Author's Note
Okay, the school play idea has been done time and time again, but I've always been irked by the fact that people usually pair together (no matter WHO they are) the two leads. I have no real problem with this, but as one who has witnessed plays with heterosexual romance starring a straight girl and a gay guy, I can firmly attest that it doesn't always happen.
…Bah. I admit it. I just like screwing around with things.
I surprised the Hell out of myself by looking back at the vague plotline I've assembled and realizing that it didn't contain even one of the extremely popular Naruto pairings, straight or yaoi. Go figure.
…Please note that I say that I merely do not have any of the extremely popular pairings. None of the pairings are completely obscure, and in fact the popular ones are in there, though either unrequited or short-lived because…yeah, they're kind of inevitably involved somehow. Please do not come after me, shrieking of my lies. Your screams may wake my dead Furby, and no one wants that.
I tell you now that the main pairing will be Sasu/Neji. Or perhaps it will be Neji/Sasu. One of the two, in any case. Please take note of this, oh ye unsuspecting readers, although those who use the character search probably discovered that already. It is thus because I like this pairing and there are not nearly enough Sasu/Neji stories out there, and even fewer multi-chaptered ones.
Please do enjoy the insanity.
Disclaimer: Oddly enough, there are the same number of letters in "Kishimoto" and my last name, but I write fanfiction, can't draw, live in America, and seriously doubt it's possible to spell my last name in katakana.
Chapter One: Meeting the Cast
"Oh. HELL. No."
Naruto's cerulean eyes grew impossibly wider and more pathetic as Sasuke shoved the pink flyer back in his hands. Gaara, on the other hand, showed little reaction whatsoever, which the dark-haired boy found a bit ironic. It had, after all, been Gaara's idea. Oh, neither he nor Naruto had said it aloud, but it was obvious. As flamboyant as the blond could be, he wasn't the one with a Shakespearian wannabe for a brother and a fanatical musician for a sister.
Redhead was going down.
…Or he would be, except that the truth of the matter was that he did, in fact, have a Shakespearian wannabe for a brother and a fanatical musician for a sister. Ah, and there was Gaara himself to consider—creepy and detached, with just a dash of psychosis for spice.
Stupid Gaara, with his dysfunctional family and homicidal tendencies…
Whatever. That really wasn't the point.
Oh, right. The point.
"Please?" wailed Naruto, clasping his hands together and falling to his knees.
The Uchiha raised an ebony eyebrow at the other boy's uncharacteristic behavior before turning to his red-haired companion. "So. You finally threatened him with castration. That's got to be it."
The ghostly traces of a smile graced Gaara's lips even as Naruto winced and looked speculatively downward. "Hardly. But we all know you won't listen to me."
It was a valid point. Despite their similarities—or perhaps because of them—Sasuke and Gaara had never particularly gotten along. There was, of course, the differences in their 'school social status' to consider, but the truth of the matter was that there would never be any love between them no matter what the situation. Respect was another story, but simply being able to appreciate one another's abilities didn't mean they'd visit each other for tea and biscuits any time soon. Really, Naruto was the only thing they had in common—him, and their mutual confusion for why exactly they even liked the blond maniac to begin with.
"It's Kankuro!" the aforementioned maniac blurted out suddenly. "He just keeps starring in everything—just because he's a junior doesn't mean he should steal the lead from us freshmen all the time!"
"You have no idea what it's like to be sitting across from that at the dinner table," Gaara stated flatly. "If I have to hear him bragging about it one more time, they're going to be putting me up for first degree murder. Temari's contemplating suicide."
For reasons entirely unknown to Sasuke—not that he much cared, but still—the entirety of the Sabaku family participated actively in the drama club. The competition between the siblings was fierce, what with Kankuro acting as lead in the productions, Temari practically running a dictatorship in pit despite being nothing more than a wind player, and Gaara making a rather lasting impression on his fellow stage crew members through intimidation via extreme creepiness. It was next to inevitable that Naruto, Gaara's best friend, would then get involved as well.
Damn insomniac, knowing his Achilles heel and using it against him.
Sasuke attempted to look down at the oddly neon pink sheet of paper without cringing.
He failed.
Romeo and Juliet. Of all the plays to draft him as the lead for, it had to be Romeo and bloody Juliet.
"Come on, Sasuke!" Naruto begged once more. "You're popular—they'd all vote for you! And I know you can act. Remember all those performances you were in with Itachi when you were younger?"
Ebony orbs narrowed, and suddenly the blond found himself pinned against the wall. "Never mention those. Never," the Uchiha hissed dangerously, left eye twitching out of control.
Ah, yes, his Stage Days. Back when his parents had signed both himself and his disgustingly (but no longer—ha, take THAT, Itachi) perfect brother for acting lessons for reasons they'd never seen fit to disclose to their hapless sons. The broiling stage lights…hours of memorizing lines…distressingly 'perky' teachers…even more disturbingly gothic teachers…the gaudy background paints (half the time he thought he'd go blind)…and oh god all those damn frills…
He still had nightmares sometimes.
A stinging sensation brought him back to his senses as one of Naruto's wildly flailing fists crashed into his cheek. He let go of the shorter boy, who had little time to enjoy the reprieve as Gaara snatched him up instead.
"No damaging the new lead!" the redhead snapped menacingly, and it was suddenly quite clear to Sasuke how exactly the Sabaku boy had been able to 'convince' Naruto to persuade him to audition.
Let it never be said that Sabaku Gaara could take things a bit more seriously. If he did, someone's mangled body was liable to end up in a dumpster somewhere.
The blond only scowled as his friend dropped him unceremoniously to the ground. "You're mental, both of you. And you are so auditioning, Sasuke, even if me 'n Gaara have to knock you out and drag you there!"
The Uchiha actually took his word on that. Not only was Gaara unstable, but Naruto had his overzealously competitive moments as well. These moments came chiefly after Sasuke mouthed off to the blue-eyed boy one too many times. Given Sasuke's temperament, and the sheer amount of ease it took to rile up the blond, at least one of the aforementioned moments happened every time the two of them exchanged more than fifteen words.
Alas, he was left with but one option.
"Okay--" he started, but both conspirators glared at him warningly.
"If you slack on your acting," Naruto said pointedly, "I'll know."
"And I," Gaara added, narrowing his eyes, "will make sure you regret it."
The teen stared blankly at the pair. Lunatics, both of them. And sadly clever ones, at that. Damn them. Damn them to Hell.
…Or acting lessons. Heaven knows that was close enough.
"Fine!" he snapped finally, scowling at them both. "Fine, dammit FINE, I'll do it! But damn it, usuratonkachi, you will be the one to explain to my track coach why exactly I won't be able to participate this season."
The blond paled. The boys' track team coach was known for being rather competitive himself. And not only had Sasuke been on the team for two years already, but he was fast approaching on varsity level.
Sasuke did not envy him for now having to accomplish that task. Then again, Sasuke very rarely envied Naruto about anything.
Gaara put a bracing hand on his best friend's shoulder, glaring at the Uchiha. "You are one heartless bastard."
"And you're one fucked up hypocrite."
An icy smile. "Touché." He turned to Naruto. "I'll go with you, if you like."
Sasuke raised an eyebrow even as the short boy smiled with relief, thanking the redhead profusely. It would be a cold day in Hell when he understood Gaara properly.
"Well," he said after a few moments of awkward, grateful-Naruto-induced silence, "if you're quite finished blackmailing me into Hell, I'm leaving."
"Good plan!" the once again chipper blond agreed.
Transactions completed, the three of them presently exited the out of order bathroom just in time to hear the bell heralding the end of after school class.
Meanwhile, in the Hyuuga household, another individual was facing a similar predicament, though it came not from peer pressure but from the doings of his own family. Namely, his uncle.
Really, if Neji'd had anywhere else to go…
Oh well. He didn't.
"You want me to audition for the school play," Neji repeated numbly. He stared at his uncle, wondering if the man was serious. Or sober. Or sane. Or real.
"Yes," Hiashi stated calmly.
"You. Want me. To audition for the school play." Obviously, Neji was hallucinating. He knew there had been something in the pastry Lee had offered him eighth period…
"Yes," his uncle said again, a mite less patiently this time. "Hinata has informed me that you are becoming increasingly antisocial as of late."
Had she really? Neji's deep gray eyes narrowed ever-so-slightly. Oh, his sweet little cousin was going to pay for this one.
Hiashi's mouth pursed into a thin line. "Whatever it is you're doing, Neji, I doubt it's healthy. Your father wouldn't have wanted this for you."
The long-haired boy flinched minutely. "And I suppose you'd know exactly what he'd have wanted," he spat.
Leave it to dear old uncle to open old wounds five years later in his own living room. What a lovely family he had.
…Okay. Neji knew Hiashi hadn't done it on purpose. It didn't exactly make him any less bitter.
What? Wasn't it normal for a guy to mourn the death of his own father for half a decade? …And blame his clearly not responsible uncle for said death?
Well, no. No, it wasn't. Then again, it didn't help that up until the aforementioned death, the aforementioned father and aforementioned uncle had been locked in a family feud. No one appreciates getting their deceased nemesis's (twin though he may have been) son dropped on them, and Hyuuga Hiashi was sadly no exception. Nor, for that matter, was Neji.
It was a wonder they ever fit in a civilized conversation.
Hiashi sighed. The same old argument, over and over again… "No," he confessed for what had to have been the second time in as many hours, "I suppose I wouldn't. But that doesn't change the fact that you seem to be sinking into depression again. I'd rather nip it in the bud by getting you the social life you so refuse yourself than spend another fortune on therapy."
Neji rolled his eyes even as the words hit home. Yeah, that hadn't exactly been a pleasant experience for anyone in the Hyuuga household, least of all Neji himself. And if that stupid psychiatrist hadn't been pinching some Prozac for himself, Neji would cut off his own ponytail and eat it. And there was, of course, the matter of the scars…but he'd rather not think about that.
"Fine," he muttered in consent, suddenly too tired to get himself in another battle of the wills with Hiashi. "Anything to stop pissing away the family fortune, right? It's not like I haven't been forced into this sort of thing before."
Then again, he'd gouge out his own eyes before going back to that accursed acting school.
Damn…stupid…tights… And oh, the prancing they made you do in the musical productions… This couldn't possibly be anywhere near as tormenting as that had been.
And it's not like he'd actually get a lead role, anyway.
Sakura practically bowled over Shikamaru in her zeal as she pranced—yes, pranced—over to Ino. "Ino! You will never guess who's auditioning for the part of Romeo!"
The blonde turned to her all-purpose friend-and-rival with the smallest of frowns on her cherry-glossed lips. "It's got to be a rumor," she snorted derisively. "My Sasuke-kun is far too high-maintenance to try out for something as silly as our stupid school play."
The pink-haired girl placed manicured hands on slim khaki-covered hips. "Well if school plays are so silly, why do you audition for them?"
Sapphire glared into emerald. "Because I'm an actor and artist, first and foremost. Sasuke's super-jock. School plays are so beneath him."
Sakura smiled triumphantly. "Well, expect some competition this time. I'm auditioning, too!"
A golden eyebrow raised. "And that's supposed to make me feel threatened?" Ino asked skeptically. "I've been taking acting lessons since I was eight, Sakura. And geez, why are you willing to brave the humiliation for a stupid rumor?"
"It's not just a rumor!" Sakura snapped, hackles rising as the argument began to heat up. "Naruto told me himself! And if Naruto's positive, then it's gonna happen. And for your information, I've been practicing my ass off with acting ever since that incident in seventh grade." Her eyes narrowed in remembrance.
Ino smirked. "Ah, yes…the incident. I remember it well. Trust me, Sakura, this isn't going to turn out any better than that. There's no way in Hell you're winning Sasuke-kun."
"Well, I doubt he goes for snorting pigs, Ino," Sakura sneered, danger flashing in already intense jade orbs.
"I don't think he thinks too highly of people with foreheads that can be confused with chalkboards either, Sakura," shot back Ino, responding with every bit as much competitive fury.
"How about you both cut the theatrics?" interrupted Shikamaru's lethargic voice. Two infuriated heads snapped around to stare at the pony-tailed boy. He gazed back with minimal interest, body sprawled out lazily on a bench nearby.
"Yeah, can we go get something to eat?" whined Chouji, forlornly shaking out an empty potato chip bag from his cross-legged seat on the scuffed linoleum floor.
"SILENCE, PATHETIC MINIONS!" shrieked Ino. "You are RUINING A PERFECTLY DRAMATIC MOMENT!"
Chouji began choking on some miniscule piece of forgotten potato chip. Shikamaru just rolled his eyes.
"And it becomes painfully obvious why they chose you as Lady Macbeth for the last production," he pronounced sardonically, leaning over to whack his best friend in the back and therefore free his windpipe of ye renegade potato chip.
"I do hope you're referring to my sparkling personality and unparalleled acting skills," Ino purred in a deceptively serene voice laced with venom.
The reluctant genius winced. "…Yeah. Sure."
The moment now effectively ruined, Sakura gave one final huff of annoyance before spinning on her heel and walking away. "Mark my words, Ino!" she called behind her. "It'll be my Juliet to his Romeo! There's no way I'm losing this one!"
"We'll see about that one, Sakura!" the blonde shot back.
It was not until the sound of Sakura's footsteps faded into silence that Ino finally allowed the devious smile that had been threatening ever since the pink-haired girl had announced the news to creep on to her face. "Let the play begin," she trilled happily with a theatrical sweep of her hands.
Shikamaru grimaced. "For the love of God, don't drag me and Chouji into this ridiculous scheme of yours."
Ino pouted and let her arms drop. "Oh, fooey. Fine."
Shino knew he shouldn't have left that project until the last minute. All-nighters left him feeling stoned the next day, and with his luck and choice in friends it was inevitable that he'd be woken by some horribly loud something or other just as he began drifting into the sweet sanctuary of sleep. Nevertheless, he dropped like a stunned crow on to his bed the moment he reached his room following school. Dark eyes drifted shut behind even darker glasses—taking them off would take too much damn effort, though he knew he'd regret it in the morning—and he began to hope against hope that for once his sleep would go undisturbed.
An insidiously happy and annoying abomination of a jingle deceptively named 'Bubble' played its wretched electronic tune on Shino's cell phone.
Damn. It. All. To. Hell.
He momentarily considered just chucking the thing out the window and stopping it that way, but he knew that would never do.
There was, after all, a reason he chose such a horrible melody to serve as that particular individual's ring.
And this person would not be denied, oh no. He would continue to call—for the next three hours, if necessary—and once it became obvious that Shino would not answer, would make the long sojourn to the bespectacled boy's own house, where he would proceed to ring the doorbell until Shino finally upped and answered it.
His foe would not rest until he got whatever it was he wanted, and therefore Shino could see no point in resisting. He abandoned his attempts at sleep and picked up the phone.
"Hello, Kiba."
"Hi, Shino!" the other boy greeted brightly, completely unaware of the inner anguish he was causing his best friend.
"What is it this time?" Shino asked monotonously. While any other person would have accredited this to his sheer fatigue, Shino knew better—he could be high as a kite on sugar and opium and he'd probably still sound exactly the same.
Kiba laughed sheepishly, his pet dog Akamaru adding an enthusiastic bark in the background. "Eheh. I, uh, kind of lost Hinata's number again—could you give it to me?"
Really, it was a pity friends were a mandatory requirement in the high school social status quo. Ah, well. He'd tolerated Kiba this long; he could continue to do so.
"Kiba, I taped it to the back of your phone, along with my phone number. And your own, for that matter."
"Oh…right." Shino could practically see Kiba turning over the phone and staring at it blankly, face full of embarrassment.
"…Yeah. Okay then. If that's all you need…" The tired boy let the prospect hang.
He was met with silence. The wrong kind of silence. Oh, this was no right-then-I'll-hang-up-now sort of silence. No, this was most definitely an oh-one-more-thing silence.
"Actually, Shino… I was kind of hoping we could three-way this one. I think Hinata will need the support. Didn't you see how hysterical she looked today?"
Social order be damned. And anyway, what was a little homicidal attempt between friends?
The dark-haired boy scowled darkly at his cell phone before giving in to the dog-lover's request. Fatigue made him infinitely less adamant.
"Told her father about Neji, did she?" he asked Kiba as the line began to ring once more.
A sigh came from the other end. "Yeah…and she's ready to have a breakdown, I think."
Personally, Shino couldn't blame her. While Hinata was certainly more…timid than most, it was also true that Neji wasn't exactly the most stable human being alive. The boy was prone to the occasional nervous breakdown, and had, in fact, reached such a state of manic depression several years back that he'd nearly needed to be hospitalized. There was also his antisocial behavior to consider, but as a lover of isolation himself, Shino had found nothing unusual about that preference.
Oh, it wasn't as though Neji's instability was known throughout the school—in fact, Shino could quite literally count on one hand the number of knowledgeable people within the high school and be left with a finger to spare. Neji had never taken it upon himself to get friends, and Hinata had only Shino and Kiba. The rest of the world remained ignorant.
And speaking of friends…there were times when Shino was less-than-satisfied with the ones he'd chosen. It worked, to a degree, very simply because they were all outsiders in their own special way. Shino himself was fairly certain he exuded some sort of people-repelling aura—not that he minded, for quiet suited him well enough. …Okay, there was also the whole bug thing, but it was rare that anyone got to know him well enough to even find out about that.
Hintata, on the other hand, had started out so shy and emotionally withdrawn that she'd had a tendency to burst into tears when someone so much as looked at her wrong. Friendship helped boost her confidence quite a bit, but it hardly meant she didn't have her 'moments.'
Shino had never quite figured out why Kiba didn't have any other friends. He strongly suspected it had something to do with his insatiable love for his dog and his overly cheerful demeanor. The first time Shino had met Kiba, he'd thought that perhaps the other boy was high on something.
Upon getting to know him, he was horrified to discover he was right. Kiba was high.
On life.
Shino had not been so disturbed since an exterminator accidentally massacred his ant farm when he was six.
"Hello?" chirruped the eager voice of Hinata's younger sister, Hanabi, wresting Shino from his thoughts and slow decent back into slumber.
"Hey, Hanabi!" greeted Kiba happily. "It's Kiba."
"Say no more," the young girl replied, a note of amusement in her voice. "I'll go get her. But geez, she sure is a wreck. You guys have your work cut out for you."
Shino didn't bother to question how Hanabi knew there were two people on the other line. This sort of incident had once been rather frequent—back in the early months of the trio's friendship.
There was a moment of awkward silence between Aburame and Inuzuka as the muffled sound of Hanabi's footsteps pounding up the stairs could be heard on the other line. A scuffled noise signaled the passing of the phone, and then Hinata's quiet sniffling filtered distressingly clearly through Shino's cell.
"H-He's g-g-going to be so m-mad at me, I just know it!" the girl bemoaned, the occasional hiccupping sob interrupting her sentence.
"It's okay, Hinata," Kiba tried to assure her gently, but the Hyuuga would have none of it.
"H-He'll m-murder me for this!" she wailed dramatically—so dramatically, in fact, that Shino would have questioned her sincerity had it been anyone else. Unfortunately, this was pretty typical Hinata. "He hates acting!"
"He won't murder you," the dog-lover laughed derisively on the other line. "He's suicidal, not homicidal! Right, Shino?"
Privately, the insect fanatic was inclined to disagree. He'd met Neji a few times before, and from what he'd seen of the Hyuuga boy, Neji was liable to either disorder. Of course, it's not as though he'd let Hinata know that.
"…Yes. Right," he agreed dully.
There was a slight pause as Hinata blew her nose and attempted to stifle her sobs. "Thank you for always putting up with me, you two," she murmured softly. "I really do appreciate it."
Kiba cheered happily. "YES! We got a stutter-free moment! Dude, we should totally go out to celebrate with ice cream!"
Shino could only sigh wearily at the other boy's obvious ploy. Suddenly his fatigue came rushing back to him, and he decided to do something that could very well end in his own death—refuse Kiba.
"Sorry…I think I'll pass on this one," he muttered, finally slipping off his glasses and placing them on his bedside table. "I pulled an all-nighter last night. I'm wiped."
"Aw, man…"
"Ah…I'm so sorry, Shino."
He resisted rolling his eyes, even though the other two couldn't see him. "You know…you could always go without me. It wouldn't kill you if you two went together."
"But it's always the three of us!" Kiba began to protest, then paused. "…But I guess we could. You up for it, Hinata?"
"Ah…I-I suppose so." Then, to Shino, "You should go catch up on your sleep…after all, music auditions are coming up."
"Yeah, see you later, Shino!"
There were two clicks. Shino stared blankly at his phone for a moment before chucking it squarely into his hamper and flopping back down on his bed, his mind buzzing with hazy thoughts.
Half of those revolved around the musical auditions. The auditions were for pit, and despite the fact the music was most often eons easier than the pieces they played their respective music classes, it was no less competitive. It was only through sheer will and determination that Shino had been able to keep a tentative place as either first or second chair cello—really, the competition was ridiculous. Kiba was in a constant deadlock with a fellow violist for first chair, and Hinata's nerves barely allowed her to get into the pit orchestra at all, though she persevered more often than not and situated herself comfortably in the back of the violin section.
The other half revolved around Hinata and Kiba. The two definitely had potential as a couple—though Kiba was too blind to see it and Hinata too busy being smitten over some hyperactive blond in stage crew. Really, they were impossible sometimes… Of course, if they did somehow manage to hook up, Kiba's sheer obnoxious rating would go down and Hinata's self-confidence would increase exponentially.
…Well, Shino had never fancied himself a matchmaker, but hey, try everything once…
He was still pondering over the matter as he drifted to sleep.
Author's Note
By far the most shocking thing I found about this chapter was the fact that I made Shino a cellist. But that's okay, because cellos are awesome. And I'm not saying that because I play the cello…because as a matter of fact, I don't play the cello. ...And the mention of the 'Bubble' ringtone? That actually exists. It's on my phone, and while annoyingly chipper it's probably not as bad as I made it out to be.
Don't ask me why Neji's disturbed. That wasn't part of the Plan. Neji wrote himself. Seriously, he did. I looked back upon what I had written for his partand thought, "What the Hell?" Then again, it was some ridiculous hour like four in the morning, for I am an insomniac, it is summer, and the writer's block only allows itself to die during ungodly hours when I'm not supposed to be awake. Alas, psychotic Neji ensured his survival by integrating himself heavily into the plot. Hurrah. (Please ignore the fact that I'm contradicting myself)
…This was amazingly fun to write, and I hope you enjoy it. Please review, and constructive criticism is completely welcome, although every time you flame, one of Shino's bugs dies. Do you really want to traumatize him again?
…If you answered yes, you are a cruel, cruel little bug-hater. Fie for shame.