Did It Hurt When You Fell From Heaven?
Where-my-heart-resides
8-23-06
(A/N: Hey guys! Thanks for the great reviews!)
So that didn't work... Draco thought to himself as he reflected on the previous day's events. It must not have been big enough... She must really want something that says "BANG! I'M HERE BABY!" What Draco didn't realize, however, was that Hermione didn't want a 'bang' or a 'baby' or even an 'I'm here.' All Hermione wanted was for Draco to leave her alone. But we all know Draco; he doesn't take no for an answer. He flipped through the pages, until... "Ah ha!" Draco exclaimed, "perfect."
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Ways to Kill Draco Malfoy.
Notes: The one way to kill Draco Malfoy? Deprive him of the one thing he wants most. What he wants most? Me.
1) Make him WANT me.
"So, what do you think?" Hermione anxiously watched as Ginny scanned her list.
"You're a bit cocky, don't you think? Do you actually believe that Malfoy will be tortured just because we give you a makeover or something?" Ginny raised her eyebrows. Hermione looked at her, and replied without hesitation. "Yes."
Ginny sighed. "Then I suppose we better get to work." Hermione grinned at her best friend, and the two got to work on making Hermione irresistible.
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Imagine you're watching a movie, where a pretty girl walks down the hall, and seductive music plays as all heads turn to follow her. That's exactly what happened as Hermione walked down the hall after her make-over. Believe it or not, Ginny had not changed that much. She got Hermione a uniform that was a size smaller, as her old one had been too big and made her look matronly, added a bit of eyeliner, just a dab of lip gloss, and had cast a quick straightening charm on her hair. Despite the real lack of changes, Hermione looked spectacular. It wasn't as much as how she looked that drew attention to her, it was the sudden burst of self confidence.
"Hey, Hermi... mi... mi..." Draco sounded from behind her. Hermione whirled around half way through her name being called, and Draco had suddenly turned into a broken record. Hermione smirked her famous better-than-you smirk, turned back around, and walked off, leaving Draco speechless in the distance.
Oh crap. This is going to be harder than I thought. Draco thought.
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"Hermione! Wait!" Draco called. Hermione spun in place, and smiled her sweetest smile. However, contrary to the reaction she was hoping for, Draco grinned back, and went right into what he came to tell you. "Hermione, I just thought I would warn you. Don't walk into that room- The sprinklers might go off!" He said, winking.
Here we go again. Hermione thought, exasperated. "Malfoy, piss off." She said. She tried walking to the door.
"Hermione, no!" He said, running to stop her. "Seriously, you're so hot, the sprinklers might go off."
Hermione looked at him like he was a disgusting bug. "Malfoy, seriously. Leave me alone." She pushed past him, and before he could stop it, she pushed open the door to the Great Hall.
3... 2... 1... Draco thought. "AAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!" he heard an echo of at least one hundred girls scream.
"MALFOY!" A sopping wet Hermione screamed as she exited the Great Hall, eyeliner running, and hair frizzing up already.
"I tried to warn you!" Draco exclaimed. Hermione gaped at him.
"Are you kidding?" She exclaimed, aggravated.
"No." Draco said, blinking innocently. Hermione stared at him.
That's it. It's on. She thought.
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"Huh?" Snape muttered to himself as the whole great hall erupted into laughter as he walked in. He looked down at his robes. Nothing funny about them. Turned his head to the back to make sure there was no sign on his back. No sign. Looked at his hair to make sure it was the same color. It was. Conjured up a mirror to make sure there was nothing on his face. There wasn't. So why were they all laughing at him?
"Professor Snape!" Professor Dumbledore exclaimed. "Don't you think that's a bit inappropriate?"
"I don't see what's wrong with it." Snape replied coolly. Dumbledore gaped at him.
"Professor Snape! Will you look at yourself? There's most definitely something wrong with it!" Dumbledore said, outraged.
"THERE'S NOTHING WRONG WITH WHAT I'M WEARING, YOU OLD GEEZER!"Snape screamed. The entire hall went silent. BAM. Something hit Snape hard in the back. He flung whatever it was off of him, only to see Draco Malfoy lying in a heap on the floor. And he was... crying?
"PROFESSOR SNAPE, WHY ARE YOU ALWAYS SO MEAN?" Draco yelled.
What is going on here? Snape thought to himself. BAM. Someone else collided with him. From the front this time. "AAAHHHH!" Snape yelled, caught off guard.
"Ha. Ha. You'll. Not. Get. Away. From. ME!" Dumbledore said, trying to keep Snape in a headlock.
"Get... Off... Of... Me..." Snape said, struggling for air.
"NEVER!" Dumbledore screamed. Snape got one last burst of energy, and flung Dumbledore onto the floor beside Draco. He began to laugh manically. As he laughed, he climbed up onto Dumbledore's seat and screamed as if he was Tarzan, while beating his hands on his chest. Except, he wasn't choosing to do it. His body was forcing him to do so. Somebody make it stop! He thought frantically. Suddenly, as if a veil had been lifted from his eyes, he could see what he looked like. He was horrified.
Snape's outfit consisted of a white thong. On his chest was written 'I'm too sexy for my shirt.' and on the thong was written 'but not Draco Malfoy!' Snape suddenly snapped out of his stupor and screamed as if there were no tomorrow.
"MALFOY!" Snape's voice rang throughout the hall, sending the already shocked students into petrification. Draco raised his head from the floor. He was wiping his eyes, as if he hadn't been able to control his actions either.
"It wasn't me sir!" He exclaimed. Snape glared at him, before walking over, grabbing him by the wrist, and dragging him out of the Great Hall, sending whispers of suspicion down the room. Nobody noticed as Hermione slipped out after them, an evil grin on her face.
Meanwhile: In his unconscious state, Dumbledore was dreaming of lemon drops galloping through fields with him. Only suiting, eh? (Again, you'll only understand that if you read Blackmail.)
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DC: Not mine.
A/N: Sorry. School started you know, and I was pretty stressed out getting ready. I've had the first half of this chapter written for a week now, I just hadn't gotten around to finishing it. But, here it is! I hope you enjoyed it!
Review minimum: 15. That's probably where it will stay. Probably ;)