Harry Potter Meets a Squirrel (Army)

I don't own Harry Potter, ok? OK.

Harry Potter, the bravest little boy (or so it would seem), was sixteen years old and wandering around the Hogwarts grounds, closely followed by Ron and Hermione taking turns smacking each other upside the head.

"Moonshine!" Smack.

"Toadstool Poison!" Smack.

"Moonshine!" Smack.

"Toadstool Poison!" Smack.

"SHUT UP!" Harry had finally shut the two up on their argument of the most poisonous poison.

"I have a headache," Ron said, rubbing his head. Hermione laughed.

"You idiot," Harry said and continued walking.

They got to a large oak tree with a lot of shade. Harry sat down and he looked up. An acorn fell on his head. "OW! STUPID SQUIRRELS!" He grabbed the acorn and threw it back.

"Harry, you're the idiot," Ron said slowly scooting away.

"What?" He asked, quizzically. Hermione was already three yards away and pointed up. Harry followed her finger fearfully.

"AAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!" Harry screamed like the little girl he was. The entire tree was full of squirrels. Cute fuzzy squirrels to the ruthless little disease carrying vermin that they are. Every single one of them held an acorn poised to throw.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" Harry screamed louder and even higher pitched than before. Ten windows shattered, the glass going everywhere.

A single squirrel stood in front with his paw raised. The squirrel said, "Fire!" and lowered his paw. The acorns came.

Aw, nuts, Harry thought. (Sorry about the pun, but it fits.)

The next day, he woke up with a huge headache. "I hate squirrels," were the only words he managed before blacking out again.

Three days later, he slowly became aware of his surroundings. He was in the hospital wing with Hermione and Ginny leaning over him. When Harry sat up a little, Ron screamed, "THE SHEMALE LIVES!"

Fred and George, who had just entered the hospital wing, turned right around and left. Fives minutes later the door opened and in their place was a giant squirrel with underwear on its head. Harry's eyes returned to normal size only when he had seen the underwear. However, because this is Fred and George, the squirrel was not only wearing Barney underwear, but also a bright pink bow on its tail, a pair of pantyhose as a scarf, and a sock shoved in its nose. The twins came around the corner laughing. Ron was howling with laughter. Hermione took the underwear and shoved it on Ron's head. He stopped laughing, but everybody else started to.

"I would consider this..." Fred said.

"...as a complete success." George finished.

Just then, Madame Pomfrey came around the corner with a potion. "OUT!" she screamed.

They all filed out with Fred and George bringing up the rear, pushing their squirrel out with them.

Harry collapsed in the bed when he saw a squirrel outside the window. Eyes wide with fright, he turned over and covered his head. All through the rest of the night, Harry Potter didn't once look at the window.

When Harry was released on Monday, he went to Transfiguration where, unfortunately, they were changing squirrels into mice. Harry saw the disease carrying vermin and screamed his little girl scream. He turned around and ran out of the classroom, his arms flailing behind him.

The Phobia started. His fear was growing. Everyone was mocking him. The squirrels were there, and they wouldn't go away.