What I Am

Pushing all doubts into the back of her head, Rogue jammed the zip on her kit bag closed with more force than necessary. She straightened with a heavy sigh, lifting her head as she stared across her bedroom. The decision may have been hasty, but it was one that needed a conclusion. Seeing Bobby, her boyfriend, out ice-skating with one of their female friends painfully reminded her how difficult it was for her to experience life without touching others. She wasn't jealous of Bobby and Kitty's companionship, even though perhaps she should have been, for their closeness was growing. Instead, recently, she had become aware that the only thing Bobby did for her, was remind her of what she couldn't do.

That's why she needed the cure. She needed to touch people, she needed to be free.

Rogue had packed a few bits and pieces to keep her going whilst she was away, but she knew already she would return to the mansion, either to continue living there, or to pick up the rest of her belongings. Neatening her scarf around her neck in the mirror, Rogue swiped white strands from her face as she proceeded to pick up her kit bag and set off down the empty corridors.

The midnight hour had only struck recently, and there was little activity going on in the mansion. Rogue wanted it this way; she wanted to get out without anyone trying to stop her. She knew she would be questioned and ultimately persuaded.

Her boots quietly echoed down the staircase as she made for the back door, deciding against going out the conventional route. Turning down her last corridor, she strode forth across the wooden flooring, her eyes concentrating on the double doors ahead. The distance decreasing, it was only feet away when she heard his familiar voice call out to her and lure her to a halt.

"Need a lift, kid?"

Rogue turned to see Logan watching her, his hands idly in his jean pockets as he strolled towards her from an adjacent corridor. Smiling ever so slightly, Rogue wasn't surprised to see him there. He had probably heard her movement through the mansion as she travelled. "No," she told him, as she faced him.

Logan continued to take his gradual steps towards her, his eyes intently watching her face. Logan had been waiting for her to pass by, for as Rogue correctly guessed, he had heard her making her exit. As he came to a halt, he glanced down at the kit bag she carried, eyes eventually returning to her face. "Where you goin'?" he asked her gently, deciding it might be best to tread carefully.

There was a silence in which Rogue stared up at him, considering her words. She didn't want to say out-right that she wished to be cured for she knew he would try and talk her out of it. Instead, Rogue decided to take a route of explanation, hoping to lure some guilt out of him before he cast judgement on her decision. "You don't know what it's like to be afraid of your powers," she began, watching him, "be afraid to get close to anybody."

Logan took in her words, but her later addition caused him a slight discomfort as he replied. "Yeah, I do," he said softly. He was afraid to get close to her, not because of her dangerous touch, but because of everything else that came with it. The Wolverine was an uncommonly brave man, but the realms of commitment troubled him. He could deal with lust, he could satisfy lust. He just couldn't satisfy lust with a girl so much younger than him, so much more innocent.

Rogue hadn't expected that answer, and the way he watched her as he said it made her falter. Gathering her argument back up, she continued to justify herself. "I want to be able to touch people, Logan," she told him straightforwardly. "A hug, a handshake.." she paused momentarily before finally saying, ".. a kiss."

"I hope you're not doin' this for some boy," he said, quiet words holding a little bitterness. There was a small emphasis on the word 'boy'. He didn't want Rogue to put herself through this ordeal because of someone like Bobby. He watched as Rogue averted her, eyes, glancing aside as she contemplated over his words. Rogue wanted to do it for herself, not Bobby. She knew that now. Bobby pitied her constantly, she didn't want his pity. She wanted someone who understood her, someone who was strong and unwaveringly loyal. Seeing her discomfort, Logan took a step closer to her, his increased proximity causing Rogue to raise her head and stare up at him with the same eyes of admiration she held for him when they first became friends. "If you wanna go, then go," he told her with a slight nod. "Just be sure it's what you want."

At this, Rogue became aware of his different approach. Logan was normally harder to convince than this. "Shouldn't you be telling me to stay?" she asked, her eyes studying his features, "to go upstairs and unpack?"

A small smile was evident on Logan's lips as he responded. "I'm not your father, I'm your friend," he said gently. In truth, he was more than a friend to her. Their connection and unrivalling companionship was something others were envious of. His eyes traced the smile that began lifting Rogue's lips before they returning to her eyes.

With a small nod of his head, Logan began to turn away from her, "Think about what I said, Rogue."

Watching him turn away, Rogue smiled, quickly correcting him, "Marie." Only he called her Marie, and she didn't want him to stop now.

Glancing back, Logan returned the smile. "Marie," he repeated in confirmation with an inclination of his head. With that, he turned from her, making his way back to the corridor he had previously exited. Once within, he stopped, leaning back against the wall with his hands still in his pockets as he listened to her making her way to the door.

Rogue let the door fall shut with a sigh, stopping out to the edge of the stone archway as she gazed up at the night sky. This was the right thing to do, wasn't it?Only, Logan's lack of persuasion seemed to be making her doubt her decision. The important thing was, was to do what she wanted. She wanted to be able to touch people, but getting that cure didn't necessarily mean she could touch the people she wanted to touch. It was a cure, not a miracle.

Behind her, the door opened, and Rogue turned her head to regard Logan with a surprised hike of her eyebrow. "Logan?"

"Still here, kid?" he asked, leaning on the large doorframe with his arms folded.

Rogue smiled a little as she brought her body round to face him. "I'm thinkin' about what you said," she told him.

Logan made a silent lift of his chin in understanding. There was a pause before he said softly, "So am I."

A small frown constricted her brow as she watched him, though he didn't seem to be continuing without a prompt. "What do you mean?"

Pushing himself off the doorframe and gradually unfolding his arms, Logan proceeded to complete the distance between them, stopping under the elaborate stone covering. "You don't need to get the cure to touch people," he said softly.

"No, I can touch people without the cure, but there's the slight problem of killing them."

Glancing down, Logan knew he deserved the sharp response. "Look, kid, I didn't mean it like that," he said softly, lifting a hand to take her shoulder.

Aware of how close his fingers were to the gaps between her scarf, Rogue peered at his hand before turning her eyes back upon him. "Logan, I've already explained – " she was abruptly cut off as the hand on her shoulder tightened and drew her closer swiftly, but with care. Without giving her a chance to show objection, Logan pulled her up against him, his head leaning down to meet her lower height and crush his lips upon hers in a fierce kiss.

Taken by surprise, Rogue found herself easily brought against his form. Her startled eyes fluttered as she felt his deep kiss consuming her of logical thought; lids eventually fell closed to welcome the embrace. Her hand limply dropped the kit bag to the floor with a dull thump, using her free hands to snake them around his wide shoulders and grasp the bare nape of his thick neck with her gloved hands.

Then the inevitable came, but it took noticeably longer to arrive than Rogue recalled. Both beginning to feel the tingling telltale touches of their skin to skin contact, Rogue pulled back with a breathy gasp, stumbling a few steps as she stared at him with wide eyes.

He too returned the anxious expression, fearful even. The first words he could think of were a hurried, "I'm sorry."

Swallowing a little, Rogue shook her head, pushing her streaks back from her face. "It's all right," she whispered quietly glancing aside as she felt her cheeks flushing from a belated embarrassment. "Took a while for my mutation to kick in, didn't it?"

"I figured it would," Logan said softly as he watched her. "Mine is fighting against it."

Rogue's eyes eventually returned to his. "Does that mean you're the only person I can touch?"

"Well, maybe. I mean – "

"I can handle that," Rogue interrupted, staring at him.

Logan looked a little surprised at her words, a hand lifting to run awkwardly through his hair. "Look, maybe I shouldn't have – "

"No, you should have." Rogue cut over him again, stepping towards him.

"Really?"

Rogue smiled gently as she nodded at him, her head lifting up to meet his lips in another kiss. Her gloved hands took him by the cheeks, her gloved fingertips delicately resting against his skin. His strong arms wrapped about her waist as he held her close, succumbing to his mixture of love and lust for the girl in his embrace.

The pair pulled apart once her powers began to show signs of taking over, both of them a little breathless as they gazed at each other. "You can still get cured if you want, Marie, I'm not trying to force your decision either way. All I'm saying is.. I'll be here. And if you do it, do it for yourself."

"I've decided I'm still going to do it," she told him with a smile as she watched him. She gently pulled back from his arms, stooping to pick up her kit bag. "But I'm doing it for both of us, Logan. Not just me."


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