AN: I'm finally caught up on the manga. Two years without reading, and then I went through the whole thing from the first chapter to the latest in a week of sleepless nights. Hot damn. Also, the chapters of Skinny Dipping have been getting a little longer than usual. Don't know why. Of course, the one after this is going to be about three paragraphs long, so don't get used to this.

Sasuke lay on his back, staring at the sky. The Sunday crossword had defeated him once again. It had killed his whole family and left him alone. …wait…that was Itachi. Itachi had defeated him once again, through the medium of the crossword. Every time he lost, it was like losing to Itachi. His whole life was a black abyss of darkness and misery.

Beside him, Naruto lay back too, staring at the clouds. "That one looks like a bunny!" He squealed. Sasuke considered turning his head in Naruto's direction to give him a look of disdain, but decided it was too much effort.

On his other side, Sakura lay on her back, staring at Sasuke. Little hearts kept floating above her head.

On the other side of Sakura lay Kakashi. He was also staring at Sasuke, with a calculating look on his face. Sasuke was beginning to feel intimidated, as well as acutely aware of just how fast Kakashi-sensei could kick his --

"Well!" said Kakashi unjustifiably cheerily. "That's enough cloud-gazing for today."

"Look!" said Naruto. "That one looks like a leprechaun in a top hat!"

"WHERE?" shouted Kakashi, turning his head fast enough to give himself whiplash. Sasuke ignored them both and tried to remember the clue to sixteen down. It was five letters, and he was sure the last letter was an 's'…dammit, he couldn't concentrate! How could he ever defeat Itachi if he couldn't even defeat the Sunday crossword?

Kakashi managed to tear his eyes away from the leprechaun cloud and started eyeing Sasuke again.

"Er…today we'll be having special exercises."

Naruto leapt to his feet and started hopping up and down. "OOH! OOH! WHAT?" he squealed.

"Um…tests of speed." said Kakashi, sounding slightly guilty. "Speed is essential to any ninja."

He drew a line in the dirt and carefully lined up Naruto and Sakura in front of it. "Alright, to that tree over there."

"The one with the disco ball hung on it?" said Sakura, puzzled. "What is that doing there?"

Kakashi narrowed his eyes. "Damn you, Gai." he muttered under his mask. "You've been using my training grounds as your personal party spot again, haven't you?"

Sakura and Naruto, who couldn't hear Kakashi, were both drawing radically different conclusions about why there was a disco ball in Kakashi's favorite "sit and watch the team exhaust themselves while I read pornographic materials" tree. Sakura was sure that Kakashi was about to play some sort of trick on them, while Naruto was convinced that Kakashi was secretly a dance master and resolved to sneak over to his house and look for his rhinestone suit. He'd have to make sure it was a time when Kakashi was sure to be out of the house, like on a Friday night, when he hung out with the other jounin at the barbeque joint downtown.

"Anyway." said Kakashi. "I want you two to run as fast as you can toward that tree."

"So…it's a race." said Sakura.

Kakashi turned bright red.

"IT IS NOT A RACE! THERE IS NO MONEY INVOLVED! IT'S PERFECTLY LEGAL!"

Sakura and Naruto stared at him. He cleared his throat self-consciously. "Anyway…it's a test of speed. Start on 'disco monkey'."

Sakura raised an eye brow. "Why not just start on 'go'?" she asked. Kakashi 'tsk'ed at her.

"Don't ruin my groove, Sakura. DISCO MONKEY!"

Sakura and Naruto raced toward the tree. Sasuke moped.

DING! DING! DING!

And the race is on! Sakura shows a strong start across the line, and ooh! That stumble of Naruto's is going to cost him precious seconds! Still, he's picking up considerable speed. Yes, those short little legs of his are moving like a small orange motor! Off he goes—he's gaining on her! He's—He's passing her! Yes, Naruto has gone into first place—but wait! What's this? Something shiny on the ground—OH NO! It's the foil top to an instant ramen cup! Distraction city! Sure enough, he's veering off course to go lick it. Sakura crosses the finish line first.

RACE OVER

Sakura hopped up and down and triumph while Naruto sucked every last bit of stale beef flavor off the lid. Kakashi herded Sakura to the start line and placed Sasuke beside her. Then he bent down and whispered in Sasuke's ear, "If you lose at this, you'll never beat him. You're a failure."

Sasuke growled and snorted. Kakashi moved a respectful distance away.

"Disco monkey!"

DING! DING! DING!

Sasuke won.

RACE OVER

Sasuke huffed at the finish line while Sakura stood dejected and mumbled about how she was always behind.

"At least you beat Naruto." Kakashi consoled her. "Well, Sasuke, as a reward, you get special training."

"Special training?" muttered Sasuke.

"Act excited, brat!" growled Kakashi. He grabbed Sasuke and poofed away.

Sakura and Naruto were left standing in the dust. Sakura kicked at the ground. "Well, that's stupid. I hope I at least get to watch."

"Watch what?" asked Naruto, confused. She stared at him.

"Uh, the genin races, duh! That's obviously what he was trying to be sneaky about. He didn't want to take all three of us, so he just took the fastest one and left the other two so he wouldn't have to pay for us to get in!"

Naruto blinked. "Er, what are the genin races?"

She slapped him upside the head, partly because she hadn't done it in a while and mostly on general principle. "The genin races, idiot! Every sensei can submit a genin to the races, and the winner gets free CENSORED at the giant dance party afterwards."

"I bet Kakashi-sensei can down a whole heck of a lot of CENSORED."

Sakura narrowed her eyes. "Wait a minute. Let me check something." She tilted her head and spoke clearly. "CENSORED."

She nodded her head. "Yup. We're being censored. That's obviously a reference the author finds unacceptable for a story of this rating with its intended audience."

Naruto snickered. "The author is totally faking it. I've seen those naughty pictures of Iruka-sensei she keeps."

Sakura stared at him in horror. "Thanks, idiot, now that image is burned onto my brain! And how did that reference get through when the other one didn't?"

"Because that was a funnier joke?" Naruto guessed. "And if she felt nervous about using the other joke, why didn't she just make up a different one?"

They looked at each other.

"Comedian's block." They said in unison.

Naruto's heart fluttered. They'd spoken in unison! Again! Hurrah! Yippee! Boy Howdy!

Boy Howdy? Naruto shook his head. The author was either not in top form today, or she'd been reading some Iruka-centric fanfics and they'd left her giddy. Boy Howdy indeed.

Naruto realized that he'd just used the word indeed and went to go bang his head against the nearest tree. Sakura ignored him and sighed rapturously. "Well, of course Sasuke-kun will win, since he's so magnificent."

Naruto stopped banging his head and looked behind him slowly, with a murderous look on his face. "No. Way." He growled. Sakura rolled her eyes at him.

"You can't do anything about it, idiot. You aren't even entered in the races!"

He zoomed over and grabbed her shoulders. From that distance, she could smell the ever-present miasma of stale re-hydrated beef that always hung about his person.

"Didn't you say every sensei could enter a genin in the races?" he said in his most intense way. Unfortunately for Sakura, intense for Naruto meat a lot of spitting when he talked. She was just glad he wasn't getting emotional. Emotional for Naruto meant snot. She pushed him away and wiped her face.

"Those are the rules, yes."

He sped off, leaving her puzzled and checking her pockets to see if she had enough spare cash to pay for admission to see her beloved Sasu-y poo.

-…-

"IRUKA-SENSEI!"

Iruka covered his face with his hands, waiting for it. He was dead certain that Kakashi had somehow discovered the fact that he'd gone commando the previous Tuesday (it had been laundry day. Laundry day had begun to come around more often since Konohamaru had started thinking it was funny to throw kunai at Iruka's rear. Iruka had a lot less wearable underwear since that had started. A lot fewer pants, too.) and of course if Kakashi had found out, he would have told his team, purely so that Naruto would do exactly as he was doing now and scream it out for the whole village to hear.

He started to sink to the ground in pure horror and hastily stood up again when he was forcefully reminded of the kunai wounds Konohamaru had left inflicted on him in sensitive places.

Naruto screeched to a halt in front of him. "Iruka-sensei!" he squealed. "Today's the genin races, and Kakashi is going to enter Sasuke in the races, and Sakura thinks that Sasuke is definitely going to win, and there's nowayIcouldlethimwinandSakuraalreadythinksthathe'sbetterthanmeandIhavetoprovehe'snotbutKakashialreadytookSasukeandlefttogototheracesandSakura'snotsuresheevenhasenoughmoneytogetintotheracesandsheHAStogoandIhavetogobutihavetobeintheracesandshehastogotowatchsoshecanseemebeatSasukeandthisisn'tpettyatall,it'snotlikehislifeisn'talreadyaswirlingdarknessofmiserywithanemptyvoidwherehisheartshouldbebecausehe'sabastardwho'sstealingmygirlfrommeandit'snotfairandyouHAVEtohelpmebeathimsoIcanfinallyimpressherbutyouhavetohelpmeandentermeintotheracebecauseSakurasaidthatanysenseicanenterageninintheracesandYOUHAVETO—"

Iruka held up a single finger to silence him. "You mean, you want me to help you beat Sasuke, and in so doing, beat Kakashi?"

Naruto nodded so hard his head started flopping.

Iruka put on his evil face. "Let's go."

-…-

Kakashi was standing around with Sasuke at the race-track. Normally it was against his policy to show up on time, but this year, everybody had been showing up at the last minute in a swirl of leaves to every event in the village, and he didn't want to look like a copycat. He glanced around. Kurenai was entering Kiba. That would be some tough competition. He spotted Asuma, who had apparently decided that the member of his team who least defined the word "dead-weight" was Ino. Kakashi didn't think that pony-tails were aerodynamic, so he wasn't worried about it. There definitely weren't going to be any problems, unless—

Kakashi was distracted by a Something. Two Somethings. Two extremely loud Somethings.

"I am sooo gonna whup you, Sasuke!" Naruto shouted. "You're gonna eat so much of my dust even Gaara'll look at you and say, damn, that's a lotta dust!"

"Gaara uses sand, idiot, not dust." Growled Sasuke. He looked over to see Kakashi and Iruka staring each other down.

"I know Gaara uses sand." Huffed Naruto. Sasuke ignored him. A voice came over the loudspeaker.

"Genin, take your places at the starting line!"

Iruka quirked an eyebrow at Kakashi. "Shall we go sit down?"

Kakashi narrowed his eye. "Sure. I tell you, I had a hell of a time finding a mask this morning."

"Oh?" asked Iruka casually. "Can't imagine why. I thought you had lots. Eighteen, aren't I right?"

"Nineteen." Growled Kakashi. "One of them was in the laundry."

Iruka frowned. A miscalculation he would be sure to not repeat next time.

They took their seats in the stands. Kakashi was startled to see Sakura waiting there. He raised his eyebrow.

"Didn't think I'd see you here."

"Oh, Iruka-sensei paid for my entrance fee." She said pointedly.

Kakashi gave Iruka a death glare. "So that's how it is. I know why you entered him now."

Iruka ignored him.

"On your mark! Get set—GO!"

The genin went, Sasuke and Naruto ignoring everyone but each other, each vying to be first. As a result of watching each other and not the ground, both of them tripped over rocks at the exact same moment and crashed into the ground, leaving Rock Lee to sprint across the finish line well ahead of everyone else.

Iruka buried his head in his hands while Kakashi slumped. "Gai better not count this as a victory against me."

He leaned over, smacked Iruka upside the head, and ran off.

"What the hell was that for?" Iruka yelled after him. Sakura shrugged.

"Probably because there aren't any more jokes."

"Oh." Said Iruka. "I guess the chapter's over, then."