Disclaimer: I do not own the characters or setting in this story (JK Rowling does), do not sue me if this story turns out to be really really bad.

Dedication: hmm…to my computer, keyboard and mouse and of course Random, ridiculous and possibly frightening story.

Voldemorts Quest For a Suitable Nose

Voldemort was pissed.

Scratch that.

Voldemort was very pissed.

He had finally, after many gruelling years of hardships, dodgy bottles of Fire Whiskey, ugly Death Eaters, a temperamental snake and another infuriatingly desperate, but good, movie - style escape from Potter, Voldemort finally had his body back.

Here the world's greatest sorcerer in the world stood, but something was wrong.

Wormtail (the snivelling little blighter) was standing in the circle of his trembling followers. Voldemort, though thankful that he had his body back was severely annoyed that it had to be his worst most dim and stupid Death Eater to bring him back to the world of the breathing. Damn.

He examined his body; it was ugly, very ugly.

Like a skull, that had been bleached. The long sharp nails on his fingers clutched his wand and his black robes shrouded an even more sun – deprived body.

His eyes were red and were annoying, why they had to be cliché, evil red. They were Gryffindor colours for crying out loud, he was the most well known Slytherin apart from Salazar himself and his eyes had to turn out damn red. Maybe he'll ask to trade eye colours with Potter, he had green eyes.

Yet it wasn't the cliché eye colouring that pissed the Dark Lord off, it wasn't the non – tannable milky white skin, it was the fact that he had no damn nose!

Instead of a nose he had slits for nostrils and when he breathed he sounded far too much like Darth Vader, which was bad because Darth Vader lost, and that sucked. The bad guys always seem to lose. Next thing you know he could be facing Potter and saying 'I am your father' (which he wasn't, thank goodness).

He needed a nose, and fast.

So he stopped thinking about Star Wars and Voldemort faced his followers of his inner circle and said.

"I have a mission for you".

A/N: very short, I know. Bear with me so I can bear with myself. THERE WILL BE A NEXT CHAPTER

---Marauder Madness