Sadly I do not own Harry Potter otherwise you would all know who I am and would currently be prying into my private life and pestering me with fan mail about the seventh Potter book. Not only that, but I would be living in a grand castle by the sea…well at least that is what I assume it would be like…oh well, it all belongs to J.K Rowling!

This is complete and utter randomness, and has been written in about five minutes, I've been meaning to do one of these for the past two years basically, and well I've finally done it, w000t!

Read at your own will…

…31 WAYS TO ANNOY THE GREASY GIT!

Well, this is what Yoshi would do if she attended Hogwarts anyhow…

1 – Follow him around the corridors imitating his walk, and then when he turns around; "try" to look innocent.

2 – Send him anonymous love letters.

3 – Send him Valentine's Day cards in lurid pink paper on Valentine's Day.

4 – Put laxatives in his coffee.

5 – Stick random notes on his door signing anonymously, and telling him to meet you at various places, and then turn up at the place to see if he actually goes.

6 – Sing in class.

7 – Mumble under your breath every time he walks past.

8 – Put a sticking charm on the underneath of a galleon, fixing itself to the ground, and when he comes along to pick it up (if he should, which no doubt he will, dah), jump out from behind where ever you may be standing and yell out "SCAB!" and take a picture. (I actually did this, well tried to, until I was caught…damnit!)

9 – Stick that said picture around the school.

10 – Send that said picture in to Rita Skeeter and have her post it in the Daily Prophet (or the Quibbler, depending on where ever she may be situated).

11 – Spread a rumour around the castle that he has an imaginary friend that he likes to play with!

12 – Purchase a set of robes exactly like his and wear them every weekend.

13 – Put porn magazines in his desk draw, leaving the said draw slightly ajar for the school to see.

14 – If you are a metamorphmagus (in which case I decided that I would be), well you can imagine the rest…

15 – Set up a shrine to him, in various places around the castle.

16 – Charm a bad smell to follow him around.

17 – Charm a breeze to blow his robes a little high…I'm sure you get what I mean!

18 – Let off fireworks in the Slytherin's cauldron and do it enough times for him to know it's you, but cannot prove it. (I have also decided that I am an accomplished Occulemen's – I know I've spelt that wrong.)

19 – Draw caricature's of him and pin them up around the castle.

20 – Hex him when he's not looking.

21 – Fiant when ever he approaches.

22 – Cry when ever he approaches.

23 – Laugh when ever he approaches.

24 – Begin talking to yourself in a paranoid manner when ever he approaches.

25 – Purposefully run into him in the hall, and then scream in his face yelling "THEY'RE AFTER ME!"

26 – Hug him in the hall, and then start crying with tears of joy, telling him you are extremely happy.

27 – While he is teaching, look at him and snort, and then proceed to whisper to the person next to you, until he becomes paranoid.

28 – If he asks you a question, proceed to respond to him by writing the answer down on a piece of paper, then make up the excuse that you are either on a vow of silence, have lost your voice, or have forgotten how to speak.

29 – When ever he looks at you, wink.

30 – When ever he looks at you, turn around and look behind you, then turn back and shrug your shoulders.

31 – And, now, for the finale…CHARM HIS HAIR PINK!

-Yoshi-