Snowflakes in Hell

"It's hard to lead the life you choose, when all your luck's run out on you. You can't see when all your dreams are coming true."

She's told herself a thousand times that today's the day – the day she's going to turn her back on all of them, tell them off, walk away, choose her own life, walk her own path, damn them all…

And a thousand times, she's opened her mouth to say it, and what comes out is, "could you pass the peas?" or "they say it's going to rain, again," or "hello, mother." She can't bring herself to walk out. It's too difficult, too scary, too much for her to bear. So she hides the engagement ring and tells him tomorrow. Tomorrow, she'll talk to her parents about maybe getting married. Tomorrow, she swears.

And tomorrow comes and goes and then the day after, and she's just scared. There's no strangely powerful backbone, no vein of courage backing her up, no voice of reason telling her she can do this. She's just terrified, and that's just it.

It's not romantic, she realizes. Juliet ran off with Romeo, but she can't bear to look her father in the eye – she doesn't want his disappointment. No matter how much she deserves her own life or how wrong they are to hate him for being born. And she's told them that she broke up with him ages ago, and why are you still asking me about that guy? She can't bear to tell them the truth.

Tomorrow, she says.

He's getting annoyed by now. She isn't entirely sure he understands what's going to happen. If she's lucky, she'll simply be disowned. If she waits too long, though, and that arrangement they're proposing for her and Young Master Malfoy (Lucius, is that right? She doesn't care to know his name) goes through… Maybe they'll not disown her at all. Maybe they'll simply keep her under lock and key and she'll never see him again. And that thought scares her more than she'd like to admit. It's incentive to make her talk to them, but it doesn't erase that all-consuming terror.

She doesn't want to face them. She has to, and she's not sure she wants the consequences. She loves Ted, really, she does. But loving him has caused so many problems, and she'll never admit it, but she almost – almost – wishes that she'd never met him.

As soon as the thought crosses her mind, she banishes it. Think of Bella, she tells herself. She doesn't want to end up like her sister, married off and cold-hearted. If she doesn't act soon, she will end up like that, she thinks. More incentive. More fear.

Her mother's got that indulgent smile on her face at dinner. Cold dread is rising in her throat. Today's the day, she's decided, and she put the ring on her finger, looking braver than she feels. Today's the day, and damn them all. But that smile's telling her that she waited too long – they've already talked to the Malfoys, it's already decided. They've put her fate together and she's not entirely sure she can escape this. In fact, she's not even remotely sure.

The smile widens when she takes her seat.

"Now, Andromeda." That voice. She heard it when Bella's engagement was finalized. Her stomach drops and the food looks more completely unappetizing than before. Narcissa looks up. "You know, you turn eighteen in four days," her mother continues, "and that makes you of marriageable age." She swallows hard and composes herself. Takes a deep breath.

"Oh?" She says softly. Her mother grins wider.

"Yes. Your father and I have discussed your future with the Lady Malfoy," Oh, God. She thinks. It's over. She waited too long. But then she catches a glimpse of her younger sister's face – a mask of jealousy – and then she remembers.

A week ago, Narcissa asked her if she thought their parents would make Andromeda marry Lucius Malfoy. She'd replied with a cold, "No." And Narcissa had looked happy, and mentioned how handsome she thought he was, and how much they'd talked, and how much she wanted to marry him. As far as Andromeda was concerned, Narcissa could have him. But there's nothing she can do now. The engagement's been set in stone.

What is she going to tell Ted?

Her mother's been droning on the whole time, and the whole time, Andromeda's been staring, glassy-eyed, at her. She tries to pick up the flow of the conversation again, but her mother's talking about politics and that damned blood purity and how great a match this is for the family. The pressure in her head builds up, and she almost wants to cry. And before she can stop herself or even pause to think – because if she does, she'd never go on – she's thrown her wineglass to the floor.

Her mother freezes instantly. Narcissa's eyes glint, and land on her ring. Sirius, about to start his third year at Hogwarts, looks hopeful at the idea of someone else rebelling. Her father stares at the glass shards and the slowly spreading, blood-red stain.

"And did you once ask me?" She hisses coldly. Her mother blinks. Her father laughs, and answers.

"Did you think it was up to you?"

"It's my future." She replies, still glaring at her mother. She wants full view of the woman's reaction when Narcissa mentions what she knows her sister's noticed. Only Narcissa would have looked. Only Narcissa would comment. Only Narcissa wants to marry Lucius Malfoy. She isn't disappointed.

"Why, Andromeda! If you don't want to marry him, then why are you wearing his ring?" Andromeda smiles, but can't fight back the fear rising in her gut now that the moment's here. The whole table gasps and every eye lands on her left hand.

"Perhaps I'm not marrying Lucius Malfoy, Narcissa." She says in the same falsely cheerful tone. Andromeda has to feel a bit surprised. This has to be the only time she's ever worked with her sister on something.

"Well, then," Her mother whispers, "who are you marrying?" But before Andromeda can reply, Regulus is talking.

"I saw her talking to that T-mmmph!" He's stopped as Sirius stomps on his foot. Sirius doesn't realize he's only making it harder. He's trying to help her avoid the family's wrath, but that's what she's got to face. And it still scares her more than she wants it to.

"To whom?" Her mother says in a clipped tone. Regulus glances from Sirius to his aunt to his cousin. Andromeda forces a smile because she knows that'll really piss them off. She half-wants to beg forgiveness, but she raises her chin and looks her mother in the eye with a defiance that would make cousin Cedrella proud.

"To Ted Tonks, mother." She answers for him. Sirius stabs his food sullenly, already knowing where this is going. Narcissa gives a loud, fake gasp.

"Why, the nerve!" She exclaims.

"You are not!" Her father yells. The wine stain on the ground grows as his glass shatters as well. And it was such expensive crystal. She grinds the red liquid into the carpeting.

"Did you think it was up to you?" She says with more confidence than she feels. Her father looks like he's going to hit her.

"Then what are we going to tell the Malfoys?" Her mother says smugly, as if she can't allow the family to be placed in such disgrace. They give her so-called family pride more credit than it's worth. She waves a hand toward her sister.

"Give them Narcissa." She replies carelessly. "She wants to marry him more than I did, anyway."

"And what of the Notts?" Out of the corner of her eye, she can see her sister suppress a shudder. She doesn't like the Notts. And not without reason. She sighs. For the moment, she's still family. May as well help her sister out while she still has the right.

"Is the betrothal finalized?"

Her mother looks flustered. "Well, no."

"Then tell them what you will. You have enough excuses. Say anything you like."

"Your defiance is grating on my last nerve, young lady," Her father exclaims, sitting down and glaring at her. "You will marry Lucius Malfoy, and that's final." He says, as if that settles the matter. Everyone goes back to normal, but Andromeda doesn't sit.

"I will not." She chokes, head held high as she can manage. The action stops once more.

"And what do you plan to do about it?" Her mother says coldly. "You have nowhere else to go, Andromeda. This is your home, we are you family. We are the only people you can trust, darling. If we say you'll marry Lucius Malfoy, then you'll marry Lucius Malfoy."

She swallows hard, closes her eyes, and takes a deep breath. "I've already bought a flat in London with Ted. We're going to move in after the wedding. Until then, I have a friend who says I can use her guestroom. I have a job lined up to start in two weeks." She finally opens her eyes. "If you tell me to marry Lucius Malfoy, then I'll run away."

A heavy silence descends, and she's too afraid to look around and see that disappointment, or even Narcissa's glee. Instead, she focuses on Sirius, who's watching her with respect and a little sadness. He is her favorite cousin, after all, and the only one who treated him like a real person after he got sorted into Gryffindor, even though she was a Slytherin like she was supposed to be.

"Then I suppose you'll have to leave." Her mother replies after a long moment. She lets out a breath she barely acknowledged that she was holding, and feels the tears prickle. Her eyes snap closed, and she can hear her father chuckling. They don't expect her to leave.

She pushes her chair away from the table, opens her eyes, making sure to step on the broken wineglasses and dark red stain, up to her room. She takes her already packed trunk – it's been so for a while now, she's known this was coming – and walks back down the stairs. She doesn't go back through the dining room. They don't come out to say goodbye. She has a sneaking suspicion they forced Sirius not to come.

She's at the door when Narcissa speaks up from the wall.

"Thank you." She says softly. "Even though it helped you more than me." Andromeda doesn't look at her.

"You're welcome." She whispers. "I hope you're happy with him."

"They've already removed your name. As soon as you got up. Mother followed you long enough to see you were going to get your things, and she went straight to the drawing room and blasted you off the tapestry." Narcissa says passionlessly.

"I knew they would."

"You know I won't be at your wedding." Narcissa says after a short pause.

"You know I won't be at yours." She replies, and reaches for the door.

"Hey, Andy." Narcissa says in a small voice, as she's halfway out the door. "You remember that story you told me once, the one about the nymph-girl, and how she fell in love with the human?" Andromeda nods.

"Nymphadora and Draco. Of course. It was your favorite story. I made it up off the top of my head." She mutters, a ghost of a smile on her lips.

"If you have a daughter, name her Nymphadora." Narcissa says earnestly.

"I'm not pregnant."

"I didn't say you were." There's a moment of silence, and Andromeda walks onto the cold, wet concrete.

"I promise I'll think about it." She doesn't look back to see her sister nod. "I can't say any more."

"Goodbye, Andromeda." Narcissa whispers as the door snaps shut. Andromeda looks up. She can't see the stars tonight; it's all cloudy and wet, just-rained. And for a moment, it feels like she's just walked into a tornado – she's unhappy, but content; unwell, but healthy; cold, but stiflingly hot; undeniably dead to some, completely alive to others. She's a mass of contradictions, and she's not sure what to think. It's too hot and muggy to run away – adventures don't start on muggy, un-starred, weepy, summer nights. It's too much like purgatory. It's too still.

"Goodbye, Narcissa." She says into the night, knowing her sister can't hear her.

She thinks it should be snowing. And she's not entirely sure why.

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(A/N: Because nobody ever really thinks about Andromeda and how hard it had to have been to walk away like that. Please review.)

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Disclaimer: I own neither Harry Potter, nor the lyrics at the top. Harry Potter is owned by JK Rowling. The lyrics at the top are from the song Sympathy, by the Goo Goo Dolls. I am not witty enough to have come up with either. The story about Nymphadora and Draco is a nod to the fic "On Becoming a Woman" by Anne-Cara Apple, which brings up sort of the same idea.