Crying Is NOT an Option

Sigh.

Ally Break sat staring at her blank computer screen.

Sigh.

She couldn't think of anything to write. She wasn't in the mood for any of her other stories. None of them. She didn't want to read. She didn't want to watch TV. She didn't want to listen to the radio. The only thing she wanted to do was cry, but she couldn't afford to do that.

"Why not."

"Wheayah!" Ally jumped in her chair and turned around to see a giant turtle standing there.

"Leo! You scared me!" she accused

"Sorry" he said as he sat down on the edge of her bed and took of his hat and coat "But I still want to know why not."

"Okay, first, why are you here, and how did you get here, cause I live in Alabama, and why not what?"

Leo pointed to her window "I'm afraid you're not in Alabama anymore. Go look."

Ally went to her window and saw a New York City cityscape, instead of trees, a road and her car. She sighed "I've really got to get a handle on this author superpower thing. One minute I'm in the Heart of Dixie, the next I'm in the Big Apple. I think my subconscious is taking over." She sat down next to Leo with a groan.

He smiled slightly and continued. "I was out-"

"In the middle of the day?" she asked, "That's so not like you."

"Yeah, well sometimes even I have to get away. Anyways, I felt like I was raising some suspicions, so I decided to come here."

"Why?"

"Well, you were the author who lived closest to where I was, and I figured that if I was being followed, then you could use your author superpowers to make whoever go away, instead of me leading them to someone who didn't have your powers. I came in your window, but you were so caught up in staring at the computer screen that you didn't even hear me."

"Oh."

"You still haven't answered my question."

"What question?"

"Why not?"

"Why not what?"

"Why can't you afford to cry?"

"How do you know about that?"

He pointed to the computer screen. "It says so right there."

Ally went and sat back down in front of her computer "Uh, Leo it's blank."

"No it isn't."

"Yes it is. I've been string at it for about ten minutes, and it's still blank."

"What are you-oh. Hmm. That might explain it."

"What?"

"It says at the top that you sat staring at your blank computer screen."

"And I have been. Are you feeling okay, Leo?"

"Hold on." He said as he leaned over her at started typing. All of a sudden ally saw what he was talking about and what he had typed.

" 'All of a sudden Ally saw what he was talking about and what he had typed.'" She read. "Oh. So I guess my laptop's gone back to being magic again. You know, it's kinda annoying to watch it type everything we do or say down, along with various other things."

He shrugged. "You're the one who wrote it as being magic. You still haven't answered my question."

"Um…I don't know what you're talking about?"

He looked at her, then went and scrolled up on her laptop. "It says right there 'The only thing she wanted to do was cry, but she couldn't afford to do that.'"

"All right!" Ally cried out, "Fine! I want to cry, but I can't. Happy?"

"Why can't you cry? I thought you cried at the drop of a hat."

Ally glared at him "That's my mom. I cry at the drop of two hats, so I'm a little better."

"Are you afraid to answer my question? Is that why you keep changing the subject?"

Ally just glared at Leo. He glared right back. They glared for a few minutes, but Ally didn't last long in her current state and swiveled to look at the computer screen.

" 'Didn't last long in her current state'! Why I otta kill this stupid computer!" she slammed the laptop shut so she wouldn't have to see it write anything else. She sat there with her arms crossed and shrunk a little down. She felt her eyes start to tear up, but suppressed the urge quickly. All of this didn't go unnoticed by Leo however.

"You know," he began "When I went to the ancient one, I discovered that it wasn't good to always keep my emotions bottled up, that sometimes I had to let them out, one way or another. If not, then they would bottle up making me, well, like Raph. And somehow, Ally, I don't think that seeing you pull a Raph would be pretty."

Ally gave a little snicker, and still not facing him spoke "You're right, it wouldn't be pretty. In fact it would be down right scary. I've hardly ever gotten really mad at anyone but my little sis, so even I don't know what it would be like."

"Come on, Ally. Tell me what's wrong."

She finally turned to Leo. He could see the tears start to build in her eyes "Fine. I'll tell you. Tuesday me and my cousin Ruby went off to go shopping and have a day of fun together. Well, we did have fun and stuff, went to two malls, and a little shopping center, ate Chinese, cookies, and Dippin' Dots, and drove home with the top down. The next day, we were supposed to go to Point Mallard, a water park, with my family, and our two cousins Justice and George who are around Sarah's age. Well, she couldn't go, and we knew that she might not be able to because she had to go to these classes that are supposed to help you pass the Graduation Exams that kids in Alabama have to pass to graduate. So since she wasn't going, I stayed home since I can't swim, and aren't too fond of water, and would probably be bored to death. So my parents told me to wash clothes, clean the kitchen and other stuff. Well, my dad has started this thing that since I don't have a job and am almost twenty, he gave me a schedule and told me that I should consider the house work like my job, and I start at nine and end at four, which wouldn't be so bad, except that he had this no computer or TV rule, and it's at HOME. Well, since I was home alone, and had a ton of emails, mostly alerts, to catch up on I was on the computer a lot, but I thought I did get my work done. Well, they come home and are apparently expecting the home to be spic and span. They didn't tell me that they wanted that. I though it was just my normal chores, not clean up the house. So I got chewed out, which I am so sick of, but that's not why I can't afford to cry, although all of that did contribute because I bottled my emotions up."

"Then why are you telling me this?"

"Hush. I have to set the stage. So anyways, Thursday I spent the entire day cleaning, and trying to vacuum the living room. My sister had gotten incredibly burned at the water park, so didn't feel like moving and stayed on the couch all day, and I mean ALL day. Mommy slept part of the morning, which, she wasn't feeling good, so I understand, and then headed down to check on Maw-Maw and Paw-Paw, her parents. Daddy did work outside, I think he mostly piddled with his projects, most of which do have something to do with having the house look better, and then later felt bad, like he was getting sick. So I was doing all the housework until, like, six-thirty, then I sat down for thirty minutes, not being able to move because I was so tired. Then I had to cook supper, which we ended up holding for Mommy, so I vacuumed, even though I was extremely tired. So then, after supper, which ended a few minutes before nine, I had to clean up the kitchen, and I kept forgetting about the laundry. After that I got to sit down, even though I never did get the living room vacuumed because Daddy brought Sarah a ton of stuff to go through, and I could have killed him. Then, through circumstance, I didn't get in bed until after eleven-thirty."

"So…"

"Hush, I'm not finished. So this morning after I was all ready to go to those chores, Mommy called me into her room, and we went over what had to be done before 1:00 when the Mary Kay lady was coming. Even though I had worked extremely hard yesterday, it felt like she was disapproving with each chore I didn't get done. That made me mad, and so I already had those emotions boiling under the surface, even though I tried to suppress them somewhat. So later, after we had rushed around and all the chores were done, or at least done enough that it would do for now, a lick and a promise job, as my mom would call it, I was in my room getting ready. That's when Mommy told me that Ruby wasn't coming like she said she was. While it didn't surprise me, I was still disappointed. See, I really don't want to have a facial. I'm just not big on make-up. I don't see it. I just don't see the colors like I do in other things, or how it looks. I'm clueless, so I thought having Ruby there would at least maybe make it a little more fun, but she isn't coming. Instead she had to go make deliveries for her other grandmother who owns a florist shop!"

Leo blinked "And that's bad why? She's helping out her other grandmother. I don't see that as cause to cry."

Ally glared at him. "First off remember that I'm already emotional. Mad at my parents, feeling like I can't get anytime to myself, and not really wanting to do this facial thing. Second off, it's bad because that she doesn't really like to go and do deliveries for her other grandmother and can usually worm her way out of it. She basically has said that we, I, aren't high on the totem pole of importance to her, that she'd rather make deliveries than be with us. The reason it upsets me so, is that being relatively new to the area, I have no friends. My college is an hour away, so any friends from that are hard to get to, I didn't go to high school here, so I don't know anybody from that and the friends I make at church are also college aged so they are going off and aren't around here. She's about the only friend I have here, and she constantly does nothing with me and in fact avoids doing stuff with me and my family so that I end up talking and venting to my imagination, and writing my frustrations down in the form of a fanfic where I can be sure that I will be listened to. Or on innocent authors. I feel rejected, and that's why I want to cry. Plus the general stress of life that I keep bottled up inside me."

"Have you told her?" Leo asked

"No. She probably wouldn't believe me anyways."

"Hmm." Leo looked at her. "You still haven't told me why crying's not a option."

"Because I have a facial to do, and the last I had that I didn't want to do I cried at and got in major trouble. Plus, I have to act like it doesn't bother me that Rubs isn't coming. If I don't, if I cry, then I'll let her consistent behavior bother me to the point that it'll have some sort of control over my life. Plus, I have to be strong. I just have too. It's the older sibling I-have-to-be-responsible-and-hold-my-feelings-in-because-I'm- the-oldest-and-it's-expected-of-me-at-least-until-my-sibling-bugs-me-and-then-they'll-get-all-of-my-grief thing."

"Now that I can understand." Leo said. "Just promise me that you'll let it out somehow."

"I think that this had helped me a lot." At that moment the doorbell rang and Ally's mom called for her. "Well, I've got to go get a facial. Yea." Ally said in a monotone.

Leo stood up and put his coat and hat back on. "I probably need to go anyways." He moved to the window. "See you later."

"Bye Leo!" Ally called out "And Thanks!"

"No problem." he called out as he left.

Ally turned back towards her door "Crying's still not an option she said." She opened the door and went to get her facial, with or with out Ruby.

Sorry, just a little bit of emotional overflow here. I am grateful that my mom cares enough to want me to have a facial, and I know that I sound self-centered, but I've always been a late bloomer in things, and deciding when to spread my wings is just one of them. I am also grateful to the few innocent authors that I have ranted to, and am glad that they didn't just write back and tell me that I'm a freak or to leave them alone or something. At any rate, this was just a little emotional overflow I needed to get out of my system before I had to go and do that facial. Although I do tend to bottle my feelings up like that. Anyways, sorry for a sadder one, although I did try to add some humor in. Thanks for reading, and remember that things are never really as bad as they seem at that moment. I sound like a fortune cookie. Mmm, Chinese food…

-RealityBreakGirl