Three seconds– the flight is proceeding normally - four sec– oh crap…. No need to panic. Lift your face off of the flower bed. Try again. Stay awake! Stay awake! Now put one arm under yourself and stretch it. Same with your leg. Here we go! Stay upright. Put your right leg forward. I said leg! I said ri…oh whatever.

One-two, one-two, one-two.

One-two, one-two, one-two-three-four, one-two-three-four, one-two-three-four, five…Ok let's take a 5 minute break.

Hey! 5 minutes passed. One and a half hours ago. Now, roll over on your left side. Here we go. Ok now roll over on your right side. Ok ok that's enough! What, are you going to roll like this all the way home? Get up. Wow, you made it. Go, go, go, not so fast, take a right, no left…Ooops…No, don't help the old lady up. Well, you could at least roll off her. Don't sing along, the granny's calling for the cops. Never mind that, there are no cops at this ungodly hour… Ah, nope, there they are. I recommend running. Phew. That was close.

Go, go, go, go, take a right, now go straight on. Well, what is it now? Great, perfect time for this…Oh alright, first off:find the fly. On the pants. On the front.Ease it down.Don't get nervous, be careful. Ah, it was open all along. Now, find it. Easy now, stay upright. No that's your lap, the thing is further up. Ok ok be careful. Caught it? Hold it. Now pull it out. YES.

Don't stand there like a tree in wind, get on with it. Forgot what you're here for? Stay awake! Heeeeere it comes. Uhhh. Stay upright. Uhhhh. You sure did need this!

Well, that's it. Wake up! The thing goes back inside. Uh uh shake it up. Gently. Well done. Can we step off the traffic way now?

I've had enough of this, that's it, stop. Stop, don't move! Now lift your hand and move it up and down. Right, well done, stop waving it, get in the taxi. Sit. No, open the door and sit INSIDE the taxi. Try again. Alright crawl inside. Now try to remember the address. What? Hoo? yahoo com? You idiot! I mean your home address!

Ok, the car's heading towards home, you can sleep now. Don't want to? Well entertain yourself. What the hell you think you're doing, it's the driver, he's taking us home! Now put the Harpy back in the pocket and sit tight. Sleep.

Ahem. Driver, you Captain Genius…, don't let that girl in the car. Well at least not in the back seat. Oh great! Keep your hands to yourself! Don't! Those are not your nipples, don't touch them! Now get your fingers out there! Well, now you've done it. She's willing! And now what are you going to do?

That's right, throw up on her blouse and zone out.

Well, here we are. Now go straight on, take a right. Stop. You're in the lift, push the button. Ok ok that's enough. Out. Here's the door. Find the keys. Somewhere inside your pocket. Not in this one. Why did you pull THAT out? Put it back. Now that was not necessarily. Alright, push the bell button. Carefully. No! Don't hold on it! That's it you've torn it off. What was that for? Don't! Fine. Tomorrow morning, when you go to the toilet, there will be a bell button inside your boxers. And you'll find yourself deep in thought.

Did you knock? There's a good boy. This is Clarice, your wife. Hello Clarice. What was that slurpslurpslurp sound for? Now try to come up with worthy explanation of your long absence. What? Psst ch-nti…. That says it all. Well I'm off. She'll take care of your sorry ass.

Ok, bye, have a nice hangover.