Sasuke wakes up one morning with a few complications, and Kakashi doesn't help. At all.
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Sasuke really didn't know what to think, except that this was probably Naruto's fault.
He had woken up with fuzzy ears. Fuzzy ears. And a tail. Unless there was something people weren't telling him about puberty, something was definitely wrong.
Tumbling out of bed on unsteady legs that seemed to want to bend in the wrong direction, Sasuke crawled to his front door and tried to reach the handle. Apparently he had shrunk as well, because even stretching up on tip-toe wasn't getting him anywhere near the doorknob.
"Fuck," Sasuke muttered, but it ended up coming out more as a growl. He scratched ineffectively at the door.
"Let me out!"
As if obeying his commanded, the door suddenly swung back, hitting Sasuke in the nose. Immediately he darted away under the coffee table, tail lashing.
"Sasuke?" The masked faced of Kakashi poked through the open door. "Are you in here? You're late for training. Even later than I am, which is really saying something."
Immediately, Sasuke bounded out from underneath the table, heading straight for Kakashi's legs.
"I didn't know Sasuke had a cat," the copy nin mused, crouching.
"Ass," Sasuke hissed swiping a claw in Kakashi's direction. "I am the cat."
Except it came out sounding more like 'mrowr'.
Kakashi chuckled and reached down to scritch gently behind Sasuke's ears.
"I'm mostly a dog person," the man explained, "but you are kind of cute."
Sasuke promptly bit Kakashi's finger, drawing blood. He gained a certain amount of satisfaction watching the man yelp and leap back. Unconcerned with the glare he was receiving, Sasuke calmly began licking his paw. It served Kakashi right. He was certainly not cute.
"You're as surly as your owner," Kakashi chided, quickly bandaging his bleeding finger with a scrap of cloth.
'No duh,' Sasuke snorted, ignoring the man.
"Well I've got something here that might make you more amiable..."
There was a rustling, and then something red and long and altogether enticing was dangling in front of Sasuke's face.
He tensed, trying to resist the urge to pounce on the piece of string, but then Kakashi made it twitch in the air and Sasuke just couldn't help himself.
He batted at it. He swiped at it. He tried to gnaw it to death as soon as he got it between his teeth, and when Kakashi jerked it out of his mouth he batted at it again.
"Damn you!" Sasuke cried, almost flipping completely over as the string was flicked just out of his reach. "Just...let it...land..."
The string was suddenly still and Sasuke pounced, catching it between his two paws and teething it viciously. He shook the now loose string in his mouth and lapped at it a few times in smug victory.
"Hah! I have defeated your string! What do you have to say for yourself now Kaka..."
An amused laugh made Sasuke stop short. He looked up, slowly, and bristled.
He was in Kakashi's lap.
Sputtering, Sasuke spit out the ragged string end and prepared to leap onto the floor, but he was stopped by a heavy hand on his back.
Sasuke growled warningly, but Kakashi took no notice and began to pet him, stroking in long lines from the top of his head, to the tip of his tail.
Sasuke tried really hard not to arch into that hand. Really. He did.
"There now," Kakashi crooned, rubbing just underneath Sasuke's chin in a spot that make Sasuke almost fall over himself trying to expose more of his neck. "Isn't that nicer?"
"Dammit...you can't just...unnn" Sasuke's mewls of protest soon turned to a contented purr and his legs folded under him, like they had turned to water.
"Good kitty," Kakashi whispered, resuming his stroking Sasuke's fur until he drifted into an exhausted sleep, curled snugly on Kakashi's lap.
"You know what?" Kakashi continued, seeing his transformed student slip deeper into sleep, "I think I'll keep you like this a while longer. You're much easier to...handle this way."
Sasu-kitty only purred in reply, but some part of him must have registered Kakashi's threat, because a claw subtly dug into a tender place on Kakashi's lap the next time he shifted positions.
--
Fin.
Any commentary is appreciated.