NEUROSES by Kiraya

Author's Notes: Second verse, same as the first.

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II. Toki no Shoukon / Amnesia

Do you know why I come to you, My pet? He asked once in that rich deep dark voice of His, the strange jarring note in it making him shiver just as always. Do you know why you, the unnumbered one, the most reluctant of all My servants in the world, are blessed with My attentions more than any of the others?

"So, Cloud," that not-quite-familiar voice that echoed in his mind asked (always the same faint phrases rattling around inside his skull, over and over and over again like some strange and broken recording). "What are you gonna do…?"

…I don't know. The answer was for the voice as much as it was for Him; it was always always the same for the former, and yet some part of him knew the voice didn't hear it, never had.

And all the while He nuzzled at the velvet hollow of his throat, at the curve of his ear, His hair falling down around them like a curtain woven of mythril, the words of His quiet fervent litany different this time. You refuse to see it, foolish boy, but you have something that was once Mine. Yes, Mine, pet; until the time comes when we meet in the flesh and I take it once more for My own, keep it close, keep it safe, remember. Do not, do not, do not let it die, My precious, My lovely one—

"Just kidding... I won't leave you hanging like that."

And his stomach always clenched at that statement, and oh, some part of him knew, just knew, that those words didn't mean what the voice thought they did.

Promise, my precious one, He whispered softly, softly against his cheek, promise to hold it close always, to never let it go, to never let it die; for his sake, if nothing else, promise me, promise me, promise me you'll remember—

"We're friends, right?"

And he looked up into the aristocratic face of the one he had once admired above all else, at the disturbingly lucid intensity of His half-lidded, mad Mako-green eyes, at the shadowy reflections they held, all the things he had loved and lost and forgotten.

And for reasons he could not fully understand, he closed his eyes and wept.

Don't cry, my lovely, my precious; soon you will come to Me, here at the end of the world, and if the Planet keeps you, you'll remember it then at the end of all things, one way or another, one way or another, He murmured, and He kissed the tears away as they ran hot and shameful down his face—

"…Forget it. Just leave him."

—cold and numbing like the rain and something else slicked the grip of his enormous sword, and oh Gaea what was it, what was it and why couldn't he remember?

Time, time; just give it time and the truth will reveal itself—

A smile, bitter and ironic, against his shoulder.

—Just give it time.

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10 July 2006.