Sometimes when Draco would lie bed next to Nik, cradling a bruised abdomen or swallowing the blood pooling in his mouth, he wonders what it would have been like if he would have never left Harry. If instead of walking out he had went back into the bedroom after Harry said 'I'm sorry' and meant it and held him close as they both cried and professed their undying love for one another.
When he thought about that night, his stomach grew heavy and cold. It was worse when he thought about Harry. When he thought about Harry, he always remembered that stricken, hurt look he had in his eyes when he had seen Draco with Nik the first time. Before then it had been really easy for Harry to convince himself that Draco was feeling the same way that he was, that he would come to his senses and come back to their flat, arms open wide. When they had locked eyes in that club and Harry had seen him in Nik's arms, he saw something break in Harry's eyes. It sealed his fate, in a sense. Draco had been so happy at the time, and Harry knew that. That's what made it hurt all the more.
What make it even worse now for Draco is that he's now incredibly unhappy when he was sure that Harry had moved on. It had been too long for him not to have. There was probably someone lying in Draco's place in their bed, taking Draco's place in Harry's heart. It hurt too much to think that he could still be a part of Harry's life; that he could be sharing in his sadness and his joys and his concerns. Their life together had been shattered the night that Draco had say goodbye, and he had tried to rebuild his life, tried to salvage the place he had ripped Harry from for Nik, but his efforts were futile. He wasn't sure if he could ever fix it, at least not on his own.
The longer he's with Nik, the harder each day becomes. Even waking up every day, opening his eyes to daylight takes more effort than he's willing to spare some days. But still he presses on, pretending he's fine and that he's okay and that every time he falls asleep he breaks a little more inside.
He tries to forget the love they shared, he really does. The harder he tries, however, the more and more he remembers why he loved Harry. Loves Harry.
Even now, when it's been over a year, he continues living only for Harry. When Nik is on top of him, heavy and hard and wanting, he tries to picture Harry's face and Harry's hands and Harry's smile, and for a while he's alright.
For a while he forgets all of his pain.
Nik would roll off of him, shoving him away and falling asleep almost instantly and Draco would lie away in the darkness, staring at
"It's nice to see you again, Malfoy," Harry said with a smile and an extended hand. "It's been a while."
"Please, call me Draco," he supplied as he reached for Harry's hand, holding on to it longer than necessary. "And yes, I daresay it has been too long."
"An odd statement coming from you," Harry said as he sat across from Malfoy, picking up his napkin and smoothing it in his lap. "Are you suggesting that you missed me?"
"Possibly," Draco replied, grinning over the rim of his glass. "Can you honestly say you didn't miss me these past couple of years, Harry?"
The last word trailed down Harry's spine like liquid silver.
"Possibly," Harry responded. "So why did you ask me here? I highly doubt it was to just catch up with an old schoolyard nemesis."
"Must I always have an ulterior motive?" Draco said before folding his hands in front of him of the ledge of the table. "Maybe I just wanted to see you again. Who's to say I wanted to see how handsome the scrawny, speccy Gryffindor git turned out after Hogwarts? I must say, I do approve, by the way, not that you care for my opinion."
"Why Malfoy, if I didn't know any better I'd say you were hitting on me," Harry said, crossing his legs slowly and not breaking the intense eye contact that they were sharing.
Draco only lifted his glass and said, "Possibly," before taking another sip of his wine.
"Wake up, you've slept enough."
Draco snapped awake, rolling over onto his aching stomach and spying Nik, who was stepping into a fresh pair of trousers after a shower. He stretched, his sore, bruised muscles convulsing uncomfortably.
"You must clean the mess you made last night," he said darkly, referring to the disarrayed living room left behind from the previous night's scuffle. "And wash out the blood from the sheets," he added as he pulled on a shirt. "I'm dating a man so I won't have bloodstains all over the sheets."
"Alright," Draco said softly, staring at the dried blood on his pillow.
Quick as a flash Nik had Draco's cheeks clenched between two fingers, forcing him to look in his eyes. "Don't come to the bed bleeding again, lover."
"No, of course not," Draco said with a little difficulty before Nik pushed his face away more roughly than necessary. The cut in Draco's mouth reopened and his taste buds were once again assaulted with the coppery taste of blood. "I…I was planning on going into Diagon Alley today, meeting a few friends for lunch. Is…is that alright with you?"
Nik quickly ties his shoes. "What friends? Hermione and Ginny?"
Draco nodded swiftly.
Nik straightened back up. "Yes, have lunch with your fag hags. Don't buy stupid things. This flat is full enough of your stupid things."
"Alright."
"And don't leave until you've cleaned the flat," Nik added.
"Okay. W…where are you going?" Draco asked, only to receive a sneer from Nik, a sneer that reminded Draco a lot of one his father would have given him if his father were still alive.
"Now that's none of your fucking business, now is it?"
Draco climbed out of bed, and as he began pulling free the sheets, he said, "I guess it isn't."
"Draco?"
"Hm?" The blonde seemed to snap back from his daydream.
"Where were you just now?" Harry chuckled, folding the laundry in a 'horribly domestic' manner, as Draco would say.
"Plotting your demise," Draco replied, indifferent eyes following the movements of Harry's hands. "Do you have any plans this weekend?"
Harry disappeared into the bedroom.
"I don't know, do I?"
"Let's go somewhere," Draco called in Harry's general direction. "I'm tired of England, let's go to Spain or…or Russia or something."
"Spain and Russia are quite different," Harry said with a grin as he reappeared laundryless. "What are we going to do in two days in Spain or Russia? It would probably take that long just to get visas."
Draco rolled his eyes. "Excuses, excuses," he sighed. "If you didn't have your stupid job then we wouldn't have to worry about scheduling around the weekend. Tell me again why you keep that job? You don't need it."
"We've talked about this Draco," Harry sighed. "I have to keep myself occupied or I'll go crazy like you."
"I resent that," Draco huffed. "Fine, maybe I'll just go to Spain on my own, possibly meet a very nice Spanish bloke."
Harry furrowed his brow but said nothing.
"I'll do it, don't think I won't," Draco threatened. "I can't be left alone that long. I can't control my sexual urges."
"I'll take off in a few weeks," Harry said softly. "We'll go to Russia. No Spanish blokes for you."
Draco beamed. "Thank you. You're such a sweetheart. I simply have no idea what I'd do without you."
"Spanish blokes, it seems," Harry said under his breath, and Draco dropped down in his lap.
With a burdened sigh Draco said, "I was kidding, I don't like Spanish blokes. Now those Grecians…"
"You aren't making me feel any better about myself," Harry said, avoiding Draco's eyes.
"Harry," Draco said with a small smile, "I'm with you, only you. I love you, alright? I don't need anyone but you. At least at the moment."
"Draco…"
"…Kidding, kidding…"
Harry rolled his eyes and said nothing.
"So how has Nik been lately? Alright, I hope."
Draco looked up from his salad with a weak smile, glancing to Ginny. "Oh, Nik? Nik's fine. Busy lately, hardly ever at home, but other than that he's fine." He turned to Hermione who offered him the same smile that he knew was plastered on is face. "All right, Granger?"
Hermione nodded and waved her hand dismissively. "Fine. Bit knackered, what with this," she made a vague gesture in the direction of her bulging stomach. "More knackered by Ron and Harry really. I'm so glad I could get away for a while."
Ginny laughed and Draco lowered his head for a moment. There was his name. Amazing what the simple utterance of a word can do to a person.
"Now that Harry's got that new job he hasn't been as bad, but Ron still pops into my office every chance he gets to ask if I'm alright. It's to the point I'm thinking of taking an extended maternity leave."
"That's what you get for working the same place as Ron," Ginny said with a knowing look.
Draco chuckled, smoothing his ring finger over his recently healed bottom lip.
"So where does Harry work now?" Draco asked before he knew what he was saying.
Hermione looked rather hesitant to respond, but Ginny said, "Some musty old bookstore at the end of Diagon Alley. No one ever goes in there, he sits there and reads most of the time."
Draco smiled sadly. "I'm sure he likes that. He was always whining about not having time to read."
Hermione cleared her throat loudly. "Well, I must get back to my office and my husband's impromptu medical care. Ginny, I'll see you later. Draco, love, It's always nice to see you."
He had the sudden urge to hug her so he did, the feel of her baby lump foreign against his stomach.
"Don't let him get you down," she whispered, and he wanted to believe she was talking about Harry, although he knew she wasn't.
He watched her go and he wanted to cry. He wasn't sure why. He didn't, though, only listened to Ginny go on and on about her husband's garden. Draco just smiled and agreed in the right places. That's all he could do, really.
She left shortly after, checking her watch and exclaiming that she was late for her shift at St. Mungo's.
Draco paid the bill like he always did, stepping out into the street. For once, Draco wished they were in Diagon Alley, just so he could catch a glimpse of the bookstore where Harry worked. He wasn't sure if he would have the courage to talk to him, but just seeing him would be enough.
You've got work," Draco mouthed over Harry's neck, slinging a heavy arm over his chest. "You should get up and take a shower."
Harry groaned sleepily, his eyes still closed. "I wanna sleep. You can't sleep in the shower."
"You can," Draco corrected," you just run a slight risk of drowning. If you go to work I promise I'll have a present for you when you get home."
"What sort of present?" Harry asked, slowly opening his eyes to take in the fuzzy image in front of him.
Draco pressed a kiss to Harry's collarbone as he smoothed a hand over his concave stomach. "Dinner, wine, meaningless small talk," he said lightly before slipping a hand down the front of Harry's pants. "After that you'll give me a blow job and then you'll fuck me. Deal?"
"Ooh, I love it when you're all business-like," Harry said with a sleep-roughened chuckle. "Yes, of course you have a deal. When have I ever told you 'you know what Draco, I just don't think I want to fuck you so hard you forget your name and can only think of mine, maybe some other time'?"
"Just now," Draco said, his smile pressed against bare, warm skin. "I'm sure you didn't mean it, though."
"We'll see," Harry said, gently disentangling himself from Draco's arms. "As for me I'm off to have a wank and wash my hair. And before you even ask, you're not allowed in because then I'd never make it into work."
"Oh must you spoil all of my fun?" Draco sighed dramatically, laying the back of his hand and over his forehead.
"What can I say, it's what I'm good at," Harry said with a shrug as he stepped out of his pants and tossed them at Draco.
"Really love, I'm touched," Draco said before flinging them back off the bed. "But I'd rather not wear your dirty knickers on my face if it's all the same."
Harry chuckled as he disappeared into the loo.
"Miss you already," Draco called sarcastically before he abandoned the bed in favour of breakfast.
The bookshop was called 'Burt's Book Bin', and from the looks of it, it was named that for good reason. If Draco hadn't known that it was open for business he would have guessed it empty.
He stood across the street, his heavy wool cloak wrapped tightly around him as he shivered. He could see the occasional movement behind the dingy windows, and every time he did, his heart swelled a little more.
More than once he had started across the street, and more than once he had changed his mind.
He finally gathered up the courage and walked over to Burt's, pulling up his hood and sliding in the door.
The smell of must and damp mold hit Draco at once, but it wasn't a smell that was offensive. It seemed safe, in a way.
He spotted the counter on which sat a painfully thin man with a bowed head, frameless thick glasses sitting low on his nose.
Draco took a deep breath and made his way to the back of his store, not sure if he was feeling more foolish or disappointed. It wasn't Harry. Harry hadn't been that thin, Harry had those bloody ridiculous glasses. It wasn't…
"Is there anything I can help you find?"
The voice cut straight to the bone. Draco lifted a hand to the spine of one of the age-warped books, pulling it out to buy himself more time to think of something to say. The book's title had faded away completely, and the pages had begun to deteriorate over time.
"Excuse me sir," Harry said again with a bit of a chuckle to his voice. "Can I help you? Believe me when I say I don't have anything better to do, so don't worry about bothering me."
Draco smiled behind his hood, putting the book back on the shelf. "I'm not looking for anything in particular," he said, trying his best to keep his tone steady and ambiguous. "Thanks for offering, though."
"Well, thanks for being the first person in here all day and still not giving me anything to do," Harry said with another chuckle. "I'll be over there, reading my book and being generally useless if you need anything."
"Thanks," Draco said, turning his face away as his voice broke a bit. So it was true. Harry was fine. Better. Without him.
"The name's Harry, by the way," he called from the counter where he perched again.
Draco finally made his way to the door, saying softly, "I know."
Harry looked up from his book, furrowing his brow. "D…Draco?"
Draco froze briefly, his hand over the doorknob. "I shouldn't have come here," he said, not turning around.
"Wait…" Harry called, but Draco didn't. He couldn't.
"I don't want to fight with you Draco," Harry sighed. "I never said that I believed the Prophet, you just seem to think I do. Just because I didn't say I thought it was completely ridiculous you assume that I agree with that load of offal."
Draco rolled his eyes, sneering like he did in Hogwarts. "I don't care anymore, Harry. I don't care if you believe me, or if you believe the newspaper, I just don't care. Okay? I don't want to fight either. Just leave me alone, go find another way to make me morally acceptable in the eyes of the Wizarding world."
"That isn't fair," Harry said softly, wrapping an arm around Draco's waist. "Draco please don't do this. I'm sorry."
"The hell you are," Draco snarled, trying to pull away to no avail. "Harry, just leave me alone."
"No," Harry said with an astonished look. "I can't believe you would think so very little of me, Draco, after all we've been through. It hurts. You've no idea how much it hurts."
"And you don't think it hurts me to think that you could be thinking that I'm nothing more to you than someone else to save?" Draco said, shoving Harry away again. "I thought you were done trying to save people after the war."
"I'm not trying to save you," Harry said softly, "I'm trying to love you."
Harry wrapped his arms around Draco again and this time Draco didn't push him away. He only stood there stiffly. "Do you honestly think that makes it all okay?"
"If I agree with you will you stop being angry with me?" Harry said against Draco's neck.
"No."
"Please?"
With a put-upon sigh, Draco finally said, "Fine, but don't think this is over. This is far from over."
Harry pressed a kiss to Draco's jaw and said, "I love you, you know that right? I don't see how you can't know that."
"I can," Draco said softly, lowering his head. "It's easy to doubt someone else's love for you. You say you love me, but I can't know that for sure. You can say it until you're blue in the face."
"What else can I do, then?" Harry pleaded. "You tell me exactly what I can do to prove I love you and I'll do it. Just tell me. Please." He met Draco's icy eyes, holding his gaze stubbornly. "Tell me, Draco."
Draco sighed, threading his fingers through Harry's hair. "I don't know. I trust you, okay? I trust you."
"Thank you," Harry said, pulling away and making his way back to their bedroom. "I'll leave you alone now."
Draco lowered his head as Harry left.
"We need to talk, Draco," Hermione said as soon as he opened his door.
"Shouldn't you be lying in bed or having a baby or something?" Draco said wearily, retreating back into his darkened flat. "I really don't need a lecture."
"That's funny, because I really need to give one," Hermione said as she made her way inside. "Nik's not here, I presume? Good. Sit down."
Draco was already sitting by the time she said it, and she plopped down heavily beside him, the fact that she was pregnant very obvious so close to her due date. "Do I even need to ask what this is about, or is it about a certain shopping trip for horrible, smelly books?"
"Why are you doing this to him, Draco?" Hermione said sharply. "You know how he feels about you, you either need to talk to him about your relationship or leave him the fuck alone, okay? For both of your sakes. You can't have a healthy relationship with Nik because you're still not sure you did the right thing with Harry."
"I can't have a healthy relationship with Nik for completely different reasons and you know damn well those reasons," Draco spat. "You're clever enough Granger, you've seen the bruises."
Draco thought he saw a flash of sympathy in her eyes that quickly turned to pain. "Draco, I…" she paused, pressing a hand to the top of her stomach. "I need to go St. Mungo's. Fast."
Draco leapt to his feet and helped Hermione to hers as well, half-carrying her to the Floo and calling out "St. Mungo's frantically, disappearing into a rush of green flame.
Hermione took charge once they arrived at the hospital. "I need Healer Weasley please," she panted. "Find my sister-in-law and tell her that I'm in labour."
As soon as Hermione as in the capable arms of Ginny, he went back to the fireplaces, first the Ministry of Magic. "I need to be redirected to Ronald Weasley. It's an emergency."
All too soon he saw an eyeful of freckles and red hair. "Your wife's in labour. Get to the hospital immediately."
If Ron thought it at all odd that it was Draco Malfoy delivering him this information he showed no indication. Instead he only paled and stood quickly. "O…okay, I'll be there as soon as I can. Apparate over to Burt's Book Bin and tell Harry, will you? I know you'd rather not, considering how you left things, but if you never do anything remotely nice for me, please do this."
Draco only nodded, pulling his head out of the flames. He dusted the ashes out of his hair and made his way over to the Apparation floor, pointing his wand at himself and saying, "Burt's Book Bin."
He appeared in front of a rather startled-looking Harry Potter selling a book to a woman who appeared to be a mere skeleton with skin.
"Hermione's having her baby," Draco breathed, holding Harry's eye contact as he handed the woman her book.
"Why…?" Harry began, but seemed to think better of it. "Come on then, let's go back to the hospital."
Draco nodded and watched as Harry made his way over to lock the front door of the bookshop before he Apparated away.
He didn't wait for him before heading to the maternity floor.
"Fuck you," Harry spat. "You know what, I'm sick of hearing this constant shit from you. You do realize that there are things you could do to change people's opinions of you. But no, you're content sitting here on your arse and whining because people don't like you."
Draco sneered and rolled his eyes. "Fuck off."
"No, I will not fuck off," Harry continued. "This needs to be said. The fact is Draco, their opinions are right. You were a Death Eater. You did kill people. You did follow Voldemort. The only reason you switched sides is because you realized that Voldemort was fucked. You were scared. You didn't want to go to Azkaban like your father."
"You shut the fuck up Potter," Draco said, his voice shaking with repressed emotion. "You shut up about things you don't know anything about."
"Things I don't know anything about?" Harry said with a laugh. "I know more about it than I care to. I've seen fear. I've seen faith."
"Yes, resting on the shoulders of your name," Draco said sardonically. "Do you want me to tell you what you are, Potter? You're exactly what everyone thinks you are: self-righteous. You believe that everyone should bow to your will because it's the only thing worth bowing to."
"And what, Voldemort's higher up on your list of things to bow to?" Harry snapped.
"I bow to no one," Draco snarled, shoving Harry away.
"Do you really want to play that game Draco?" Harry said, his cheeks reddened with fury. "Would you like to tell me what you are? You're useless."
"Am I?" Draco said, his eyes narrowing. "Anything else?"
Harry bounced Draco off the wall, pinning him there for his final words. "You're useless. You're weak. Most of all though, you are unworthy of love, most of all mine. You're beneath me. You're nothing without me, and it sickens me. You sicken me."
Something in Draco's eyes broke, and all of Harry's anger melted away. He let the blonde go, whispering, "I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I didn't mean it, I'm sorry…"
Draco's eyes grew wide, his eyes still locked on Harry's with a sort of morbid disbelief on his face. "I…I sicken you?"
"No…I didn't mean it…any of it," Harry said quickly, "Please stop looking at me like that, I can't stand that, please don't."
Draco's disbelief soon turned to rage. "Get the fuck away from me."
"Did I disappoint you?" Harry called after the blond who was storming through the flat, gathering up his things. "Or let you down?"
Draco came back to the bedroom, high points of fury rising on his cheeks. "You should already know the answer to that question. I was under the impression that I made it blatantly obvious."
"Please don't do this love," Harry begged, grasping Draco's forearms tightly. "Please don't leave. I didn't mean it."
Draco ripped his arms away and landed a punch squarely on Harry's jaw. "Don't you fucking touch me, you've lost that right."
Harry's knees buckled and he collapsed onto the bed, cradling his bleeding lip and blinking away burning tears. "Please don't…I didn't mean it…"
Draco sat alone across from Harry, checking his watch periodically. Finally, when Harry had fallen asleep with his chin tucked against his chest, Draco stood up to stretch his legs.
The most recent news they had heard was that Hermione was still in labour for what was going into the fifth hour. Ron had been whisked into her room as soon as he had arrived, which left Harry and Draco in the waiting room in an uncomfortable silence.
And so Draco paced and Harry slept, both of them dealing with stress the best ways they knew how.
"Stop doing that, it drives me crazy," Harry said groggily, arching his back off his seat with a yawn.
"You were snoring," Draco said as he dropped back down into his seat. "Sorry I woke you up."
"Have you heard anything about Hermione yet?" Harry said as he stretched out his legs.
Draco shook his head, staring at his folded hands. "Nothing since you've been asleep. You can go back to sleep if you want, I'll try not to wake you again."
"It's no use," Harry said, sitting up. "I could never go to sleep if you were awake. You know that."
Draco bit his lip, trying to force himself not to respond.
"Where the fuck have you been?" came Nik's voice thundering down the corridor, and Draco stood quickly, not stepping closer to Nik but not stepping away.
"Hermione's having her baby," he said softly, motioning to the door to the maternity ward. "I didn't think you would mind if I…"
Nik was looking at Harry darkly, then he turned back to Draco. "We're going."
Harry cleared his throat as Draco said, "You can go if you like, but I'm going to stay here. I want to be here for Hermione and Ron."
Nik took the remainder of the steps between he and Draco and took a handful of the hair on the back of Draco's hair. "You…are coming home…with me."
"Leave him alone," Harry snapped, standing and taking a step towards them.
"Stay out of this Potter, he is not yours to worry about anymore," Nik said, not even looking away from Draco, cowering in front of him.
"Let go of me please," Draco said, gently shoving Nik away in the middle of the chest. "Please let go of me. I want to stay here. I'm sorry I didn't tell you where I was going, but Hermione went in labour so quickly and I panicked."
Nik shoved him away, sneering. "Fuck your excuses. Fine, stay here. Stay here with your bloody ex-boyfriend and talk about how shitty I am to you. I'm sure that's what you do with Hermione and Ginny."
"Of course not," Draco said, smoothing his hair back down gently. "I'll be home tonight, I promise you."
Nik rolled his eyes and waved him away dismissively.
"I love you," Draco said softly as he walked away, and he sat back down, laying his head in his hands.
Harry stood there, staring at Draco. "And here I thought you bowed to no one," Harry said with a shake of the head.
Draco's head snapped up, and he saw tears swimming in Harry's eyes. He shook his head miserably, lowering it back down into his hands. "Don't. Please, just…don't."
Harry just rolled his eyes and walked off into the direction of the cafeteria.
"So I'm confused about our relationship Draco," Harry asked after their third dinner date. "We haven't been to each other's flat, we haven't spend a day together, we haven't even kissed. Are we just friends, or are we more than that?"
"I wasn't even sure we had a relationship," Draco said, twisting a bit of linguini on a fork. "We haven't talked about it. Do you want to talk about it?"
"Yeah, of course," Harry said, leaning forward. "I'd really like to talk about our relationship. Where do you see us in…say…three years? Where do you see us in three weeks?"
"I don't know," Draco said truthfully. "It depends on where you want this relationship to go. If you want a relationship with me, then we'll talk. If you just want to be friends with me, which I have to say is highly unlikely, then we'll just be friends."
Harry sighed, picking the tomatoes out of his pasta. "You're not making the confusion any better, Draco. Here, I'll just come right out and say it then. I'd like to do more than have the occasional dinner date with you. I'd like to spend more time with you, get to know you better. And, if all goes well, I'd very much like to have sex with you."
"Aww…you want to have sex with me, how sweet," Draco said with a grin. "You sure do know how to charm someone right out of their trousers."
"Malfoy…" Harry said, dropping his fork. "I need a straight answer from you. I must know if I am wasting my time pseudo-courting you."
"Pseudo-courting me?" Draco repeated with a snort. "Harry, listen to me, because I'm only going to say this once. No one courts Draco Malfoy. I wouldn't have contacted you if I didn't want to get to know you better, believe me. I don't exactly understand where your confusion is coming from. Have the only relationships you've been in jumped right to the sexual bit right in the beginning?"
"No," Harry said with an eyeroll. "But I thought…you know what…never mind. I like you very much and I'd planned to take a weekend road trip with you this weekend, if you aren't doing anything."
"Here's another think you should learn about me Harry," Draco said with a small smile. "I'm never doing anything. I'd love to go with you."
"Really?" Harry said, slightly breathless.
Draco lowered his head a bit, his smile widening. "Yes really. Where are we going, then? Are we just going to drive around or are we going anywhere special?"
"I was thinking Cornwall," Harry said and Draco rolled his eyes.
"You wouldn't want to strain yourself with originality, now would you?" Draco said as he tore apart his bread. "Although I do so love Cornwall."
"You're funny," Harry said with a smile into his plate.
Draco only said, "Of course I am," with a shrug.
"Is this still about me going to the hospital with Hermione?" Draco asked as he carried their plates to the sink. Nik had been quiet the last couple of nights, a hard look in his eye that had begun to both scare and annoy Draco.
Nik didn't reply, only stood and made his way to the bedroom.
Draco washed the dishes slowly, dread for what was to come building in his chest. He moved them to the drying rack before making his way to the bedroom, knowing that no matter how long he waited, Nik would still be there.
Nik was in the bathroom when Draco entered, which was a relief. He took the time to step out of his clothes, pulling on his sleep trousers. He heard the bathroom door open and he turned around, a t-shirt clenched in his hand.
Before he had even seen Nik properly he found himself pinned against the wall, Nik's arms slung low around his waist, pulling their lower bodies flush in an almost gentle way. Draco pushed him back wordlessly, only to have Nik flatten him against the wall again and press his nose into his neck, growling, "What, had your fill of me now?"
"What are you talking about?" Draco asked softly, trying to writhe out of Nik's grasp to no avail. "Let me go."
Nik threaded his fingers through Draco's hair roughly before asking, "Did you let him fuck you? While you were sitting there in that hospital…Did you? Did you let him fuck you?"
In that moment, it hit Draco that he could very well die at Nik's hands that night. The rage and the possessiveness he had tried his hardest to ignore but deep down knew was there was bubbling to the surface in furious waves, breaking over him more powerful than anything Draco had ever seen.
Draco was scared.
"No," He whispered, trying not to cry, but feeling the tears welling up behind his eyes. "I didn't, I swear I didn't."
"Was it before I came," Nik pressed, his voice shaking as his fingers twisted around Draco's hair and pulled his head back, leaving his neck exposed, "or was it after I left? Were you so thankful for his protection that you practically begged him to fuck you blind?"
"No…" Draco whispered, closing his eyes and praying to whatever god that would listen. "Please…"
"Begging doesn't become you, Draco," Nik said bitterly against his neck and with his eyes closed Draco could have sworn it was his father there, twisting his head back and scolding him for doing something wrong.
He hears a tear before he topples to the ground, a hot burning coming from both his scalp and his cheekbone. He lies there on the bedroom floor until he's flipped onto his back, then hauled into the seated position by a swift and accurate kick to the stomach. He's wheezing and cradling what could be a cracked rib when he spies his trousers and his salvation.
"Fucking whore," Nik bellows before landing a punch on Draco's temple and for a moment his vision goes away and his mind goes blank and he lies there, limp, sprawled out half-naked and bleeding and probably dying at the hands of a man who he never should have touched.
His last thought was of Harry's eyes in sixth year when he walked in on Draco crying in the bathroom.
Wait. Maybe…no, it wasn't his last thought. Draco awoke again, seconds, minutes, hours later, his vision hazy and his head aching but not dead. His hand lay inches from his wand and he reached for it, grasping it as tightly, taking aim at a rather dumb-founded Nik.
He took a moment to compose himself, as he was overcome by a wave of nausea, before casting the first spell that came to mind.
"Sectumsempra."
Draco's world went black.
"How many?"
Draco grinned. No matter how many times he did it, he loved it when he got Harry to blush like that. It started with just the apples of his cheeks, but soon it was his whole bloody head. The boy wore his emotions on his sleeve and frankly, it could be irritating at times. But sometimes, like when Draco would surprise him and he would be excited and happy and his eyes would sparkle and his face would light up, or when he would be so fucking turned on that he would have to close his eyes, because if he so much as looked at Draco he would come, it was what make Harry…well…Harry.
"I don't want to…" Harry began, but Draco made a face.
"Harry, we talked about this, did we not? This is a conversation that we both agreed that we should have before we have sex, or bloody well snog for that matter," Draco added, almost as an afterthought. "You said something about the safe sex blah blah something about muggles. I don't know, I really wasn't listening to you. It was your idea."
Harry sighed, chewing his thumbnail in thought. "If I snog you can we not talk about this? I'm awkward enough around you as it is."
"And why is that?" Draco asked. "Scared, Potter?"
"You wish," Harry replied, more for old time's sake than anything. "It's just…I don't know what all you've done…or who you've done it with, and I'm nervous that I'm not going to live up to your expectations."
"My expectations are very low," Draco said with a shrug. "I'll make it easy for you."
"Ass," Harry said with a laugh. "I'll tell you now, I've been a bit busy saving the world, I'm behind in certain other aspects of my life."
"For the love of Salazar himself don't tell me you're a virgin!" Draco gasped. "I don't think I could live with myself if I defiled the Boy Wonder."
"No, no, I'm not a virgin," Harry said, blushing again. "You make it sound so horrible to have sex with me."
"Of course it's not," Draco said, wrapping an arm around Harry's shoulders. "It's just…I'm hated for enough shit I didn't necessarily choose to do all on my own, I'd rather not be hated for something else, you know?"
Harry's hand sought out Draco's faded Dark Mark, skimming over the lightened lines silently. Finally he sighed, looking up into emotionless grey eyes.
"It wouldn't be horrible at all to have sex with you," Draco whispered, watching the blush rise not from Harry's cheeks, but from his neck. "Far from it, I'd say."
Harry took a half-step closer, lowering his eyes to Draco's lips and whispering, "I'd very much like to kiss you now."
Draco took another half-step so there was hardly an inch of space between them. "I'd very much like for you to kiss me now."
And so Harry closed the space between them, smoothing Draco's hair back away from his face as he pressed their lips together for the first time, gentle and harsh and sweet and bitter all at the same time.
Sound came back first and he heard voices, one male and one female, both very familiar. He was lying on his back it seemed, his wand clutched loosely in his right hand and he could smell the scent of blood nearby.
Finally he seemed to regain the ability to move and he opened his eyes, only to close them again against the harsh light with a groan.
Groan.
All at once he remembered what happened, what he had done and he sat up, dizziness overtaking him. He tried to stand but collapsed back down to his knees, his head falling into his hands as he whispered, "What have I done? Oh Merlin, I killed him…I killed him…I killed him…"
Draco tried to stand again but this time he fell against something pliable and warm, who whispered, "Steady on, Draco, you've got a fairly bad concussion there. Lay down until Ginny can get here to heal you, alright?"
"No, you've got to…I've killed…" Draco began, his knees buckling a bit and Harry allowed himself to be led to the ground. "Someone has to help Nik," Draco pleaded, hot tears streaming down his bruised face. "I…I may have killed him. Send Ginny to him instead. Please."
Harry's face hardened. He released a harsh breath through his nose and said, "You have a lot of nerve coming to me after a fight with him," he hissed in a tone so close to Parseltongue Draco had a hard time understanding it.
He didn't have the energy to explain to Harry he couldn't remember Apparating to Harry's in the first place. For an excruciating moment Draco thought that Harry was going to hit him, but then he remembered that Harry never did that. He only detangled himself from Draco and disappeared.
He was gone for a long time; Draco wasn't sure how long because he wasn't entirely sure he was conscious the whole time. When he returned he said, "Hermione's coming to heal you and get a statement to form a case against Nik if he survives."
The last bit sounded bitter coming from Harry. Draco tried to stand again and Harry made an annoyed sound, helping him to his feet and over to the bed, where he pulled back the duvet at lay him back on his pillow gently.
"Didn't…change the sheets…" Draco said vaguely as his eyes slid shut, sliding back out of consciousness again.
"Draco…Draco you can't go to sleep, stay awake," Harry said, gently shaking his shoulder. "If you go to sleep you might not wake back up, and Merlin knows you wouldn't want to rid the world of your wit, now would you?"
"It would be so easy…" Draco slurred, his eyes rolling back. "Sleep…sleep with you here…it's better now…all better…"
Harry shook Draco's shoulder harder, trying not to look at his swelling head. "Listen to me, listen to me, Draco. Stay awake. Stay awake and listen to my voice. Nik's not here to hurt you, so you don't have to be scared. You don't have to run. Not anymore."
Draco's fumbling hands twined around one of Harry's, bringing it to rest over the hollow of his throat as the eye that wasn't swollen shut fell closed.
"I'm here Harry, what's going…oh holy shit, take Jane for me please," Hermione said, and Harry pulled his hand away from Draco's to take the chubby, red-haired baby from Hermione, retreating to the corner of the bedroom, holding Jane close to his chest.
"Oh Draco love…" Hermione said softly as she pulled out her wand, and hearing the sadness in Hermione's voice made Harry's throat ache.
She whispered spells over him for what seemed hours, spells to mend bones and mend bruises and mend cuts. Finally, after Jane had fallen asleep in Harry's arms and Draco had succumb to sleep as well, Hermione stepped away, proclaiming, "All he needs is a bath and a fresh set of clothes."
"Thank you," Harry sighed, letting out a breath he hadn't known he was holding.
"Harry, why…?" She began, but Harry only pressed a kiss to Jane's forehead and handed her back over to her mother.
"I don't know, Hermione," he said truthfully. "I don't know what happened. I don't know why he came to me, and I sure as hell don't know why he wanted to help the bastard who almost killed him. Mostly, though, I don't know why he trusted me to get him help, after all that I've put him through."
Hermione sighed. "And what he's put you through, Harry. It's a vicious cycle."
Harry only looked down at Draco's wand lying abandoned on his bedroom floor.
"Will you do me a huge favour?" Harry asked, drawing his legs up into his chair as he watched Draco pretend to read.
"Depends how huge," Draco said flatly, finally abandoning his book. "What is it?"
Harry stood, burying his hands in his pockets and refusing to meet Draco's eyes. "Well…I know that we haven't been together for very long…"
"Right," Draco said with a small grin, leaning forward and trying to catch Harry's eye.
Harry finally did look up and he blushed, and Draco beckoned him closer, close enough for him to pull him down in his lap. "And I know that our relationship isn't exactly public," Harry continued as he felt Draco's fingers expertly work loose first his belt, then his trousers.
"Does this conversation thread have a point, Potter?" Draco said conversationally, his eyes sparkling with mirth.
"I need a date to Ron and Hermione's wedding next week," Harry said, his breath surprisingly steady considering that Draco's hand was now working its way into his pants. "I'm sure that Ginny expects me to ask her, mostly because I think Hermione has told her that I am, but I don't want to take Ginny. I want to take my boyfriend. I want to take you."
"You're kidding," Draco said, halting his hand and arching a brow. "Harry, do you really want to tell your friends about your relationship, with me no less, at their wedding?"
"What's wrong with you?" Harry asked, although he already knew the answer to that question. "Never mind, don't answer that. We don't have to say anything. I'll only tell them if they ask. Knowing them, they won't. They'll just pretend you aren't even there."
"Yes, that makes me want to go," Draco said as he rolled his eyes. "I really like to be ignored. It's my goal in life, really. Why don't you ignore me, lovely?"
"You're hard to ignore, Draco," Harry replied. "It's incredibly hard. You made entirely too much noise. Please Draco, please come with me. I don't want Ginny to go because she'll think I might want to date her again and I really, really don't want to do that."
"I would think not, no." Draco sighed and leaned back, laying his hands on Harry's thighs. "Potter, if anyone says a negative word to me, I will leave without saying a word to you, do you understand?"
"I understand," Harry said, a smile slowly growing on his face.
"Fine," Draco said before slipping a hand back into Harry's pants. "We must go shopping for new robes, you realize."
"Any excuse," Harry said, just before his breath hitched.
Draco chuckled.
Draco didn't hear anything more about Nik.
Three days passed before he felt well enough to stay out of bed for longer than an hour. He slid out from between the sheets, the clothes Harry had given him nearly too small, and padded into the living room, where Harry sat in his favourite chair, reading one of the musty books he must have brought back from Burt's.
"You're too thin," Draco said, motioning to his clothes. "Though I do suppose you've been told that quite a lot."
Harry looked up from his book, and Draco noted in that moment, with him curled into himself like that, how very small he was. "You really have no right to go there with me," Harry said in a flat, defeated sort of tone.
"Harry…"
"No," Harry hissed. "Please don't. It will only start to hurt again and damn it, it's only just stopped hurting."
Draco took a step away from him, tucking his hands into his pockets. "I wanted to talk to you is all. Is that to much to ask of you?"
Harry climbed out of his chair, brushing past Draco into the laundry room. "Do you really want me to answer that question?"
"I didn't mean to come here, you know," Draco said as he followed him and watched Harry hastily fold and stack his laundry, separating out Draco's pyjama bottoms and pants and curling them into a ball. "I don't remember Apparating here, I just woke up here and I thought that maybe you saved me but that is obviously not the case."
Harry turned around and shoved Draco's clothes into his chest. "Here. You're all better now, so feel free to leave any time you like."
"Harry, please…" Draco whispered, squeezing his clothes against his chest and catching Harry's bony wrist in his hand.
Harry wrenched his wrist free and Draco let him. "I want you to go," Harry whispered roughly, his eyes misting over as he made his way back into the living room. "I need you to go, Draco. I can't deal with this."
"You can't deal with this?" Draco said, and even though he didn't want to he could feel tears welling up behind his eyes. "I'm sorry to have burdened you, I can't begin to imagine the horrors I have put you through." The sarcasm tasted bitter and familiar on his tongue.
"No you can't," Harry snapped. "You went from me to someone who treated you like shit. Worst of all though, you were more happy with him than I could remember you being with me, and that hurt. It was like you were dangling your relationship in front of me, and I had nothing."
"Whose fault is that?" Draco asked, even though he didn't want Harry to answer that question. "Listen to me Harry, you probably think that I'm some sort of heartless bastard for leaving you, just like you've probably worked out that you were some sort of heartless bastard to make me leave. What we had was in no way perfect, but nothing ever is. Nothing ever will be. You need to understand that."
"So you settle for being nearly beaten to death?" Harry spat, and he watches the tension snap in Draco's shoulders. He watches him inwardly collapse.
"Seems I'm drawn to the ones who abuse me," Draco said in an unreadable tone. "It just goes to show that I am fucked up beyond repair. I think you said it best Harry, I'm not worthy of love, most of all yours."
"I didn't mean that and you bloody well know that," Harry hissed, pinching the bridge of his nose. "Draco, I had never loved anyone or anything as much as I loved you. You probably could care less now, but I did love you more than I loved myself. I'm still not entirely sure I ever stopped loving you." He stopped, squeezing his eyes shut for a moment and taking a slow breath. "God…I'm so pathetic. Go back to your new, perfect life. I'm sure there's another bloke out there for you who you'll convince yourself loves you."
"Fuck you," Draco snarled through his tears. "I don't need your permission to live. Why can't you bloody well move on? I don't love you anymore, Harry. If you never stopped loving me, I don't understand why you found it so easy to tell me that I wasn't worthy of your love. I'm sorry to have taken up your precious time. Next time I'll try to be more considerate and just try to die in my own home."
He heard a hitched breath as he closed his eyes and Apparated away.
"Harry?"
"Hm?"
"Love."
Harry looked up from his lap, or rather the mass of entwined fingers that was he and Draco's hands. "Yes, what is it?"
"If you would be so kind," Draco said with a sickly sweet smile, "I am rather keen to keep the use of my hands. Could you loosen your grip a bit love, blood would like to enter the veins there sometime today. Thanks."
Harry apologized, releasing Draco's hands quickly and tucking his hands in his pockets. "I'm just nervous is all. Do you think they've seen us yet? Should I go find Ron, I am his best man and…but I don't want to leave you alone. Damn…maybe this wasn't such a good idea."
"Breathe Potter, honestly," Draco sighed, patting his shoulder consolingly. "I'm sure I can survive on my own for the ceremony. I did go to school with the same people you did, I'm sure I can find at least one person who didn't wish a horrible and slow death upon my head."
"Not in our year in Gryffindor you can't," Harry said as he wrinkled his nose.
Draco rolled his eyes. "Really, I'm touched."
In a swirl of curly ginger hair and purple taffeta Ginny Weasley appeared between Harry and Draco, an arrangement of lavender and lilies clutched loosely between her hands. "Ron's been looking for you Harry. Why are you with Draco Malfoy?"
'Because we're fucking' was the first thing that popped into his head, but he didn't say it. Instead, he chose a more tactical approach. "We're dating. He's my guest. Draco, you remember Ron's sister Ginny."
"Of course," Draco said with a winning smile and a kiss to the back of her hand. Ginny just rolled her eyes.
"There's a seat for you with my mum Malfoy," Ginny said. "Try not to say anything negative about her to her face, if it's not to difficult to manage."
Draco's smile faltered a bit but he said, "I'll be on my best behaviour, I promise. Harry made me take a blood oath before we left the house, so you're safe. If you excuse me, I'll go and acquaint myself to Mrs. Weasley. I do believe there will be some getting used to before she can properly enjoy her son's wedding."
"Quite," Harry said before Draco pressed a chaste kiss to his lips. "I'll come after you following the ceremony, alright?"
"I'll do my best not to get lost," Draco said with a smirk before sauntering off toward the mass of redheads near the front of the congregation.
Ginny studied Harry for a long moment, an odd look on her face. She finally pulled a lily from her bouquet, fastened it to his lapel, and looped her arm around his. She then said softly, almost inaudibly, "I like him."
Harry smiled before adding, "I do too."
He watched as Draco turned around in his seat and blew a rather exaggerated kiss to Harry, who couldn't help but blush and feel hopelessly smitten, wondering if this was the start of something big.
Before he could think on it to greatly he was steered off in search of Ron.
Draco stood in the threshold of his and Nik's…no…his…flat. He couldn't find it in himself to step in. He could still smell the blood, even though it was old and dried. It reminded it of a time he would rather have forgotten, and it took everything he had not to be sick.
He can't actually see where it happened from his position in the doorway, but the image was burned in his memory so vividly that he could never set foot in that bedroom again and he would always remember where every drop of Nik's blood had landed.
All at once he remembered the look on Nik's face when he had fallen, and Draco had to grab hold of the door frame to steady himself. No. This wasn't going to happen. He remembered his flushed face as he bled…remembered the faces of those that he had killed when he was a Death Eater. Remembered.
His knees gave way and he landed on them hard, his face in his hands and the sobs wracking his body so hard that he hurts. He hears footsteps, slow at first but them they speed up and there are arms around him and his arms are around someone.
Then the smell of this person hits him and the sobs come harder than before. It's Harry. Harry's here holding him and rocking him like there has never been anything between them but love. Draco knows that the sounds coming from his body sound anything but human but in that moment he doesn't feel human. He hasn't felt human for a very long time.
He feels Harry drop his cheek onto his hair, hears him make a soft shushing sound in his ear. Draco just tightens his grip on Harry's waist, squeezes his eyes shut, and lies their on the floor with his head on Harry Potter's shoulder, trying to forget all the horrible things he had done in his life. And for once, with Harry, he felt like it was possible.
And if you want to talk about it anymore
Lie here on the floor
And cry on my shoulder
I'm a friend