Hi peoples! I'm really sorry it took so long to update, but I had ten months of writer's block and insane amounts of schoolwork. Now that summer vacation is almost here again, I'll try to be a lot better about updating.
Disclaimer: When I own MASH, pigs will be able to fly.
Chapter 2- Frank
"That'll be ten bucks, sir," the cabby said as I made to get out of the car.
"Oh, well, of course," I said handing him a ten-dollar bill. He looked a little disappointed.
"No tip, sir?"
"Well I never got tipped for doing my job in Korea!" I snapped at him. "That's right buddy, I'm a veteran!"
The cabby rolled his eyes and drove off, breaking the speed limit, I might add, as soon as I had my bags out of the car. It's disgraceful how courtesy has gone to dogs, while brave troops like me and Margaret worked ourselves to the bone in Korea. At the thought of Margaret, I had to bite my lip to keep from crying. I still couldn't believe that I had lost her to some lieutenant colonel with ribbons.
This was not how I pictured this day to be. I had envisioned Louise driving to the airport and waiting for me with flowers to welcome me home. I would get off the plane with Margaret behind me, and then I would introduce her to my wife, and they would hug and chat the whole ride back to Fort Wayne. That stupid Penobscot had to go and screw everything up! I had to bite my lip again.
I walked up to the front door only to find it had been locked. That's odd, I thought, the car is in the driveway. Neverminding that, I took out my ring of keys, counting them off as I went. There was the Officer's Club, O'Reilly's file cabinets, my garage, the supply room, the car, and ahh… the house. I hastily jammed the key into the lock – but it didn't fit. Louise must have gone and changed the locks while I was gone, I realized. Then just like in those sappy movies, rain started pouring down. This was it. I started pounding on the door.
"Louise! Louise, open up! It's me, Frank Burns!"
After what felt like forever, the door opened. There stood Louise.
"Hello Frank," she said. "Come in and try not to drip on the floor."
"Louise what are you wearing?" I demanded stepping through the door.
"Slacks dear, they're much more comfortable," she said walking towards the kitchen. When I got there I noticed letters on the table.
"What are all those?" I asked.
"Letters I was going to mail out for the Republican Party," she responded. "You know, General Eisenhower is going to run for president next year."
I stared at my wife. She had changed while I was gone. Now she being independent and there was something in her mood that didn't seem like the Louise I knew. She was almost happy.
"Hi, Daddy!" a little voice called from the kitchen table. My youngest daughter was there, hidden behind the stacks of letters.
"Hi, Lillian! How are you princess?" I walked over to hug her.
"I'm Rachel!' she whined, running away crying. Louise glared at me.
"It was an honest mistake. Why do you have to be so critical?" I asked. Louise sighed. Her face brightened suddenly.
"I know, why don't you come to pick Amy and the real Lillian up from school with me? They're excited about seeing you again."
"I'm a busy man Louise. I have places to go and people to see. I have to prepare for my new command. I start tomorrow. I was planning to read the last year's worth of articles about MacArthur," I said.
"You're coming with me, Frank," Louise said.
"Okay," I responded inwardly grinning. That was more like the Louise I knew, bossy.
Half an hour later, we pulled up to Fort Wayne Elementary School. Louise was driving and Rachel was sulking in the back seat.
"So, where are they?" I asked.
"There's Amy," Louise said happily, waving to our oldest daughter. I would never get used to her being so happy.
"There's Lillian," Rachel told me with a glare exactly like Louise's. My middle daughter's second grade class was being led out by her teacher, some blonde who probably didn't even have- I looked at the teacher twice. Could it be who I thought it was?
"Margaret!" I cried, running up to her and falling on my knees. "Oh, Margaret, I missed you so much! You left Penobscot and you came back to me after all!"
"Who are you?" Margaret shrieked, pulling away. "I'm Vivian Smith, not Margaret!"
"You don't have to pretend not to know me in front of my wife. I don't care anymore! I love you! Can I please clip your toenails? Or polish your boots?" I begged.
"It was true!" Louise exclaimed behind me. I turned around. "You were having an affair with that Major Houlihan! I never should have believed that story about her being an army mule! Our marriage is over, Franklin Burns! I'm calling my lawyer back the minute we get home!"
I looked over at Louise and my three kids, huddled around her. Then I looked over at Margaret backing away, only to realize that it wasn't her after all. I started crying right there on the pavement. I had blown my marriage for nothing! And now I would lose the house, the stocks, and the inheritance money I would get from Louise's father! And I would lose my kids too! Jiminy Cricket! Life was awful today!
Louise was driving away from the school with the girls. I chased after the car yelling, "Louise, sugar, please don't call a lawyer. I love you! Only you! There was never anything with Houlihan!" Everything suddenly went dark and wet. I thought to myself, I wouldn't like to be an earthworm. Mud tastes disgusting.
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I woke up at six o'clock that evening with three pieces of paper on the coffee table next to me. I sat up and cleared my vision, looking at the top piece of paper. Frank, the girls and I are going out to eat. We'll be back by eight. Be out of the house by the time we get home. Your former wife, Louise Burns. PS- read the mail.
I looked at the paper right underneath it. The divorce papers. Her lawyer certainly didn't waste any time.
The bottom paper was official looking. I picked it up and examined the envelope. It had the US Army seal on it. Must be my orders, I thought. I ripped open the package. Lt. Colonel Franklin M. Burns is hereby relieved of all military duties under the article of Section Eight…
Section Eight? I double-checked the letter to make sure that it was my name and not Klinger's on it. I looked down to the bottom of the paper. There were two signatures that jumped out at me: Sherman T. Potter and BF Pierce. Potter. Pierce. They would pay for that if it took me the rest of my life.
A piece of paper that had been stuck to the envelope fell onto the table. I quickly snatched it up. Frankie, How could you do such disgraceful things, even if you were in a war? You have brought shame upon the Burns family name. Check into a hotel and I might talk to you about this matter in the morning. XO, Mommy.
Now my mother was against me? Everything I had worked so hard for was now being taken away from me. Only one thought crossed my mind as I packed my suitcases. They'll all be sorry they're doing this to me.
In my mind, Amy is nine, Lillian is seven, and Rachel is four. Please, please, please, please, please review!